


Where The Sun Will Shine Above Us

by orphan_account



Category: One Direction (Band), Zayn Malik (Musician)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Deserted Island, Desert Island Fic, Explicit Sexual Content, Friends to Lovers, Lots of fish and coconuts, M/M, Slow Burn, Smitten Niall, Strangers to Friends to Lovers, niall is a sunshine, survival fic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-11-10
Updated: 2018-03-31
Packaged: 2018-08-30 04:51:45
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 21
Words: 143,458
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8519170
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: “Maybe it’s a fate,” Niall said out of nowhere, eyes trained on the bright flames of the fire.“What is?” Zayn raised his head at that, watching him closely.“Us, being here, together, from all people… Maybe there is a reason behind this.”Zayn barely contained his snort. Why was Niall being sappy all of a sudden? There surely was something in the air, or in this fish. “Yeah… Our ship burned down, and we were washed away over here.”“No,” Niall shook his head. “I mean… maybe it should have happened. Maybe the whole world dragged us to this moment.”   Having nothing but themselves and each other, two boys are stranded in an island in the middle of the ocean - a place that is equally beautiful and dangerous, where the differences between the sea and the horizon are blurred. Bound to survive and to find their way back home, the boys may find comfort and hope in each other.This is their story of survival, friendship, and love.





	1. Chapter 1

 

 

* * *

 

“Can you pass me the butter, please?” Yaser Malik asked his son.

Zayn startled as if someone had disturbed his daydreaming, which was probably the case.

“Sorry… what?”

“Zayn, the butter, please,” he repeated, his face suggesting that he wasn’t impressed.

Zayn finally caught up with what was happening, and passed his father the plate of butter.

“What has gotten into you?” Yaser asked while he buttered a piece of a dark bread.

Zayn looked around at the people seated at the table with him. His sisters, Waliyah and Safaa, were hiding their giggles behind their cups of tea, and his mother, Trisha, looked like she was fighting a smile herself.

“What were you thinking of?” she asked. “I don’t recall you ever getting lost in your thoughts.”

Zayn shrugged. “About a lot of things. About home, mainly.”

“Oh, sweetie, don’t you like it in here?”

“Of course I like being here,” Zayn hurried to say. “It’s just that I have never gone this long without standing on a solid ground.”

It was the summer vacation, and he had just passed his first year at university. They were currently on the  _Blue Oceans’ Compass,_  a cruise ship that his parents had saved money for years to be able to afford two cabins at for a few weeks. It was their ‘dream holiday’, and his family looked delighted enough being here, and Zayn, himself, thought that it wasn’t that bad. Their cabins were pretty, he could see the ocean while lying in bed, because the window was right next to it, and he could sketch and draw the view-the endless sea, the horizon, and the clouds.

There was a pool on the sun deck, different attractions for kids all over the ship, bars and a spa for adults, and there were different activities every day, like parties, concerts of musicians and singers, and occasional workshops for cooking and creating works of art. He wasn’t that much seasick anymore, and he was thankful at least for that. He didn’t go to the parties, especially not the pool themed ones, but his mum did drag him to some of the concerts, telling him that they came here to have fun, and that he could draw at home as well.

They had gone together to the cooking workshop, and it had been such a fun to make those unfamiliar dishes with his family, that Zayn would take those memories with him until the end of times. He kept an eye on his sisters while they were exploring the ship, bouncing from deck to deck, and running around and all over the place in search of adventures. They had even convinced him to play hide and seek with them once, and he had spent maybe two hours searching for them (only to find them fast asleep on the sunbeds in the lounging area) because the ship was that huge.

His father would say every evening, while they were standing next to the railing, the cold breeze from the sea ruffling their hair, “Do you smell this air? This fresh air? There is no such an air in Bradford.”

Zayn liked how although there were many other holidaymakers beside them on the ship, he still could find some isolated places, where he could just sit in peace, and talk on the phone with his friends back home (if he could have a phone signal, that was it), or just chill around with his own thoughts, while he could listen to the sounds of the sea, and look at the horizon spread in front of him.

“We’ll be back home in a week and half, so don’t worry too much about that,” Trisha said warmly. “Try to enjoy your remaining time in here,” and then she turned to look at the others as well. “I’ve read today’s schedule, and there is going to be a stand-up comedy at five PM. I've talked to some of the other vacationers, and they've said that the comedian is pretty good. What do you think?”

“Yay!” Safaa, who was ten-years-old, cried in excitement. “Can we go? Please? Mum? Dad?”

Yaser chuckled a little, and said, “Yeah, sure. Zayn? Waliyah?”

Zayn nodded, he could use some laugh, and Waliyah mumbled, “I don't mind."

They settled into a comfortable conversation, Zayn eating his mashed potatoes and meatballs while listening to the stories his father was telling them, and it was then that he had the distinct feeling that he was being watched.

He turned his head to the side, and surely enough, there was some blonde guy that was staring bluntly right back at him, not even having the dignity to turn his glare away once he was caught. Instead, he sat more comfortably in his seat, and Zayn wasn’t sure whether he imagined the way his lips curled up a little in a smirk or not. Zayn pointedly raised his eyebrows at him, as if to tell him, “What is your deal?”, but the boy looked unbothered. Zayn moved his gaze to the other two people at the stranger's table. One of them was a woman, either the lad’s older sister or mother, and the other one was a man in his mid-forties whom Zayn immediately didn’t like.

“What’s the matter?”

Zayn turned his head to see his mum frowning at him. “Nothing,” he said. “Just thought I saw someone familiar…”

“Zayn is looking at the hot girl from the table across from us,” Waliyah sneakered.

Zayn’s eyes went wide, and he looked at the table his sister was referring to. There indeed was a girl, and a pretty one too, for the matter, but it wasn’t like he cared or something. “What? I’m not. I haven’t even noticed her.”

“Yeah, right,” Waliyah continued teasing him, brushing a black stray hair away from her face. Zayn and his sisters had gotten the same features their father had-olive skin, amber eyes, and hair as dark as the night.

“It’s okay if you want to go and talk to her,” Trisha said, a knowing smile spread on her face.

Zayn covered his face with his hands. It was so embarrassing. “No, Mum. I’m not interested, and besides, I haven’t even looked in her direction.”

“Are you still frustrated about what’s happened with Gigi?” She asked him carefully.

Gigi was his previous girlfriend. She broke up with him shortly before the end of the semester, saying that she didn’t feel like there was a real chemistry between them, but with a promise to stay friends. It did hurt at the beginning, and it was quite a shock, as well, because they had been together since the very start of the school year, but he wasn’t as bothered by it as he thought he would be. He just… let it go.

“Not really,” Zayn admitted. “I’m fine.”

She searched his eyes closely, as if checking whether he was being honest or not, but then she just let it go, and took a spoonful from her soup. Zayn breathed in relief. She had been bugging him about it ever since he informed her that he was single again when she asked why he wasn't inviting Gigi for dinner anymore.

It was nearing three by the time they finished lunch, and there were two hours remaining until the incoming show, so they simply retreated to their cabins.

Zayn shared a cabin with his younger sisters, and it came a bit at the expense of his privacy, but he was fine with that. He used to share a room with Donya, his older sister who had stayed in England, when they were little. And their parents seemed to be at ease with the idea that he could look after them, and he was happy to give them time to relax. God knew how they deserved it.

He was sitting currently on his bed, his back against the headboard, with a book in front of him. He tried to concentrate on it, he really did, but his sisters talked too loud, and jumped like frogs all over the place. You would have expected Waliyah, who was thirteen, to be a little more mature, as was suitable for her age, but no-she was hyperactive, always in a need to move, to do something.

“Can you be quieter?” he begged them, feeling like he might go crazy with all the noise.  
  
“What are you reading, Zaynnn?” Safaa dragged his name, and jumped on his bed to sit right next to him.  
  
Zayn sighed. He could as well just forget about the book.  
  
“A Place Called Here,” he said. "Some book I borrowed from the library upstairs.”  
  
“What is it about?” Waliyah squeezed into Zayn’s other side.  
  
“It’s about a woman who has a deep interest in why things disappear, and where they disappear to,” he explained, half expecting her to lose interest, but to his surprise she was watching him with intent, so he elaborated, “She is a detective who helps people find their dears who’ve gone missing. But one day she is going missing herself, and she comes to a strange land, where all the missing things go to.”  
  
“Oooh,” Waliyah made. “It's about time you read an interesting book.”  
  
“All the books I read are fine,” Zayn frowned.    
  
Waliyah was about to reply with some remark, but then Safaa started telling them about a book she had read herself some time ago, and Zayn placed his book on the nightstand, telling himself that he’d return to it later, before glancing at the sea. There were strong waves today. They crashed forcefully against the ship, with white foams emerging from them.  
  
Safaa and Waliyah were in the middle of a fight about which book series was better-The Harry Potter or Twilight (“Did you read Twilight?! You are too young to read this book!"), when a string of short electrical tunes was heard from the corridor, and then a long tune immediately afterwards.  
  
“What is it?” Safaa asked, listening carefully as the strange string of sounds was heard again. Zayn exchanged a meaningful look with Waliyah, and could see the alert he was feeling reflected in her deep brown eyes. It couldn’t be what he was thinking, could it?

But then Waliyah voiced his thoughts, and said in a confused and somewhat nervous voice, "It sounds like an alarm..." And Zayn, well, after that confirmation he couldn't really sit quietly anymore, so he dragged the both of them by the hand outside of the cabin and to the corridor to find their parents. 

There were other people who were emerging out of their cabins, all with identical confused and scared faces. The ringing kept on playing in the background, and they went to their parents’ cabin, that was only two rooms across from theirs. Trisha and Yaser went out a moment before Zayn and his sisters reached the door, a matching look of concern on their faces.

“Dad,” Zayn breathed. "I... Is it an actual alarm?"  
  
“I think it might be. They said something about seven short rings and then a long one to alert about an emergency," Yaser said, relatively calm in comparison to his wife, who had paled so much in the face, that she could almost blend with the wall behind her.   
  
“I hope so much that it is a false alarm, and that everything is okay,” Trisha said, reaching out to pull the girls into her, unconscious to Waliyah grumbling at her that she wasn't a baby. “What are we supposed to do? I don’t think that I listened carefully to the directions, or read the instructions they gave us.”  
  
“The emergency plan is to go to a muster station,” Yaser said, seemingly quite frustrated that she hadn’t paid attention to something so important. “There are escape routes signs everywhere,” he pointed toward one that was screwed to the corridor wall and instructed to go downstairs. “It’s easy enough. Let’s go to the assembly station and wait for farther directions, yeah?”  
  
It seemed like everyone else was going to the lower deck-those who knew that they should go there, and those who just went with the flow. Zayn was tempted to use the lift, but then remembered that it was forbidden during emergencies. Trying not to think too much about what was happening, he went down with his family and all the other people.  
  
When they were one deck above the requested, a voice said through the P. A. system, “Dear passengers, a fire has been detected in the ninth deck. You are requested to come to the assembly station for your own safety while our firefighting teams are taking care of the problem. Please use the stairs and not the elevator, and report any signs of smoke and fire that you come across. Thank you.”  
  
“A fire!” Trisha exclaimed, the colour draining away from her face. “A fire! Yaser, what are we going to do?”  
  
“Please, dear, relax.” He rubbed her shoulders. “Come on, let’s get to that station.”  
  
She let him pull her after him, and then they went to the crowd of nervous holidaymakers who had been already standing in the center of the requested deck, the one that had access to the rescue stations that enabled boarding to the lifeboats.   
  
“Everything is going to be alright,” Yaser comforted his wife, who looked like she might fall apart any moment. “There are people who are working on it at the moment. I believe that soon enough it would be okay, and we’d be able to return back to our cabins.”  
  
“I really hope so,” Trisha said.  
  
A few men dressed in black uniforms with yellow straps entered the deck, one of them holding a megaphone. They were talking among themselves. Zayn guessed that they were apparently the firefighters. 

“I’ll go and ask what’s happened,” Yaser said, about to go, but Trisha took a hold of his hand, and shook her head stubbornly, “Don’t go…”

“I’ll be quick,” he promised her with a peck on the cheek. “Look after the children.”  
  
Trisha looked reluctant, but she didn’t have a choice.  
  
“Stay right here,” she said severely to her children. “Don’t go anywhere.”  
  
The place was getting more crowded with every moment that passed. The people were talking loudly and nervously, different rumors about what had happened filling the air. Zayn heard someone saying that there was a saboteur on the ship who was standing behind this, some people trying to recall if they had seen someone suspicious while someone else said that maybe someone had smoked where he wasn’t supposed to. He watched his father talking to a crew member, while he tried to think about something good so he wouldn’t freak out.  
  
Yaser came back to them, and said with a straight face that the circumstances of the incident were still being inspected, but that as far as they were concerned, one of the cooking stoves in the kitchens had exploded.  
  
“But… how?” Trisha asked with bewilderment. "The ship is supposed to be built of non-flammable materials, all the furniture is made of fire retardant materials. It doesn’t make any sense. The kitchens are supposed to be under inspection, they are supposed to be very careful there just because of the danger of a fire breaking there!”  
  
“Something hasn’t been in order, then,” Yaser said. “Maybe they’ve missed something.  No ship is fireproof. As they say, you can’t be careful enough. The firefighter has told me that we should stay here until they say otherwise, and I figured as much. I guess maybe they are not allowed to tell us much. And unfortunately, he’s not sure for how long we'll have to wait here…”  
  
Trisha sighed, and hugged her daughters close to herself. Waliyah didn't look as opposed to the proximity as before, her eyes wide in expectation, and Safaa reached out for Zayn’s hand.  
  
“Are you scared?” he asked her, and she nodded, her big eyes studying him carefully, her bottom lip tucked between her teeth.   
  
“Don’t be,” he squeezed her hand, hating himself for giving her empty promises, but he couldn't allow the nerves he was feeling creep into her as well. “You are going to be just fine.”  
  
“It’s so boring in here,” Waliyah complained. “Can we… I don’t know, play something? Like word association?”  
  
Zayn wanted to point out that it wasn’t the time for this, but his mother’s expression softened, and she said, “This is a great idea, actually. It would take our minds off what’s happening. Um… let’s start with a dog.”  
  
“Cat,” Safaa said.  
  
“Milk,” Waliyah chimed in.  
  
“Cow,” Even Yaser joined them on it.  
  
“Black and white,” Zayn said.  
  
“Can you even say two words?” Waliyah asked doubtfully.  
  
Zayn shrugged. “Dunno. It was the first thing that came to my mind.”

“Fine. Zebra.”  
  
“Giraffe.”  
  
It continued on like that. It might have seemed weird to the observers, but Zayn thought that it couldn’t be that strange to try to spend the time somehow while waiting for directions to arrive. They had gone through another two wording games before a sound of explosion reached their ears. It was distant, but there was no doubt about this. That couldn’t be a good sign. The noise from around them that had calmed down a little, returned back with full force.  
  
“What happened?!” a middle-aged man demanded to know.  
  
“Please, sir, our people are working on it,” a crew member tried to pacify him.  
  
“You can’t tell us that it’s gotten out of control,” the man shouted again, face growing red by the moment.“We still want to live, you know.”  
  
“Sir, it’s important that you calm down. There is no real threat to your safety. You see, this ship is built so there are several fire zones.  Between the zones there are fire doors that prevent the fire from spreading to other areas. You are currently at the safest place on this ship, so please, try to bear with us.”  
  
The man snorted, and folded his arms across his chest, and looked for a moment like he might say something else, but apparently decided against it.  
  
“This can’t get any worse, can it?” Zayn said mostly to himself.  
  
And then, like the world just had to prove him wrong, another alarm was heard, and this time it was accompanied by a firm voice saying through the P.A. System, “Proceed to the rescue stations. I’m repeating, proceed to the rescue stations.”  
  
There was so much fuss after that instruction, that it stressed Zayn even more than hearing it. His eyes locked with his mother’s, and he had never seen her so frightened. It made him feel like he had to be strong for her. Not only for her, but for them all.   
   
“So much for your fire doors!” the man from before spat in the general direction of the sheepish looking crew member, before going with the rest of the people in the direction of the requested area.  
  
“Let’s go,” Yaser said, wrapping an arm around his wife’s waist, and leading the way. It was a really short walk, but there were so many people who were trying to squeeze through the doors, that it took them some time. Safaa was still holding onto Zayn’s hand, and he held onto hers just as tight, afraid she might disappear into the crowd if he let go. He squeezed her small and delicate palm to let her know that she was fine, that he was here with her, and when she looked up, she smiled faintly at him, and it did much to anchor him and ease some of his nerves. Abruptly he realized she was trying just as much to relax him.  
  
Once in place, the row of orange lifeboats right in front of them, Zayn panicked a little when he saw the raging sea. He had noticed that the waves were strong earlier, but their cabin was on an upper deck, and he couldn’t have a clear measure from there. But from here, he could see that they were much bigger and stronger. He really hoped that they wouldn’t need to use those lifeboats.  
  
The crew member who was holding the megaphone, said through it now, “Ladies and gentlemen, for your own safety and well-being, you are required to put on lifejackets. They are placed in the boxes that are marked  _Lifejackets_ in red. We apologize for the inconvenience, but we need you to cooperate. If you have questions, you may ask now.”  
  
“Are there lifejackets for children?”  
  
“Yes, miss,” the crew member answered. “They are piled beside the ones for adults.”  
  
“Please tell me we are not about to abandon the ship," a young guy looked at the crew member pleadingly.   
  
“We should be prepared for such a case, but for now, there is no such an order, sir," the crew member replied with his eyebrows drawn down in sympathy.   
  
“Can we go back to our cabin? We didn’t take our belongings. We'll be quick. ”  
  
“I’m sorry, but you are not allowed to exit this deck, let alone go back to a dangerous area.”  
  
“Our documents are there! Our daughter's phone is there. We can't leave all of this behind. ”  
  
“There is nothing I can do,” the crew member said resignedly.   
  
“This is bad,” Zayn said. “We didn’t take our valuables either, did we?”  
  
Yaser shook his head in helplessness.   
  
“I might be able to sneak to grab them,” Zayn said. “Give me the key to your cabin.”  
  
Yaser looked at him like he had just fallen from the moon. “Are you crazy? Do you even hear what you’re saying? Stay right here.”  
  
Zayn wasn’t necessarily going to listen to him, but he let it go. Yaser was staring at him now with seven eyes, anyway. Their cabins were two decks lower than the dining hall and the kitchens, so he didn’t think that it would be that much of a risk. There were fire doors, after all. And, he couldn’t think clearly at the moment, as well, so he blamed this stupid idea on that. He watched as his mum tried to make Safaa put on her lifejacket. It happened to be a really hard task as she would shake it off every time.  
  
“Safaa, please, just put on your lifejacket,” Trisha said desperately. “It’s really important.”  
  
Safaa shook her head stubbornly. “I’m not wearing this ugly thing! I want to return to my room!”  
  
“We can’t go back there now. You’ve heard what the man said: there is a fire there. This is why you need to put this on.”  
  
“No!” she shouted, looking at her mother with anger. “I don’t want to go to the boats!”  
  
“No one said that we’d need them for sure,” Trisha tried to calm her down, noticing that she was starting to breathe rather heavily.“But… we need to be safe.”  
  
Safaa looked like she finally left off fighting, letting her mum put the lifejacket on her, but her breathing didn’t calm down. In fact, it only started to get worse.  
  
Trisha looked over her shoulder from where she was kneeling beside Safaa to lock eyes with her husband, and he looked just as horrified. Zayn felt himself getting sick.  
  
“Safaa,” Yaser said firmly, kneeling down next to her as well, hands reaching up to cup her whitening face. “Breathe, come on. In and out. It’s okay, you are going to be alright.”  
  
She tried to mimic his breathing rate, but she simply couldn’t, and she seemed to be struggling more and more to inhale air into her system. It seemed like she was having an asthma attack.  
  
“Where is the puffer?” Trisha started to feel her pockets, apparently with the hope to find it there. “We left it in the cabin!” she shrieked.  
  
“They should have here medicine, let’s ask them. Now,” Yaser beckoned Zayn to follow him, and told his wife, “Try to relax her. She is probably worked up.”  
  
Zayn followed his dad to the nearest crew member, who was currently talking to a couple.  
  
“We need help,” Yaser said urgently. “I think my daughter is having an asthma attack.”  
  
The woman looked alarmed, lifted the emergency medicine bag that was laying on the floor beside her, and said, “Where is she?”  
  
They led the woman to the place where Trisha and the girls were still standing, and she immediately noticed who they were referring to, as she was the only one struggling to breathe. She knelt next to her on the floor, took Safaa’s lifejacket off, and immediately used the stethoscope to listen to her breathing.  
  
“Yeah, it sounds like an asthma attack to me. Did it happen before?” She asked, and Trisha explained that she was asthmatic. “We should attend her as soon as possible. We have inhalers here, but we need to know what amounts of the medicine she needs. What sort of an inhaler she uses?”  
  
Yaser and Trisha exchanged a look. “We don’t remember.”  
  
“Giving her amounts of steroids that aren’t suitable for her isn’t the smartest thing to do, but if we don’t have a choice, then we’ll have to,” She said. “However, don’t you have an inhaler here?”  
  
“We do,” Yaser said. “But we left it in our cabin. We didn’t think we’d need it or gave it a thought beforehand. I wish we had. We just hurried…”  
  
“Where is your cabin?” She asked.“If it’s not higher than the 8th deck, We might be able to send someone there to fetch it.”  
  
“It’s on the 7th deck, number 714,” Yaser replied. “I think it will be best if I come with them. Only we know where we’ve put it.”  
  
“Yase—“ Trisha tried to protest, but immediately trailed off when she saw how serious he looked.  
  
“It’s not usually acceptable to let someone go back to the source of the emergency, but due to the circumstances, we’ll make an exception,” She stood up and called into her walkie-talkie. “Spenser," and after a moment. "Is the way to the seventh deck clear? Alright, thank you. Clear." She moved the device away from her mouth and back into its place on her belt clip, before calling loud across the room, "Jack!"  
  
A firefighter turned around and made a questioning gesture. She beckoned him to come toward them.  
  
“This girl here needs her inhaler,” She pointed toward Safaa. “Please accompany –“she raised an eyebrow at Yaser (“Yaser Malik,” he said), “Mr. Malik to cabin number 714 to grab it. It’s urgent."  
  
Jack didn’t object. Instead, his expression turned serious. “Let’s go,” he said, before grabbing a fire extinguisher.   
  
Zayn watched as his father walked with Jack toward the way they had come from. He really hoped that he’d be okay. He knew that they wouldn’t let him go there if there were a real valid risk, but he still was worried. He couldn’t imagine to himself how his mother must be feeling.  
  
“If it takes them too long to return, or if her condition becomes worse, I will give her one of our inhalers,” The woman promised. “What triggered her asthma attack?”  
  
“I... I'm not sure," she admitted. "She was reluctant to wear her lifejacket, but I made her,” Trisha explained, looking very guilty, her voice cracking a little at the end. “She said she didn’t want to board the boats, and when I put it on her, she started choking.”  
  
“Is that so?” The woman asked, and Safaa nodded, face still uncharacteristically pale. She turned to look at Trisha. "You're not at fault here, it is very important to wear those. You've done nothing wrong. She is probably just scared."    
  
She stayed beside Safaa, trying to guide her to breathe correctly, and calm her down. She explained to her that she didn’t have to worry, and that she was safe, and if she needed to board the boats, then she should think of it as an adventure. It seemed like it was working, Safaa still seemed frail and her breathing wasn't completely steady, but it wasn’t as bad as before. Zayn was so grateful that this woman knew her work so well, and was such a nice person, in general. It wasn’t often that he encountered people like her.  
  
As if on cue, the woman turned her face to look at him oddly. “Why aren’t you wearing a lifejacket?”  
  
Zayn looked down at his chest, and surely enough, the orange plastic was nowhere to be seen on him. Well, that was quite embarrassing. Everyone else was wearing them. He couldn’t have been that worried and unfocused that he had forgotten about it, could he?  
  
Zayn bit the inside of his cheek, mentally slapping himself. “Didn’t have enough brain cells in order to think about that. Really, all the story with Safaa…”  
  
The woman sighed. “Just put one on.”  
  
Zayn checked in the box from which his family had taken their lifejackets, but realized that it was empty now. He looked around himself to see where there were lifejackets left.  
  
He spotted a single lifejacket on the floor about ten feet away. Maybe someone had dropped it earlier on accident. Zayn grabbed it and put it on, before returning to his family.  
  
Glancing at his mum and sister, he could see that Waliyah looked scared and worried, and Trisha looked like she might faint. Zayn hated how useless he felt. He wished he could do something to make things better. He settled for holding his mother’s hand that wasn’t occupied holding Waliyah’s and comforting her. That was the least he could do.  
  
“Mum, please,” Zayn begged her. "Don’t worry so much. We’ll get out of this.”  
  
“How can I?” her voice was so weak. “I’m a mother. Who would worry about you if not me?”  
  
Zayn didn’t know what to reply to that, but he squeezed her hand, and gently moved her head to rest on his shoulder, like she used to do to him when he was younger and shorter than her.

  
About five minutes had passed, and there still wasn’t any sight of Yaser. Zayn could feel distress creeping into his insides with every second that passed. It was then that another explosion was heard, a lot stronger than the previous, and when Zayn looked up to observe the damage, from what he could see, a black thick smoke was starting to emerge into the air. Oh, That couldn't be good.  
  
“Oh my God,” Trisha panicked, jerking her head away. “Oh my god! Where is he?!”  
  
“Please, calm down,” the woman looked at her with kind eyes. “Jack is very professional. I assure you that they are alright.”  
  
Trisha looked doubtful, but she said nothing for another alarm was heard again, and Zayn could feel cold sweat running down his neck when he heard the following words from the P.A. System, “Board the lifeboats. I'm repeating, board the lifeboats.”  
  
If Zayn felt sick before, then when he looked at his family, he felt like he really might throw up. Trisha looked like she might cry. It broke him to see his family like that-so nervous, and scared, and helpless. He wanted to make it all go away, make sure they were all safe, but he couldn’t do anything. He was so preoccupied that he barely registered all the mess and the noise that was going around him, all the people that were pushing each other in order to get closer to the boats, the desperate and tired crew members who were trying to calm everyone down.  
  
“Everyone step back!” The crew member with the megaphone climbed on a stool. “No one will be able to get on any boat if you block the way. There should be lines to each boat. Staff members would be available next to every boat to help you board. Please try to stay calm and watch after your children.”  
  
“You should get out of here, now,” The woman said seriously, eyeing the smoke that was slowly creeping out. It was still far, but it was there nonetheless. “She is quite stable now. I assume that her stress and nervousness indeed were the cause of the sudden attack. Anyway, she better not breathe this poisonous air, it might be very dangerous for her. I’ll talk to someone to let you pass on a boat right away, and just in case, I’ll go real quick to fetch an inhaler. Put Safaa’s lifejacket on.”  
  
“But… what about my husband?” Trisha asked weakly. “I can’t go without him.”  
  
“I’ll stay here, mum,” Zayn said without thinking twice. “Go with the girls, and I'll wait for him.”  
  
“I can’t let you stay here alone,” she said, looking torn.  
  
“I am not. Dad is still here… he should come soon. And besides, I’m not little anymore.”  
  
Zayn half expected his mum to say something along the lines of ‘you are still my baby’, but the woman talked before she could.  
  
“Yeah, he is a responsible and mature guy, I can see it. Anyway, we don’t have time to waste. Follow me.”  
  
While she was talking to another crew member who was helping people get inside a boat, Zayn and his mother and sisters said their goodbyes.  
  
“Take care of yourself,” Trisha said as she held him tight, before kissing his cheek. “I love you so much, my baby.”  
  
“I love you, too,” Zayn breathed in her familiar scent, before hugging and kissing his sisters goodbye as well, promising them that they would see him very soon, together with their father.  
  
The crew member let Trisha and the girls board immediately, while Zayn watched them from where he was standing next to the railing. The woman went off to find a puffer. Now that he was left alone, he was starting to get more and more nervous by the moment. Nervous as to why his father wasn’t returning, nervous as to whether Safaa would get a puffer at all or not, worried about his mother and Waliyah, worried about the fire and the smoke, and a little bit about himself, as well.  
  
He started to panic when the boat became full, and the crew member closed the door of the boat, before signaling to the other ones to lower it down.  
  
“Wait!” Zayn shouted, waving his hands at the crew member who was inside, and the latter opened the door so he could listen to him, before signaling to the other men not to lower the boat yet. He wasn’t the one the woman who was helping them had talked to, Zayn noticed. “There are people who are on their way to give my sister a puffer. She is inside this boat, and she needs it. Please, wait just another moment!”  
  
“Kid,” the crew member looked extremely unimpressed. "We can’t let all those people wait just because of your sister. You shouldn’t have let her board without it, then.”  
  
“She must not breathe this air,” he tried to explain, getting desperate. “Please, just another moment. It’s important.”  
  
“I have asthma myself,” a middle-aged woman who was inside said. “I know how much it is important that the girl will get her inhaler. We can all wait a little bit.”  
  
Zayn blessed her inwardly.  
  
The crew member sighed, and said, “Fine. One minute-this is all the time I’m giving you.”  
  
Zayn breathed in relief a _thanks_ , praying that his father or the woman would just appear already.  
  
And then, about half a minute later, he heard his father’s voice calling for him, “Zayn! Zayn… Where are the ladies…?”  
  
He was okay. Zayn breathed in relief. “They are right here in this boat.”  
  
“Don’t tell me that I’m late,” Yaser said breathlessly. He apparently had been running. If he were confused as to what was happening, he didn’t show it.  
  
“You will be if you don’t give the puffer to them now,” Zayn said, pointing urgently toward the man who was glaring at them impatiently.  
  
Yaser couldn’t have handed the puffer to the man faster. “Please give it to Safaa Malik.”  
  
The man took it and closed the door, and then the boat was being lowered toward the sea. He could see Trisha through the window there. Her whole face lightened when she spotted Yaser. She waved at them, before turning her head to the front again; apparently to take the puffer.  
  
Zayn thought briefly that maybe his mum and sisters could get out of this boat so they could take one together, but he knew that they couldn’t because of Safaa’s delicate condition. They were safer this way. He would just take a separate boat with his dad, and they all would meet again when they get to the land. He hoped there was one nearby.  
  
Once Yaser turned around to look at Zayn, Zayn couldn’t help but hug him. His dad hugged him just as tightly. He smelled oddly enough like heat, and he was about to ask his dad how it had been when the sound of someone clearing their throat tore them apart, and there, standing with a puffer in her hand, was the woman from earlier.  
  
“Guess I’m too late,” she said. “I suppose the girl has gotten her inhaler, then.”  
  
“Yeah, she did,” Yaser said and nodded at her with gratefulness. “Thank you for all the help.”  
  
She shrugged and said with a little smile, “This is my job, after all.”  
  
Zayn felt a little bad that she had to go through all the trouble of finding something that wasn’t of an use in the end, but she didn’t seem like she cared much as she walked away.  
  
“You owe me some explanations,” Yaser said as he led them toward a line to a boat.  
  
Zayn told him how they had been ordered to abandon the ship, and then how the nice woman had helped them board a boat immediately so Safaa wouldn’t breathe the smoke, and how he stayed behind to wait for him.  
  
“You shouldn’t have waited for me,” Yaser said. “As a man, you should have gone with them and protected them.”  
  
Feeling embarrassed, Zayn looked down, not being able to meet his father's glare. He hadn't even thought about it that way. But now, that his dad had said it so bluntly, it seemed to him so obvious that he should've stayed to watch after his family. Maybe he really should have gone with his mum. He felt like he failed his father. He knew that no one would have wanted to be left behind, though, not even his dad, no matter how tough he was trying to play it.   
  
Changing the subject, Zayn said, “There was an explosion. It wasn’t nearby where you were, was it?”  
  
“I don’t really know,” Yaser said. “I haven’t seen an actual fire, if this is what you’re asking, but there was a smoke. The man, Jack, gave me a mask, but besides that, there wasn’t much action.”  
  
“We were really worried about you,” Zayn bit his lip. He let himself admit this much.   
  
“But see what I’ve got as well,” Yaser had that mischievous glint in his eyes. He unbuckled his lifejacket before fumbling a little with his jacket’s inner pocket, and took out a folded sheet protector. “I thought that if I went up there, I might as well take all our documents and some other stuff.” He winked and pet his pants pockets.   
  
Zayn’s wide eyes softened, and he smiled in disbelief at his father, shaking his head. “Nice one.”  
  
Yaser laughed a little, and Zayn joined him on it, feeling like the heaviness in his chest was getting lighter by the moment, but the relief wasn’t long termed.  
  
Zayn heard it before he saw it. He was about to say something else when a sound of explosion was heard from the decks above him, and then, in a quick succession, there was another explosion, and then another, the smell of ash and burnt plastic reaching him. And then Zayn turned around, because he couldn’t help himself. He had to observe the damage. And it was so bad. He couldn’t get a clear view from this angle, the deck above them was blocking most of it, but it was enough to look at that direction to make out the flames, and the thick grey clouds of smoke that were filling the air even more than before.  
  
“Abandon the ship!” Zayn heard someone saying through a megaphone. “Get out of here as soon as possible! Hold a cloth to your mouth and nose!”  
  
Zayn was frozen in place. There were firefighters up there, who were trying to put out the fire. That couldn’t mean that they were… And, those explosions didn’t sound natural to him-They were so timed that it was almost like they had been planned beforehand.  
  
Zayn’s eyes widened when the realization hit him, and the thing that brought him back to reality was his father’s insistent and stable hand on his shoulder.  
  
“We’ll have to jump,” Yaser said.  
  
Zayn’s face fell immediately.  
  
“I can’t,” he said, hanging his head low.  
  
“We don’t have time to get into a boat. There are too many people. And if the fire wouldn’t kill us, then the smoke will. Come on, let’s jump. We don’t have a choice.”  
  
“But…” Zayn was torn. He didn’t know what was worse-staying on a burning ship or jumping into the sea.  
  
“You can do it, Zayn,” Yaser said. “You have to. We don’t have time.”  
  
Zayn let Yaser pull him toward the railing, and he gulped when he saw the endless raging sea in front of him. It was totally unfair how it looked so bright under the rays of the sun. Something so dangerous shouldn’t be this beautiful.  
  
Yaser opened his mouth as if to say something, but a sharp fit of coughing cut him off.  
  
“Let’s get out of here,” he said in between coughs.  
  
Zayn bit his lip, and climbed on the railing together with his father. There were other passengers who opted to jump into the water as the smoke became thicker and thicker, before swimming toward the lifeboats that were already in the water. Zayn wasn’t sure that he could do it. He couldn’t swim for his own good, not to talk about the height.  
  
He could feel the air around him turning hotter and stifled, and it was getting harder and harder to breathe, and he knew that he couldn’t stay there anymore. Closing his eyes, Zayn braced himself for it. He could do this. At least, only this time…  
  
“I’m here with you,” His father squeezed his shoulder once before letting go. “On my count, in three, two, o-wait!”  
  
Zayn took a deep breath, and apparently that was the stupidest thing he had done so far, because it seemed like the smoke had reached them, and he could feel his lungs filling up with its dry and stifling chemicals, and he had a sharp urge to cough, but he couldn’t, because he had jumped, and he just kept his eyes close, bracing himself for the fall.  
  
And then he hit the water, which felt so cold against his heated skin. He could feel his throat burning, his lungs aching, and he heard a distant “Zayn!” calling for him. But then, he couldn’t hear anything but the water surrounding him. He suddenly realized that he was underwater. The lifejacket on him wasn’t floating. It must be out of order. This was certainly why it had been thrown on the floor. Zayn tried to kick, he tried to get to the surface, tried to fight in order to get some air into his system-but he couldn’t. It was like he was paralyzed in place. He wondered if he were going to die. He wondered how far the way to the bottom of the ocean was from here. Everything was so quiet, the only sound was from the bubbles of the sea bursting against his ears.  _I’m going to die_ , Zayn told himself,  _I’m never going to see my family again. This is the end of me. In the bottom of the sea._  
  
He clenched his fists and screwed his eyes tightly shut, preparing himself for anything that was yet to come. A completely new feeling of helplessness washed over him. The kind that you felt when you knew that there was nothing that could save you, when the last sliver of hope was gone.  
   
Suddenly he felt weight against him, and his blurry mind couldn’t register what the hell it was. Something wrapped around his middle, and he tried to fight it, his not functioning brain making him freak out, making him want to get away from the additional pressure on his struggling to breathe chest. But he didn’t have any power left in him to shake off whatever was on him, and he could feel his body getting heavier and heavier, his mind turning foggier and foggier, and then the edges of his eyes darkened, before everything turned black.


	2. Chapter 2

The next time Zayn came back to consciousness, he thought that he might be in heaven. There was a bright light against his eyelids, and he felt like he was floating. Then he thought that maybe he was in his bed, at home, and everything had been just a nightmare. But then his brain slowly caught up with his surrounding better. First was the smell of salt, and then the feeling of coldness and wetness against his lower region, and then the sound of water splashing gently around and over his tired body.  
  
He didn’t die, he realized. He was still alive. But where was he? In the sea, he understood a few moments later. He was still in the sea. The light was from the sun. Then it mustn’t be too long since he had jumped into the ocean. Suddenly he became highly aware that there was something that was blocking his air pathways, and preventing him from breathing properly. And abruptly he felt the biggest urge to cough he had ever had, and he feared his organs might pop out of his body when he started to cough roughly, his whole body shaking with the force of it, water spurts flying out of him with every burst of air that was forced out of his body. It was when he placed his head again on whatever surface he was leaning on, that he realized that he was laying on some kind of a plastic or a wood… And it was when he felt something suddenly tightening around his middle, that he realized that an arm was draped around him. There was someone here with him. Zayn looked down to see that the arm was light skinned. Way too pale to be his dad’s. The realization that some stranger was holding him made Zayn want to shake them off, but he was too weak for that. He couldn’t even muster enough strength to turn around to see their face. He just lay there on the sun-warmed surface, before the sleep got the better of him, and he closed his eyes again.  
  
Zayn was woken to the feeling of a pair of hands moving him around, until he felt his back hitting a soft and warm texture. He thought for a brief moment, as much as his sleepy mind let him, that he was being placed on his bed back at home, but when he smoothed his hands against the surface, expecting to feel the silkiness of his sheets, he realized that it was some kind of a powder. Sand.  
  
He felt the foreign hands wander to his chest, and then felt them moving in deft movements over his torso, not completely understanding what they were doing until he felt a sudden easiness in his chest, and realized that they had unbuckled the lifejacket he was wearing.  
  
Zayn let his eyes flutter open slowly, suddenly very aware that he wasn’t at home. Oh, no. He was as far away from home as he possibly could be. Or from any other familiar place to him. The first thing he saw when his eyes focused was a pair of cerulean blue irises that were staring right back at him.  
  
“Thank God you are ok,” a male voice said, and it was then that Zayn realized that it was a boy hovering above him, with one hand over the pulse in his wrist, and the other over his heart. A blonde one, for the matter. His face features and eyes looking vaguely familiar, like he had already seen him. For about a minute, the time it took for Zayn’s mind to catch up with him, all Zayn could do was stare into the boy’s eyes, trying to remember where he had seen them before, his eyebrows furrowed and mouth dry.  
  
“You,” Zayn finally said, voice groggy, planting a foot flat on the ground, and pushing himself up onto his elbows to give himself leverage to rise up a little. Every movement required so much strength and effort from him.  
  
The blonde boy looked at him in confusion, before saying, “You know me?”  
  
“Yeah, the one from the dining hall,” Zayn said curtly, feeling like he was being crowded. “Just—get off of me.”  
  
Zayn pressed a hand against the boy’s chest, meaning to push him away, but he was apparently even too weak for that. Just how much sea water had he swallowed? Or maybe was it the salt? He still could feel it in his mouth and throat, burning everything in its wake. The boy apparently got the hint, though, because he pulled away, and settled on his heels beside him. Zayn slowly raised himself up to a sitting position, his limbs feeling too much like jelly at the moment to stand up, and his lifejacket slid out of one shoulder with the movement. Zayn shook it off completely, and took a look at his surrounding.

In front of him there was the sea-endless blue sea that seemed to be filling the whole space around him until it faded into the horizon. He was sitting on the shore, so close to the water that he could see the small foamy waves crashing against the beach. There, in the water, he could see the piece of plastic that they had apparently held onto while drifting in the sea. His pants were soaked wet, Zayn noticed now, and so were his shoes, and socks, and a great part of his shirt. He felt gross, and in a great need of a shower, and of new clothes. Then he turned around to confirm his fears.  
  
There was a lot more sand than what he had thought at first, and there were different kinds of trees growing right from it, of which he could recognize only the palms. There were green thick bushes that were filling the space that the trees weren’t occupying, and other species of plants and vines growing everywhere. He could make out low mountains that rose above them, more trees and plants growing on them. The nature looked so wild and untamed, like it wasn’t even meant for living. And to his left, quite far away, he could see some cliffs and high and low rocks that were surrounded and partly covered by greenery as well. It… It couldn’t be true. It wasn’t what he thought it was. It wasn’t how he had planned to spend his summer holiday.  
  
“We are alone here, aren’t we?” Zayn asked quietly, his back to the boy.  
  
“I guess we are,” he replied. He had an Irish accent, Zayn noted. “I don’t really see someone else around here, do you?”  
  
“How long was I off?”  
  
“Nearly the whole way here, so… long enough.”  
  
Zayn curled in on himself, bringing his knees to his chest, and resting his head on them, feeling and thinking too much right now to deal with everything. Where was he? Where was his family? Were they okay? How far away were they from him?  
  
“So…” Zayn finally forced himself to say. “This is… a continent, right? We just need to walk for some time, and there’d be people, yeah?”  
  
The boy was silent. It only made Zayn freak out even more.  
  
“Please, just say something,” Zayn begged him, feeling like his skin was crawling out of his body with anxiety.  
  
“I just don’t think that you’d like what I’ve got to say,” the lad murmured.  
  
“This… No. You—You can’t actually mean that— Please tell me that we’re not in a… We aren’t. It’s not a…”  
  
“Island?” the bloke finished for him. “Well, I’ve seen it from a distance. And I’ll tell you that-I’m pretty sure that it’s not big enough to be a continent. It doesn’t even look like one.”  
  
“You can't be serious…” Zayn shook his head, refusing to believe this.  
  
“Why would I lie about something like that?” he snorted.  
  
“I don’t know, but it doesn’t make sense. How we… how did we even get here? I mean, how did we get separated from everyone else?”  
  
“The waves were so strong that we just drifted away… We couldn’t get close enough to reach a boat.”  
  
There was a long minute of silence until Zayn found his voice again.  
  
“You saved me, didn’t you?” he nearly whispered. “I almost drowned, and you were the one who brought me back to the surface, weren’t you?”  
  
It was so quiet after this statement, that Zayn could hear the rustle of the sea, and the distant shrieking of a kingfisher.  
  
“Why did you?” Zayn turned around to see the boy looking down at the sand. “It’s probably the reason why you’re here. I probably was too heavy to manage to swim with.”  
  
“I heard someone shouting that his son was drowning,” the lad replied, looking anywhere but at him. “I just took my lifejacket off and… jumped. I didn’t know that it was you or something like that. I didn’t really think much before I did it, either.” The boy shrugged.  
  
“Why would you jump into a raging sea without a lifejacket to save some stranger?” Zayn was beyond overwhelmed. This boy was either very stupid or very brave. Maybe both.  
  
The boy pulled a face. “Did you prefer to die? I don’t understand what you’re getting at.”  
  
What didn’t he understand? People didn’t just risk their lives for the sake of strangers. Zayn owed him his life now, and to make matters worse, that blonde bloke was here just because of him. Zayn had never felt this guilty in his entire life. He hated this, all of this. Hated that he had to be saved, that he was the reason why they had gotten stuck in here, and that he didn’t understand what the hell was going on. He didn’t like it one bit.  
  
“I don’t know what I prefer anymore…” Zayn blurted out. “We’ll obviously die here either way. If not from thirst, then from hunger. And if not from those, then maybe there are predatory animals or cannibals around here.”  
  
“Wow, you are being awfully optimistic,” the boy said cynically.  
  
Zayn laughed humorlessly. “Yeah… I can’t really see the bright side at the moment, you know? It's just… I’m fucking in the middle of nowhere, without food or water, let alone a shelter. I can fucking forget about a shower, not to talk about clean clothes. I can still taste freaking salt in my mouth, and I’m starting to hate the sea, and everything that has something to do with it, and I have the feeling that I’m going to see it for a long time now, well, if I’ll survive until then…”  
  
“Relax,” the boy’s voice was firm and yet gentle, and he reached out to touch Zayn’s shoulder, but the moment he made contact, Zayn shied away.  
  
“Don’t,” Zayn tried to sound angry, but it came out shaky instead. He covered his face with his hands so he could just shut everything out. “Please, don’t touch me.”  
  
“Ok, I won’t,” the boy said quietly. “But you need to calm down, ok? It’s important that you keep your head cool. You can’t lose it now…”  
  
Zayn removed his hands from his face to look at him at that. Something about the way he was so calm and unaffected pissed Zayn off completely. And if there were something that pissed him even more, it was how that boy, who couldn’t be older than him, acted like Zayn was some little child that had to be taken care of. Zayn couldn’t bear to be treated like that. Alright, that boy had saved him-and thank him very much, but he could manage now very well by himself, and he didn’t need some babysitter. All the sympathy Zayn had had for him for saving him was gone in an instant, and instead he felt himself starting to boil with anger.  
  
“What gives you the right to tell me what to do?” Zayn spat.  
  
“Gosh, what’s your problem? I’m just trying to help.”  
  
“Oh, what’s my problem?” Zayn snapped. “I don’t know where the fuck am I, and I don’t know where my family is, or at least if they are okay, and you… you ask me what my problem is?”  
  
“Whoa,” the boy held up his hands in surrender. “Didn’t mean to touch a sensitive spot or something, just don’t take it out on me.”  
  
“Fine,” Zayn gritted out, and placed his hands on the sand, using them to support himself while he tried to steady himself on wobbly legs. Eventually, he managed to stand up, and he simply turned back around and started to go forward in the direction of the woods without another word.  
  
“Wait,” he heard the lad saying from behind him, and he could hear his footsteps that signaled that he was walking after him, but Zayn didn’t stop heading forward.  
  
“Don’t follow me,” Zayn muttered dryly. “Just leave me alone, will you?”  
  
“I wouldn’t go there now if I were you,” the boy said, and for some reason it made Zayn stop in his tracks, though he still didn’t turn to face him. If anything, he just folded his arms over his chest and sulked. “It’s going to darken soon, and you’ll just get lost. It’s not a good idea.”  
  
Zayn dug the toe cap of his shoe into the sand. His shoes and pants were almost completely covered in sand that had mixed with the seawater. “I don’t think that I really care much at this point.”  
  
“Yeah? You gave up so fast?”  
  
Zayn shrugged half-heartedly. “Would it really matter what happens to me now?”  
  
“Would you stop talking nonsense?” the lad countered.  
  
“Maybe there are some people here, after all,” Zayn said barely above a whisper. “Maybe they can help us get back to the others…”  
  
“So you’re taking the risk to get lost at night, without food or water, for what — the faint chance of finding a human being?”  
  
“Then you are suggesting that I stay here with you? No thanks,” Zayn said coldly, before moving forward again, and this time the blonde bloke didn’t call for him, or say anything else. His footsteps couldn’t be heard either. Zayn wasn’t sure whether he felt relieved or disappointed, but he just decided that it wasn’t worth thinking of. There were more pressing matters, like finding someone or something that could help him get out of here.  
There should be other people in here as well. Maybe he and that Irish lad weren’t the only ones who had found their way here. Maybe there were more people who had drifted over to this place, and were currently searching for help like he was.  
  
He entered the thicket, and just took a random path forward, determined not to go back. The deeper he moved into the undergrowth, the more feral the nature became, and the harder it became to keep going. Some places were so dense that he couldn’t get through, and he had to go back and change his path, and soon enough, he had no idea from where he came, and where he was heading. If he thought that he didn’t know where he was before, then it was nothing compared to now-because he really had no idea where the hell he was even standing. Everything looked the same to him-trees, and more trees. He wasn’t sure that he was getting anywhere at all. He had the distinct feeling that he was walking in circles-he was quite sure that he had seen that old and wide tree for the 4th time already.  
  
Zayn cursed as he stumbled across all those plants and stones, making his way through thick and annoying vines that were dangling from the trees and getting in the way. That place was obviously not meant for walking in. The trees were too dense, the ground either too sandy or too muddy, and his shoes got stuck in it more often than not.  
  
His wet clothes were sticking to his body, and the more he walked, the more he started to doubt himself. He started to regret that he hadn’t just stayed with that boy. Yeah, he did piss him off, but he wasn’t that bad, right?  
  
He was so stupid for going alone. He really got lost at the end. Why hadn’t he just listened to him?  
  
With every minute that passed, He was getting more and more tired, and thirsty, and desperate, until he couldn’t walk anymore, and had to sit down on some rock in order to collect himself.  
  
What was he going to do? His condition now was even worse than before. What had he even thought to himself when he walked into the woods like that? He didn’t have water with him, and although he knew that mud was a sign of a nearby water source, he couldn’t find it. Maybe it was muddy because of an earlier rain, and there wasn’t fresh water in this place at all.  
  
A cold evening breeze from the sea started to blow in his direction, and it made him shiver, as his clothes still weren’t completely dry, and he feared that in addition to everything, he might catch a cold at this rate as well.  
  
Now that Zayn was alone in a darkening wilderness, he started to think about all the things that he had been trying to repress. His mind wandered to his family. He wondered if they were safe. What they were doing at the moment. If they were thinking about him as well. If they were searching for him right now. He knew that his mother and sisters must be complete and sound, but he wasn’t so sure about his dad. Had he managed to reach a boat? Was he with them? Zayn worried about them so much that his chest ached, and he couldn’t bring himself to imagine how they must be feeling about losing him… What his mum must be going through if she knew by now. He felt bad for doing that to them, even though he had no control over what had happened.  
  
It was when the first stars started to appear that Zayn got off that rock, and forced himself to keep going. He would freeze if he stayed at one place. He had regained back some of his strength, but he still felt exhausted and hopeless. He couldn’t recognize himself. He felt now not only physically lost, but mentally as well. While his body was lost in those tangled woods, his mind was lost in his thoughts.   
  
The sounds of the night surrounded him—the rustle of the leaves in the cold wind, and the quite chirping of nearby crickets. Everything was so peaceful, so silent, like the nature was singing him a lullaby. Zayn felt his eyelids drooping, and he suppressed a yawn. That wasn’t the time to feel sleepy, and he had already slept enough on his way to this place. Still, he strained his eyes as much as he could in the dark to see if there were something that he could use as a shelter, but all he could see was trees and bushes.  
  
He had lost already any hope to find other humans around here, so he thought that he might as well just find his way back to the beach. Only… he couldn’t hear the roaring of the sea anymore. He wasn’t sure how far away he was from it. It could be a mile or two away, for all he knew. Just how big was this place?  
  
Zayn was rubbing the sleep out of his eyes, when there was a sudden rustle from behind him. He turned around to see what it was, squinting his eyes in the dark, but all he could see was a bush that stood completely still. Maybe it was just the wind, he told himself, and just then he stepped on a branch, and the loud crack that pierced the silence made him jump. Alright, he was alone, and it was dark, and the place was starting to creep him out. This was a very bad combination.  
  
Walking a little bit more quickly now, Zayn heightened his senses to hear or see if something or someone were following him. There was another rustle a minute later from a tree to his right, and Zayn could feel his heart thumping hard in his chest. He certainly didn’t plan to be the main meal of some predator. Telling himself to relax, Zayn tried to convince himself that maybe his tired mind was playing tricks on him, or maybe it was just some small and harmless animal.  
  
It was when a third rustle was heard not ten second later, a lot closer than before, that Zayn started to feel that there was a real valid risk to his life. Walking even faster now, he came to a stop when something abruptly sprang out from the tree above him, dangling from the vines. At first he thought that it was a snake, but after adjusting his eyes to the dark as best as he could, he realized that it was some kind of a monkey that was watching him with intent. It was very small, its shiny curious eyes about quarter the size of its face.  
  
Zayn breathed in relief. “You’ve scared me there for a moment.”  
  
The monkey tilted its head, and blinked down at Zayn. “I suppose you can’t really help me, can you?” Zayn sighed.  
  
The monkey chattered out an “OHH?” and Zayn just sighed. “I’m talking to a monkey. I think I’m losing my mind.” He simply continued on going forward, not wasting his time. The little fluffy animal didn’t follow him this time.  
  
So there were monkeys in this place. Maybe it was some sort of a tropical island for all he knew. If there were monkeys here, it meant that there ought to be a fresh source of water somewhere . It also meant that maybe there were other tropical animals around here, of which he wouldn’t be very keen on meeting some species.  
  
Now that it was so dark, he stumbled upon the rocks even more than before. The weak moonlight was enough to make the trees gleam in the dark, but not enough to illuminate the path ahead of him. He walked around for maybe another quarter of an hour, and he could feel desperation growing deep in the pit of his stomach. He wasn’t sure anymore what he was even looking for, because he was cold, and dirty, and thirsty, and hungry, and homeless, and lonely, and he just needed so many things at the same time, while he had nothing.  
  
Just when he started to lose all hope, with his eyes trained on the ground, he raised his gaze to see that there was light in the distance. An actual spark of light. _People_ , Zayn thought. He immediately picked up his pace, desperate to get to the source of the light-to the safety. After getting close enough, he realized that he had made it back to the area of the coast, and that the source of the light was a fire, and that a person was sitting by it. Slowing his speed to regular walking again, Zayn froze when he saw that the person had bright hair. It was the boy from earlier, there was no doubt about it. And the boy apparently heard someone approaching him, because he looked up. And… well, now there was no running away from it. That was quite mortifying. He needed that boy’s help again, the same boy who he had been rude to before, while he had been nothing but nice and kind to him from the very beginning.  
  
Zayn was stuck in place. He didn’t know if he were allowed to join him or not. He didn’t want to leave, not when he finally found another human being, and a fire that looked quite inviting, but he wasn’t sure if he were wanted at all.  
  
The lad raised his hand, though, and beckoned Zayn to come closer, so he did, walking slowly toward him, before standing awkwardly a few feet away.  
  
“Come on, take a seat,” the bloke said, gesturing toward the place in front of him. “Don’t be shy.”  
  
Zayn slowly lowered himself to a sitting position, sitting cross legged on the sand next to the fire. He couldn’t bring himself to meet the boy’s eyes. He was too ashamed of himself, too grateful for what this boy was doing for him, and too bashful because of the whole situation. He felt like he was intruding, like he had no right to be sitting here. He looked at the fire instead, and it was warm and bright and comforting, and there was the smell of something being cooked, and it was then that Zayn realized that the lad was roasting fish. It was quite distracting, and it made Zayn’s mouth water. He was very hungry, and thirsty, and tired, and all he wanted was to satisfy those needs. It was embarrassing just how dependent he was on that boy now.  
  
“It’s almost ready,” the lad said, turning the stick with the speared fish, and Zayn blushed a little, because he realized that he must have been staring a bit too much. “I managed to catch three.”  
  
“Oh,” was all Zayn replied with at first, before adding, “How?” to not sound as limp as he felt.  
  
“I tried to make a fishing rod, but it didn’t go so well, so I just speared them as there were so many in the shallow waters,” the boy shrugged, like it wasn’t a big deal. Zayn didn’t think that he’d be able to fish something even with a rod. “So… you came back.”  
  
Zayn raised his eyes at that to see that he was already watching him with a smirk.  
  
“How was your journey?” the lad continued when Zayn remained silent. “Hmm? Did you find people?”  
  
Of course he would say something snarky like that. He looked too much smug. Zayn didn’t like it. He wasn’t going to give him the satisfaction. It was bad enough that he was right about everything thoroughly, anyway.  
  
“No,” Zayn replied simply, looking down at his hands.  
  
“Told you…” he didn’t sound accusing, though. Zayn was grateful at least for that. “Did you get a chance to explore the surrounding a little, then?”  
  
“Not really,” Zayn brushed a little bruise on his hand that he noticed only now. When had he even gotten it? “I met a monkey, if it counts.”  
  
The boy laughed loudly and brightly, and Zayn stared at him rather blankly. He didn’t understand what was so funny. Was he laughing at him?  
  
“How nice,” he said with a teasing edge to his tone. “You’re really helpless, aren’t you?”  
  
Zayn just continued glaring at him.  
  
“You could’ve—I don’t know—found water, shelter out there… something that could actually help you survive in here, you know. And you…” He looked like he was biting back a laugh, “just wasted your time. Probably got lost five minutes in, and spent the rest finding your way back here.”  
  
Was he getting back at him or something like that? Or was it a failed attempt at trying to have a normal conversation with him? Zayn didn’t understand his humor, and he didn’t like it when people threw his mistakes at his face.  
  
“And you-did you find water? Or a shelter?” Zayn challenged.  
  
“I couldn’t find those around here. It was either going deep into the woods or starting a fire. I feared that I would just lose my way as well, as it was darkening. It’s a pity, though, because water and shelter are much more impotent. Maybe I should’ve risked searching for them instead, I don't know… Like, I'm extremely thirsty right now, and it sucks... I intend on finding those in the morning, though.” He removed the fish from the fire to examine it with the light of the flames. “You can join me if you want.”

Oh. A compromise offering. Even after everything, that boy was willing to stick together with him.

“Ok,” Zayn replied. He didn’t have anything better to do anyway. He hesitated when the lad offered him the fish.  
  
“Take it,” he said. “I have another two." He gestured toward another two sticks that were thrust in the sand, each of them skewering a dead fish.  
  
Zayn took the stick from the boy, and mumbled, “Thanks.”  
  
"Think nothing of it.” The lad placed the next fish over the fire. “So… What’s your name?”  
  
“Zayn,” he replied quietly.   
  
“Zayn…” the boy tasted it on his tongue. “I’ve never heard such a name. What’s the meaning of it?”  
  
Zayn sighed. He was used to new people thinking that his name was odd or strange.He debated whether to lie about it or say that he didn’t know, but he just said the truth in the end. “Beauty,” he murmured, willing himself not to blush.  
  
Of all things, that lad smirked again. “Yeah, I can see that.” What was that even supposed to mean? “It’s not British, is it?”  
  
“No… it’s Arabic.”  
  
He half expected the boy to let him be so he could at last eat from his cooling down fish, but he continued streaming him with questions, “Are you originally Arabic or something, then? I should’ve guessed, though, you’ve got something eastern about you.”  
  
“I’m half Pakistani,” Zayn replied. “My father moved to England, and married my mum…"  
  
"Wow, that’s cool,” the boy said, looking genuinely interested. “Do you know Urdu, then?”  
  
“More or less, Yeah…”  
  
“You’re Muslim, aren’t you?”  
  
“Yes… Does it really matter?” Zayn asked defensively. His mixed heritage made him feel like he couldn’t fit in more often than not.  
  
“Not at all,” the blonde bloke shook his head slowly. “Just curious… My name’s Niall, by the way.”  
  
_Niall_ sounded a little like music, easy and melodious. Zayn guessed that they were officially acquaintances now.  
  
“Irish, right?”  
  
“Originally, yeah, though I live now with my mum and her boyfriend in London,” so that woman who had sat at their table was his mother, and that person was her boyfriend. “My father and brother stayed in Ireland, though. What about you? You have quite a big family from what I’ve seen.”  
  
“I live in Bradford, and my family isn’t that big… We are six. I know families that are much bigger… I have three sisters (“Wow!” Niall exclaimed), the eldest stayed with her boyfriend in England, and the younger ones came along to the cruise.”  
  
“I can’t imagine what it’s like to have three sisters. Must be very tiring. I have only one brother, and we’ve never gotten along.” Zayn watched as Niall flipped the fish.  
  
“It’s nice to have them,” Zayn smiled to himself. “I wouldn’t want it any other way.”  
  
“Why aren’t you eating? It’s not poisonous or something. I think so, at least.”  
  
Zayn hummed. “So this is why you let me taste it first.”  
  
“What?” he laughed. “No! This is what you take me for? Come on. And I’ve cleaned and gutted them, so don’t worry… Just don’t eat the skin.”  
  
Zayn cautiously touched the fish to see if it were still hot, and when he learned that it wasn’t, he removed its skin, and brought it closer to his mouth, taking a small bite. That wasn’t so bad. Tasted quite familiar, even.  
  
“That’s quite good,” Zayn said, taking another bite, careful not to swallow the bones.  
  
“Throw the bones and the other parts into the fire so they wouldn’t attract unwanted attention from animals,” Niall suggested.  
  
“How did you learn to do all those things? I mean, making fire, cooking fish…”  
  
“My father used to take us on hikes when we were little. It was a family thing, so I learned the basics. And besides,” He raised a black bag that Zayn noticed only now. “This little kit helped as well,” he opened it, and presented Zayn a box of Strike-Anywhere Matches.  
  
Zayn watched wide-eyed. “How did you get it?”  
  
“What do you mean?” The boy stared at him in confusion. “They handed over those survival kits on the ship. Waterproof ones.”  
  
“What? When?” Zayn asked in bewilderment.  
  
“After the second explosion, I think. Wait… You’ve got no kit, no normal lifejacket… You’re a real moron, huh?”  
  
He was lucky that the fire was between them, because Zayn would’ve kicked him for it. They had handed the passengers freaking survival kits, and he was too out of it to even notice.  
  
“Shuddup.” Zayn tightened his lips, turning his face away.  
  
“Gosh, don’t take it personally. I’m just kidding,” Niall said. “I’m sure that you’re much cleverer than that. Everybody makes mistakes sometimes, yeah?"  
  
Well, that was rather pacifying, so Zayn turned to look at him again. “What else there is in that kit?”  
  
“Umm… a multi-purpose tool—the most useful thing from them all, if you ask me, a first aid kit, which I hope we wouldn’t need, a steel water container, and it came empty,” he said with an eye roll. “A space blanket—“  
  
“—You mean that aluminum one?”  
  
“Yeah. I wish they had given us something more convenient, but I guess that they give only cheap and easy folding things,” He rummaged in the bag, and took out the blanket. In its folded state, it was the size of a cards’ box. It looked so thin. How could this even warm them up? Niall put it back in place. “Besides those, there are also a knife, ropes, and a whistle. Probably to signal for help, but I don’t know how… There is probably a certain code.”  
  
“Didn’t your father teach you how to signal SOS?” Zayn wondered.  
  
“Maybe he did, but it was so long ago that I don’t remember,” Niall said rather bashfully, his face apologetic. “I tried to recall anything, but nothing came to my mind. Sorry…”  
  
“Didn’t they give some directions with it—I don’t know, some notes about how to signal, some tips?”  
  
“Nope,” Niall popped the P. “I’ve searched and checked everything for notes, but there are none. They probably didn’t think we’d need them,” he said sarcastically.  
  
“We are fucking stuck in here, then,” Zayn said in frustration.  
  
Niall examined his fish, before returning it back to the fire. “Not necessary. Most people are found within a few hours or days.”  
  
“I don’t want to let my hopes up and then get disappointed…” Zayn admitted quietly.  
  
“Hey,” Niall said. “Cheer up. We’d get out of here eventually, there is no doubt about it."  
  
“You don’t need to say this so I’d feel better.”  
  
“I say it because I believe it.”  
  
It was quite after this statement. Zayn ate his fish quietly, while Niall roasted his own. He looked so peaceful and relaxed, the light from the fire illuminating his face, and making his bright hair glow.  
  
“I’m sorry,” Zayn whispered suddenly.  
  
“For what?” Niall frowned at him.  
  
Zayn lowered his gaze. “For everything. For being the reason you jumped into the sea like that, for getting you stuck in here, for being mean to you. It’s all my fault...”  
  
“No, it isn’t. You didn’t tell me to jump, did you? It was my decision. It could’ve been anyone else,” Zayn highly doubted it. Rare were the people who risked their life like that. “The unfortunate thing is that we drifted away. But, think of the bright side. It could’ve been a lot worse than it. We actually managed to get to a land. We weren’t eaten by a shark. We’re alive, and… we’re not alone.”  
  
He stared into Zayn’s eyes when he said that, and somehow it made him feel better. It was exactly what he needed to hear. Something about Niall made him feel secure. He had that warmth and brightness inside of himself that made Zayn feel safe and hopeful. Niall was a little like the fire, he thought briefly. Maybe it was just the dehydration talking, though, as the lack of water in his organism was making him dizzy.  
  
“Thank you,” Zayn said.  
  
The boy smiled, and it seemed genuine, and his expression was soft. “It’s much better than apologizing.”  
  
Niall announced that his fish was ready, and they both settled into a comfortable silence, both feeling sleepy and hazy. They shared the third fish, Niall finishing his piece much faster than him, before saying that they should probably sleep.  
  
“Here?” Zayn sighed, chewing slowly on the remaining of his meal.  
  
“Well, the sand is soft enough, and the fire will keep us warm and keep the animals away from us… We don’t really have a choice.”  
  
With that, Niall took off his shirt and placed it on the sand, lying down, and resting his head on top of it.  
  
“You could use your lifejacket as a pillow,” he yawned, pointing tiredly toward the sea. The lifejacket he had thrown indeed was there. “Just make sure there are no insects on it.”  
  
Zayn threw the inedible parts into the fire, and stood up to go and fetch the article of clothing. Stepping out of the warm area of the fire was almost unbearable. It was almost like all the warmth that had enveloped him was slowly fading away, and leaving his chest heavy and painful, and like the cold breeze from the sea was freezing not only his body, but his soul as well. Zayn shivered as he went toward where the waves were crashing against the beach with a loud splashing sound. He lifted the lifejacket up, not really checking if there were something on it or not, before settling on the sand there, facing the black and shining with the moonlight ocean. He felt all the emotions emerging to the surface—all his fears, and worries, and hopes, and desires, and it all became too much. Simply too much. He wasn’t sure that he could do it.  
  
He wasn’t sure how long he sat there, but when he made his way back to Niall, he felt numb from the cold. Niall was already asleep when he reached him, curled in on himself, breathing evenly. Zayn placed the lifejacket where he had sat before, and lay down. It wasn’t comfortable at all. He wasn’t sure that he would be able to fall asleep here. But more than it was uncomfortable, Zayn was extremely tired, emotionally and physically, so he just stared at the flames of the fire until he could feel himself getting sleepier and sleepier, and he closed his eyes. His last thought was to find his way back home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The whistle can't actually really help them to get help, but they don't necessarily know that, if you've been wondering. :)  
> It's more of a something they can use to signal to each other.  
> And the space blanket is actually a really good blanket at situations like that. It keeps their body heat, as the metal is creating a heat insulation, so that keeps them warm.


	3. Chapter 3

The strong rays of the early morning sun shone brightly upon Zayn's face, and disturbed his peaceful sleeping. He groaned as he rolled onto his other side, desperately trying to block the light and give himself another few well-earned minutes of rest, but to no avail, as the sun could reach him even there. He blinked his eyes slowly open, and turned his face to the right, watching the weak flames of the dying fire. Niall was nowhere to be seen on the other side. Speaking of whom…

"Good morning, sleeping beauty," Niall greeted him, voice coming from somewhere at his front. “How did you sleep?”

“‘Morning,” Zayn grumbled in return. “Not that bad…”

He looked up to see Niall putting his shirt on. His hair was dripping wet and getting the shirt quite damp already. He looked quite fresh and cheerful. Very much the opposite of how Zayn felt.

“I suggest that you get ready if you want us to find water before the sun is high enough to kill us,” Niall said in a nonchalant voice, as if he were talking about the weather and not their impending death.

And well, it might be a bit too dark for this time in the morning, but Zayn had to admit that Niall had a point. Zayn tried to move his tongue a little, only to find his mouth was almost completely dry, and in addition to that, he was spurting quite a bad headache already. But he wasn't a morning person. It took a lot to get him to get out of bed. So, in his still sleep-addled state of mind, he allowed himself to curl in on himself and sink again into that world where everything was so good. Niall was also standing right in front of him, and blocking the sun from reaching him. Yeah, that was perfect. So, with deep determination, Zayn shuffled a little to get as comfortable as he could on this sandy surface, and closed his eyes again.

“No, Zayn,” Niall huffed. “Don’t fall asleep now.”

“Just another few moments…” Zayn mumbled, voice throaty.

He heard Niall stepping closer, and he thought that he might try to nudge him or something like that, but instead he felt cold drops of water hitting his face, and he yelped in surprise, realizing that Niall was shaking his wet hair at him like a crazy dog.

“What the fuck, Niall?” Zayn cracked an eye to see Niall’s hair wild and messy and sticking in every single direction. “Are you five?”

“Just helping you around.” He shrugged innocently, combing his hair back with his fingers so it wouldn’t look like a bird's nest so much. “You’re awake at last. Thank me later.” he grinned, and it made Zayn pout.

“Not my ideal way of waking up,” Zayn clarified before pushing his hands away from his body with a groan. Now that he was very certainly awake, he might as well stretch. He sat up, observing his sand covered body.

“You might want to wash,” Niall said casually. “The water’s quite cold, but it’s fine, really.”

“Yeah…” Zayn breathed out, standing up, but the moment he rose to a full height, he felt his skull throbbing. He held up a hand to his temple, feeling like everything was spinning around. He feared he might throw up.

“Hey, careful there.” Niall took a hold of his bicep, steading him when he started to waver. “I know that the lack of water is really starting to get to you… but, hold on for a little longer.”

“I’m alright,” Zayn shook his hand off, and started to go in the direction of the sea. He tried to get rid of the dried sand as much as he could before getting down to his knees, and scooping a handful of seawater and bringing it to his face, careful to keep his eyes shut to prevent the salt from getting into them. He splashed a little on his neck and the back of his head, though he didn’t go inside. He would never do it if he could help it.

When he came back, Niall was covering the fire with sand, and when he deemed it good enough, he shook the sand off his hands, and slung his black bag over his shoulder, before handing Zayn his out-of-order lifejacket.

Zayn took it with an uncontained snort, as of all things, that one was certainly the useless of them all.

“Let’s go?” Niall suggested, gesturing toward the wood, and Zayn nodded, following him into the thicket. “I’m sorry that there is no breakfast this morning. I didn’t have time to start fishing again. But really, this isn’t the biggest of our worries. A human can survive three weeks without food, but only a few days without water.”

“Yeah, it’s okay,” Zayn replied. “I’m not hungry, anyway, just really thirsty.”

“Didn’t you come across any water sources at all?”

“I surely would have told you if I did, wouldn’t I?”

“Sure,” Niall replied, and they walked for another few minutes before he came to a stop, and looked around them. “Where do you reckon we should go?”

“I don’t know,” Zayn answered. “Like, I did walk around this place quite a lot yesterday, but I didn’t really pay attention to where I was going.”

“Where did you see the monkey?”

“Seriously?” Zayn’s lips curled up a little into an amused smile.

“Yeah. Where there are animals, there is a water as well.”

“You know,” Zayn said. “It’s quite funny that you have such a wild knowledge about the nature and the survival methods, and yet you fail to know something as basic as an SOS code.”

“What are you trying to say here?” Niall looked at him with furrowed eyebrows. “That I’m keeping that piece of information to myself so I could keep us here on purpose?”

“Who knows,” Zayn shrugged with his palms facing toward the sky. “I don’t really know what your motives are.”

Niall shoved at his side playfully, and said, “Why would you say that? Like someone would stay here of his own free will.”

“Certainly not I,” Zayn said. “And no, I don’t know where I’ve seen that monkey.”

“Yeah, I understood that already…”

They didn’t talk much after this, and Zayn didn’t feel very talkative at the moment, either, as it was still early, and he still was somewhat sleepy, and his dry throat made it hard for him to engage in a conversation.

He tried to keep up with Niall who was moving forward with ease, apparently not bothered by the steep paths. He seemed to be much more familiar with the nature than he was, almost like he was feeling at home. He wisely stepped over the stones and the plants that Zayn oh so often stumbled upon, and skillfully dodged the vines that Zayn kept fighting with.

Zayn loved the nature, he really did. He always thought that it was beautiful and inspiring, and that his hometown was lacking trees and plants in general, but now that he was here, he started to think that the nature looked beautiful as long as he had a place to return to-as long as he could come and see it, and enjoy it, but not stay caged by it, and now, that he had nowhere to go to, no way to get out of here, it'd lost its charm in his opinion.

About quarter of an hour later; it wasn't like Zayn could keep track of time, he looked up to see a tree that had round green fruit attached to its top.

“Niall, look,” Zayn said, tapping his forearm to draw his attention. “I’m quite sure it’s a coconut tree. Do you think you know how to climb it?”

Niall followed his gaze, and nodded in acknowledgement. “Maybe, though this one is pretty high. I don’t think that I’d be able to climb it. There should be smaller ones nearby.”

“What if we don’t find another one? What if they are all high?”

“Are you trying to make me break my head? If you want those coconuts so much, then climb it yourself.”

“I’m not really good at climbing trees,” Zayn murmured.

“There you go,” Niall said. “I can ensure you that there are smaller ones somewhere else.”

“Fine,” Zayn sulked, knowing that he lost this argument.

He had never felt this thirsty. He didn’t think that he would be able to keep walking for long if he didn’t get some water to irrigate his dehydrated body. The sun was rising higher and higher in the sky, and the temperature of their surrounding was growing hotter and hotter. The trees were preventing the strong light from reaching them, but not doing much to block the heat. It was becoming really stifled, and hot, and Zayn could feel his cheeks flushing with the effort to keep going and his lips getting chapped and dry, and his temples throbbing with how the ache in his skull was getting worse with every minute that passed.

Zayn kept looking to the sides, his whole being tired and exhausted, and his expression surely the of pure torture, and he couldn’t believe his luck when he saw a quite young palm tree that wasn’t higher than 10 feet.

“What about this one?” Zayn pointed toward the coconut tree, cringing a little at how hoarse his voice came out.

“Yeah, that should do,” Niall said, his face tinted bright pink as well, and voice not much better. Handing Zayn his bag, he moved closer to examine the tree. He circled it, touching the bark, before experimentally wrapping his arms around it, and placing one foot at the bottom. “Well, wish me luck.”

“Alright, just be careful,” Zayn said, moving to stand next to the tree so he would be able to catch him if he lost his balance.

Niall lifted his other foot onto the tree as well, and tried to climb it, more struggled, actually, and the sight of it would have been quite amusing if Zayn weren’t so desperate for that coconut water. Niall succeeded a few times in rising a little up the tree, but he slipped down every time with a hiss, before trying to climb it again. He tried to push himself up, lift his hands and then his legs, and then tried to do the opposite, but that didn’t really help him to reach higher. He tried different angles, different sides, but nothing he did helped him get to the top.

Eventually, Niall hopped back down, looking defeated, and rubbed his sore hands together. “I don’t think that I’m doing this right.”

“Try then to pull yourself up?” Zayn suggested.

“No, Zayn, it isn’t working,” Niall huffed in frustration. “I’ve never climbed a palm. It’s not like there is something to hold onto.”

Zayn moved to examine the tree, placing his hands on it. “Maybe I’ll try, then.”

After a few slips, he managed to lift his legs onto the tree, but it was much harder than it looked, and like Niall had said, there was nothing that could support him. How people even managed to climb this? There surely was some technique that they had yet to discover. With a lot of effort, he managed to lift himself a little higher, and he could hear Niall encouraging him that that was it, but then he lost his balance, and slipped down, the soft flesh of his palm catching at the hard bark of the tree, and leaving a raw and stinging bruise behind. He was way too weak to do that in his current state, and so was Niall.

“Forget about it,” Niall said. “It’s not like we ca— wait, maybe you could lift me onto your shoulders, and I’d get the coconuts this way?”

That sounded to Zayn quite bizarre, and maybe he wouldn’t have done it against his better judgment, but hey, he was thirsty, so thirsty, and he was desperate to find any water source, and there was a pile of fresh coconuts right above him, and he wasn’t going to let this opportunity just go.

“Okay, let’s try that.”

And with that, Zayn placed his stupid lifejacket on the ground and Niall’s survival kit on top of it, and went to his haunches. It reminded him a bit of the piggy rides he used to give his sisters, except this time it was to a boy roughly the same size as he was. Niall took his shoes off, and came to stand behind him, and tentatively lowered one hand to hold onto his shoulder, as he carefully lifted one leg, and slid it over his shoulder, and did the same with the other. He wasn’t as heavy as Zayn thought he would be.

Holding onto Niall’s calves, Zayn slowly straightened himself up, and he changed his opinion once he reached his full height. Niall indeed was heavy.

“Haven’t done it in ages,” Niall sounded a little excited.

“Well, don’t get used to it,” Zayn replied. “Come on, stand up and get the damn coconut.”

Niall gingerly placed one hand on top of Zayn’s head to steady himself, and Zayn loosened the hold he had on his legs to enable him to change his position, and Niall took a hold of his bicep as he slowly raised himself up. Somewhere between Niall planting a foot on his shoulder, and raising himself a little higher, he hesitated, and Zayn said, “Don’t worry, you won’t break me.”

Niall laughed a little, before getting both his socked feet on Zayn’s shoulders, and Zayn gasped a little at the additional weight, but he didn’t let it falter him, and he held Niall’s legs tightly so he wouldn’t fall.

Niall rose up slowly to full height, even having the nerve to say, “Can’t believe that I’m so high and still not high enough to get a good view,” before Zayn pinched his calf to hurry him up, feeling the little hairs at his nape starting to get sweaty from the great effort, and Niall said, “I know, I know. Just a moment.”

Zayn could hear the rustle of the leaves as Niall tried to pluck the fruit, and he said rather breathlessly, “Come on, Niall. Hurry up.”

A moment later he heard a hard thump, and looked down to see a coconut on the ground a few feet away.

“You’re lucky it didn’t fall on my head,” Zayn scoffed.

“I didn’t even aim it at you,” Niall retorted, shifting ever so slightly, and the change in his position made Zayn wince a little. “Just another two.”

Zayn gritted his teeth as he waited for Niall to throw another two on the ground, before telling him rather harshly, “Alright, now get off,” and Niall started to lower himself gradually, and Zayn crouched slowly down, until Niall could jump back onto the earth.

Zany immediately went to stretch, groaning as he rolled his shoulders to ease the sore muscles.

“Wow, mate, you look quite ruined,” Niall said after he took one look at him. “I can’t be that heavy.”

“Well, let’s see you carry me on your shoulders that long,” Zayn said, watching Niall putting his shoes back on. “I really hope that we’d just find water already, because I really don’t want a repeat of now's events. My back wouldn’t handle this.”

Niall let his eyes rake shamelessly down Zayn’s body, before saying, “Nah, I think there would be no problem on my part. You look quite light.”

Zayn made a sound at the back of his throat, but that was long gone when Niall gathered the coconuts, and placed them on the ground next to them. He picked one up, and spun it in his hands.

“I wonder if they are young or mature,” he thought out loud. “Never really saw one with a husk.”

“Let’s hope that they are young, then,” Zayn said, taking one himself, and giving it a little shake. He could hear the water splashing inside. If his mouth could water, it would be flooded by now. “The older they are, the less water there is in them.” Zayn had learned this from his father while they had been shopping at a market once.

“And the harder it is to crack them,” Niall added as he fumbled in his bag, and took out a knife that resembled very much a kitchen knife, only slightly bigger and sharper. Zayn thought that it looked quite lame to use on hard surfaces, such as trees and etc. But maybe it would be alright for this purpose, as long as the coconut wasn’t too hard.  
Niall turned the coconut so its top was facing upwards, and used the knife to cut the piece where it had been connected to the palm. That piece popped out rather easily, and underneath it the lower white surface could be seen. That had to be the meat.

“I guess that it’s the young type,” Niall concluded, and with a great look of concentration, he started to work the knife inside, the dull cracking sounds filling the air.

“I think I got it,” he said, turning the knife inside of the fruit in small circles, and then a quite loud crack was heard, and Niall flicked the chunks that he had cut to the ground, before inserting the knife back in, and reaching a little farther, and then a few drops of liquid sprang out. He grinned triumphantly, and brought the coconut to his face.

“Cheers!” he said in jubilance, and tilted the fruit so he could take a sip. Some of the fluid ran down his chin, but he didn’t seem bothered by it. “Fuck, it’s good." He wiped some of the water off his chin, and handed it to Zayn.

Positioning it carefully at his lips, Zayn tried to be as careful as he could so it wouldn’t slip past his mouth, but when he lifted the coconut so its fluids would come out, he still got wet, but he couldn’t bring himself to care as the cold, fresh, rich water of the coconut made contact with his tongue, and returned the moisture of his mouth, eased the roughness and the dryness in his throat, and that was without starting to describe the taste-he had eaten coconuts before, sure, had drunk from their juice more than once, but it hadn't been as delicious as it was right from the tree. It was sweet, and nutty, and refreshing.

“It’s good, isn’t it?” Niall smirked, and when Zayn went to give him the coconut again, Niall pushed it back into his hands. “This one is yours. I highly doubt you’ve left me something, anyway.”

Zayn bashfully ducked his head a little, because maybe he indeed drank most of it already. Niall looked unbothered, though, as he raised another coconut, and did the same procedure with it, before drinking from it as well. Zayn was a bit overwhelmed with how much water was in it. There barely was half a cup in the coconuts they sold in the shops. In this one, there was much more liquid than meat, actually.

They decided to leave the last coconut for later, and Zayn walked around the place, studying the surrounding to pass the time as Niall cut off the coconuts over some rock so they could eat the flesh. It took him quite long, but Zayn wasn’t complaining.

“Hey, Zayn,” Niall called for him eventually while Zayn was busy observing some exotic flower. “It’s ready.”

Zayn sat on the free space on the rock, and took the piece of meat that Niall was offering him. The shell was still attached to it, but he knew that that was a hell to cut it off even with the best tools at home, so he couldn’t expect Niall to waste time on that. It was soft, though, so he could just bite off the edible parts with ease.

“So, we did end up having a breakfast in the end,” Niall said gleefully, and Zayn nodded his acknowledgement, though he couldn’t really consider it a proper meal. Still, it was better than nothing.

When they stood up to keep going, Zayn offered to carry the coconut, as it was only fair, and Niall didn’t argue with him about that.

Now, that they were quenched and rather full, they both had higher spirits than before, and felt rather talkative.

“I wonder if there are other kinds of fruit around here,” Niall said. “You know, bananas, passion fruits, mangos…”

“You wish,” Zayn said half-heartedly, because he didn’t want to survive on coconuts and fish alone. That would suck.

“Yeah, there are probably only coconuts around here…” Niall gestured toward his right, where a tall coconut tree stood.

“Maybe there are some other edible plants somewhere here,” Zayn eyed the various sorts of plants that grew around them. “But I wouldn’t take the risk. Of all the things that might kill me here, it would be humiliating to die from poisoning.”

“If you are desperate for food, and you have none, you can always try the universal edibility test.”

“What is that?” Zayn scrunched up his nose, and Niall poked him there like he couldn’t help it.

“It’s a way to tell if the plants are poisonous or not. I don’t remember the exact numbers, but you start off by rubbing the plant against the back of your hand, and wait for a few hours to see if the area gets red and irritated, and if it’s not, then you move on to rub it against your lips, and wait again. If it’s okay, you place it in your mouth, and wait again. If you feel alright, try to chew on it, and when nothing happens, try to swallow a small amount.”

Zayn gaped at him. “God, you could starve to death just from all the wait.”

“Or simply die if you fall on a very poisonous plant. This method is only for when there is no choice.”

“I really hope we wouldn’t need to use it.”

“I think we're good,” Niall said, silently signaling for them to turn to the left. “I mean, as long as we live on fish and other sea fruit we should be fine.”

“How did you know that the fish weren’t poisonous?” Zayn found that he was quite curious about that 

Niall was silent for a moment, but then he said, “I didn’t.”

Zayn stopped in his tracks. “You actually gave me to taste a fish without knowing if it were edible?” he exclaimed, feeling a swarm of emotions hitting him. He felt angry, shocked and to some extent, betrayed. 

“Hey, chill,” Niall reached out to put a calming hand on his shoulder, but Zayn flinched away. “I was just kidding, ok? It was a joke. It was a mullet, I know that fish. Like I would feed us some fish I don’t know.”

Zayn glared at him with slitted eyes. “Don't do that. It's not funny.”

"You have a major problem, mate," Niall said as he resumed heading forward. "You take things too seriously. Chill, yeah? Half of the things I say are shit."

"As if I didn't notice that already," Zayn muttered. 

Niall stuck his tongue out at him. “It’s fun to tease you, though. You get all worked up quite fast.”

“Believe me that you don’t want to see me angry,” Zayn warned.

“Is that a threat?”

“It’s a promise.”

“Alright, I’ll take your word for that. Left, here.”

“Why are so fascinated with going left?” Zayn asked while transferring the coconut to his other arm to give the first some rest, the lifejacket secured under his armpit.

“I have a good feeling about this direction.”

Zayn snorted upon hearing that. “We’ve been walking now for how long… a couple hours?”

“Oi, don’t exaggerate,” Niall argued. “Your time sense is clearly broken.”

“If feels like we’ve been going at this for an eternity,” Zayn complained.

“It all will pay off in the end when we’ll find what we are looking for. And besides, that can’t be that bad. Like, you have me to pass the time with.” He smiled lopsidedly. 

“Wow, this is great,” Zayn said sarcastically, and Niall elbowed him playfully. 

“So, Zayn,” Niall said, voice smooth and easy. “What brought you to that fancy cruise? Were you dragged there by your parents as well?”

“Yeah.” a small smile forced itself onto his face, though it wasn’t a very happy one. “Something like that… I guess I should’ve insisted on staying home. See where it led me…”

Niall hummed sympathetically. “Have you been on a ship before?”

Zayn shook his head. “No… ships aren’t really my thing.”

“I’ve had my fair share of ships, but after that failure, I guess that they aren’t my thing, either. It’s not really convenient being stuck in a burning down piece of metal, with nothing but water around you.”

Zayn shivered, and Niall breathed a “Sorry, want me to talk about something else?”

“No, it’s okay. Oddly enough, I’m not really traumatized, but it still hits me too close to home…”

“Yeah? What do you mean?”

Zayn bit the inside of his cheek, and doubted whether to say that or not. After a few moments of silence, Niall said, “I’m not trying to pry or anything. I’m just curious, but hey, you don’t have to talk about things that make you uncomfortable."

Zayn nodded, keeping on being quite. It turned quite tense, and he didn’t want it to stay like that, so he said, “What do you reckon started the fire?”

Niall was silent for a moment, before replying, “A saboteur. It doesn’t really make sense that they say that the fire starts at one place, and then there is an explosion in an entire different place. Probably someone managed to sneak explosive material and ignited it in different places.”

Something suddenly occurred to Zayn. “I thought that it might be the work of someone as well, but now that I think about that, if someone wanted to blow the ship-why didn’t they try to blow all the people while they were at the assembly station? Why would they explode the upper decks?”

Niall looked deep in thought, and then said, “I can think of a few reasons. Maybe they wanted to blow the ship itself as some sort of a remonstrance, or tried to create a distraction. And, the assembly station isn’t called that for no reason-it’s supposed to be the safest place on the ship. You wouldn’t be able to start a fire there so easily.”

“Yeah, that makes sense,” Zayn replied. Then he started to doubt himself. “But maybe it’s no one's work at the end. Maybe it really happened because of an accident.”

“Who knows,” Niall picked up a stick off the ground, absentmindedly passing it from one hand to the other. “After what’s happened, I feel like everything is possible.”

“Yeah, that’s true,” Zayn sighed.

They were now deep in the woods, and they had climbed a low mountain to get to the other side, and still, there was no sign of water. Where the hell was it? Zayn tried to strain his ears to hear if there was a waterfall nearby, or if a water was streaming in a lake not far away from them, but the only sounds around them were of their steps, the rustle of the leaves due to an occasional breeze, and the chirping of the birds.

Abruptly coming to a stop, Zayn stammered a little as he said, “Umm… I think that I need… you know.”

Niall looked at him in confusion, until his face was hit with realization. “Yeah, go, I’ll wait for you here.”

“I’ll be quick,” Zayn mumbled under his breath, before placing the things he was holding on the ground, and walking in the other direction, searching for a suitable place. He found a big bush that satisfied him enough, and when he was done and was about to go back, it occurred to him that there was the distant sound of bubbling and trickling, and when he listened more carefully, he could hear it-could hear water streaming. Moving closer to the source of the sound, Zayn could see a small stream just behind the trees. He had never been happier to see water.

“Niall!” he cried for him. “Come here!”

“You’re having trouble there?” Niall shouted back, voice teasing and far away.

“What?” Zayn was bewildered. “No. But look what I’ve found!”

Not a minute later, Niall was there, carrying the damned lifejacket and the coconut. “So, what is all the fuss abou—Jesus Christ! Zayn, you’re finally proving yourself useful.”

Zayn steadied him with a glare, but he still felt pride swelling in his chest when Niall clapped a hand on his shoulder.

He followed Niall to the stream, and now, that he had a clear view of it, he could see the clear shallow waters, the stones and pebbles that lay there, and the plants growing at the banks. It was narrow enough that they could cross it with only a few steps, but the stones looked slippery, so Zayn thought that they better not try it.

They both dropped to their knees and splashed water on their faces and necks, needing something to refresh them after all the walk. Zayn was mainly glad to get rid of the sticky juice of the coconut that still stuck to his face and hands.

With water dripping down the locks on his forehead, Niall pushed a hand into the bag to take out the water container, and filled it with the water.

“We need to boil it first,” he said, “to make sure that there are no bacteria.”

“Yeah, I know,” Zayn replied, because even he, who had never camped or fished or done any of the things that they needed to do now, knew something as basic as that. “So now we are left with only finding a shelter.”

“We better have a shelter close to the water source. Maybe there is natural one nearby,” Niall said, looking around. “Like a cave…”

“Let’s take a look around, then. We can like… separate. And return after about 15 minutes to this stream here.”

“You sure it’s a good idea?” Niall arched a brow. “It’s not like we can really tell the time.”

“It would take us less time to map the area this way. You have a whistle, right? Blow it if you find a cave. Blow it if you come back here and I still haven’t returned. I will be here after a quarter of an hour whether I find one or not.”

“Fine,” Niall said. “We can try it… just, don’t get lost, okay? Like yesterday.”

Zayn crossed his arms over his chest. “I told you that I didn’t pay attention. I do pay attention now.”

“Okay, okay. Suit yourself. See you in a few.”

And with that, Niall turned around, and started to go to the right, and left Zayn to check the left. He went against the current, chuckling inwardly at the metaphor, and scanned the whole place for something they could use as a suitable shelter. He was quite sure that he saw a colorful parrot, but it flew away so fast that he couldn’t get a good look. After walking for a few minutes and covering quite a big area, he thought that maybe they could build a shelter themselves. It didn’t have to be something big and fancy, it could be small and not very convenient, but still a place that would keep them warm and dry, because he didn’t think that he would bear to sleep on the sand again.

Deciding that he walked around the place enough, Zayn started to go back to the place where they had arranged to meet. When he came there, about fifteen minutes after they had taken different paths if his sense of time were anything to go by, he could see the lifejacket on the ground, and the coconut above it (And now that he thought about it, maybe it wasn’t such a good idea to leave it there without supervision, because some animal could easily steal it), but Niall was nowhere to be seen.

Thinking that Niall was just taking his time, Zayn sat on some rock on the bank of the stream, and occupied himself with throwing little pebbles into the water to see them bouncing a few times and creating ringlets of water, before sinking down with a dull splash.

Another few minutes passed, and Niall still hadn’t come back, and Zayn was starting to get a little restless. They had set up to meet at this point, at a certain time, and it was quite dubious that Niall hadn’t appeared yet. Maybe he had a horrible sense of time, Zayn thought to himself, but there was another voice in his head that made him fear that maybe something had happened, maybe something was preventing him from coming back. What if he had fallen and got injured? What if some animal had got him? Zayn shook his head as he felt chills running down his spine at the thought alone. Maybe he should go and search for him?

Zayn stood up, looking again at his surrounding as if he might find there the answers to all of his questions, and pondered whether to go and look after him or not. Niall had a whistle, right? And Zayn told him to blow it if he came here and didn’t see him, so that should be alright. Leaving the coconut and the lifejacket to lie there in spite of himself, Zayn started to go in the direction Niall had gone to. That path didn’t seem very different from the one he had taken-there were trees, and bushes, and no caves, and no Niall. Zayn started to think that maybe it wasn’t a good idea to separate. Hadn’t he learned anything from yesterday? They should have just gone together, even if it would have taken them twice as long.

Walking slowly and glancing back every ten seconds, Zayn started to really worry about him. Was he okay? Where was he? Was it that hard for him to whistle so Zayn knew that he was okay? And… what if Niall had gotten fed up with him, and simply abounded him? That was a possibility as well. Maybe he decided that he had better chances of survival by himself, and that Zayn was just a burden, as he didn’t know to do much, and basically was another mouth to feed.

But then he heard the distant sound of a whistling, and he knew that Niall was alright, and that they still were a team. This was what they were, wasn’t it? Inwardly tsking at how sappy he sounded to himself, Zayn walked in the direction of where the blowing of the whistle came from- the stream. They probably missed each other. Not five minutes later, he could recognize from a distance the patch of messy blonde hair, and the white shirt that Niall was wearing. Niall waved at him from where he was sitting on a rock near the stream, and Zayn quickened his pace a little to reach him faster.

“I found a cave!” Niall said, a big grin plastered on his face.

“Why did it take you so long to blow the whistle?” Zayn asked, completely ignoring what he had said. “I thought that it was what we agreed on. I didn’t know what to think.”

“Err... I had to make sure that the cave wasn’t occupied by some animal first, and that it was dry and comfy enough. And I guess that I forgot to whistle after all that... Sor- Wait, did you go to search for me? Were you worried about me?” he smirked.

Zayn’s face turned straight. That little smug bastard.

“No, and you can do whatever you want for all I care.”

“Aren’t you happy even a little that we have a shelter now?”

“I’m so happy I can’t contain it,” Zayn said with an eye roll, picking up the things he had put on the ground, and making to go, before stopping, and asking quietly with his eyes downcast, “Where is it?”

“Not far away from here. Come, I’ll show you.”

Zayn followed him to the promised shelter, sulking the whole way there. About ten minutes later he could see the cave Niall was referring to. It was at the very end of a small mountain, just twenty yards away from the point where the wood turned into the beach, the sand and the sea visible behind the trees. There were plants covering the grey and stony walls of the cave, making it look a little less ugly.

“This is it,” Niall said once they stood right before it, and he sounded quite satisfied with himself. The entrance looked big enough that they could enter it without having to crouch very much, and glancing inside, it looked quite big and spacious. At least it wouldn’t be dense in there. “Our new home.”

“Yeah,” Zayn shook his head. “I refuse to call it that.”

He entered it, looking around at the surprisingly smooth walls and ground, and Niall, who was right at his heels, said, “You would eventually.”


	4. Chapter 4

Zayn placed the out-of-order lifejacket on the stony ground of the cave, and beside it, the remaining coconut. He could see Niall hanging his bag over a stone that stuck out of the cave’s wall from the corner of his eye, and he, himself, smoothed a hand against the ground before cringing at the rough texture.  
  
“When you said that it was comfy, what did you exactly mean by comfy?”  
  
Niall turned to look at him, a crease between his eyebrows. “Did you actually expect the cave not to be rough? I obviously did not mean that it was perfect for living or something like that. I simply talked about the fact that it’s dry and big, and close enough to both the stream and the sea,” The crease subsided, and instead of it, a playful expression appeared on his face. “Why, is the cave not good enough for the likes of his highness?”  
  
Zayn flipped him off, and stood up to look around himself better. The light from the sun illuminated the place well enough, and he could see, from where he was standing near the entrance, the end of the cave that was maybe 30 feet away. The ground was harder than it looked, and there was quite a mess all over the place-stones were scattered all over the cave, and there were sticks and leaves and sand everywhere.  
  
“Well,” Zayn gestured toward the stony surface he was standing on. “This ground is definitely not meant for sleeping, and the whole place is really dirty.”  
  
“God, I didn't think you'd be such a drama queen. What did you expect? A castle? If you have a problem with it, then clean it, and cover the ground with moss so it wouldn’t be that rough,” Niall suggested impatiently with his arms crossed. “But don’t complain about it like it’s my fault.”  
  
“And how am I supposed to do it? With my bare hands?”  
  
“No. Be creative,” Niall said like it was the most obvious thing it the world. “Go look around the place for materials like wood, leaves, and debris that drifted to the shore. You know, everything that you may find useful. Do the cave a makeover. Turn it into your dream house. You have a free hand here.”  
  
“Ok, and what about you?” Zayn asked because he had to make sure that Niall wasn’t sending him to work while bumming around.  
  
“What about me?” Niall arched a brow.  
  
“What will you do in the meanwhile?”  
  
“I guess that I’ll start a fire, and go get food. I’m not sure what to do first, though,” he looked thoughtful.  
  
“What did you do first yesterday?”  
  
“I built the fire before I caught the fish, and started it after I was done fishing,” Niall recalled.  
  
“It sounds quite fine to me,” Zayn shrugged.  
  
“Alright, then I’ll stick to it.” And when Zayn made to go, he added, “Wait, take some tools that might help you if you need to cut anything.”  
  
A few moments later he handed Zayn the multi-purpose tool. Zayn opened it, and inspected the different little tools that were there. There were several different kinds of knives (or maybe he mistook a saw for a knife), a drill, a needle-nose pliers, scissors, and some other objects that he had no idea how to use.   
  
“That might come in handy,” Zayn agreed. There was a small pause, and then he said somewhat awkwardly. “So… see you later.”  
  
“Don’t get lost,” Niall called after him as he crouched slightly in order to get out.  
  
Zayn’s facial expression contorted, and he hissed out, “I won’t!”  
  
Niall would never let him live that one down.  
  
A relief washed over him once he was surrounded by the trees again. It wasn’t that he had something against small places, but that cave was quite stifled and the air there was nothing like the clean, fresh one outside.  
  
He walked deeper into the woods, and looked at his surrounding with renewed interest.  
  
Sweeping the sand out was the first thing on his to-do list, and for that purpose he needed some suitable tool. He thought that maybe he could improvise a broom from the leaves of some plant. The first plant he could think of was a palm, but after taking one glance at a high one, its leaves dozens of feet away, he reconsidered it. He wasn’t even sure what he was exactly looking for. He guessed that maybe what he needed was some dry grass, but it wasn’t like there was straw around here. The closest thing he came across was thin long green stems and leaves that resembled grass and grew at random places, and could probably be quite useful once they were dried. Deciding that it was better than nothing, Zayn used the scissors to cut off a reasonable amount of leaves, feeling a little bad about that, as he didn’t feel that it was justified to ruin plants for a sweeper, but what could he do?  
  
It took him a good amount of time to gather enough leaves, and when he returned with the pile back to the cave, a small tepee kind of structure was already built on the ground outside, big stones circling it, and Niall was gone.  
  
Zayn placed the leaves on the ground next to the unlit fire, and dusted off his hands, before entering the cave again, and starting to tidy it. He had mixed feelings about this, because making the shelter look more presentable was like admitting that he wasn’t going to be saved any time soon, but if he were going to spend here his nights, then the place better look like an excuse for a house in the very least. He gathered the rocks and the stones in a pile outside not far from the shelter, and did the same with the sticks. They may come in handy, after all. Then he was left with the dirty ground, and he considered maybe using the leaves while they were green in spite of himself. It could take them days to dry for all he knew, and he needed to use them now, so he cut down a vine and tied with it the grass to make it look more like a broom, and when he tried to use it, even though it wasn’t ideal, it still did the trick.  
  
In the end, the cave looked much neater than before, and Zayn considered trying to mop it with big leaves and stream water to get rid of everything, but decided that he would leave it for another time. Now that the cave was rather clean, he went to search for plants and other stuff that he could soften the ground with. He found various kinds of big and flat leaves nearby, and brought them back to the cave, starting to cover with them the ground, placing extra leaves aside for later.  
  
By the time he was done, the cave floor mostly covered in green, it was already midday, judging by the location of the sun, and Niall still hadn’t come back. Zayn wondered briefly if catching fish was such a hard task that it was taking him so long, and decided to busy himself with other things while waiting. He dragged rocks big enough but that he could still carry to lay next to the unlit campfire, so they wouldn’t need to sit on the ground, and just when he sat on one to rest a little, he heard the approaching sound of steps, and looked up to see Niall coming toward him with several sticks that were thrown over his shoulder, each of them skewering a fish.  
  
“I hope you weren’t bored for long,” Niall grinned upon seeing him sitting. He looked exhausted and disheveled, and somewhat soft. “It took me longer than I thought…”  
  
“Don’t worry,” Zayn reassured him. “I sat down only a few minutes ago…”  
  
Once he said it, he realized that it came out a little wrong, as it was like saying that he didn’t need Niall’s company, but Niall didn’t seem to notice or dwell on it.  
  
He stuck the sticks into the ground, and sat down with a sigh on the other rock. “The fish this time were harder to catch,” he placed his elbows on his knees, and his face between his hands. “It was like they already knew me or something and simply swam as far as they could from me and my stick.”  
  
“Well, what did you expect? They aren’t that stupid to just spear themselves on your stick,” Zayn said. Was it just him or did this sentence sound wrong too? Shit. “Maybe you need to change your technique. You know, try some other way to fish them. I don’t know much about fishing, but even I can tell that you wouldn’t go far with just a stick, no matter how sharp it is.”  
  
“Yeah,” Niall sighed again. “You’re right… I need to manage to build a fishing rod somehow or a net…”  
  
“I can help you,” Zayn suggested, though he had no idea how. He could try, at least.  
  
“Thanks, buddy,” Niall smiled tiredly, before standing up and getting inside the cave. “Jesus, Zayn, I can’t even recognize the place. You’ve done a great job, really.”  
  
Zayn grinned a little from under his eyelashes, and when Niall emerged out of there, he was holding the box of matches and the water container. He placed the filled water container on the ground nearby the tepee, and stood by it.  
  
“I guess it’s about time we make lunch,” Niall said, and opened the box to take a long match out, before adding, “I hope I will succeed on the first try.”  
  
Zayn watched as Niall struck the head of the match against the brown side of the box, and as he crouched down in order to throw the match into the bottom of the fire, where dry vines were nestled together. The vines caught fire immediately, and smoke started to rise high into the air, orange and yellow flames getting bigger and spreading around the wood.  
  
“Yes!” Niall said delightedly, and put the box of matches aside, before standing up to set two Y—like sticks that he apparently had gathered earlier on either side of the wooden representatives. He took off the lid of the water container, and pulled the remaining stick through the loop that was attached to the top of the metal, and said, “Fuck, I don’t remember ever being this thirsty. I hope this branch is strong enough to hold this steel.”  
  
“It should be,” Zayn bit his lip. He vaguely hoped that the water in that container would be enough for the both of them. It was maybe a liter or a liter and half.  
  
Niall very carefully lowered the stick, and placed it in the space of the V on the sticks, and whistled when the system didn’t crash down.  
  
“We’re lucky today,” he said. “Starting the fire didn’t go so smoothly yesterday.”  
  
“How many matches do we have?”  
  
“Err… This box came with 250, and I guess that now there are about 239 or 238…”  
  
“Wait, did you waste already 11 matches?” Zayn asked incredulously. “On those two fires?”  
  
Niall looked quite bashful as he said the next few words, “The wind at the sea was strong…”  
  
“Well, sounds like we are going to run out of them quite soon…”  
  
Niall snorted and said, “You know that we just need to keep this fire going, right? We might not need to use another match for a long time if we’re lucky.”  
  
And umm… No, he hadn't thought about that, even though it sounded to him very logical now that he thought about that, but it didn’t mean that Niall had to know that.  
  
“Yeah… Just saying.”  
  
Niall handed Zayn one of the sticks with the fish so he could roast it, and said before Zayn could say anything, “It’s mackerel, and yes, it’s totally edible.”  
  
Zayn stared at the silver fish, and wanted to thank him, but instead of that he blurted out, “How do you know all those fish? How do you even distinguish between them? It’s crazy.”  
  
“Went fishing a lot with Dad…” He shrugged. “Had to learn about the kinds of the fish a little, didn’t I?”  
  
“Did your father take you on hikes every week or something?”  
  
“No…” Niall shook his head, and his tone softened as a small hesitant smile appeared on his face, his eyes shining with that glint that only old memories brought up.  “When I was a child we used to rent a house in the wilderness in the summers. Sometimes it was in a forest, and other times in the mountains, and we were on a coast once, too. My dad used to take us, me and my older brother Greg on hikes almost every day. So it’s only natural that I learned all of this… Nothing special, really. But I guess that it’s quite useful now…”  
  
“That sounds nice,” Zayn found himself saying, and Niall's gaze dropped at that to the fish he was roasting, and his expression turned pensive. It made Zayn frown slightly. “We went on some hikes, as well, but not like this...”  
  
“Yeah, it was nice,” Niall nodded, and flipped the fish. “You know, I quite regret not boiling the water earlier, because now we’ll have to wait a long time till the water cools down.”  
  
“Then let’s… cool it down? Like, dip it in the sea water?”  
  
“You think it’ll work?” Niall looked doubtful. “We can try, yes, but how efficient would it be? What if the bottle drifts away this way?”  
  
“I don’t think so,” Zayn said, eyeing the steam that was getting out of the opening of the steel water container. It would start boiling soon. “But, if you think it’s a bad idea, then the only other option I can think of is dipping it in the stream water. There are many rocks there that we could place it in between so it wouldn’t drift away.”  
  
They tried this in the end. By the time the fish were ready, the water was boiling too. Niall stuck the sticks close enough to the fire to keep them safe from animals, and then they returned the lid to the container, before taking it to the stream. It was quite tricky transferring the scalding container there, but Niall held onto one edge of the stick, while Zayn held onto the other, and they made it work. They resituated some stones so the water container was caged between them, and waited for about ten minutes before checking it. It wasn’t hot to the touch anymore, but it was still warm, so they gave it another few minutes.  
  
When they considered it cold enough, and tried to drink from it, they both grimaced at the still warm water, but they were too thirsty to wait any longer, so after a few passes between them, the container was empty again, and they filled it with fresh water before returning to their shelter.  
  
They were relieved to see that indeed no harm was done to their fish, and they ate quietly while waiting for the water to boil again.  
  
When Niall was done eating, he threw the bones into the fire, and said, “The day is still young. What do you reckon we do?”  
  
Zayn mused it over. It was only nearing afternoon, so it was too early to go to sleep yet. Maybe they could explore the surrounding a bit better, get more familiar with the environment. He suggested just that to Niall, and he agreed without thinking twice.  
  
Zayn said that he wanted to see the beach, as he hadn’t had the opportunity to be there yet, so after they removed the boiling water from the fire and placed it on the ground to cool down, Niall led the way, and they walked along the shore. Zayn could see from a distance high rocks and cliffs that he was quite sure he had seen from the other side of the island. Maybe it was the other edge.  
  
“It looks quite fun to climb those,” Niall said, nodding toward the place Zayn was looking at.  
  
“Let’s do it, then,” Zayn replied. After all, they had a lot of time to kill.  
  
When they approached the rocks in the different heights that stood in the middle of the coast, Zayn started to think that maybe it wasn’t such a good idea as those didn’t look safe at all. The seaweed that was draped over some of the rocks looked slippery, and some were too high for them to reach them. It didn’t seem to falter Niall, though, because the boy was already placing his foot on the lowest rock that was maybe knee-high, and using it to climb onto a higher rock.  
  
“Are you coming or what?” Niall asked once he was ten feet high, and Zayn pulled on a determined face before taking the path Niall took, because if Niall could do it, then he could do it too.  
  
It wasn’t as dangerous or scary as Zayn thought it would be. The surface of the rocks was wide and steady, and they didn’t need to climb the ones with the weed on them, and instead hopped onto the clear ones, and hell, that was actually really fun. There were so many rocks, and the higher he went, the better he felt the wind blowing at his face and ruffling his hair, and the prettier the view got.  
  
They made it to a relatively high cliff, and stood there to observe the island. They could see most of it from here, and it was huge. Zayn had known that it was huge-walked in it quite a lot in the last two days, but only now he realized just how much-with all those woods, and mountains, and the deep blue ocean that was surrounding it. It was green, and alive, and so, so pretty. Zayn had never seen something this breathtaking.  
  
“Beautiful, isn’t it?” Niall sounded enchanted from where he was standing right next to him, looking everywhere with a spark in his eyes.  
  
“It is,” Zayn sighed, because he really wished he weren’t here now… He just really wanted to be back home.  
  
They sat there for some time, throwing little stones into the ocean to see them splashing ringlets of water, and Niall asked Zayn to tell him more things about himself so they would know each other better.  
  
Zayn thought deep inside that it was quite useless, because yeah, Niall was nice and all, but he let himself believe that they were going to be saved in a few days, as someone would surely send some helicopter or a ship to get them, so there wasn’t really a need to become friends or something. Still, he found himself cooperating if only to keep a conversation going.  
  
“What’s your favorite color?”  
  
Zayn thought about it, before saying, “I don’t have a preferable color. I think they are all pretty.”  
  
“Sounds fair enough,” Niall nodded, and threw another stone into the sea, before turning so his whole body was facing Zayn, sitting so one knee was raised, and the other leg was folded so the foot was under the first. “I like green best.”  
  
“Well, aren’t you a real Irish?” Zayn murmured, one corner of his mouth twitching upwards toward doubt a smirk doubt a smile.  
  
“You have no idea. I can drink without being hungover, as well,” he joked. “And I raise leprechauns in my garden.”  
  
“Very typical,” Zayn snorted.  
  
“So, what are your hobbies? What do you like to do in your free time?” Niall asked him next.  
  
“Humm… I like to draw. I’m not bad at that.”  
  
“Yeah? Do you like draw-draw? Professionally?”  
  
“I don’t know about that.” Zayn rubbed the back of his neck uncomfortably, staring at the endless blue in front of him. “It’s just something that I love to do…”  
  
Zayn could see Niall’s fond smile from the corner of his eye. “I’ve always appreciated art, but I’m a sucker at it. I don’t even know how to color. Always was horrible at it…”  
  
“You just need to practice,” Zayn shrugged, not really knowing what to say.  
  
“Nahh…” Niall waved a dismissing hand at him. “I’m telling you that it’s not for me. I like soccer, though. I’ve played on a few soccer teams… And I have a warm spot for golf.”  
  
So he was a sports guy. Not that Zayn was very surprised. He quite looked like the guy who liked to run under the sun.  
  
Zayn hummed in response and it continued on like that for maybe another couple hours, Niall asking questions, and Zayn answering them. Nothing special or intrusive, just what was his favorite food-curry. What he didn’t like to do-dancing. He learned that while he liked to read books and comic, Niall preferred to watch movies. While he liked R&B, Niall liked to listen to pop and country. He preferred having an evening in, and Niall said that going out was way more fun. Zayn loved English whilst Niall loved math.  
  
They were completely different, Zayn realized, like they had come from completely different worlds. They argued more than once about different things-which season was the best (Niall insisted that the summer because of the great weather, while Zayn tried to explain why spring was better). Chocolate cake (Niall) vs vanilla (Zayn), superheroes (Zayn) vs Disney movies (Niall), dogs (Niall) vs cats (Zayn).  
  
The sky was getting yellower by the minute, and they both started to feel quite worn out from the long day, so Niall suggested they go back.  
  
Zayn wasn't against the idea at all, and they stood up to get back down. The way back to the shore was mainly hopping and jumping down with only minimalistic help from Niall, and then they were by the sea faster than that had taken them to make all the way up. Zayn decided that he liked that place. It was quiet and peaceful.  
  
The sun was already setting while they walked along the sea, the beach neat and gleaming under the dying rays of the sun, the shades of love washing over the sky and coloring the ocean in reds and pinks.  
  
Zayn knew it would get dark soon, and that they better hurry.  
  
It indeed started to darken by the time they reached the cave, and they used the dim light in order to find the cooling water container on the ground and settle it inside the cave, and to gather some sticks to throw into the fire.  
  
It was dark when Zayn gathered half of the extra leaves from before, and looked for the smoothest area in the cave to make his bed on. He saw Niall fumbling with something in the dark, and by the rustle, he recognized it as the aluminum foil blanket they had.  
  
“It’s quite cold in here,” he said as a matter of explanation. “It’s big enough for the both of us.”  
  
And okay… They had only one blanket. One blanket for the both of them… No way. Zayn wasn’t sharing it with him. There were supposed to be some boundaries between them.  
  
Zayn stood up and said, “Give it to me,” before fumbling in the kit for the multi-tool and going to cut the blanket into two equal pieces by the light of the fire outside.  
  
“What are you doing?” Niall followed him out in confusion.  
  
“Making two blankets out of one,” Zayn explained.  
  
“What the fuck, Zayn?!” Niall tried to steal the blanket back, but Zayn dodged him. “What if you ruin it?!”  
  
“I won’t,” Zayn rolled his eyes, and started to cut it right in the middle.  
  
“We could just share it, you know,” Niall said from behind him. “No reason to damage the only blanket we have.”  
  
Zayn ignored him, and just continued cutting along the foil.  
  
“Here,” Zayn said after a few seconds, giving Niall half of the metallic material. “You see? It’s just fine.”  
  
He couldn’t really register the expression Niall had on, but it was something in the lines  of disbelief. Zayn was smug, though. Niall didn’t say anything else, and just took the divided blanket and went back inside.  
  
Zayn very pointedly placed his leaves about 12 feet away from the place where Niall was making his own nest, and lay down with his back turned to him. He hoped that Niall got the hint. Turning in his place a bit, he made himself a mental note to gather more leaves, because his pile didn’t do much to block the hardness of the ground.  
  
"Good night," Niall said sleepily.  
  
"G'night..."  
  
It took him longer to fall asleep that night, because the blanket was hard and rough, and the ground was uncomfortable, but when he heard Niall’s rhythmic slow breathing, he felt himself slowly drifting off to sleep too.


	5. Chapter 5

Zayn had never thought that he would find himself in a situation like this-stranded on a piece of land, surrounded by miles upon miles of water with no way to go back home. It was absurd. It was like the setting of a movie, or the plot of some adventure book, but that couldn’t be his life-he couldn’t be actually living this.  
  
He was simply an average teenager, who was supposed to be starting his second year at university in less than two months, and had a whole life ahead of him. He had quite a decent life-a warm house, three sisters who made sure he was never bored, friends that always tried to drag him out. He liked to draw, and had an unexplainable passion for literature. What were the chances that it would happen to him out of everyone? What even were the chances that something like that would happen to someone? What were the chances that he would live to tell?  
  
He had never felt more out of place than he was now. He just didn’t belong here. It wasn’t his place. He was here a stranger, a foreign. He still couldn’t get used to the idea that it was his new life-that this feral wilderness was supposedly his new home. That drastic change in his life had shocked him right to the bones-how from a boy who was paving his life he turned into someone who had to struggle in order to reach the end of the day.  
  
Zayn found himself wondering more than once if he were just dreaming. If one day he would wake up and realize that it all was just one long dream, and climb out of his bed at home in order to start his morning routine. Every day when he woke up, in the first few moments in which he was in between the barriers of the dreams’ world and this one, he thought that maybe indeed everything had been just a nightmare, but then he would feel the rough texture of the ground, and inhale the stifling air in the cave, and understand that it all was very real.  
  
He still found himself gazing toward the sea in hope to see a ship sailing on the horizon, but not even once did he see anything apart from the endless blue in front of him.  
  
Their first week there was like starting school after kindergarten, Zayn thought. It was like learning everything from the beginning, starting their life from zero. Zayn had no choice but to accept the idea that staying alive was the question of whether they were able to make themselves whatever they needed or not. It was simple like this—if they didn't make sure they had food and water supplies, then their lives here would be shorter than those of the fish they ate. They were forced to be independent, to physically take matters into their own hands. Every day on this island was a little like a survival battle for Zayn-not only in the sense that they had to work hard in order to create themselves manageable living conditions, but also in the sense that Zayn fought with himself every day to be strong, not to crumble, to keep going until the salvation would arrive.  
  
He had to learn how to live with a companion, get to know him, remember he liked, avoid what he didn’t. It was mostly taking care of each other, not eating more than the other, and spending more time together than he had ever dreamt he would with anyone-and that said a lot, given that he used to live with three sisters who were all over him. They were slowly falling into some sort of routine-Zayn would wake up to find Niall’s nest already empty and know that he had gone for a swim. Sometimes Niall would come back later in the mornings with fish and other sea fruit and sometimes they had to eat the coconuts. Zayn was responsible for the cleaning and the washing of the cave and of the tools, for replacing their leaves with new ones, and for filling the water container, while Niall was the one bringing them lunch every time. In the evenings they would sit by the fire and roast leftovers or just talk and chill around; maybe go for a walk. They didn’t really talk about how to divide their labor between them, they just stuck to what they had done since day one.   
  
Niall learned fast enough that Zayn wasn’t coming any near to the water than dipping his feet, so he didn’t bug him to fish sometimes too, but he did try to show Zayn how to gut and clean the fish, and the sight of it was so disgusting that Zayn almost threw up on the spot. He left this to Niall, saying that there was no way that he could do it, that it was way beyond his comfort zone, and Niall let him be.  
  
He was still learning the basics, but he was quite sure that he knew at least theoretically how to build a fire from the time Niall had taught him-just the structure, not lightening it. He tried to see what things around him could be of use. He tried to see if he could create ropes out of the fibers of some plants, improvise some sort of clothing by tying leaves together. Niall pouted at him when he made him wear some handmade leaf skirt when he took their clothes to do the laundry. They didn’t have a washing machine, or a soap, or a deodorant, but that didn’t mean that they couldn’t at least have rather clean clothes without all of the dirt that got attached to them.  
  
Zayn could tell wholeheartedly that it had been an eventful week, and looking back, there were some rather iconic moments:

* * *

  
“Can you place this stone over here?” Niall requested.  
  
“Here?” Zayn asked, making to place it on some spot, but Niall stopped him before he could, and directed him to another spot. “No, _here_.”  
  
“Niall, I don’t think that it’s going to work,” Zayn tried to get him to drop the idea for maybe the fifth time already as he watched Niall placing another few stones to create an upside-down V shape on the beach. The plan was to trap the fish inside of the stone wall when the tide flowed out, but Zayn highly doubted they would catch anything like that. To him, it was simply a waste of time, but Niall insisted that it had to work, because he had seen it in some stupid movie, and had always wanted to try it.  
  
“It wouldn’t hurt to give it a try,” Niall said, a little bit of annoyance accompanying his words.  
  
“We’re doing this instead of getting food, it does harm us,” Zayn pointed out.  
  
“Just continue working, Zayn,” Niall huffed.  
  
“Someone’s being awfully bossy today,” Zayn gibed from where he was standing on the beach and transferring Niall the stones that were destined to create the point of the V that was turned toward the sea.  
  
“Because someone’s being very snarky today,” Niall countered. “You know, we could have finished this ages ago if you hadn’t complained, like, every freaking second.”  
  
“Excuse me?” Zayn scoffed. “I’ve been very nice to you, considering you practically forced me to build this damned wall or whatever with you.”  
  
Niall snorted, and said with his eyes crinkling a bit both because of the strong light of the sun and his crooked smile, “You _very willingly_ agreed to help me if I remember correctly.”  
  
“Yeah, but that was before I knew what you'd planned for us,” Zayn retorted, and yelped when Niall splashed some water on him.  
  
“Did you wake up on your bad side today, Zaynie?”  
  
Zayn grimaced at the pet name, and Niall apparently caught up on it, because he smirked. “Can you add some more stones to that place over here, Zaynie? There are some breaches there.”  
  
Zayn could feel the hair on the back of his neck standing at that nickname, and he demanded rather harshly, “Don’t call me that!”  
  
“Then move that lazy arse of yours and help me,” Niall teased, and Zayn scooped a handful of water from the small waves that were almost reaching his bare feet, and tried to splash it at Niall, but the boy dodged it skillfully. “Nice try.”  
  
“You know what?” Zayn crossed his arms over his chest. “I think that you should show some respect to your elders.”  
  
“My elders?” Niall almost looked puzzled. “You mean you?”  
  
“Obviously. Kids like you should be much more respecting. How even old are you that you think you can boss me around? Sixteen? Seventeen?”  
  
 “If someone here looks seventeen, then it’s you," Niall mocked.  
  
“What are you then?”  
  
“Eighteen, the classic age,” He grinned. “You too?”  
  
“No.” Zayn blinked at him. “I’m nineteen.”  
  
“Then there is almost no gap between us. You see, there is no need to look down on others.”  
  
“You still look young, though,” Zayn concluded.  
  
“What can I say?” Niall shrugged playfully. “I got some good genes. I must say that you look small yourself, what not with your petite frame and all that.”  
  
Zayn gaped at him. Wasn’t it a word to describe a girl?  
  
“Petite?” he repeated. His height was a little under average, but there was no need to exaggerate. Niall wasn’t any higher, for the matter.   
  
“Well, you know what I mean,” Niall made a gesture in which he created some round figure in the air. “Thin and curvy and all that.”  
  
Was Niall joking with him or what? Since when 'curvy' was a word to describe a boy? And it wasn’t that he was thin, he simply was lean. There was a whole lot of difference between the two. He felt that this conversation was going somewhere weird, so he cleared his throat, and said in a practical manner, “Where to place the stones again?"  
  
“In the left line,” Niall had the nerve to smirk. “And can you pass me that big one? Thanks.”

* * *

  
Upon seeing that they had to do something in order to get saved, Zayn drew a big SOS sign on the sand. When Niall saw it, he said that it would be better if they dug a little deeper into the sand, and placed big stones in different colors.  
  
Zayn thought that he was right, and Niall helped him build the letters of the symbol with the stones. It took them maybe two hours, but in the end, when he appreciated their handiwork, he considered it good enough.  
  
The sign was situated over the side of the beach that they didn’t walk much at, as Zayn didn’t feel like being reminded of his problems every time he went to the sea, but what mattered was that it was in an open space where airplanes and ships could see it from a distance.

* * *

  
“Niall, can you stand still?” Zayn called down at him from where he was standing on his shoulders and trying to pluck the coconuts. “You’ve almost dropped me.”  
  
“Don’t worry, I won’t let you fall,” Niall said, and gripped tighter at his calves. “So, how is it going up there?”  
  
Zayn huffed as he still tried to figure out how to get the damn fruit to separate from the stem. “How did you manage to pluck those?”  
  
“I twisted them,” Niall explained.  
  
Zayn did as suggested, and after a few tries, the fruit popped free, and he threw it onto the ground.  
  
“Alright, another few would be great… but you better hurry, because I’m starting to lose the feeling in my shoulders.”  
  
“And here you’ve said that I’m light,” Zayn tsked, throwing another two coconuts onto the ground.  
  
“I mean, you are.” Niall shifted slightly and Zayn made a sound of disapproval. “But everyone has their limits.”  
  
“Five is okay?” Zayn asked.  
  
“Yeah,” Niall said, and crouched down so Zayn could jump down.  
  
When they came back to the shelter, they tried to crack a random coconut from the pile, but it appeared to be the hard type. The knife couldn’t cut through it. They checked all the other four coconuts, only to find out that they all were hard.  
  
“We chose a tree with mature ones,” Niall groaned. “I told you that I had a bad feeling about that dark color.”  
  
“But it’s better, isn’t it? More food than in those young ones.”  
  
“It will take us hours to open them,” Niall explained. “We don’t have tools for that. You don’t actually expect we try to crack it with a rock, right?”  
  
“Why not?” Zayn placed one coconut on the ground, and raised a rock in order to throw it onto the husk. There was a loud thump, but apart from that, no damage was done to the coconut except for a little scratch.  
  
“Told you…” Niall said.  
  
Zayn was stubborn, though, and kept repeatedly throwing the rock onto the coconut until it hit the head of the husk, and broke it at last.  
  
“See? I think the trick is hitting it at the top,” Zayn smirked triumphantly before removing the rest of the husk with his hands. He couldn’t help but think how little the actual fruit was compared to the big and wide husk. He threw the husk to the side and searched for the shell’s three holes- two eyes and a mouth, just like his dad did at home, and brushed his thumb over the line between the eyes. “We need to hit it over here. A sharp edge of a stone will do.”  
  
“Ok,” Niall said, and took the coconut out of Zayn’s grasp, and angled it against a sharp corner of a stone, before hitting it.  
  
It opened with a crack right in the middle, and some of the fluid poured out. Niall carefully separated it the rest of the way with his hands, and poured some of the water into the other half so it would be equal.  
  
“Cheers,” he said, and handed Zayn the other part.  
  
In the end, deciding that they needed a better way to open the coconuts, Zayn spent the evening sharpening a stone with the multi-tool, and tied it to a strong piece of wood with a rope from the survival kit, and improvised some kind of a hammer.

* * *

  
 “What are you doing?” Zayn asked when he returned with a fresh pile of leaves for their beds.  
  
“What does it look like to you?” Niall looked up at him from where he was sitting on a stone against a tree.  
  
“I’m not sure,” Zayn examined the object Niall was holding in his hands. It looked like a mix of sticks and vines and coconut husk. “Err…”  
  
“It’s a fishing rod,” Niall sighed, and placed the unfinished tool on the ground. “It’s horrible, I know. It’s like the third time I try to make the bloody thing! God, why can’t I do it right?”  
  
“I’ll come and help you in a moment,” Zayn said, and went inside to put the leaves on the floor of the cave, before returning back to Niall. “Let me see it.”  
  
He took the object into his hands, and said, “It doesn’t look too bad to me. I can’t say that it resembles a fishing rod very much, but I think that the root of the problem is in the rope.” He disentangled the tie that Niall had made, returned the stick to him, and sat down in front of him on the ground. “Why didn’t you use the rope from the kit?”  
  
“It’s too short,” Niall explained. He looked hopeless.  
  
“Ok,” Zayn said gently. “You see those thin fibers?” He showed Niall the coconut husk, and he nodded. “You need to pull a small amount and then twist it to make them form a line, you see?” Niall nodded again. “You pull, and then twist it, and as you see, it already resembles a thin thread. Then you bend it in half, and twist one under the other, and continue doing this until it looks a little like a braid, to make it stronger.”  
  
“How did you learn to do this?” Niall looked at him incredulously.  
  
“I just had a bunch of time to play with that fiber yesterday,” Zayn shrugged.  
  
“Wow, Zayn, I’m impressed.” Niall shifted so he was hugging his knees. “You’re a natural.”  
  
Zayn waved him off, because he had never really known how to receive compliments, and they mostly made him uncomfortable.  
  
He showed Niall how to tie separated parts of fiber together, and Niall watched with intent the whole time, and when Zayn felt Niall’s eyes on his face a tad too long, he looked up to see that there was a glint in Niall’s eyes.  
  
“Yeah, continue, I’m listening,” Niall smiled softly, and Zayn shook his head, biting back a smile, because Niall was sometimes a real dork, before resuming to teach him.

* * *

  
 Zayn frowned upon seeing one evening an empty coconut shell filled with little round shapes over the fire.  
  
“Niall, what is it?” Zayn asked the blonde boy who was using a stick to stir what Zayn realized by now were sea creatures.  
  
“What?” He looked confused for a moment, before nodding toward the bowl. “Oh, you mean these? They are mollusks. They should be edible once cooked.”  
  
“Err, Niall,” Zayn tried to find the right words. “You sure about this?”  
  
“I knew you would have a problem with it,” Niall laughed. “Try to taste it, though. We can’t live just on fish, it’s not healthy.”  
  
“But… Come on, Niall, we can’t actually eat snails.”  
  
“I didn’t bring anything else, so you’ll have to do with it,” Niall said in his calm way. “You said the same thing about the seaweed, but you happened to quite love it in the end.”  
  
“There is a whole hell of a difference between some grass and snails,” Zayn remarked. “I think that I’ll pass evening today.”  
  
Niall sighed, and stood up to pull Zayn to sit on a rock next to him, “It will be ready soon. Give it only a little bite, okay? If you don’t like it, I won’t cook it anymore.”  
  
“Fine,” Zayn gave in.  
  
As promised, he did taste it, and Niall laughed so hard at his grimace that he doubled over.  
  
Somewhere in between Zayn spitting the jelly substance, and him desperately drinking water in order to get rid of the taste, he noticed some twitch in Niall’s cheek that he had never seen before.  
  
Niall had a freaking little dimple on his left cheek.

* * *

  
Zayn used a limestone to sketch a calendar on the cave’s wall so they could be up to date with the time, and Niall doodled some smilies in random places, and showed Zayn one doodled square on the September board, and said, “It’s my birthday. September the 13th. When’s yours?”

“Mine is on January the 12th,” he said. He didn’t draw the months after September yet. He hoped he wouldn’t need to…  
  
“You know, it could be nice if we decorated the whole cave with drawings… would’ve brought some light to those boring stones.”  
  
“I have only a white color…” Zayn said. “But maybe we can find a way to produce more colors…”  
  
“If I find something, I’ll let you know.”

* * *

  
Niall had some sort of fascination with trying to make stews. He filled the coconut bowls with stream water before putting in each heated stones to make the water boil, and then started the whole procedure of throwing into the bowls parts of fish, and seaweed, while Zayn watched from the side with horror.  
  
“You look like I’m making you a poison, Zayn,” Niall remarked from where he was mixing everything together.  
  
“Well, aren’t you?” Zayn only half-joked.  
  
“Stop being a prat and pass me some of the salt,” Niall ordered, and Zayn passed him the bowl with the salt they had produced earlier from the seawater by boiling it until everything evaporated. “Besides, it’s you who complains all the time that we eat only fish. So, here I’m making you a soup.”  
  
“Wow, Niall, how thoughtful of you,” Zayn said sarcastically. “Seriously, though, I swear that when I get out of here, I won’t eat a fish till I die."  
  
“This is what you say now, but I know that you secretly love all that sea fruit,” Niall said, and chuckled when Zayn pretended to gag. He used the stick to remove the stones, wrapped the bowls with leaves so they wouldn’t be hot to the touch, and passed one to Zayn, before adding. “It’s not like you have many options around here. The only other thing I can think of is bugs.”  
  
“I wouldn’t eat bugs even if my life depended on it,” Zayn clarified, and blew cold air on his soup. He was hungry, and it smelled quite good, actually.  
  
“Really? I put some bugs in the soup to give it a crispy taste,” Niall said just as Zayn took a sip.  
  
Zayn spit out immediately after that, and glared warily at Niall who was giggling behind his own bowl.  
  
“I was just joking,” he grinned. “Don’t worry, no bugs in soups, I can reassure you.”  
  
Zayn looked hesitantly at his soup. “I think that I lost my appetite.”  
  
“Awe, Zaynie, come on,” Niall cooed at him. “Eat up.”  
  
And Zayn did.

* * *

  
Thinking back, Zayn couldn’t believe that he had actually managed to survive on this island for a whole week. He watched as Niall sleepily got into his nest, and covered himself with the covers.  
  
“Hey, Zayn,” He called into the dark.  
  
“Hmm?” Zayn hummed from where he was lying in his own improvised bed.  
  
“Can I ask you something?”  
  
“Yeah, sure,” Zayn said, momentarily closing his eyes.  
  
He could hear Niall shuffling, and then his voice sounded much louder when he said, “Gosh, the damn blanket,” as though he was now near Zayn rather than a dozen feet away.  
  
“Niall, what did I tell you about space?”  
  
“Only for a few minutes,” Niall huffed, and Zayn opened his eyes to see his cat-like eyes blazing in the darkness. “So... What’s the deal with you and water?”  
  
Zayn sighed, and turned to face him completely. He didn’t like to talk about this, but he guessed that it was about time he told him.  
  
“I don’t like open waters…” he explained quietly, his eyelashes covering his eyes. “It’s some kind of a phobia some people have… I don’t know how to swim, either.”  
  
He half expected Niall to make fun of him, but to his relief, he didn’t sound accusing or teasing at all when he asked, “Have you gone through some accident?” His tone was more curious than anything.   
  
“No… nothing like that. I’ve been like that for as long as I can remember. It doesn’t really bother me or something most of the time, but I do avoid getting into water and all that…”  
  
“How did you go to that cruise if you’re afraid of water so much?”

“I don’t know…” Zayn said honestly. “It’s just that I guess I’m fine as long as I’m above the sea and not in it.”  
  
“You almost—“ He sounded hesitant. “You almost drowned… Are you…”  
  
“No, I’m not traumatized from that. I've told you already... I blacked out fast enough to remember much… All I mostly recall is a blur.”  
  
“Were you scared?” Niall whispered.  
  
Zayn bit his lip, before replying, “Yeah… As they say, I saw my whole life before my eyes.”  
  
It was quiet after that, when something suddenly occurred to him. "Why are you asking?”  
  
“Ah? No reason.” Niall had that edge to his tone that made Zayn frown.  
  
“What are you plotting there, Niall?” Zayn squinted his eyes.  
  
“Nothing!” Niall said, and buried himself in the blanket up to his chin.  
  
“Niall, I’m warning you…”  
  
“Chill, Zayn, I’m not going to throw you into the water if this is what you think.”  
  
“—Niall,” Zayn said rather sharply. “Seriously…”  
  
“Though, now that I think about that, it means that I can swim away, and leave you here all alone.”  
  
“You wouldn’t,” Zayn said calmly.  
  
“What if I do?” Niall teased.  
  
Zayn knew he shouldn’t have told him. That little clown. That was exactly the reason why Zayn didn’t want to tell it to Niall days ago, when he said something that hit Zayn close to home-to his fear of water.  
  
“Then do whatever you want,” Zayn grumbled and turned away from him.  
  
“You’re no fun,” Niall said, and pulled a hand out of the space blanket to poke him right at the back.  
  
“Stop it,” Zayn said when Niall continued stabbing his finger at him.  
  
“Then look at me when I’m talking to you,” Niall whined.  
  
“I want to sleep,” Zayn dismissed him.  
  
Suddenly he felt Niall’s presence right at his back, and he gasped when he realized that Niall was trying to get into his bed.  
  
“Go away,” Zayn moved a hand back to push him away, but Niall wrapped a hand around his waist and pulled him into him in spite.  
  
“But your place is way more comfortable than mine.” Zayn could hear Niall’s pout, and feel his breath against the back of his neck.  
  
“Well, it’s not my problem,” Zayn said and removed Niall’s hand from around his middle, before turning to look at him again, moving a little back to create some space between them. “Come on, Niall, what’s the deal?”  
  
“You’re rude, that’s the deal.”  
  
“It’s not me climbing into beds that aren’t mine, is it?”  
  
“Yeah, but you’re always shutting me out.”  
  
“That’s because you’re invading my personal space,” Zayn pointed out.  
  
“Fine,” Niall said, and returned to his pile of leaves that was maybe two feet away from Zayn’s now. “But I’m staying here.”  
  
“Suit yourself,” Zayn murmured, too tired to fight him off, a yawn making its way past his lips.  
  
Zayn was right on the verge of sleep, when Niall said, “Zayn—“  
  
“Shhh…” Zayn scolded him. “Certain people are sleeping.”  
  
“I just wanted to ask if you’ll come with me tomorrow.”  
  
“Where?” Zayn slurred.  
  
“Somewhere I found. I want to show it to you.”  
  
“What is it?”  
  
“You’ll see.”  
  
“I don’t like surprises,” Zayn yawned again.  
  
“But will you?”  
  
“If you keep bugging me, I won’t,” Zayn threatened.  
  
Niall muttered something under his breath that Zayn couldn’t catch, but then he asked again, “Seriously, Zayn, will you?”  
  
“Ok. Good night.”  
  
“Sleep well, Zaynie.”  
  
“I told you not to call me that!”  
  
“Okay, Zaynie.”  
  
“Niall, I swear to God that—“  
  
Niall’s giggle cut him off, and he stroked his fingertips over Zayn’s arm, the only place he could reach, and Zayn sighed before closing his eyes.  
  
_God, have mercy.  
_


	6. Chapter 6

It was afternoon when the tide started to flow out, and Zayn went to the stone wall to check it for fish. He already expected to find there nothing but seaweed again, as happened every single time since they had built it, but Niall still believed that it would work eventually. And yet once again, the only thing that had got caught there was an old seaweed that they didn’t eat in such a bad condition anyway.  
  
Maybe the fish were too smart, maybe they didn’t study the tides well enough, and maybe they simply weren’t lucky. Either way, it meant that they had to do with roasted seaweed and coconuts this evening again. How nice.  
  
“Zayn!” he heard Niall calling for him, and he turned around to see the blonde boy making his way toward him. “I’ve been searching for you for a while now…”  
  
“Really? Just went for a walk, and checked on my way back how those useless stones were doing.”  
  
“Still no fish?” Niall asked, only a few feet away from him now.  
  
“Nothing, not that I’m surprised.” Zayn shrugged.  
  
“That’s a pity,” Niall said, though his words didn’t quite reach his face. If anything, he looked quite thoughtful for a moment, almost hesitant, before he added, “You remember I asked you to come with me somewhere today?”  
  
“Well?” Zayn cocked his head to the side slightly.  
  
“So, I thought we could go, like, now…?” he asked hopefully.   
  
“Alright, I don’t have anything better to do, anyway,” Zayn said.  
  
Niall smiled, and led them down some path Zayn had never taken before. He had almost completely forgotten he had promised Niall he would come with him to someplace today.  
  
“Are you gonna tell me where we’re going now that I’m coming with you?”  
  
“No,” Niall replied softly, though Zayn caught a tad teasing edge to his voice, too. “I told you already that you’ll see.”  
  
“What is so special about that place, Niall? Should I be worried?”  
  
“You’ll understand when we get there,” Niall said easily. “And why would you be worried? I’m taking you somewhere nice.”  
  
“Can you give me at least a hint?” Zayn tried to find some other way to pry.  
  
“I don’t think that I want to,” Niall stuck his tongue out at him, and directed him to the right. “It’s quite close, though, so you wouldn’t have to wait too long to find out.”  
  
“It’s just that I have this weird feeling that you’re not telling me because you think I wouldn’t come otherwise,” Zayn voiced his suspicions.  
  
“Umm… Something like that,” Niall laughed.  
  
Zayn stopped in his tracks, and Niall realized that only a few moments later when he turned around to see Zayn standing still and eyeing him rather warily.  
  
“If this is another one of your jokes, Niall,” Zayn had a warning edge to his tone, “then it’s not fucking funny, ok?”  
  
“It’s not. I promise,” Niall gave him his word.  
  
Zayn wasn’t very convinced, but he sighed, and moved forward again. “I have no idea why I’m cooperating.”  
  
“Because you’re bored and curious to see what all the mystery is about.”  
  
“Mystery?” Zayn sneered. “You quite turned it into a big deal there.”  
  
“Maybe,” Niall had the dignity to smile sheepishly.  
  
Zayn recognized their destination before they had even reached it, and before Niall had a chance to announce they had arrived. There, even from a distance, he could see the round and stiff edges of a cave that was rising above the bushes and some of the trees. It was mainly grey, but a little brown too in some areas, and seemed wide and spacious under the vines that circled it and hid the thick walls from view. He knew that that must be the place Niall was referring to, though he genuinely couldn’t understand what all the fuss was about. It was just a cave. They already lived in one. Perhaps Niall wanted to move?  
  
“You wanted to show me this cave?” Zayn asked, trying not to let the disappointment reach his voice. from the way Niall talked about it-all the secrecy and the awe in his voice, you could’ve thought that it was one of the world’s wonders.  
  
“Not the cave, but what’s inside,” Niall corrected him.  
  
“There better be some gold or diamonds, so at least we could get out of here rich.”  
  
“You wish,” Niall rolled his eyes, and bit back a grin.  
  
The ground that was surrounding the entrance to the cave was muddy, and a narrow and shallow channel that wasn’t filled with water, but still was quite moist, curled from the side of the entrance and disappeared into the woods. Zayn knew that there should be a water source nearby.  
  
When they reached the opening, Niall stretched out his hand, and said in a formal tone, “After you.”  
  
Zayn repressed the urge to roll his eyes, and went cautiously inside, looking up at the high stone walls that were partly covered by greenery as well, and when he looked forward, he blinked a few times to be sure that what he saw was true. There, in the very center, stood the very heaven itself. A gemstone turquoise spring was spread out over the surface, its waters clear and pure, and illuminated by the sunrays that were sneaking through the round gap at the top of the cave. The shadows the high and the thick walls of the cave cast upon the stony ground only made this paradise stand out even more, made it look like it was actually gleaming. If there only were a rainbow in the middle of it all, Zayn would be sold that magic actually existed.  
  
For a few moments, all Zayn could do was stand there and stare, taking in as much as he could. It was literally too pretty to be true. If someone asked him how he would describe the word ‘beautiful’, he would show them this place, because there was no other way to describe it. It looked isolated and peaceful, like a secret that had been kept on this island since forever. Was it possible that they had the honor to be the first human beings to find this place?  
  
He turned back to face Niall, who was already smiling at him.  
  
“Beautiful, isn’t it?” he stated more than he asked, nodding toward the water.  
  
“It is,” Zayn agreed, looking around himself. “When did you find it?”  
  
“Yesterday, when you refused to accompany me for a walk, and I had to wander around the place all by myself,” Niall griped, voice tinged with bitterness.  
  
“I told you I was too tired for that,” Zayn defended himself, his voice echoing between the dull walls. "But yes, it's pretty here."  
  
He watched as Niall stepped forward to kneel at the bank of the spring, dipping his hand inside.  
  
“You’ve seen nothing,” he said. “Feel the water.”  
  
Zayn arched a brow, and walked over, before crouching down in order to skim his fingertips over the deep fluid, and… Oh. The water was warm, hot even. Now that he watched more closely, he could see a faint steam emerging out of the smooth liquid, and floating higher, integrating with the dusty sunrays. He dared to venture his hand a little farther inside, reveling in the warmth that was enveloping it.  
  
“It’s hot,” he said, a little dumbly so, though he couldn’t bring himself to muster anything else. He was too enchanted by the silky caresses of the fluid against his hand.  
  
Niall hummed. “Yeah, it’s a hot spring. I couldn’t believe my luck when I found it. I just had to show it to you.”  
  
Zayn almost chuckled, but the laughter died in his throat before the sound could escape. He tensed, and withdrew his hand out rather jerkily. “Niall…” something in his brain clicked. “Is this why you asked me last night about my aquaphobia?”  
  
“Umm… I asked out of curiosity, actually, but I guess that it was part of the reason, too…” he admitted quietly.  
  
Zayn abruptly stood up.  
  
“No.” His voice came out every bit rigid as he felt, but a lot stiffer than he had intended to sound.  
  
Niall looked completely taken aback, and he stood up too.  
  
“No what?” He furrowed his eyebrows, looking confused.  
  
“I’m not getting into the water.” Zayn’s voice was stern, leaving no place for a doubt. “Everything makes sense now. You’ve brought me here in hopes that I’ll try to get into the water. This is why you wanted to know what my problem with the water was. This is why you didn’t tell me where you were taking me.”  
  
“Zayn—“ he tried to get a few words in, but Zayn wasn’t done talking.  
  
“Are you serious with me? I just told you that I don’t like open waters, and you expect me to just go on and jump into the damned spring? I’m not dumb, Niall, just be honest with me.”  
  
“Ok, Zayn,” Niall sighed. “Maybe there is some truth in what you say… But I literally just wanted to show this place to you. I didn’t bring you here with the intention of you getting into the water.”  
  
“Oh, really?” Zayn looked dubious.  
  
“Yes,” Niall pressed in. “It’s not like I’m in the place or the position to tell you what to do. It’s completely your business whether you get into the water or not—“  
  
“—if you didn’t get it fucking right,” Zayn cut in.  
  
“But,” he seemed to struggle with his wording. “Zayn, look, you’re literally surrounded by miles upon miles of water. And the idea actually did cross my mind. And before you say something, I don’t—I don’t expect you to go along with it. I know it’s a sensitive subject for you…”  
  
“At least you admitted that it was your plan all along,” Zayn said bitterly, and Niall sighed in exasperation.  
  
“Zayn, it’s just really important that you’ll learn to tolerate water.”  
  
“I do tolerate water,” Zayn argued. “As long as I don’t need to get inside.”  
  
“Come on, Zayn, you can’t stay away from water forever, can you?”  
  
“Well, I’ve done it for nineteen years. I’m pretty sure I can.”  
  
“Isn’t it a good thing that you’ll try to get rid of that fear?” Niall’s voice was gentle, careful. “It’s quite essential that you’ll have some clue as to how to deal with water.”  
  
“You know what?” Zayn started to lose his patience. “I regret telling you about it at all. The idea that you’ll try to make me never crossed my mind. Just… how even dare you. It’s none of your business. Mind your own things!”  
  
Niall rolled his eyes, and said a little more forcefully, “You’ll have to learn someday how to swim, you know.”  
  
“No,” Zayn fisted his hands. “Just… no.”  
  
Niall took a step in his direction. “Just give it a try. I mean, you don’t have to start off jumping into the water, but we can go slow, as slow as you need.”  
  
“No,” Zayn shook his head, backing a bit away. “What don’t you understand? There is no fucking way I will do it.”  
  
“Why?” Niall demanded to know. “It’s not like it’s a thing that you can’t overcome. You just need—“  
  
“—Niall, look,” Zayn tried to explain himself. “Everyone, or almost everyone has some kind of a fear in a certain amount. I’m sure that you have things that you try to avoid yourself by one reason or another, and imagine to yourself how you would feel if someone tried to make you go against your better judgment.”  
  
“But I’m not trying to make you, don’t you even listen to me? It’s completely your decision. But, seriously, let’s face the truth-you need to learn how to swim.”  
  
“Many people tried to get me to do it before. What makes you think that you’ll succeed?”  
  
“Because we’re completely alone here, and I have plenty of time to convince you. And besides, I love challenges. And you’re a one big challenge, Malik.”  
  
That little bastard. He was quite crossing the lines here. He barely even recalled slurring his last name to him one drowsy night when Niall dug for more details about him.   
  
“Then try to convince me as much as you want,” Zayn folded his arms over his chest. “I don’t see where it’s going to get you.”  
  
“Gosh, Zayn, you’re so stubborn!”  
  
“And so you are,” Zayn retorted. “Just drop it.”  
  
“Just give it a try.”  
  
“You wish.” Zayn looked anywhere but at Niall.  
  
“Zayn, you can’t go a week without a shower!”  
  
“I would have washed if I’d had a shower.”  
  
“But you don’t!” Niall pointed out. “Zayn, let’s be truthful - you stink.”  
  
_Ouch._  
  
“You too.” Zayn hugged his arms closer to himself, growing self-conscious.  
  
“I smell like the sea,” Niall protested.  
  
“Yeah, but it reeks, you know. Too much seaweed and salt.”  
  
“Well, excuse me, mister not-getting-into-the-water-no-matter-what, I, unlike you, at least wash sometimes.”  
  
“I do wash my face,” Zayn argued feebly, sounding pathetic even to himself.  
  
“Seriously, though, Zayn, isn’t looking at this spring makes you feel all giddy inside?” Niall asked. Yeah, it did make him feel giddy, but not in the way Niall thought. “I mean, have you ever seen water that was this inviting? It’s so _clean_ and _warm_ , and possibly _full of_ _minerals_.”  
  
“Niall, stop it,” Zayn said, because it did sound good. Too good. And only God knew how he died to have a proper shower, with hot water running down his torn and raw body, soothing his sore muscles, but he couldn’t-he couldn’t do it.  
  
“I know that you want to,” Niall’s smirk grew bigger.  
  
“Umm…” Zayn slowly started to step back, because he felt that if he stayed here, he might do something stupid. “I think that maybe I’ll return here later on…”  
  
Niall took a hold of his wrist before he could go far, though.  
  
“Come on, Niall, you said you wouldn’t actually make me.”  
  
“I wouldn’t make you get into the water, but please, Zayn,” he nearly begged at this point. “Just stay here… We can just talk.”  
  
“That’s all?” Zayn raised his eyebrows.  
  
Niall nodded. “Even if you don’t want to enter the water, this place is still nice. Just, come on.” He pulled Zayn after him and back to the bank of the spring, and gestured for him to sit right next to him.  
  
Zayn sighed, and sat down, retreating his hand to cup his face in frustration. He had no idea where it was going anymore. He watched as Niall took his shoes and socks off, and dipped his legs in the water with a contented sigh.  
  
“It’s really good,” he said. “You should try it.”  
  
Zayn rolled his eyes, and made no move to do so. He didn’t have a problem to dip in just his legs, but he felt quite the rebel now.  
  
“Niall—“ he said after a little pause. “It’s not that I don’t want to… I just… I can’t.”  
  
“Where there is a will, there is a way,” Niall sang the famous quote. “Is it okay to just talk about it, though?”  
  
“I guess…” Zayn lowered a hand to fiddle with the hem of his shirt. It already wasn’t in a good shape. There were some stains that didn’t come off, and the color started to fade.  
  
“OK, that’s good,” Niall knocked their shoulders together. “I just would like to know more about… You know.”  
  
“What do you exactly want to know?”  
  
“Have you ever gotten into the water? I mean, before you fell into the ocean.”  
  
“I didn’t fall,” Zayn made a face. “I jumped.”  
  
“You… jumped?” Niall looked surprised. “That’s odd. I mean, how come you jumped and your father stayed aboard, shouting for help? I got the impression it was an accident or something.”  
  
“It was,” Zayn admitted, cheeks flaming a bit as he remembered it. He looked to the side so Niall wouldn’t notice. “We were supposed to jump together, and Dad counted back from three, but instead of saying ‘one’, he said ‘wait’, and I realized it too late…”  
  
“Ohh…” Niall’s voice was soft and sympathetic. “It sucks. Don’t feel bad, though. Everyone makes not the best decisions when under stress. And that disaster was quite the stress. What do you reckon he told you to wait for?”  
  
“I don’t know,” Zayn bit his lip. “It kills me to think that if I hadn’t been that impulsive, I might’ve been now with him, with everyone… Why am I so stupid?”  
  
“You’re not…” Niall tried, but Zayn wasn’t having this. He had too much venom inside that he had to get out of his system.  
  
“I am, though,” Zayn hugged his knees close to his chest. “I’m here because of a series of mistakes I’ve made. The first one was going on that cruise, the second one was wearing the broken lifejacket, and the third-jumping like that. Just… it’s so fucking stupid. I could’ve prevented this… all of this, but I didn’t.”  
  
“You didn’t know,” Niall pointed out. “Things like that just happen… We don’t have control over everything. It would not lead you anywhere if you keet mulling over all the things you should’ve done differently.”  
  
“Maybe you’re right,” Zayn mused it over. “But I really wish I could go back and change it all…”  
  
“But you can’t,” Niall brought him back to the reality. “You can’t go back. This is your life now. You have to learn to accept it.”  
  
 “I don’t like it now…” Zayn found himself saying.   
  
“Well, aren’t you your usual whiny self again…” Niall taunted, and Zayn huffed in annoyance.   
  
He looked to the side to see Niall completely absorbed in the spring, his legs swinging in the water. Zayn wondered how deep it was.  
  
“I’m not…” he protested.  
  
“Yeah, you quite are the complainer,” Niall went on, and giggled when Zayn gave him a light push. “We digressed a little from our topic, though, and you still didn’t answer my question.”  
  
“What did you ask, again?”  
  
“If you ever entered the water before the cruise.”  
  
“I once fell into a pool while being in a summer camp if it counts. A boy pushed me by accident. I keep my distance from pools ever since,” Zayn mumbled.  
  
“Oh, that's quite harsh... What is it like, though, to you…? When you get into the water, like. If it’s okay to ask, of course.”  
  
“I just feel like I have no control over my body.” Zayn shivered at the still raw memory. “It’s like I’m frozen in place… I just, I just don’t like the feeling of the water around me. It feels like it’s strangling me. I literally can’t function. I can barely think. It’s like the fear paralyzes me…”  
  
“You need to learn to control it, then,” Niall said. “You need to understand that the water wouldn’t harm you.”  
  
“I know that theoretically.” Zayn looked at the clear water. “I know that technically I should be alright, but the thought alone about getting into water makes me anxious.”  
  
“Are you afraid of drowning?” Niall asked carefully.  
  
Zayn gulped. “…Yeah. But not only that, I just prefer it more when my legs are on the ground, and I’m not wrapped in some immobilizing liquid.”  
  
“You do understand that you need to learn how to swim, right?”  
  
He nodded reluctantly.  
  
“It’s just that… You could’ve drowned, Zayn” Niall forced the words out, and Zayn barely suppressed a shiver. “You can’t let something like that happen again.”  
  
“I won’t,” Zayn rasped weakly. “Niall— I know where you’re going with it, but, I don’t think that I’m ready for that…”  
  
“But, do you think that you’ll be willing to try?” When it was silent for a few moments, he added, “Not today, I mean. Like, in general.”  
  
“I don’t know,” Zayn said honestly.  
  
“Ok,” Niall’s voice was calm and reassuring. “Will you come here with me again?”  
  
Zayn wanted to say no, but a part of him knew that Niall wasn’t going to let this one go down so easily, so he just did some gesture that was half a nod, half a shake, not really sure what he meant himself.  
  
Niall didn’t seem to dwell on that, though, and he said, “Let’s go make dinner.”

* * *

  
“Are you here to make sure I wouldn’t fall or to laugh at me?” Niall asked the next morning.  
  
“Umm… Both?” Zayn stated it as a question. Well, you couldn’t blame him. Watching Niall trying to climb that coconut tree was quite the show.  
  
Niall looked down at him with an expression that resembled a pout, before returning his gaze to the palm, and lifting both his feet up at the same time, and curling the toes against the bark. He said that it was easier being barefoot. He was currently maybe 5 feet above the ground, which was quite impressive, considering he caught up with how he was supposed to do it in less than two weeks. The trick was, as he had explained to him, to curl the hands around the trunk, and lift the feet up simultaneously before lifting the hands. He was still slow, still learning, but he was actually doing it.  
  
The tree wasn’t very high, maybe 10 feet overall, and Niall already was edging closer and closer to the top. Zayn watched in disbelief, and he was proud of him, as well.  
  
“Almost there…” he gasped.  
  
“Only a little more, come on, Niall,” Zayn encouraged him.  
  
No longer than ten seconds later, Niall actually made it to the top. This kid was definitely talented.  
  
“Yes!” he said in excitement, but then, when he tried to reach the actual fruit, he suddenly faltered, and Zayn all but leapt in case that… Luckily, Niall caught his footing fast enough, and braced himself more comfortably on the tree, before twisting a coconut, and telling Zayn to move from the way so it wouldn’t hit him.  
  
After five coconuts were lying on the ground, Niall carefully slid down.  
  
“Are you a monkey?” Zayn watched him incredulously.  
  
“Probably,” Niall laughed, eyes crinkling a little at the corners.

* * *

  
Niall entered the cave that evening with several fish inside of a leaf bag Zayn had interwoven earlier, saying that he found them lying dead inside of the stone wall.  
  
“They probably were sick or old or something,” Zayn said. “Like all the other things that get stuck in there.”  
  
“Yeah?” Niall took out the knife from the kit. “Does it mean that you’re not eating dinner today? Well, you know what it means, more food for me.”  
  
“Hey,” Zayn said. “Don’t be a prat.”  
  
“Stop being so picky about your food, then. Those fish are perfectly fine.”  
  
“Okay, whatever, it’s just odd that we managed to catch something.”  
  
“I told you that it would work eventually.” Niall looked smug. “You see, you should listen to me more often.”  
  
“I’m telling you that we were just lucky today. Fell on some unfortunate fish that apparently were stupid enough.”  
  
“And I’m telling you that you’d be surprised how many fish we’ll catch this way."  
  
And with that Niall went out.

* * *

  
After Niall had said that he stunk, Zayn spent a great time splashing stream water over himself, hoping that it was good enough.

* * *

  
Zayn woke up a few days later to see, like usual, Niall’s nest empty and in a mess. He slowly blinked the sleep out of his eyes, before sitting up, and just staying in the same position for a couple of minutes to get his brain to function a bit better. He made up both their beds, and went out with his arms hugging his chest, as it was quite chilly this morning. He didn’t understand how Niall could get into the sea in a weather like that.  
  
He made his way to the beach, and sat down on the oddly not sun-warmed sand, before glancing at the sky, and noticing that it was quite cloudy and grey today. It was absurd how the hot weather changed into this gloomy atmosphere overnight. Looking at the sea that was in the color of the sky, he could see Niall swimming there, seemingly unbothered by the chill. He waved at Zayn when he noticed him, and swam back to the shore.  
  
Niall started to shiver as soon as he got out of the water, his teeth clattering. Zayn sighed, and lifted a wide leaf that was lying nearby, and wrapped it around Niall’s trembling frame when he reached him.  
  
“It’s quite cold today,” he said as an afterthought.  
  
“Who goes swimming in such a weather, silly?” Zayn shook his head.  
  
“I thought it was chilly because it was morning, you know. The water is fine, too. But, it’s really starting to get cold now.”  
  
“It looks like it’s going to rain soon,” Zayn said thoughtfully, glaring warily up at the sky as Niall hastily dried himself off and put his shorts and shirt back on.  
  
“Yeah…” Niall murmured. “I hope that it wouldn’t catch us.”  
  
The sky started to brighten a little as the day progressed, so it caught Zayn quite by surprise when a single drop fell on his forehead while they were eating lunch. He looked up at the sky, and almost gasped when he saw the storm that was approaching from the sea. The clouds were dark grey and massive looking.   
  
“I guess that it started to trickle.” Niall wiped at his eye, apparently the place where a drop had hit him.  
  
“Let’s go insi—“ a thunder cut him off, and they exchanged looks of terror. Zayn’s attention was brought back to the fire when he heard a hissing sound from where a droplet fell into it. “Wait, What with the fire?”  
  
“I don’t know if we can transfer it to the cave,” Niall said. “The stones might crash us if exposed to heat. Didn’t you hear the stories about the people who started a fire in a cave and died?”  
  
“No…”  
  
“I don’t know if it's even worth trying. We might find ourselves without a shelter, let alone living to tell,” he said while gathering all the tools that were scattered around, and Zayn scrambled to help him. “We’ll finish eating inside already,” he placed the remaining food in a bowl.  
  
“Okay,” Zayn said, and they went inside before the rain intensified.   
  
After they were done eating, with the roaring and the rumbling of the thunders in the background, they both went to the far side of the cave, where it seemed less likely for the wind to reach them, the blankets wrapped around them securely. The sound of the streaming rain filled then the silence, as it clashed with the ground, and the stones, and the trees. An occasional breeze would sneak into the cave and cause the hair at the back of Zayn’s neck stand. He suddenly didn’t like anymore that the entrance was spacious and wide. It was more of a disadvantage in a weather like that, when he just wished that the cave would close itself and separate them from the raging storm outside.  
  
“We need to build a door,” Niall said as though he could read his thoughts. “Why didn’t we think about it before? We should’ve predicted that we’d need it.”  
  
“Why didn’t you build a door, Niall?” Zayn scolded him in jest, because he didn’t want to take the blame on himself.  
  
“You’re the one spending most of his time in here.” Niall rolled his eyes. “You should’ve built it.”  
  
“The rain is getting stronger,” Zayn sighed, changing the topic, and leaned back against the wall only to realize that it was icy cold and backed away.  
  
“It is,” Niall nodded, moving a little around so he was facing Zayn’s profile. “Maybe we’ll have to spend here the whole day.”  
  
“Maybe we’ll have to spend here the whole week,” Zayn curled in on himself, desperate to prevent the heat from escaping his body. “At this rate, I don’t think that the rain will stop anytime soon.”  
  
Niall hummed, and cradled his face in his hands.  
  
It was quiet for a while, as quiet as it could be with the rain pouring outside, and they both stayed in place, deep in their thoughts. A few times a lightning flashed against the walls, and illuminated the side of Niall’s face, and other times Zayn heard the trees swaying to the whistles of the wind outside. It was growing colder by the moment, and Zayn hugged the blanket closer to himself, placing his arms on his knees, and his head on top of them.  
  
“It’s so boring in here,” Niall moaned, and Zayn turned his head so his cheek was pressed against his forearm to look at him.  
  
“Then busy yourself with something,” Zayn suggested.  
  
“There is literally nothing to do,” Niall complained. “Maybe you can talk about something to take our minds off all of this?”  
  
“What do you want me to tell you?”  
  
“Anything that comes to your mind… Something I don’t know about you. Like, you can talk about your friends, your school, your home—“  
  
Zayn tensed at the mention of the place he wanted to be at most of all.  
  
“—Sorry,” Niall piped in. “I shouldn’t have brought it up…”  
  
“No, it’s okay. I can talk about it…” Zayn straightened up.  
  
“So…” Niall started, and fell silent, waiting for Zayn to talk.  
  
“Um… I study, I mean, used to study English at the University of Bradford,” Zayn stammered out, not really knowing what to say.  
  
“Sounds fancy,” Niall noted.  
  
“It’s okay,” Zayn said.  
  
“Do you have your own flat, or do you…?”  
  
“No, I live with my family... I’m saving for a flat, though. I have plans for moving in with my best mate next year. His name’s Liam,” Zayn’s lips curved up a little. He missed his dopey smile, and warm eyes, and even warmer hugs. “We’ve been friends since elementary school, and we’re kind of a group, me, him, and other two boys.”  
  
“Sounds nice,” Niall leaned his cheek against his fist. "You have your own little gang."

That made Zayn chuckle for some reason, and he retreated a hand from the blanket to shove lightly at Niall's side.   
  
“And, well, I’ve told you already about my sisters…”  
  
“Do you have a pet?” Niall asked.    
  
“I had a cat when I was little… he’s in a better place now.”  
  
“Oh, ‘m sorry,” Niall said for what seemed like the thousandth time for some reason.  
  
“Don’t be. Stop apologizing.”  
  
Niall chuckled a little, and said, “I have a dog. She’s quite old already, not up for a play anymore, but she’s still my best friend.”  
  
“Yeah… I know what you mean. Sometimes the animals are far more sympathetic than humans themselves…”  
  
“You have no idea,” Niall said, and a loud thunder rattled the ground only a fraction of a second later. “I’ve had some really good friends back in Ireland, and I’ve been in England for maybe four years now, and still haven’t really found my place. I mean, there is no one I can consider as a true friend or something. Just people who I hang out with, and that’s all it is…”  
  
“Are you starting University next year?” Zayn asked, and Niall nodded. “You should meet there some nice people. You know… New place, new friends.”  
  
“Yeah…”  
  
It was then that Zayn turned his attention to the front of the cave, and his breath got caught in his throat.  
  
“Niall,” he hissed, already standing up, urging him to see the puddle that was already forming on the ground at the entrance. The water was getting inside. “What are we going to do?”  
  
“Shit,” Niall cursed, following him up.  
  
They had to prevent it from flowing any further, or else the whole shelter would be flooded.  
  
“Do we have something to cover it with?” Zayn asked, feeling panic creeping in.  
  
“Christ, why? I don’t understand why it had to happen. Gather the leaves, I’ll be right back.”  
  
“Niall...?" Zayn didn't understand what his intentions were until he saw him heading towards the exit. "Wait—!” he tried to call for him, to prevent him from going out and into the storm, but Niall was out almost as fast as the lightning that struck the earth somewhere nearby, and flashed upon the ceiling and reflected the worry in Zayn’s eyes.  
  
He immediately went to work, though, piling up the leaves he had placed neatly on the ground like Niall had asked. A few moments later, Niall was at the entrance again, soaking wet and carrying big stones in his hands that he placed quickly just outside of the cave, creating a small wall there, and completely confusing the hell out of Zayn. What was he doing? but it didn't even matter now, because the other boy was out there, under the downpour, while Zayn was here, very much dry and safe, and...  
  
He felt so guilty.  
  
“I’ll help you,” he said, moving to go out, but Niall gently pushed him back inside.  
  
“No, don’t. I need just a few more stones.”  
  
Zayn bit his tongue when Niall walked away again. He would get sick. He would get pneumonia. And Zayn felt like it was his fault. How could he let him go out into the cold?

He waited there for Niall to come back, watched as the heavy rain poured on him, as he struggled to lift the slippery stones, and as he made his way back, carrying an armful of stones. He placed them right next to the first, and the droplets of water that fell from his wet clothes added to the water that was already gathered there. He took the leaves out of Zayn’s hands, and placed them between the two rows of stones, effectively blocking the opening. And Zayn understood it now. He brought the stones to cage the leaves in.  
  
Zayn didn’t know what to say. He didn’t know what to do. He felt so helpless, so useless, and so selfish.  
  
“Niall…” he bit his lip, hard.  
  
He reached for him, feeling the wet fabric of his plain shirt between his fingers.  
  
“You need to get out of those,” he said nervously. "Come on, or else you'll get sick." 

"I won't,” Niall said, still a little out of breath.   
  
He stripped off his clothes until he was just in his underwear, and Zayn passed him one of the remaining leaves as a towel that Niall simply wrapped around himself, shaking like the trees outside.  
  
“Why didn’t you let me help you?” he asked as he took off his own shirt to dry with it Niall's dripping hair. He felt goosebumps prickling on his torso at the cold, but it was the least he could do.  
  
“There was no need for you to get wet as well,” Niall sneezed, and Zayn prayed inwardly that he didn’t catch a cold. Once Niall wasn’t dripping wet anymore, he covered him with the blanket, and pulled him to sit down on his nest.  
  
“It wasn’t fair toward you,” Zayn argued, gathering Niall’s wet clothes from the ground.   
  
“I won't get sick,” Niall said again. “My immune system is strong.”  
  
“Don’t rely on that,” Zayn said pointedly, spreading the articles of clothing at the side so they would dry. “And don’t do that ever again.”  
  
“Yes, Mum." Niall rolled his eyes, still shaking slightly.  
  
“I’m serious.” Zayn sat down in his own nest, next to Niall’s. “Don’t risk your health like that."  
  
“The fire’s died,” Niall said, facing away. “We’ll have to start a new one.”  
  
“We need to build something better than those leaves, too,” Zayn said, covering himself with his own blanket, and laying down. “We need something more stable.”  
  
Niall sighed loudly, and Zayn could hear him settling down too. “We can carve something out of wood, maybe.”  
  
Zayn closed his eyes, feeling suddenly very sleepy. Perhaps it was the cold. “Yeah…”  
  
He woke up several times because of the thunders before falling asleep again. They passed dinner, and mostly slept the time off, or just lay awake staring into empty space. They didn’t have anything better to do, anyway.  
  
At some point at night, Zayn woke up from the cold. It was raining madly outside, and it became unbearably cold, even inside of the cave, and under the blanket. He curled in on himself, trying to move around a little to create some heat, trying to force himself to fall asleep again, but it was hard. The thick stones that were surrounding them didn’t do much to block the chill from getting in, and with each inhale, Zayn felt as though he was breathing ice. He had never been this cold before, and he just wished that the storm would end at last, and he could warm up from the sun.  
  
He heard a quiet shuffle from behind him, and tensed when he felt his blanket being lifted, and a warm body pressing against his bare back.  
  
“I just don’t want you to be cold,” Niall whispered somewhere next to his nape, his warm breath hitting the back of his neck.  
  
How did Niall manage to be this warm if he were the one who got soaked to his bones under the rain shower? It didn’t make any sense. And yet, here he was spreading warmth through his chest and to Zayn’s back, coating him with his sunny aura.  
  
Zayn relaxed his muscles, and let Niall wrap an arm around his middle.  
  
“Ok,” he murmured, shutting all the thoughts about how he had gone against his ideology of keeping his distance, about how Niall always gave, and he, himself, mostly took, and about how starved he was of comfort and the closeness of another human being, how he needed that warmth and hug, that solid weight against his, and he just let himself relish in this-in the coziness, in the warmth, in the sense of security.  
  
“You know,” Niall’s breath ghosted over his skin. “Maybe we do need to try to light a fire in here.”  
  
“But you said—“  
  
“I know what I’ve said, and still, maybe it could work…”  
  
“We might find ourselves without a shelter, Niall,” Zayn reminded him, leaving the _and without a life_  nigh audible. “You said so yourself not too many hours ago.”  
  
“Still…” Niall sighed. “This place is very cold. You’re cold. It’s dangerous, too.”  
  
Zayn blinked his eyes open, and glared at the dark stone in front of him. “Let’s not take the risk, ok?”  
  
“Ok.”  
  
He fell asleep only a few minutes later, lulled by the static beat of Niall's heart against his body.


	7. Chapter 7

Zayn searched for Niall’s warmth when he woke up the next morning, only to realize that he had already gone out; the space where he had been unpleasantly cold. It was very quiet-the kind of peacefulness that could only exist at the first few hours after a very strong storm had passed away, when the nature was slowly recovering from the loss it had suffered.  
  
Zayn slowly got out of his bed, rubbing his eyes to get rid of the sleep, and went out to observe the damage that had been caused to their surrounding. He found Niall sitting outside on a rock with his back toward him, the mess of sticks and leaves scattered around him, and the muddy puddles lying everywhere. The wood that had been used for the fire was wet and wrecked, and the stones that had surrounded it were slightly misplaced now. The air was cool and fresh and mingled a little with the scent of dust.  
  
“Niall?”  
  
Niall turned his head to look at him, and a soft smile made an appearance on his face.  
  
 “Oh, good morning,” he said in a low voice. “Look…”  
  
Zayn moved closer, and looked beyond Niall’s shoulder at the colorful bird that was perched on his lap, its head tucked back into its feathers, chest heaving with every breath it took.  
  
“Where did you find it?” Zayn was astonished.  
  
“Shhh… Be quiet,” Niall scolded him. “She’s sleeping.”  
  
“She?” Zayn was bewildered.  
  
“Yeah, it’s a she. Or at least I think so.” Niall smiled his slow smile. “I’ve named her Lori.”  
  
“What kind of a name is that?” Zayn snorted.  
  
“What’s wrong with ‘Lori’?” Niall huffed, gently caressing the parrot’s head. “I found her nearby when I went out. She couldn’t fly, so I took her… I think she’s broken her wing, or perhaps weak from the rain. Too bad there are no vets around here.”  
  
“You just lifted a bird off the ground? What if she’s sick?” Zayn was scandalised. He knew for a fact that you shouldn’t touch a wild animal.  
  
“She looks quite healthy to me,” Niall said. “And besides, I couldn’t leave her like that… She’s completely helpless.”  
  
“Niall, I understand, but we can’t just throw everything outta the window and take care of it.”  
  
“Of course you’d be a jerk,” Niall muttered under his breath, but Zayn still caught it and rolled his eyes.  
  
“We’ve got enough problems of our own, Niall. I mean, this place looks like a herd of elephants has stomped it, and we still haven’t started a fire. We should think of ourselves as well.”  
  
“Well, excuse me for being thoughtful,” Niall said coldly. “If I understand correctly, you’re saying that I should throw Lori away, and go make you a fire?”  
  
“No,” Zayn said almost in frustration. “You know what I’ve meant-we should build our camp again… And it’s not only for me, it’s for you too,” Zayn pointed out.  
  
“She’s asleep now, so can you maybe make her a place to sleep in?” Niall asked. “I can’t really do something when she’s on me.”  
  
“Do you mean… in the cave?”  
  
“Yeah.”  
  
“Niall, you can’t actually mean that it will live with us!”  
  
“Only for a while,” Niall insisted. “Until she’ll feel better.”  
  
“I don’t know, Niall… It’s another mouth to feed.”  
  
“Don’t be so heartless,” Niall exclaimed. “She needs us, and God-it’s a bird, they don’t need tons of food! It wouldn’t take a lot of place, either… Just, please?”  
  
Niall turned to stare at him with his big blue eyes, and it was really hard to tell him no, so Zayn sighed, and gave in. “Alright… But I’m not touching it, and you can’t touch me or anything else until you wash your hands.”  
  
“Aww, so you do have a heart,” Niall cooed at him, and Zayn very pointedly cleared his throat.  
  
He went inside to use one of the leaves there as a nest for the parrot. They were really running out of those, and the leaves outside were still damp from what he had seen. He hoped there would be leaves he could gather by evening. He folded the leaf a few times to make it smaller, and more cushioned, and placed it very far from his and Niall’s sleeping places. Niall carefully placed the sleeping bird on it, and even though Zayn was quite apprehensive about the whole deal, he said nothing.  
  
They went back outside to clean the mess, and Niall said, “The wood and the ground are too wet. We wouldn’t be able to light a fire today, apparently. I guess it means that we’ll have to live on coconuts today.”  
  
“Oh, God,” Zayn groaned, because the coconuts that might have been once delicious, were now more of a default-something they ate when they didn’t have a choice. “So it means we wouldn’t be able to boil water as well.”  
  
“Yeah,” Niall shifted from one foot to the other. “We finished it all yesterday… So we’ll have to do with coconut water again.”  
  
“How great,” Zayn said sarcastically, and threw the sticks he had gathered not far from the place where the fire was supposed to be. They were a great kindling.  
  
“Hey, cheer up,” Niall said while piling the stones together in one place. “It could have been much worse.”  
  
“It’s hard, Niall,” Zayn sighed. “Especially when all I have to drink and eat is a coconut. Say, can’t we just drink straight from the spring? The water there is hot.”  
  
“But it’s not boiling,” Niall clarified. “So it’s not a good idea.”  
  
Lori slept throughout the whole day, and woke up only at dusk. She shrieked and hopped in place, and it was the first time Zayn was able to take a good look at her. Her back was very green, though her front, especially at the belly, resembled more of a yellow.  
  
Niall whistled softly to get her attention, and placed in front of her some food he had gathered for her earlier. There were some seeds, a bit of a coconut meat, and a few worms that made Zayn grimace. Niall also filled a small concave leaf with stream water for her. They had yet to figure out what she ate.  
  
The bird made a gentle chattering sound, and when she crouched down in order to inspect the food, Zayn noticed that she was holding one of her wings down. It indeed was broken, and might take weeks to heal. He and Niall exchanged glances.  
  
“We need to attend her,” Niall said, a begging edge to his voice.  
  
“Yes…” Zayn sighed because he really started to pity her. “But… we might hurt her if we do that wrong.”  
  
“We’ll be careful,” Niall said, apparently determined to do all he could for her.  
  
While Zayn watched over her, Niall went to bring fresh stream water. She ate a little of everything, and drank some water. When he returned, it was already rather dark so they had trouble washing the wound, and cutting a piece of a gauze for her. They kept the medical equipment for an emergency, but even Zayn couldn’t deny her that. She seemed to quite tolerate Niall, staying in place while he wrapped the material around her broken wing and body to avoid any farther damage.  
  
“I hope she will get better soon.” Niall disheveled some of the feathers on her head, and she purred, leaning into the touch.  
  
“Yeah, that and that you’ll wash your hands now.”  
  
Niall rolled his eyes, but went out anyway, and left Lori alone with Zayn again. She blinked up at him with her round shiny eye, and Zayn warned, “Just don’t cause any troubles or you’re out.”  
  
The parrot tweeted and moved her head to the side a little, and Zayn took it as a sign of understanding. He dismissed himself, and went to settle in his own bed, hoping she wouldn’t cry or shriek at night, because he wouldn’t be able to stand it. Niall came back, and lay down in his own nest, next to Zayn’s, and for a moment just stared at him with his bottom lip tucked between his teeth.  
  
“We’ll have a lot of work tomorrow…” he said eventually.  
  
“I know,” Zayn sighed. “So we better rest a bit…”  
  
“Goodnight,” Niall said quietly.  
  
“Goodnight,” Zayn closed his eyes.  
  
Lori apparently didn’t understand what staying out of trouble meant, because she kept letting out sounds the whole night that drove Zayn completely insane. Niall, on the other hand, slept soundly.  
  
The next day indeed was full of labor. They practically had to do everything from the beginning. Niall built the fire again, and used another match to light it up, saying that they would run out of matches if the weather made a habit of turning bad again and again. Zayn gathered new leaves for them, and filled the water container and placed it over the fire so they would have a water supply as soon as possible. Since the fishing rod was complete by now, Niall went fishing with it, and Zayn worked on creating a door for their shelter. He tied wood with vines to keep them attached together, and wrapped the breaches between them with large leaves that he hitched with more vines to avoid the water from getting through. By the time he was done, Niall was already roasting the fish. Zayn went to find seeds for Lori this time, and filled the concave leaf with more water for her. The door also prevented her from getting out, which was good, considering they didn’t have a cage to keep her in. They spent the afternoon preparing food for tomorrow, and Niall was the one to fill the water container again in the evening. Zayn made them soup this time, and while waiting for it to be ready, he said, “I really wish we had some tea.”  
  
Niall hummed from where he was sitting in front of him, the fire between them. “I know, right? I used to drink it practically on a daily basis.”  
  
“The thing is that I’m sure there are plants around here that we could use for tea, but I don’t want to risk getting poisoned, and then, it’s not like we have sugar to make it sweet. I don’t drink my tea without sugar.”  
  
“Sugar…” Niall tasted the word on his tongue like he had never heard it before. “Gosh, I really want a hot chocolate now.”  
  
“We really are hopeless,” Zayn laughed. “Barely two weeks here, and already talk like it has been months since we saw real food.”  
  
“It’s just that I’ve always taken food for granted,” Niall hugged his knees. “I mean, it always was so obvious that I could just open the refrigerator, and take whatever I wanted, but this-hunting for food every day in order to have something to fill my stomach with, is something I still have to get used to."  
  
“Me too,” Zayn said, stirring slowly the fish and seaweed soup. “I don’t know if I ever will.”  
  
“You talk like it’s all you’re ever gonna eat,” Niall commented.  
  
Zayn shrugged. “You said most people are saved within a few days, and we’re still here. In those week and a half, not a single ship or an airplane were here, and… I just get the feeling that I’m literally stuck here. I don’t know when the rescue will arrive. It might take them months, years… And maybe, no one will ever come.” And when Niall opened his mouth to say something, Zayn immediately added, “I know, Niall, I know that I should be optimistic, that I need to keep hoping… but, it’s not simple.”  
  
“I actually wanted to say that you’re right about it. We can’t keep waiting for people to come.”  
  
“We can’t…?” Zayn was dumbstruck.  
  
“Maybe we need to find a way to get out of here on our own. You know, build a raft, and sail to a continent. Take matters into our hands.”  
  
“I… I don’t know, Niall,” Zayn lowered his gaze. “Only God knows how I want to get out of here, but if I have to choose between staying here and sailing on a small raft in the ocean, I prefer staying here. We don’t know where we are… We might be in the South Atlantic Ocean, or in the North… We might be hundreds of miles away from America or Europe. And, it’s a bad idea. We might run out of food,  _of water_. Think about the waves, about the sea creatures… It’s hard to survive here, but we might not make it if we drift back to the sea…”  
  
“Yeah… It’s true,” Niall seemed to ponder. “I just offered, anyway…”  
  
“It’s almost ready,” Zayn said, tasting the soup, before adding a little more salt. Just then a chattering sound was heard from the cave, and Zayn had a hard time not contorting his face. “How are you able to sleep with that?”  
  
“I don’t know.” Niall clicked his tongue. “It just doesn’t bother me. She’s cute, though, isn’t she?”  
  
“She woke me up several times last night,” Zayn said with cold emotion.  
  
“It’s because she’s slept through most of the day, and wasn’t tired at night. I’m telling you that it will be better tonight.”  
  
“I really hope so,” he removed the heated stones from the bowls, and passed Niall a bowl wrapped in leaves to avoid burns. “Bon appetit.”  
  
Niall ended up being right. Lori slept like a doll that night.

* * *

  
Zayn stared at the clear liquid in front of him, and felt a tremor running through his whole body, which was quite absurd, considering the steam that was emerging out of the water was heating up the air, and turning the whole place into something that resembled a sauna, and did nothing to slow down his strong pulse and quick breathing.  
  
“Remind me why I’m doing this again?” Zayn started to really doubt himself.  
  
“We’ve talked this over already,” Niall said tiredly. “Come on, Zayn, think less, do more. The more you think about it, the more you freak yourself out.”  
  
Zayn squirmed in his place. “Niall, maybe we can return here later on...? I’m not sure that I’m ready yet.”  
  
“Zayn, it’s the third time you request to postpone it, and I know that you’re just searching for a way out of it.”  
  
Zayn whimpered, and thought fast of a reply, but Niall beat him to it. “I know it’s scary, I know that you’re apprehensive about this, and it’s totally understandable. But like I’ve said, the water isn’t deep or something. It wouldn’t reach any higher than your chest—“ Zayn whimpered again. “Zayn, I’m here, ok? I’m here to make sure you’ll be ok.”  
  
“Niall… I seriously don’t think that I can do it…”  
  
“Of course you can,” Niall encouraged him. “Just give it a chance.”  
  
“What if I have a panic attack?” Zayn asked somewhat awkwardly.  
  
“You wouldn’t,” Niall reassured him. “There is no need to panic.”  
  
Zayn sighed loudly.  
  
“Ok,” he said quietly, eyes downcast. “I’ll do it…”  
  
“Good,” Niall grinned, kicking his shoes off. “Now, strip.”  
  
“…What?” Zayn paled.  
  
“Take your clothes off,” Niall was in the middle of sliding his shirt past his head. “You don’t actually intend on getting into the water with them, right?”  
  
“But…” Zayn wriggled uncomfortably. He always was shy when it came to this. It wasn’t that he was embarrassed of his body or something. It just made him feel uncomfortable. Maybe it was part of the reason why he didn’t like swimming.  
  
“It’s not like I haven’t seen you in an underwear before,” Niall said pointedly.  
  
It was different now, though, when he was asked to do so, and when he was doing it in order to get into water, and yet, Niall had a point, so Zayn started taking his clothes off slowly, and piled them neatly on a rock nearby.  
  
Zayn felt Niall’s eyes on him as he moved to stand next to him again, and determinedly avoided his gaze.  
  
“Hey, you’re alright?” Niall asked gently.  
  
Zayn shrugged half-heartedly.  
  
“Seriously, Zayn, you ok?” Niall asked again.  
  
Zayn exhaled and nodded. He wasn’t entirely ok, but he'd better make the move before he worked himself into an anxiety attack.  
  
“Just hold my hand, yeah?” Niall suggested, and Zayn looked down to see his hand extended.  
  
He took it tentatively, and bit his lip. His heart rate was probably 180 beats per minute.  
  
“Your hand is shaking,” Niall noted. “Is it that bad?”  
  
Zayn lowered his gaze, and shrugged again.  
  
“Zayn, I need you to talk to me about this,” Niall softly brushed his thumb over Zayn’s knuckles. “I need to know that you’re really fine with it. I don’t want it to trigger you.”  
  
“I don’t think that I’ll ever be fine with it,” Zayn admitted.  
  
Niall squeezed his hand once, and said, “We’ll go slow, ok? As slow as you need. If it’s too much, we’ll go back to the surface, ok?”  
  
“Ok.”  
  
“Good,” Niall said. “Do you prefer we go together, of I go first and then you?”  
  
“You go first…?” Zayn whispered, shuffling a little with his feet.  
  
“Ok,” Niall replied, letting go of his hand. Immediately afterwards he lowered himself to a sitting position at the bank of the spring, and went inside with a dull splashing sound. He turned around to look at Zayn again. “Now’s your turn.”

Zayn gulped, and copied the way Niall had gotten into the water, sitting down, and dipping one leg into the warm water, and then the other. And suddenly he really wanted to back away. He could leave now, get up and just go away and never come here again, but Niall was standing there, offering him his hand again, and Zayn found himself stuck in place, not knowing what to do.  
  
“Just trust me,” Niall’s tone was soft, soothing. “I won’t let you drown.”  
  
Zayn squeezed his eyes shut, before interviewing their fingers together, and not resisting when Niall took a hold of his other hand as well.  
  
“It’s okay,” Niall breathed. “I’m here, okay? With you. You’re alright.”  
  
Zayn nodded, and let Niall guide him inside, feeling the water slowly covering more and more of his body as he slowly lowered himself into the spring, holding onto Niall’s hands as a lifeline. And then after what felt like an eternity, he was inside. He let go of Niall’s hands in favor of clutching onto his shoulders when he felt himself getting a little out of control. He gasped for air as if he were underwater and couldn’t get enough oxygen into his system, but then Niall’s arms were around his middle, holding him, preventing him from sinking down.  
  
“Breathe,” Niall reminded him. “Breathe deeply.”  
  
 Zayn pressed his face into the crook of Niall’s neck as he tried to calm down his quick breathing, as he tried to remind himself that it was okay, that he was secure, that Niall was here with him, and he wouldn’t let anything happen to him.  
  
He felt so many things at once. He was scared, he was freaking terrified, but there was some sort of happiness bleeding through all of this craziness as well, because he was actually doing it. He was inside of the water. There was some kind of a relief in it, he felt like some part of him was finally being released, like he had been locked down for a long time, and now he was breaking free, letting himself go. He felt an easiness washing over his insides, and he relished in it, in the warmth around him, in the silkiness of the liquid that was coating his skin, in Niall’s hands that were holding him from crumbling apart.  
  
He let out a deep breath that was more like a sigh against Niall’s skin, gradually relaxing against him, his muscles going from rigid to lax.  
  
“You ok?” Niall asked him, hand rubbing soothing circles on his back, and Zayn nodded, still having trouble to process what was happening, what he was exactly feeling. “You see, it wasn’t that hard, right?”  
  
“Yeah,” Zayn pulled away so only his hand gripped Niall’s arm, standing there in front of him. The water indeed wasn’t deep; it didn’t reach any higher than his sternum, and it was good, like a hot shower onto his worn-out body.  
  
“You were excellent,” Niall praised him. “Way better than I had expected. Great job, Zayn.”  
  
Zayn ducked his head under the compliments, but looked up when Niall tried to pull them farther inside.  
  
“Wait…” He said weakly, his voice coming out a little hoarse, doubt from the steam, doubt from how intense it all had been. “Can we stay here…? Close to the banks.”  
  
“Sure,” Niall replied. “So… how was it?”  
  
“Scary,” Zayn found himself admitting.  
  
Niall, however, didn't seem very satisfied with the answer, so he pressed, “And on the bottom line?”   
  
“I’m kind of glad I did it,” Zayn said quietly.  
  
“Good, that’s good,” Niall smiled in approval. “Now, I’ll show you some basic swimming methods, okay?”  
  
It was a little sloppy, with Zayn refusing to separate from Niall for even a moment, but Niall still managed to get him to move around a little, to get him used to moving in the water, and then he wanted to try to teach him how to float, but Zayn said that it was a lot for one day, and Niall agreed, saying he was the one to decide, so they hadn't gotten into the actual swimming yet.  
  
They put their clothes back on their dripping wet bodies, and returned back to their shelter.


	8. Chapter 8

“Fuck!” Zayn shouted the next morning.  
  
“What happened?” Niall jumped from where he was playing with Lori.  
  
“There was a spider in my shoe,” Zayn said, and he predicted Niall’s laugh before he even cracked.   
  
“You should check your shoes for insects, you know,” he said in a teasing voice.   
  
“I find spiders everywhere,” Zayn groaned. “Say, can’t she eat all the insects while being in here? It’s the least she can do after all we’ve done for her.”  
  
“No, mate, I don’t think so,” Niall replied, and there was still laughter in his voice. “She barely eats the worms.”  
  
“She is really useless,” Zayn said, and Niall made a sound of protest.  
  
“Don’t listen to him, girl,” Niall told her like she could understand him. “He knows nothing. Yeah, darling, I know, he's the stupid one.”  
  
“I can hear you,” Zayn reminded him, hia brows raised.   
  
“Then go and find her seeds as an apology,” Niall said while the parrot nipped at his finger. “She’s hungry.”  
  
“Seriously?”  
  
“Come on, Zayn,” Niall urged him, and he went out.  
  
Later that day, just after they were finished eating, Niall said, “I thought about it… and maybe we can create some kind of a roof above the camp to prevent the rain from turning everything into a mess. ”  
  
“And how do we make such a roof?” Zayn asked.  
  
“Well, we have vines, and sticks, and trees…”  
  
“Ok, I see the general picture,” Zayn nodded as he mused it over.  
  
“You’re good with leaves, right?” Niall said, and Zayn snorted. “I mean, you know how to interweave them together. Make some kind of a roof out of leaves, tell me when you’re finished, and I’ll take care of the rest.”  
  
Zayn was glad to have something to do with his free time, so he started almost right away. He gathered long and flat leaves, and sat down to interweave them similar to the way you interweave a basket, tying loose ends together with vines. It was the biggest project he had had so far, and after a few hours of hard work, half of the thing was done, and Niall came back with food for lunch. After they were done eating, Zayn decided that he’d finish the roof tomorrow, and let Niall drag him toward the spring again.  
  
It was a little of a big deal to get into the water again, but there was a significant improvement since yesterday. He didn’t clutch Niall’s shoulders anymore, and could practically stand there without needing to hold onto him.  
  
“Imagine that you’re lying in a bed,” Niall said when he tried to teach him how to float. “Relax your muscles, and breathe. Always breathe.”  
  
It was maybe the fifth time he was trying already, Niall supporting his back as he tried to straighten his body on top of the water, but every time Niall let go, Zayn would lose balance and fall into the water with a splash.  
  
“I’m trying,” Zayn said.  
  
“You’re too rigid,” Niall commented. “There is really nothing to be scared of.”  
  
“It’s easy for you to tell…” Zayn scoffed.   
  
“You just need to practice,” Niall said soothingly. “I’m going to let go, okay? Keep your arms and legs outstretched. Gosh, Zayn, put your head in the water.”  
  
“I don’t like it when my ears are underwater,” Zayn complained. “It feels weird.”  
  
Niall huffed out a laugh. “But it’s not gonna work otherwise.”  
  
Niall waited for him to get into position, and Zayn reluctantly lowered his head back into the water, wetting his ears again and trying to concentrate on the dull sounds of the water streaming around him rather than on that.  
  
“Close your eyes,” Niall instructed. “Yeah, like that. Okay, Zayn, you’re actually doing it. Think you’ll be able to stay like this without my help?”  
  
“Let’s see,” Zayn mumbled.  
  
Niall let go once again, and Zayn told himself not to freak out. He tried to imagine that he’s on a really comfy bed, preparing to fall asleep, like Niall had recommended to him, and this time he managed to maintain his position for at least a few seconds before he lost his balance.  
  
“That’s an improvement,” Niall said as Zayn brushed the hair out of his eyes. “Let’s try again?”  
  
Zayn huffed in annoyance, but complied.  
  
“Maybe arch your back a little…” Niall sounded thoughtful. “Not that much. Yeah, something like that, so your chest is lifted a bit. And, tilt your chin up slightly. Alright, that’s more like it.”  
  
“You’re bossy as hell,” Zayn complained.  
  
“Hey, I’m the teacher! Show some respect to your elders.”  
  
Zayn creaked an eye open at that, watching Niall being way too smug using Zayn’s own sentence against him.  
  
“Haha, very funny."  
  
“Alright, Zaynie, let’s practice it again, yeah?”  
  
Niall really deserved the splash of water Zayn had delivered at him after that, even if he almost dropped Zayn because of that.

* * *

  
Back in the cave, after Niall told Lori her goodnight, he settled sloppily under his blanket, and turned to look at Zayn, his eyes blazing in the dark.  
  
“I really like to have her here,” he whispered, fingers gently grazing over Zayn’s arm. “But… she doesn’t seem very happy.”  
  
“I can think of a few reasons why,” Zayn sighed. “What kind of a bird that cannot fly is happy?”  
  
Niall sucked his bottom lip in between his teeth, and said after a few moments, “She looks lonely… Do you think she misses her family?”  
  
“Yeah…” Zayn replied quietly.  
  
“What if she has babies and now no one feeds them?”  
  
“What if she’s a boy?” Zayn retorted, and hissed when Niall scraped at his skin a little at that.  
  
“I’m serious here,” Niall pouted. “I really worry about her.”  
  
“She’ll be alright, Niall,” Zayn reassured him. “How not, if you’re practically babysitting her?”  
  
“She’s really my baby,” Niall smiled. “You should be nicer to her…”  
  
“I _am_ nice.” Zayn closed his eyes. “And besides, she’s the one giving me creepy looks like she’s about to swallow me whole.”  
  
“No, she isn’t… She’s friendly.”  
  
“Niall, go to sleep,” Zayn said, feeling that his head might explode if Niall kept talking.  
  
“Okay,” Niall sighed, turning away, and maybe it wasn’t what Zayn meant to happen. “Goodnight, Zee.”  
  
“Yeah…” he turned away as well, feeling unpleasantly cold where Niall’s hand had been. “Sleep well.”

* * *

  
“What are you doing?” Niall asked the next day upon seeing Zayn sitting on the sand with a stick in his hand.  
  
“Drawing… I’m bored.”  
  
He had finished creating the leaf roof by midday, and now he literally had nothing to do, so he just tried to pass the time.  
  
“I’ve seen the roof you’ve made. I’ll attach it to the trees soon…” Niall said.  
  
“Okay,” Zayn replied.  
  
Niall sat next to him, and watched for a while the figures he was drawing on the sand. Zayn had chosen several sticks in different sizes in order to draw more accurately, and when he reached out to take a small stick, Niall said with deep appreciation, “You’re a pure talent, Zee.”  
  
Zayn bit back a smile, and said somewhat awkwardly, “Thanks.”  
  
He used the little stick to draw the little details of the dolphin he was drawing. He had seen already quite a few, and it was truly amazing to see those beautiful animals in the wild, so he thought that he might as well draw them.  
  
“Too bad this drawing wouldn’t stay here for long, though,” Niall murmured.  
  
“Well, it’s the disadvantage of creating things out of sand… I used to create with my sisters big sand castles that weren’t there the day after… I think that it’s all the beauty. You make something, and the sea takes it back so you can make it again.”  
  
“That’s… quite deep,” Niall commented.  
  
“I know that this drawing wouldn’t be here tomorrow, and it’s a pity, yeah… But I’m okay with that,” Zayn carefully drew the outline of the tail, and erased it when he wasn’t satisfied.  
  
“Um… What do you think about trying to swim in the sea?”  
  
Zayn faltered a bit, and the sudden movement made him step out of the lines, and Niall breathed an apology.  
  
“I don’t think that I’m ready for that…” Zayn mumbled while erasing the out of shape line, and drawing another one.  
  
“You said the same about the spring, but it went out quite alright.”  
  
“Well, yeah…” Zayn thought a moment about how to explain himself. “The sea is something different, though. It’s a whole new level, and I need time.”  
  
“Ok,” Niall nodded. “Let me know when you’re up for a try.”  
  
“Sure,” Zayn replied, even though he wasn’t very sure.

* * *

  
They tied each of the four corners of the roof to vines that Zayn had braided beforehand in order to make them stronger, and Niall climbed on the trees in order to tie the ropes to the branches. It looked quite good, and protected them from the sun, but otherwise Zayn wasn’t sure if it could stand a storm, but it was worth trying.

* * *

  
“Hey, Niall!” Zayn climbed on a rock in order to call for him. “Lunch is ready.”  
  
“What?” Niall shouted in return from where he was swimming in the sea.  
  
“I said lunch is ready!” Zayn repeated.   
  
"Oh!” Niall started to swim in his direction. “Coming!”  
  
Zayn shook his head in fondness, and as he waited for Niall to swim over, he saw something else in the water, not far behind him. His breath got caught in his throat when he realized that it was a fin. A grey fin.  
  
“Niall!” he screamed at the top of his lungs, waving his arms hysterically in order to catch his attention, “A Shark! There is a shark!”  
  
Niall looked for a moment like he didn’t understand, but then he had the nerve to look behind himself, and he most certainly understood what Zayn was referring to, because he broke into a fast swimming.   
  
Zayn felt so helpless at that moment. he didn’t know what to do. There was an actual risk to Niall’s life, and there was nothing he could do to help him. All he could do was stand there and pray he would be okay.  
  
“Niall! Oh my God! Please, hurry!” He cried out.  
  
The shark was getting closer to him, and Zayn really feared that Niall wouldn’t make it. He was on his toes, he was horrified. He didn’t know whether he should keep looking at the ocean or look away. The suspense was killing him, and he felt it gnawing at his bones. He itched to do something, anything. But then Niall was nearing the shore, and the water there was too shallow for the shark, apparently, because it didn’t come any closer. Zayn breathed in relief that it couldn’t reach Niall from there.  
  
Once Niall was on the beach again, Zayn hurried toward him, and placed his hands on the panting boy’s shoulders, needing to feel that he was real, to know that he was okay, “That was so close! I thought that I might lose you!”  
  
Niall placed his head on Zayn’s shoulder, droplets of water wetting the fabric of the shirt, his breathing coming out fast and ragged, “I don’t think that I have ever swum that fast. What was the shark doing so close to the shore? Aren’t they supposed to be deep in the ocean?”  
  
“I don’t know, but you can’t take that risk again. You can’t swim that far. There might be more sharks lurking there. I was so scared…” Zayn hugged him into him, just holding him for a few minutes until they both calmed down.  
  
“I was scared too,” Niall admitted quietly, pulling away to ruffle the hair out of his eyes.  
  
“You should be more careful,” Zayn watched as Niall went to take his clothes from where he had discarded them not far away.  
  
“I’ll try…” Niall smiled nervously before he slipped his shirt back on.

* * *

  
Zayn watched from the side as Niall played with Lori. Her claws circled his pointer finger while Niall let her nibble on the fingers of his other hand. It looked painful, but Niall didn’t seem to mind; maybe she was being gentle. He and the parrot had grown quite close in the last few days, and Niall looked like he was in love. Sometimes she was all he talked about, and sometims he was busier with finding her food than bringing them something to eat.  
  
“You can pet her if you want,” Niall offered, and Zayn realized that he must have been staring for too long. “She’s okay, really.”  
  
Zayn hesitated, but then he moved closer, and reached out with his hand, but stopped midair when he saw Lori’s eye watching him intently, as if daring him to come any nearer. He gulped, and let his hand float a little closer to her, aiming for her back, but she turned her head, her beak too close to his hand for his liking.  
  
“She will bite my finger off,” Zayn said.  
  
“No, she wouldn’t,” Niall giggled. “You need to approach her from the front. Move your fingers very slowly toward her head.”  
  
“Are you crazy?” Zayn exclaimed. “She will bite me.”  
  
“You wouldn’t, right?” Niall petted her head, causing her to close her eyes as he brushed at the sides. “Such a good girl. It’s just that she has to consider you worthy. Just don’t be afraid, because she can feel it.”  
  
Zayn tried to do so, but when she opened her beak and leaned her head toward his finger, he immediately got cold feet, and retreated.  
  
“Jeez, Zayn,” Niall huffed, brushing softly the feathers at the back of her head until she practically melted into the touch. “She’s relaxed, touch her now.”  
  
Zayn ventured his hand farther, and caressed once the feathers at her back, just above the bandage, reveling at the soft texture, before withdrawing his hand back, for Lori was already turning her head back to see what touched her.  
  
“See? Not that scary, right?” Niall smiled. “I think you’re officially friends now.”  
  
“Fuck off,” Zayn said, and Niall laughed.

He watched incredulously as Lori kissed Niall square on the mouth.  
  
“Why, you want a kiss too?” Niall smirked, and Zayn gasped as Niall brought Lori closer to him.  
  
“What? No!” He batted his hands at Niall. “Keep her away. She will stab me in the eye.”  
  
“Okay, okay,” Niall returned her back to her nest. Zayn changed it a least once a day, as she managed to get it all dirty, and tended to spot the leaves that pillowed the ground, as well, so he had to bring clean leaves frequently.  
  
It was rather quiet and cozy later that day, at night. Zayn and Niall sat beside the fire and roasted leftovers in a comfortable silence. They both were sleepy and hazy, and when Zayn looked up to see Niall’s face, he looked lost in his thoughts, his eyes trained on the fire. Zayn lowered his gaze back to his fish to make sure he didn't burn it, and when he learned that it was ready, he removed it from the fire, and blew cold air on it. From the corner of his eye, he could see Niall biting at his own fish. He watched as Niall threw the small bones into the fire, causing momentary sparks to appear in the air, before the fire calmed down again. Zayn copied the action, watching more sparks emerging out of the fire.  
  
“Maybe it’s a fate,” Niall broke the silence, and took Zayn completely by surprise.  
  
“What is?” Zayn raised his head to watch him closely. Niall was still watching the bright flames of the fire, hands fiddling slightly with the stick that speared the half eaten fish.  
  
“Us, being here together, of all people…” Niall said quietly, like he was slightly embarrassed. “Maybe there is a reason behind this.”  
  
Zayn barely contained his snort. Why was Niall being sappy all of a sudden? There surely was something in the air, or in this fish. “Yeah… our ship burned down, and we were washed away over here.”  
   
“No,” Niall shook his head slowly. “I mean… maybe it should have happened. Maybe the whole world dragged us to this moment.”  
  
Zayn looked at him incredulously. He didn’t even believe in fate. What was Niall even getting at?  
  
“Never mind.” Niall stirred suddenly, his face refocusing. “Forget I said anything.”  
  
Zayn decided not to press for an elaboration, and he didn’t let himself dwell on it much either, as he was kind of afraid of the meaning behind these words. Niall was probably just tired, and talking nonsense.  
  
When they entered the cave, Zayn’s face fell upon seeing something that wasn’t there before.  
  
“She shat on my bed!” he nearly screamed.  
  
“Oh… She did? It means she loves you,” Niall chuckled.  
  
“No, she hates me,” Zayn said as he removed the dirty leaf and walked away to throw it out.


	9. Chapter 9

A kettle, a toothpaste, a sweatshirt-those were only a few of the things on Zayn’s must-have list. Was it really too much to ask for? It surprised even him what he would be ready to give for a running shower, a comfy bed, and even something as corny as a soft towel. He wasn't even talking about electricity, let alone about a phone. It was hard getting used to being a caveman. _Cavemen_. Zayn had no other way to describe them now. After all, they very much had been living in a cave for more than two weeks now, and they didn’t have any fancy technology to make things easier. They only had the most basic essentials-a shelter, water, and food, and even those didn't come easily to them.

And yes, Zayn probably should be totally grateful for what he had. It wasn’t obvious. But he couldn’t help but think about all the things he didn’t have, about all the things he had lost and knew he had no way to get back. He found himself bored on so many occasions, wishing he had some good book to read, or a notebook and a pen for drawing. At times when he had already finished his daily chores, and Niall was away bringing food, or swimming, or doing who-knew-what, Zayn simply found himself bored to death. There was literally nothing to entertain himself with. No television, no computer, no music, no snacks. Walking around the island wasn’t interesting anymore when he did it alone, as he already knew all the places around their camp. He didn’t dare to go anywhere far without Niall, anyway, as he didn't know the woods well enough to ensure he wouldn't get lost.  
  
Everything worked much better for Niall. He was communing with the nature, mingling with the trees and the sea like it was right where he belonged. He liked the ocean; swam in it every day, loved the animals that inhibited this feral place, and was even taking care of a parrot like it was his own personal pet. He always looked fresh, and at ease, and his eyes shone brightly upon seeing the sunset and the sea creatures emerging from the bottom of the sea. He was completely fascinated with this wilderness like it wasn’t getting old, like every day he found something new that he adored about this place. You would get the impression that he was on a vacation rather than stuck here.  
  
Zayn, on the other hand, felt like a prisoner. From his point of view, this place was his jail. It felt like a punishment for the crime he had never committed. But he would never tell Niall about this, because he would laugh and tell him that he was being dramatic. And maybe he really was, but he had some good reasons. Because, come on, he couldn’t even clean up like a normal person. He already long ago accepted that he could forget about a shampoo and a normal shower. He had to do with the hot water of the spring, and the heat, at least, was doing its work. Cleaning the teeth was tricky, though. He used salt water as it was the only thing they had, and he grimaced every time at the horrible taste. Mint leaves were an option they used too, but those only served to get rid of bad breath. He didn’t have any warm clothes, and at nights, it was cold anywhere far enough from the fire. They didn’t have many options of food, either. It was mostly the same thing every day. Fish, and fish, and a little more fish. They might catch a crab occasionally, if they were lucky, or eat coconuts and seaweed when they didn’t have a choice. Zayn wondered if one day he wouldn’t be able to stomach any of those dishes anymore.  
  
The thing was that they were slowly settling in despite all those. They started to walk on the beach barefoot more often than not, and they were learning how to use the things around them-the wood, and the stones, and the leaves. Niall was fishing much faster than before, and in larger amounts, and they were gradually building here their home-not that Zayn would openly call it that. They were creating the tools they needed by themselves, and growing more stable and familiar with their surrounding with every day that passed.  
  
His water fear was decreasing with every time Niall took him to the spring. He was getting used to the feeling of the water around him, and getting more and more independent on Niall, and becoming more comfortable with moving alone in the water and practicing swimming methods. He learned that it sincerely wasn’t as frightening as he had always considered it. It was nice, actually.  
  
“Why aren’t you eating?” Niall asked, gesturing toward the lobster he had caught by chance.  
  
Zayn stirred, and realized that his mind had drifted away a bit. “Just thought about something…” He tore himself a piece of lobster meat and brought it to his mouth.  
  
“Something interesting?” Niall wondered.  
  
“Not really,” Zayn said after he had swallowed. “Just that we’re turning into cavemen.”  
  
“Ouch, Zayn,” Niall chuckled. “We are not that primitive.”  
  
“You have a little piece on the corner of your mouth,” Zayn said, and Niall wiped at it with the back of his hand. “And we kinda are. I think that I understand now how people have lived thousands of years ago. No wonder the technology has improved so much since then. I mean, it's not so much living as it is surviving.”  
  
“It was really hard at the beginning, but it became easier with the time… I mean, we kind of mastered the dos and don’ts. We are basically grounded now, and it’s sorta cool, when I think about it, that two amateurs are able to build here their lives.”  
  
“You talk about it like it’s some sort of an adventure,” Zayn commented.  
  
Niall frowned. “I don’t suffer here, if this is what you’re asking. I’m fine.”  
  
“Right,” Zayn said, and suddenly he was hit with a tremor.  
  
“Hey, you’re alright?”  
  
“Yeah,” Zayn stood up. “I think that I’ll call it a night, it’s quite chilly.”  
  
“Really?” Niall looked doubtful. “It’s quite hot, actually. Stifle air, and all that.”  
  
“Well, maybe I’m just getting cold easier,” Zayn said.  
  
“Maybe,” Niall said, standing up too. “I’ll go for a night swim, I think. So… goodnight, I guess.”  
  
“Goodnight,” Zayn answered, and entered the cave.

* * *

  
“Hey, sleepyhead, time to wake up,” Niall’s voice rang the next day. “I know that you like to sleep, but come on, you’ve almost slept off the whole morning.”  
  
Zayn grumbled in return, and covered his head with the blanket to shut him out. He really didn’t feel like getting up. He wished Niall would just let him be.  
  
“Zayn, come on,” Niall nudged him through the blanket. “Or you’ll miss breakfast.”  
  
Zayn mumbled something incoherent, and rubbed his face against the leaf pillow he had made himself, as he couldn’t bring himself to sleep on that lifejacket. He hated it. Niall didn’t let him throw it away or burn it, though, saying that it might come in handy.  
  
“Okay,” Niall said as he walked away. “I’ll give you another few minutes, and then I’ll be back.”  
  
Zayn sighed, and curled in on himself to regain back his comfortable sleeping position.  
  
As promised, Niall did come not long later, and tsked when he found him still wrapped up in his blanket.  
  
“Zee, breakfast is ready.” He shook him slightly, and Zayn groaned in displeasure.  
  
“Leave me alone,” he begged feebly, voice weak and exhausted. “I want to sleep.”  
  
Immediately afterwards he felt the blanket being slipped off his head, and when he opened his eyes, he was met with Niall’s big blue ones staring at him with concern.  
  
“Do you feel well?” Niall asked. “Your cheeks are kind of pink.”  
  
Zayn blinked as Niall lowered a hand to touch his forehead, his hand feeling cold and pleasant against the heated skin.  
  
“Christ,” Niall exclaimed, settling back on his heels. “You’re scalding. Don’t tell me you’ve gotten sick.”  
  
“I don’t feel sick,” Zayn said, because he really didn’t. He felt practically fine, apart from the fact that he was tired and somewhat weak.  
  
“But I think you are,” Niall said. “Maybe you caught something. I guess that you’ll have to stay in bed in the meanwhile, at least until the fever breaks.”  
  
Zayn just sulked, looking down.  
  
“I’ll bring you breakfast here,” Niall said softly, rising up.  
  
“I’m not that hungry…” Zayn said hoarsely, rubbing sleepily at his eyes.  
  
“Eat at least a little,” Niall said, and walked out.  
  
He returned half a minute later with a bowl, and Zayn turned away when he noticed the fish.  
  
“Come on, Zayn,” Niall shook him. “Eat up before it gets cold.”  
  
“No,” Zayn hugged the blanket close to himself.  
  
“Just a little, only a few bites,” Niall insisted, walking over to the other side to be face to face with Zayn.  
  
“Please, no…” Zayn begged with his eyes. “I really don’t want to.”  
  
“No appetite?” Niall placed the bowl on the ground next to him.  
  
Zayn shook his head.  
  
“All the talks about me getting sick here, me getting sick there, and in the end, it’s you who’ve gotten sick. Aw, Zayn,” Niall cooed.  
  
“Shut up,” Zayn rasped. “I’m fine. I’ll get up in a moment.”  
  
“No,” Niall said, placing a hand on his chest in order to pull him back down when he tried to stand up. “It’s important that you’ll rest. You’re still sleepy, I can see it.”  
  
Zayn pouted when he saw Niall carrying the water container along with an empty bowl.  
  
“Now you’re frowning at water as well?” Niall chuckled, pouring some of the water into the half coconut shell. “I can’t force you to eat, but you must drink.”  
  
“I feel that I might throw up if I put something in me,” Zayn admitted, though he still sat up in order to receive the bowl, staring at the liquid like it was his enemy.  
  
“Are you nauseous?” Niall asked.  
  
“A little…” Zayn said quietly.  
  
“And apart from that, does something else hurt or feel wrong?”  
  
“Not really…” Zayn gulped from the water, already feeling full from that one sip.  
  
“You didn’t drink anything,” Niall said when Zayn tried to give the bowl back to him.  
  
“I can’t…”  
  
Niall sighed. “Okay, but I’ll leave the water and the food next to you if you feel like eating.” He pushed Zayn back so he was lying down, and coated him with the cover, “Rest now. I’m expecting to see the water bowl empty when I come back. I’ll be nearby, so call me if you need me.”  
  
Zayn nodded, and closed his eyes, listening to the footsteps that singled that Niall went out. The sleep had drifted away from him by now thanks to Niall, so he just lay awake for some time, changing multiple positions, and trying to think about nice things to cheer himself up with. When it didn’t work, he opened his eyes, and watched the shapes of the ceiling. The grey stone stood completely still above him, and he studied each curve and bend until he felt himself dozing off.  
  
Zayn woke up to the sound of Lori shrieking, and he cursed as he turned onto his side. The bloody bird. While before he was just tired, now he really started to feel poorly. He felt more nauseous than before, and reached out for the water in order to take another few sips, but he ended up drinking it all. He pushed it away along with the bowl of untouched food, as the mere sight of the fish made him feel on the verge of throwing up. He groaned in agony as his head started to throb, and he curled in on himself, trying to concentrate on breathing evenly. Eventually he fell asleep again.  
  
He woke up to the feeling of coldness against his forehead, and blinked up to see Niall wiping under his hairline with a cloth.

“Shh…” Niall soothed him as he retreated his folded shirt in order to dip it in the water before moving to wipe Zayn’s sweaty face.  
  
“…Water,” Zayn croaked out dryly.  
  
“Yeah, in a moment,” Niall reassured him, before filling the bowl again. Zayn’s head gave another painful throb when he sat up, and he feebly took the bowl from Niall and gulped from the water.  
  
“Thanks,” he murmured as he lay back.  
  
“You didn’t eat anything…” Niall said.  
  
“I don't want to,” Zayn sighed.  
  
Niall went out to let him rest, and Zayn lay awake as he couldn’t sleep anymore. He was too weak to get up, but he was extremely bored, too. He itched to do something, anything. He couldn’t lie here all day, could he? Niall took Lori away so she wouldn’t bother him, and now the place was so silent that it could easily get anyone crazy, as the rustle that the blanket and the leaves made every time he shifted was the only sound the filled the cave.

He sighed as he tried to make pictures swirl in his mind, different memories he had from before the incident, faces and words that hunted him in his dreams ever so often, and yet, kept him sane. It was easier to try to withdraw into himself, to let his thoughts consume him. It was like an escape from his reality, from this place, from the weakness he felt all over, and the ache in his head.  
  
He dozed off and came back to multiple times, waking up with a start like he had had a nightmare, and breathing heavily like a tired dog as if he hadn’t been breathing for a while. He felt dizzy and sometimes the cave span so much that he felt like the walls were closing in on him. Other times he woke up sweating and way too hot to the point where he couldn’t stand the heat anymore, and would shake the blanket off, but of course Niall would cover him with it every single time, saying that he needed to sweat the disease out, and Zayn would just sniffle or whimper or sulk, because he wasn’t in the condition to fight at the moment. He turned and rolled over in his sleep, not able to find a comfortable position. He felt like he was dreaming always the same thing and it drove him completely mad because not only did he see the same snippets that would disappear every time the sleep was drained off him, but he felt like he was getting more tires. It was like his brain was overworking itself, like the high temperature was affecting it.  
  
“Hey, how do you feel?” Niall asked later that day, around sunset, judging by the fading light, while Zayn was just lying on his side, his fringe sticking to his overheated forehead.  
  
“Drained…” Zayn whispered, his voice coming out too gruff for his taste. He couldn’t find any other way to describe his state. He felt as if someone was drilling holes in his temples.  
  
“Did you eat anything?” Niall sat down next to him, reaching out to check his temperature again, Zayn’s stray hairs falling on his hand. “You’re still hot.”  
  
Zayn slowly shook his head no, and Niall sighed, before giving him some more water that Zayn reluctantly swallowed, feeling it create a lump in his throat before it continued its way lower. Niall pulled the blanket up to Zayn’s chin yet again, and lay down on his own bed next to him. “Feel well, Zayn,” he said softly.  
  
Zayn mumbled a _thanks_ in return, and closed his eyes again.

 _He was on the cruise again. It was as packed as ever. The sky was bright and the ocean quiet, and his sisters were playing in the pool on the sun deck, while his parents were lounging somewhere nearby. A sudden loud explosion pierced the peacefulness like a shotgun, and everything lost its shape. All the colors mingled and swirled together until there was only red. He heard people screaming, and he tried to find his family, but all he saw was bright flames that were burning everything in their wake. He tried to run away like everyone else but he felt immobilized. It was like his own body wasn’t cooperating with his mind. Everything turned so hot suddenly, and he realized that he was trapped by the fire. He tried to scream for help, but no sound came out. He couldn’t move, he couldn’t talk, and he couldn’t hear anything but the blood thumping in his ears like a heartbeat. But he saw and felt everything. He saw the fire consuming and destroying everything. He felt like he was being squeezed into a small complex, like his limbs were twisting in impossible angles. He felt as helpless as he humanly could be. He felt like the heat was strangling him. He heard his father shouting his name, and then everything turned black. He suddenly realized that he was underwater. He gasped as he tried to emerge back to the surface, and started to panic when he felt himself running out of oxygen. His body betrayed him as he couldn't will it to move. He was sinking deeper and deeper into the unknown. “Zayn! Zayn!” he heard his mother's worried voice calling for him from somewhere far away, and suddenly he felt an additional weight on his middle, and everything came to a halt.  
  
_ “Zayn! Wake up!” _  
_  
Zayn sucked in a tight breath before he had even opened his eyes, and felt like he had inhaled all the air around him. He started to thrash around as he was still mildly dreaming, but the voice from before was speaking again. “It’s okay. It’s okay. It was just a dream.”  
_  
_ He started to breathe heavily, not sure if from the fear, or the strain, or the nightmare itself.  
  
“Hey… breathe.” He felt gentle fingers in his hair, stroking back the sweaty locks. “ Shh... You’re okay.”  
  
Zayn slowly registered Niall’s frame hovering over him, his hands running through his hair and over his face, soothing him.  
  
“It was so real…” Zayn gasped out, his voice more of a sob. He realized cold sweat was running down his back, and the sensation made him shiver. He was overheated and cold all at once, and he was confused and frightened, and his mind was probably running a thousand miles a second.  
  
It was too dark to make out Niall’s face completely, but Zayn still could see his concerned expression, with his brows furrowed and the crease on his forehead, and he was pretty sure that his eyes were glistening with worry as well.  
  
“Hey, you’re ok,” he promised, cradling Zayn’s cheek in his hand. “Relax, breathe in and out, yeah?”  
  
Zayn squeezed his eyes shut and did as he was told, feeling his quick and rapid pulse gradually slowing down.  
  
“Yeah, that’s more like it,” Niall whispered, and caressed Zayn’s cheek to make him look at him. “You want to talk about it?”  
  
Zayn sucked in another breath because he actually really didn’t, but he also didn’t want to be left with those thoughts alone.  
  
“I was sort of living that day again,” Zayn turned his head to the side, concentrating on some shadowed spot on the wall. It was easier than looking at Niall’s face. He was so embarrassed. He wondered if Niall had heard him shouting in his sleep. “The ship burned down, and I found myself underwater again… Only it was ten times worse.”  
  
“Yeah?” Niall said softly. “That’s quite odd. Did you dream about it before?”  
  
“Sometimes,” Zayn admitted. “But not to that degree…”  
  
“Maybe the fever triggered it,” Niall said pensively, his hand not stopping caressing Zayn’s hair for a moment. And Zayn was so grateful for it, because it was anchoring him and helping him calm down.  
  
“Maybe,” Zayn agreed. “But it was a horrible one.” A shiver ran down his spine at the mere memory. “It was so real. I was sure I was living it.”  
  
“Maybe you really are traumatized from that, Zayn,” Niall said gently, carefully. “I don’t think that you would dream about it for no reason.”  
  
“Who knows?" Zayn hid behind his eyelashes. “Apparently it really had been under the surface this whole time, and only now it broke in.”  
  
"I don't like that you dreamt about it," Niall admitted as he brushed the hair away from Zayn’s sweaty forehead, and the softness of the gesture made Zayn whisper before he could stop himself, “Can you stay with me?”  
  
It probably wasn’t a good idea. He had a vague feeling that he was playing with fire here, and fire was a dangerous game he didn’t know how to play, and besides, he might get Niall sick as well. But he really needed to feel the closeness of another human being. He needed that comfort, that warmth, that solid weight against his. And he wasn’t thinking straight, he was acting purely on instinct. And he needed to have Niall closer to him.  
  
Niall nodded, and whispered, “Sure.”

Somehow, Zayn had known he wouldn’t say no, but he didn’t let himself feel bad, because he was sick, and his mind was fuzzy, and it felt really nice when Niall climbed in right next to him and wrapped his arms around his still slightly shaken frame, scaring all the demons away.  
  
“I hope you wouldn’t dream about it anymore,” Niall murmured against the curling hair at his nape, and Zayn bit his lip. “You deserve a good sleep.”  
  
“I hope so…” Zayn closed his eyes. Niall continued to stroke his hair, and Zayn felt himself slowly nearing the verge of sleep again. For once he felt content.

 

* * *

  
Niall succeeded in convincing him to eat the entire soup he had made him the next day, and surprisingly enough, Zayn felt good enough to stand up without wavering, so Niall dragged him to the hot spring and made him take a hot bath. Zayn sulked the whole time he was standing inside of the water. With his dripping wet hair, and the whole stifle pose with his arms crossed over his chest, he resembled the image of a cat who was forced to take a bath. Or at least that was what Niall told him while carving something out of wood on the ground nearby. Zayn vaguely remembered him mentioning something about trying to create cutlery for days now and always failing. When they returned back, he was ordered to lie down again and do nothing at all. Zayn felt like he might actually die of boredom. He just wanted to do something, anything. But every time he tried to get out, Niall would lead him back to the bed, and stay there with him until he fell asleep again. Niall was being absolutely bossy, even more so than usual, and when Zayn brought it up, Niall rolled his eyes and said that he simply made sure Zayn rested enough.  
  
After another couple of days Zayn was feeling good again, and it was great to be able to do something else, for a change, apart from spending his hours lying in one place in a rather miserable way. He knew that most of it reserved to Niall, as he had taken care of him the whole time like a worried Mum, and had made sure that Zayn rested enough. Luckily, Niall didn’t end up getting sick, even though he had cuddled Zayn every night since the nightmare. Zayn didn’t have bad dreams this way, and he guessed that they both got a benefit of it-they were warmer.  
  
Niall was happy to get some help as he had had to do everything by himself in the last few days, and Zayn did his best as he felt that he owed him for everything he had done for him.  
  
Zayn sat one afternoon on the ground, and worked on creating a fishing net. With the help of sticks, he tied ropes densely together, and sewed small squares to make something that resembled a net. He was still figuring it out, trying to see what was more suitable for this purpose-coconut fiber ropes or vines. The fibers were thinner and easier to turn into an actual rope in the right size, but he had a limited amount, while he had many vines that were thicker and harder to manage with. He wondered if he could maybe try to mix them up.  
  
“Zayn, did you see the wood that I’d placed somewhere here?” Niall asked, only in his shorts as it was rather hot today.  
  
“Oh, you mean those pieces of wood? I threw them into the fire.”  
  
“You— you what?!” Niall all but jumped to stand in front of him, staring alarmingly at the fire.  
  
Zayn paused, saying slowly, “I shouldn’t have… done it?”  
  
“Zayn, it was the tools I’ve been carving for days now!”  
  
“Oh.” The realization hit him, and he stopped what he was doing. “You mean the…”  
  
“Yes! The spoons and the forks I was trying to make!”  
  
“Oops,” Zayn made. He had never seen Niall this upset before. It made him quite uncomfortable that it was directed at him. “I’m sorry… I didn’t know.”  
  
“Why didn’t you ask me?”  
  
“I just wanted to help,” Zayn tried to explain himself. “I honestly didn’t know that the wood was for making cutlery.” Well, maybe he was kind of insulting Niall’s carving skills now. It apparently wasn’t helping the situation.  
  
“You’ve definitely helped enough, Zayn,” Niall said sarcastically, and dropped down into a sitting position. “Thank you very much.”  
  
“I’m sorry,” Zayn repeated, looking down, as it was hard to watch Niall’s frustrated and disappointed look. “I really am.”  
  
“I know,” Niall sighed. “I understand, but I really worked hard on that dumb wood. I can’t believe that everything was for nothing.”  
  
Zayn felt really bad about himself. It could have been much easier if Niall had shouted and blamed him, but this-him sitting here with that frown, only made Zayn’s chest swell with guilt.  
  
“We can bring more wood,” Zayn suggested quietly.  
  
“It took me really long to find a wood suitable enough,” Niall exclaimed.  
  
“Then I’ll go find more. Tell me what you need…”  
  
“It’s no use…” Niall dug his toes into the sandy ground. “Maybe we can just forget about those tools…”  
  
“No, Niall, let me help you,” Zayn insisted. “Let’s try to make them together… I need some way to pay for it, don’t I?”  
  
“Yeah, you totally need,” Niall said a tad too sharply.  
  
“Ok, so I’ll experiment with this net for a little longer, and then we’ll go find wood, ok?”  
  
“Yeah, sounds good,” Niall said, and with a squeeze to Zayn’s shoulder, he stood up and went away.

* * *

  
Zayn was standing in the middle of the hot spring, listening to the wet sounds of the water drops sliding down his body and back into the clear liquid. He was more comfortable now with being in the water, and he didn’t need Niall’s help or presence anymore. It was the most peaceful place he knew on this island, so he took his time while he took a bath, just relaxing into the warmth, and letting the steam cloud his mind until he felt dizzy.  
  
He was so preoccupied that he barely registered that someone else had entered the cave, and only realized that he wasn’t alone anymore when he heard a loud splash of water and turned around to see Niall inside as well.  
  
“Niall!” Zayn whisper-screamed. “What are you doing?”  
  
“What does it look like to you? I’m taking a bath, obviously.”  
  
“But… this place is like, already taken,” Zayn lowered himself farther into the water, watching Niall carefully.  
  
“Come on, Zayn,” Niall swam to the center of the spring, about five feet away from him now. “This place is big enough for the both of us and for at least another twenty people.”  
  
“Niall, get out,” Zayn hissed through gritted teeth, his arms moving up to cover his chest self-consciously.  
  
“Jesus, what’s your problem? Wait, are you like… shy?” He smiled cheekily when Zayn squirmed in his place. “There is nothing to be embarrassed about, Zaynie.” Zayn cringed a little at the nickname. “We are both boys, after all. Nothing we haven’t seen before.”  
  
“Seriously, Niall, get out!”  
  
“Okay, okay! No need to lose your temper,” Niall grumbled, moving back the way he came. “Didn’t know you were that modest or shy, or whatever. See you later.”  
  
Zayn immediacy averted his gaze when he emerged out, and just like that, Niall left a flustered and flushed Zayn to dwell by himself.


	10. Chapter 10

It was a hot afternoon, and the both of them just lay on the beach in their underwear to absorb the warmth of the sun as the heat turned them into lazy bums.  
  
“It’s not fair…” Niall mumbled from his right, and Zayn turned his head to look at him in confusion. “You turn only a prettier shade of tan while all I get is mostly sunburns.”  
  
Zayn laughed at that, and gave him a soft smile. “Your skin is just not suitable for this climate, which makes me wonder why you still spend so much time out in the sun… It’s like you try hard to burn your skin. Your nose is already red…”  
  
Niall groaned, and covered his face with his hands for a minute, before turning onto his stomach, his back covered in a blanket of yellowish sand.  
  
“Your tan would be uneven because of the sand,” Zayn pointed out, and Niall just shrugged it off, as if to say he didn’t care.  
  
“It’s just nice… this sun,” Niall sighed contently and closed his eyes, and Zayn hummed in agreement.  
  
Yesterday was quite cold with a few rains during the night, so they were sort of sunbathing now to get rid of the chill. They didn’t have anything better to do anyway, as they had already finished their daily chores, and they didn’t need to worry about dinner as they only had to cook the fish.  
  
Zayn watched Niall’s rested and relaxed face, the way he looked so in ease, and thought to himself about how close they had gotten recently. It wasn’t something obvious for him to reach this level of convenience this soon with someone. Because, to be honest, Zayn had always had it hard with new people. It took him a lot of time to trust and open up. 

Many viewed him as a cold and insensitive person, while in reality he just needed to get a feel of the person, see their true colors before he allowed himself to soften around them.  

He often found himself jealous of his friends, envious of the easiness in which they interacted with people they had just met, of how they made it look natural and fun, while he couldn't keep up and wouldn't let himself be a part of it until he reached some level of comfort with the strangers. It was the main reason why he avoided big gatherings, and made up excuses not to go to parties and clubs.   
  
At the times his friends did manage to drag him to a party, he would find himself leaning against a wall with a drink in his hand that didn’t help his dizzy mind, and he would try to blend with the cold stone behind him every time a girl glared at him a tad too hard.

And it might be another reason as to why he hated those crammed and deafening places so much. The girls. For some unknown reason, girls seemed to like the broody and rebellious type. So while unintentionally, he usually attracted a lot of attention, and the swarm of girls made him feel ganged upon. And the horrible thing was that some girls didn't seem deterred when he rejected them, nor did they step back when he explained he was seeing somebody.

It always made him uncomfortable when they sent wandering hands, or crowded him against the wall. He would try to be nice, not tell them in the face to fuck off, but his tolerance could be only stretched so much. 

His friends were always incredulous as to why he wasn't taking advantage of the situation, and he got tired of explaining his philosophy as to why it was immoral to take a drunk girl home, and was fed up with them complaining they hadn't got the sultry looks or whatever. 

No matter how many times he had told Louis to stop giving him notes with numbers, the little shit still shoved them in his hands, claiming that his friends quite fancy the quiet and mysterious boy. He had once overheard him arguing with Liam that Gigi wasn't giving him enough sex, and that it was turning him into a moody brat.

And alright, Zayn didn't like it when people shoved their noses into his intimate matters. He practically stopped going to parties after that, if to only get away from Louis playing matchmaker. He didn’t like, anyway, the loud music thumping in his ears, or seeing couples thrusting their tongues into each other’s throats in front of his face.

Zayn loved the peacefulness, the familiarity, the meetings in small groups with the people he was comfortable with. He stayed most of the time in his comfort zone, away from the 'living on the edge' Louis loved to bug him with. Harry called him boring ages ago when he learned that Zayn preferred to sit down and read some novel instead of drinking pint at some pub, but maybe they just had different definitions for fun. Either way, his previous girlfriends had no problem when he suggested they would order a takeaway and just snuggle together in his bed or on the sofa while watching a movie, or when he quoted them lines from books and poems he liked.   
  
The thing was that Zayn had been forced out of his comfort zone, and had to just stand there helplessly and see how his whole life crumbled apart before his eyes. He had to reluctantly accept the fact that now he didn't have his family, or his friends, and had only himself and this boy who was lying next to him.  
  
It wasn’t a secret that he didn’t like Niall to begin with. His first impression of him was that he was a freak who was staring at people a tad too much, and this combined with the fact that he was stranded here with no one but him made him bitter and distant, and not very nice. His being not the most friendly type only made matters worse, but Niall always tried to reach for him, get him to talk and open up, and he invested a lot of effort in order to get to know him. And Zayn was thankful for that, for the fact that Niall was so easy going, and such a free spirit that could meld his aloof persona and warm Zayn up to him.  
  
At the beginning, he just tried to shut himself off, shut Niall out, withdraw into himself to escape this place, because it was hard to accept this reality, this isolation from the real world. He felt like the time was paralyzed, like the world was standing still on its axis, like every day was blending into the previous, like the sky was mingling with the ocean, and all the edges were blurring, and he wasn’t aging at all.

He had spent so many evenings just sitting on the seashore and watching as the ocean swallowed the colors of the bleeding sun, thinking to himself,  _another day that I’m here, another night that I would be away from my family_ , but then Niall would come and join him, his hand coming up to squeeze Zayn’s shoulder or bicep, and he would just start talking about his day, and at first Zayn often got annoyed and just stood up and went away to sleep in his cold bed, but as the time went, he got used to Niall’s rambling, listened as he told him about the animals he had seen, about the adventures he had had while walking around the island, and it made the ache in his chest subside, and the exhaustion of the day to fade, and his eyes to crinkle with laughter when Niall talked about something funny.  
  
He got used to having Niall beside him, to falling asleep in his arms, and waking up to see that he had already gone out for a dip. Niall was all bright smiles, and warm hugs, and lasting laughter. He always managed to keep the conversation going, and Zayn was so thankful for that, because that prevented the air from turning stiff. While before he just begged for him to shut up, now he could listen to him going on and on about how some monster fish had almost broken the fishing rod, and about that time he had gone to the spring, but found a family of monkeys already swimming there. Zayn hadn't  believed him at first, but when he went to take a bath a few days later, he surely saw two monkeys, funnily enough, resting their backs against the stone while they were inside of the water, very certainly enjoying themselves. It was needless to say that Zayn had given up on bathing that day, as he didn’t want the monkeys that were staring at him to attack him if he moved any closer.  
  
The thing about Zayn was that he  _could_  be warm and friendly and kind once he felt grounded and settled enough. He needed to know where he stood, needed to feel safe and comfortable, and then he would let people see those sides of him. It took him time to trust people. He was mainly a keeper, saving his thoughts and feelings to himself. Maybe he just didn’t want to be vulnerable, and this was some sort of self-protection, something he had developed from rather painful experiences he had had when he was younger and pettier, and hadn’t known how this world worked. And maybe he was just being a coward, because Niall had gotten rejected by him countless of times when he just tried to be nice and yet was told to fuck off or stay away, and he still always tried again, almost like a lost puppy that always tried to come back, even after all the times it had been kicked out. And Zayn felt bad, but at the same time all the blame couldn't fall on hin. He didn’t choose to get stuck in here, so he had all the right to be moody, and irritated, and to demand his distance.  
  
How Niall had managed to break the ice and worm his way inside remained a mystery. But Zayn could tell sincerely that if there were one good thing that came out of this whole deal, it was meeting Niall, because he actually had never had someone like Niall in his life before. He was different from Liam’s chocolate eyes and heart, and from Harry’s slow and deep drawl, and from Louis’ quirky eyebrows and tongue. And there was something refreshing about it, about how he was the perfect mix of laughter and warmth, a little sunshine in this darkness, a porch of light in this disaster that made Zayn burn with hope and longing. He could see how Niall could fit in his life-in his real life back at home. He was sure that his friends would just adore him, as Niall was the type that everyone loved, the kind of person that everyone wanted to have in their lives.  
  
Zayn wouldn’t have been able to make it without of him, because even when the sky was grey, and the sand was damp and cool with freshly spilled rain, Niall still was emitting enough warmth and light to envelop with it Zayn’s soul, almost like the sun had touched him.   
  
“Lori’s getting better,” Niall murmured, and Zayn shook his head out of his daze to focus on him. “I think she will fly away in a week.”  
  
Lori’s wing indeed was looking good the last time they had changed the bandage a few days ago, and Zayn might have come to tolerate her after all the days she had spent with them, but Niall had gotten really attached to her, and perhaps it would be hard for him to separate from her when the day would come.    
  
“That’s good,” Zayn said, and when Niall frowned, he added, “She will reunite with her family.”  
  
“But we’re her family, too,” Niall said. “I just hope she wouldn’t forget about us when she’ll get all big and famous with the other birds.”  
  
Zayn snorted. “Maybe she’ll come to visit sometimes.”  
  
“She'd better,” Niall said seriously. “And is it just me, or dis it become hot here? I think that I’ll go cool myself a little in the water. Wanna join?”  
  
“Nah.” Zayn shook his head, and shook the sand off his body as he stood up. “You go, and I’ll start making dinner.”  
  
And with that, Niall hurried into the water, the little merman that he was, and Zayn went to cook the fish.  
  
Later that day, while they lay cuddled close in Zayn’s bed, face to face, Niall’s hand rubbing slow, lazy circles into the center of Zayn’s back, Zayn debated whether to say something that had been on his mind for some time now. He looked at Niall apprehensively, studying his face to see if he were calm and sated enough to ask him something that he might not want to talk about. The nervous glances prompted Niall to raise his eyebrows at him and ask, “What is it?”  
  
Zayn sighed, and closed his eyes for a moment before staring back into Niall’s shiny blues and saying, “It’s just that… I have something I want to ask you, and it’s okay if you don’t feel like answering, because it’s kinda personal… And well, I guess I’m just curious…”  
  
“Yeah, go on,” Niall encouraged him. “Say whatever is on your mind.”  
  
Zayn concentrated on the feeling of Niall’s fingertips dancing over his skin, and let out the words that had been bugging him for a while now. “I’ve just been wondering... since you've never told me- You’ve said that you jumped because you heard someone was drowning, but where is your family in the picture?” He felt Niall’s fingers faltering before they continued their soothing caress. “You know what I mean, right? It’s probably none of my business, but do they even know you've jumped off the railing?”  
  
Niall let his eyes blink closed for a moment before he looked at Zayn again, “In other words, you’re asking if I sneaked away? If I ran away from them?” Zayn kept silent. “Look, I don’t think that anyone in their sane mind would let their child jump like that, so I obviously didn’t ask for permission. My mum was too preoccupied with getting on a boat, and so was Daniel, her boyfriend, you know, so I simply slipped away. I don’t think they’ve even noticed.”  
  
Zayn kept his mouth shut for a few moments, too stunned to say something right away, before saying quietly, “But Niall, how could you… They are probably worried sick.”  
  
Niall shrugged half-heartedly. “My mum will probably kill me if she sees me again.” He chuckled, but it was bitter. “And… yeah, I guess it's probably not something very fair to do, but I'm fine, whether they know it or not, so whatever. And besides, I didn’t really have time to reconsider my options. Like, I didn’t see anyone doing anything-no crew member came to your rescue, and it was a matter of seconds, and the life of someone, your life, was depended on this decision. And I don't really think that I could tell my mom 'Hey, I'm jumping into the water, see you later', and expect her not to prevent me from doing just that.”

Zayn suddenly realized something. Niall could’ve gotten onto a boat, and yet he opted to jump after him. He thought nothing could make him feel more guilty, and yet...“Hey, hey,” Niall tapped the crease between his eyebrows to make the frown subside. “You’re not in fault here, Zayn, for the tenth time already… It was my choice, and I regret nothing, ok? It’s not your fault that your lifejacket is a piece of junk, or that we drifted away… It’s just how it all turned out. We're alright, and this is all that matters.”  
  
Zayn wondered what happend aboard after he had jumped. If his father had found help, if he had jumped after him, how long they had searched for him before they gave up and understood it was hopeless. What if they thought him and Niall were dead? Could this be the reason why no one came after them?  
  
“I can see the cogs in your brain working,” Niall commented.  
  
“What if they think we didn't make it?” Zayn blurted suddenly.  
  
Niall looked a little taken aback, but he composed himself fast enough and replied calmly, “I don’t think it went unnoticed that two guys emerged out of the water nearby the ship in broad daylight, to be honest… Maybe we were spotted, just too far to be reached."

"And maybe with all the noise we weren't." Somehow, believing they hadn't been spotted hurt less than believing someone noticed them but failed to save them.

"Err... I can't deny that." And then, more softly, he added, "I had no idea we'd get washed away from everybody else. I thought I'd be able to save us, but I clearly misunderstood the-"

“And then you say that I’m not the one to blame.” Zayn turned his back to him, curling in on himself as he started to regret starting this conversation in the first place.  
  
“You’re not, okay?” Niall promised. “We just weren’t lucky…” He sighed. “I’m sorry I couldn’t save you...”  
  
Zayn shook his head in disbelief. “Niall, you’ve done more than enough, honestly…”  
  
“Sometimes I feel like I haven't tried hard enough.” Niall’s fingers stilled the combing movement they had started in Zayn's hair. 

"What are you talking about?" Zayn was incredulous. "It's a luck we even got here. I wouldn't be alive if not you."

Niall didn't reply. Instead, he whispered, “I feel kind of bad for my mum. She’s probably worried sick.”  
  
Zayn bit his lip, and what he asked next was probably a stupid question, but he couldn’t help himself, “Do you miss her?”  
  
“Yeah…” Niall breathed and turned onto his back. “Quite a lot, actually… I think she and Lucy, my old dog, are the only ones I really miss…”  
  
“You don’t really like her boyfriend, do you?”  
  
“I hate him,” Niall laughed. “But he resents me, so I guess it’s okay. Can’t believe I got to get on that cruise. My mum said that he wanted me to come along so our relationship would get better, but I know that he just didn’t want me to stay in his house alone for that long. Apparently was afraid I’d throw a party or something, so he didn’t want to let me out of his watchful eye.”  
  
“Sounds great,” Zayn said sarcastically.  
  
“Lucy hates him too, though. You have no idea how many pairs of shoes she has ruined him, my girl,” Niall laughed, and hearing that light and happy sound again made some of the heavy tension around them seep away. “My mum loves her, so he can’t get rid of her. Believe me, oh, he tried so hard, especially after she had bitten him once.”  
  
“I wish I could see it,” Zayn grinned even though Niall couldn’t see him.  
  
“It was hilarious, believe me. I miss her so much…” Zayn could hear Niall's pout in his voice.   
  
Zayn took a deep breath, and asked, “What about your father and brother?” He regretted letting it slip the moment the words were out, and when Niall went rigid beside him, he hurried to take it back, “S—sorry… I had no right to ask…”  
  
Niall sighed, and pulled Zayn bodily toward him so they were back to chest. “I don’t know exactly what to say, but things are not really looking up between us… I haven’t talked to any of them for a few years now… So, It’s mostly me and Mom.”  
  
Zayn could hear from Niall’s tone that he didn’t want to go into details, so he didn’t press farther, and just nodded in something that could be understanding or sympathy.  
  
“It’s okay, though,” Zayn wondered if Niall reassured him or himself. “I’m alright, really. Besides, It’s not like I’m in a relationship or something, or else it would have been much tougher.”  
  
“Yeah, I get you." Zayn closed his eyes, picturing the faces of his family in his mind. Did they still believe he was alive? Were they all complete and sound? "I miss them..."  
  
“I know,” Niall said. “There was a lot of love between you." That made Zayn turn his head back, and Niall sighed in exasperation. "Alright, so I saw you a few times on the ship, big deal... You are just a big and noisy family that is hard to ignore."  
  
“So I take from that you’ve been keeping an eye on me since the very beginning, hmm?”  
  
Niall laughed, and Zayn could feel the vibrations against his back. “Don’t flatter yourself too much. Just happened to spot you from time to time, so what?”  
  
“Well, you were shooting at me some heavy glares back at that dining hall,” Zayn recalled.   
  
“Yeah, because you are pretty.” Niall sounded completely unbaffled, and Zayn gulped. That had to be something, right? He shook the thoughts away, though, not letting them worry him. “Your dynamic with your sisters is great from what I’ve seen… You’re a good big brother.”  
  
It was Zayn’s turn to chuckle now, and he felt the heaviness seeping away, “I’m trying, at least…”  
  
“That’s what’s important.” Niall yawned, and added, “I think it’s about time we go to sleep…”  
  
“Yeah,” Zayn agreed. “Good night...”  
  
“G’night,” Niall kissed his hair softly, before they both settled to sleep.  
  
The next few days were of nothing extraordinary. Zayn almost finished sewing the net, and in the end he did mix up between the coconut fibers and the vines, so the actual net was built out of fibers, and the vines were the hand-lines. It was quite small, but they didn’t need something big, as they needed only a reasonable amount of fish. He divided his time between working on the net and helping Niall carve the cutlery. He had suggested that they’d just tie a clam to a stick, but Niall was restless to make an actual spoon. Up to now, their spoons and forks were completely lame, and the thing was that they didn’t even resemble what the final product was supposed to look like. Niall was bothered by it, and his failed attempts made him grumpy and bitter, and while at it, he often muttered under his breath incoherent words that Zayn couldn’t make out anyway, so Zayn just let him be, and knew that it was better to leave him alone while he was in that mood or else he would snap at him or something.  
  
In the noon of the third day since they had talked about the incident, Zayn went to the sea in order to rinse their cookware, and he was completely caught off guard when Niall launched himself at him, and knocked him to the ground, the tools falling from his hands and to the sand.  
  
“Niall!” Zayn called in distess, having a little of trouble to catch his breath as Niall had practically scared him to death for a moment. “What the hell was that for?"  
  
“I’m bored,” he exclaimed, like it was a normal thing to knock down people when you were bored. He got off Zayn when the latter tried to get up, though, and offered him his hand.  
  
Zayn took it, and started to gather the now even dirtier bowls and sticks. “Look what you’ve done,” he said indignantly.  
  
“They were dirty anyway,” Niall pointed out. “Nothing the water can’t change.”  
  
“Go get a life, Niall.”   
  
“Come on, I just want to play,” Niall said.  
  
“I’m doing something at the moment,” Zayn reminded him, and moved to rinse one of the bowls before passing it over to Niall.  
  
“You know, I think you’re just cowering,” Niall said, and when Zayn turned to look at him, he was met with a huge smirk that he itched to wipe off.  
  
“From what?” Zayn started to rinse the other bowl.  
  
"I bet I'm stronger than you," Niall said. "And I bet you know that too."

“I don’t understand.” Zayn passed him the second and last bowl. “Are you challenging me?”  
  
“Maybe,” Niall winked.  
  
“I don’t think I’m interested,” Zayn went to rinse the sticks, but then Niall gibed in, “It’s just that you know that you’ll lose before we even begin, Zaynie.”  
  
“Okay, that’s it,” Zayn threw the sticks on the sand, and all but lunched hinself at Niall, who in turn tossed the bowls to the side before his back even hit the ground, and he laughed triumphantly before fisting his hands in the back of Zayn’s shirt in order to turn them over. Soon enough they started to wrestle properly, with them tossing around on the sand and trying to get the upper hand. Every time Zayn managed to get on top of Niall and tried to pin him down, the boy would manage to squirm from beneath him, and then Zayn would find himself looking up at him as he struggled breathlessly to tackle Niall back down. There was sand everywhere, and at one point Zayn said, “Shit, I think I just got sand in my mouth,” and Niall laughed before taking advantage of Zayn’s temporary distraction to throw him onto the sand again.  
  
“Are you giving up?” Niall asked, his knees locking Zayn’s legs in place.  
  
“Never,” Zayn replied, before rolling them over.  
  
They were about the same size and weight so it was a serious fight, at least on Zayn’s part, as he gave all he had in order to prove Niall that he was just as capable. He wasn’t sure if Niall were just playing around or using his full strength, but in the meantime it seemed like no one was winning. Zayn hadn’t play-wrestled in ages, and he couldn’t believe how much fun it was. He felt like a pent-up tension was finally seeping out of his body with every time he managed to wriggle from under Niall and throw him down again. Their laughter filled the air, and Zayn seriously didn’t enjoy something this much in a long time.  
  
In the end, he managed to pin Niall down, and he breathed in heavily, before smirking, “Gotcha.” But then Niall quirked a brow, and Zayn’s eyes widened only a fraction of a second before Niall turned them around, and suddenly, they ended up with Niall on top of him, pinning his hands on either side of his head, and locking his legs tightly with his knees. Zayn tried to wriggle away, but found that he couldn’t, and he was too tired, anyway, his breathing coming out hard and ragged, and so was Niall’s.  
  
“No, I think I caught you,” he said breathlessly, squeezing Zayn’s wrists for emphasis.

Zayn sucked in a breah, before managing, "Yeah, whatever. You can let go of me now." He struggled minutely to break off Niall's hold.

"Say it," Niall said. 

"Huh?" Zayn made and stilled in place. 

"Say I'm stronger."

Zayn looked at his flushed face and matted hair, and was surprised to see he really meant it.  

"What?" Zayn let out a huff of laughter. "Are we in kindergarten?"

"Come on, admit that I'm better; it's not that hard."

What the fuck was that? A battle for dominance? What a shit, he was quite sure they were past age five.

"Or else what?" he asked playfully. 

"We'll stay like this until you say that, or at least until I need to use the bathroom, which, trust me, is a very long time."

Zayn squinted his eyes at him, and whimpered when the hold on his wrists tightened for a second as Niall made his point. He waited for Niall to say that it was just a joke, but he just kept staring expectantly at him. 

Zayn turned his head in defeat, and said in annoyance, "Alright, you are stronger. Happy now?"

"Very."

But Niall wasn't letting go of his hands. If anything, he loosened the hold so his thumbs could brush against the delicate skin at the inside of his wrists. The gentle gesture prompted him to part his lips and look up at Niall. 

It was the first time he actually took him in. His chest was heaving with every breath he took, and his cheeks were pink from the effort, and his blonde hair was in a complete mess, bright locks laying messily on his slightly sweaty forehead, and Zayn knew that he didn’t look any better.  
  
They stayed like that for maybe another minute until their heart rate and breathing calmed down, and suddenly Zayn caught up with the position they were in and with his growing vulnerability, and his eyes searched Niall’s, and found them already trained on him, and when Zayn bit his lip, he saw them following the movement. And abruptly he realized that Niall was staring at him with some kind of a glint in his eyes that Zayn had seen a few times before but always convinced himself that it was a figment of his imagination, and he found himself frozen in place as Niall continued tracing his face with his eyes, and there was something intense and deep in that ocean glare, and Zayn felt himself starting to get nervous, because he had the faintest idea where this was going.  
  
And then Zayn noticed that Niall’s face was growing closer to his until they were just a few inches away, and Zayn gulped. His pulse quickened again, and it had nothing to do with their previous activity. He didn’t know what to do or what to say, his limbs felt like jelly, and his throat went dry. He wondered if he could get out of this situation by saying something quirky that they both would laugh at later, but nothing came to his mind. And then Niall was leaning in, and all Zayn could think of was  _no, this is not happening._  
  
He turned his head away, and said with his eyes squeezed shut, “—Niall, I— I can’t… I’m not gay…” And immediately regretted it.  
  
“It’s… It’s alright,” Niall said, letting go of him as if he had been shocked and standing up instantly. “Sorry.”  
  
Zayn didn’t even catch a glimpse of his face before Niall went in the direction of the woods. He groaned and kicked at nothing, feeling sorry and confused and lost all at once. He sat up slowly, like he still couldn’t comprehend what had just happened, and buried his face in his hands in helplessness. He didn’t know what to think about it, what to make out of it. He didn’t know what to do now. He felt like he had ruined everything without meaning to. He touched his fingers to his lips, and suddenly it hit him with a full force like a slap. Niall had tried to kiss him and he rejected him. Could it go worse than that?  
  
He wondered if he should go and find Niall so he could explain himself better to him, maybe apologize, or at least try talking to him about it, but decided against it. He supposed that they both needed some space for the time being. He took a stick to busy his fidgeting hands with, and walked toward the rocks, leaving the bowls and sticks behind to deal with later. He climbed the cliff he liked so he could collect his thoughts. He sat there for a long time, looking at the sea, and trying to process everything that had happened.

Maybe he should have just let Niall kiss him or have his way with him in general.  
  
He had always had his suspicions, always felt that there was something beyond but never let himself face it or think about it too much. He wasn’t blind to the way Niall was eyeing him while he was changing, or to the glances he would steal while thinking Zayn was too busy to notice. Zayn just shrugged it off every time, and didn't  think something big of that, but then Niall would say those things like ‘It’s not so bad being here when you’re here, too,’ and ‘I love your morning head,’ and he would hold him, and hug him, or touch him for longer than necessary, and all those things… they had to mean something, right?  
  
Maybe Zayn was just being oblivious, because even now he was starting to think that maybe he just mistook the whole situation, but the truth was that Zayn was just afraid to confront it. There was a possibility that Niall liked him, and now what? How should he treat him? Act like nothing had happened? Try to coax him to talk about it? Give it a chance?  
  
He threw the stick away in frustration, and instead of falling into the sea, the wind made it fall onto one of the rocks. He held his head in his hands, and just tried to concentrate on breathing evenly.  _What now? What now_?  
  
Zayn felt so many things at once. He was angry with Niall for trying to kiss him like that, for popping his little bubble that everything was just innocent and friendly, and he was angry with himself for apparently feeding the illusion that he felt the same, what not with the way he had gotten so close to him recently. He should have just kept his distance, showed Niall clearer that he wasn’t up for a relationship or whatever.  
  
And besides, Zayn wasn’t even into blokes. He had never dated a guy, nor had he kissed one. And the thought alone scared him, as he had always ever been with girls before, and guys hadn’t even been an option for him. He had never felt toward a guy something sexual or emotional. And sure, Niall was quite fit, and he had good looks, but getting involved with him in this way was something that Zayn wasn’t sure that he could do, though that wasn’t even the point. He didn’t want to jump into those things. There literally was no one on this island except for them, and it would be wrong on so many terms if they would just get together. It didn’t matter if he were a boy or a girl in this context, the thing was that Zayn would never want to be with someone just because there was no one else but them-because there were no more choices, and this was ‘their fate’. He wanted it to be real, something that they both wanted for the right reasons, and not because this was all they had.  
  
He wasn’t sure in what way Niall liked him-if he had sincere feelings for him, or if it was just a side effect of being stranded here with no one but Zayn, and maybe it was all just sexual frustration-Zayn had no idea, but he couldn’t give Niall what he wanted, because even though he felt like he owed him everything, and was supposed to give him all of him, those were things that he simply couldn’t bring himself to gift him. And he just didn’t know where they were standing now, if they could continue being friends, or if things would be awkward from now on between them. He just hoped that they would be okay after this, even if it would take some time. Niall looked like the kind of human who could keep on going on like nothing had happened, as he didn’t look like a complicated person. But Zayn knew that he, himself, wouldn’t be able to forget about this so easily.  
  
He stood up when the sun started to near the edge of the horizon, and returned back to gather the cookware from the ground, thankful it hadn't got washed away by the sea, and rinsed it before making his way to the camp, and went into the cave to find that Niall still hadn’t returned. Zayn breathed in relief as it gave him some more time to prepare himself emotionally to meeting him. He heard Niall approaching their camp when it started to darken and Lori was already sleeping, and he, himself, was already settled down in bed. Niall didn’t hurry to get in, though, and Zayn heard the sound of wood and stones clashing together, and figured that Niall was working on something outside. After a while he finally went inside, and didn’t even flinch when he saw Zayn curled on the floor with the blanket around him.  
   
“Hey,” he said. “Brought some coconuts.”  
  
His voice didn’t sound any different from usual, so Zayn thought that it was probably a good sign.  
  
“Hi,” Zayn replied, rising up a little. He felt like he needed to say something, though, as the elephant in the room was way too big for them not to notice it. “Umm… Niall, about earlier—“  
  
“Don’t worry about that,” Niall said, arranging the coconuts on the ground. “Just… forget about it.” He stood up and made to get out again, but stopped when Zayn called for him.  
  
“Where are you going?” Zayn asked, his eyebrows knitted together in a frown.  
  
“I’ll go for a night swim,” Niall replied, before heading outside.  
  
Zayn sat in place for about a minute, before slumping down onto his pile of leaves with a thump. There was an unsettling feeling in his chest, and he swallowed heavily around the lump in his throat, and he couldn’t help but feel that something was wrong.  
  
Niall returned about an hour later, and Zayn ended up pretending he was sleeping. He didn’t cuddle Zayn that night, and just opted to sleep on his own pile of leaves that he dragged away from Zayn’s nest. The space between them felt to Zayn endless, and he wanted to break it, and press his body against Niall’s, but he didn’t have the courage to. He hoped that Niall wasn’t angry with him or too hurt, and wouldn’t give him the cold shoulder, and that everything would be better in the morning. He had trouble falling asleep that night, though.  
  
The next morning Niall already wasn’t there when Zayn woke up, which wasn’t a surprise, but later on, when they were having breakfast, Niall didn’t talk Zayn’s head off like usual, and ate his meal mostly in silence, replying dryly and coldly to Zayn’s failed attempts at starting a conversation. Later on, he practically disappeared until lunch, and after they were done eating, he excused himself, and went away until the night fell.  
  
It felt like Niall was keeping his distance since then. He wouldn’t cuddle with Zayn at nights anymore, wouldn’t sit too close to him, and he mainly busied himself with bringing food and wood, and making new tools, and in general, doing all the hard work so he would have an excuse not to talk to him. Niall went for long walks that took him hours, and spent so much time in the sea that his skin was wrinkled from the water.  
  
Zayn knew that Niall was avoiding him, and that hurt quite a lot. He didn’t want things to be weird between them because of something like that. So he tried to kiss him, big deal. They still were friends, right? And friends didn’t ignore each other. Zayn felt himself getting frustrated with every day that passed. Every time he tried to talk to Niall, he would dodge him, and Zayn didn’t know anymore if he should give him time alone or pressure him into talking to him. After all, they had no one but each other, and like Niall had told him one night, they should stay together if they wanted to survive.  
  
On the third night, when Niall yet again went to lie on the farther side, Zayn got fed up, and decided that he was having none of it.  
  
He scooted closer to Niall, and after a moment of hesitation, curled against him. He felt Niall tensing up, and for a painful moment, he feared he might roll away or tell him to fuck off, but then Niall relaxed, and pressed his back more firmly against Zayn’s chest.  
  
Zayn felt content for the first time in days, and he hummed delightfully, before wrapping his arm around Niall’s middle. Niall let him, and they just lay in silence for some time. He had had no idea that he needed those cuddles that much until now. He had just taken them as something obvious that they were doing when it was cold, or scary, or lonely. He had never viewed those hugs as something that he might crave, something that he needed in order to feel complete and human again. Niall probably needed it just as much if the way he was slowly drifting into sleep was anything to go by.  
  
Zayn was sure that Niall had fallen asleep when he heard him whispering, “Just don’t play with my feelings.”  
  
Zayn sighed. What was it that he had with Niall? He tightened the arm draped around Niall, and promised, “I won’t.”


	11. Chapter 11

When Zayn woke up the next morning, bright sunshine was already washing the walls of the cave with gold, and flickering dots of light against his eyelids. He shifted ever so slightly, and abruptly stilled when he felt a solid and warm body against his, and when he opened his eyes, he was greeted with flowing blonde hair, and pale and soft skin. Niall was still here, which rarely happened at this late hour of the morning.   
  
“I couldn’t get up,” he said as a matter of explanation, as if Zayn’s thought had slipped out of his mind and to Niall’s head, and the mere sound of the latter’s voice startled him, as he was sure he was still sleeping. He briefly wondered how long he had been awake, and looked down to realize that his arm was still wrapped loosely around Niall’s frame.  
  
He sheepishly retreated it back, feeling suddenly embarrassed, and then they just lay there in complete silence, barely moving, with no sight of any of them getting up anytime soon. Even though the sun was shining, and the birds were chirping, and Niall was warm against him, Zayn still felt like there were miles of tension between them, and he knew that yesterday’s events were still far from over.  
  
“We probably need to get up,” Niall said eventually, no hint of bitterness or coldness in his tone, but Zayn still felt that something was off. “Breakfast wouldn’t make itself.”  
  
With that said, Niall slowly sat up, and created a distance between them in more ways than one.  
  
“Niall, wait,” Zayn reached out to grip his arm, fearing that Niall might disappear again for the rest of the day, but stopped midway, not sure if he were allowed, though there was no need to as Niall stilled anyway from where he was sitting with his back turned to him, head hung low, as if he knew what Zayn was about to say. “…Can we talk?”  
  
There was a plea in his voice, and Niall sighed, slowly nodding his head to let Zayn know he was listening.  
  
Zayn worried his lip between his teeth for a moment, not knowing what to do with all this awkwardness, and said quietly, “Can you face me, though? It’s weird to talk to your back.”  
  
Niall didn’t bother with words, and simply turned around to sit cross-legged in front of Zayn, and he looked fragile and small, with his shoulders hunched, and his eyes cast downward, and lacking that shininess that usually glittered in those big blue orbs. And now, from up close, he could see how worn out and tired he looked, like he hadn’t got much sleep recently, so different from the usual energetic fireball he got to know. And all Zayn could think of was  _is this all because of me? Did this affect him this much?_  It was the first time Zayn noticed all of this, and it did something to him, knowing that this boy was so broken because of him, and he lowered his gaze as well in guilt.  
  
Zayn knew, though, that there were no shortcuts when it came to this. He knew from his own experience that it wasn’t easy to deal with rejection, and it never got easier to tell someone, especially a friend, he wasn’t interested, either, and more often than not, he and those people would just drift apart, as the distance made things less awkward. But this was a different situation. Drifting apart wasn’t an option. They couldn’t let something like that get the better of them. And although he really didn’t want to bring this up, he knew that lack of communication would just leave this topic hanging between them-something that would stand between them and serve as a wall that would only grow thicker the longer they tried to postpone this conversation. So he tried to collect his thoughts, to think about the best way to transfer what needed to be said to Niall, but the blonde boy beat him to it.  
  
“You don’t have to think about it so much, Zayn,” Niall said, voice impatient and a bit harsh. “I understood it already myself… You were perfectly clear. Just please save me all the pretty words and gentle talking, or I don’t know what, because I don’t need it, okay?” Zayn flinched a bit at his tone, completely caught off guard, and Niall sighed, and continued more quietly, “Just be honest with me. And… I’m sorry I was distant those few days. I just needed some time, you know? To clear my mind. And, It’s okay, really,” he let out another breath, and Zayn flickered his gaze from his lap to see Niall playing with the edges of a green leaf. “I guess I shouldn’t have… Pretty much fucked up things between us. I had no right to, sorry…”  
  
“It’s okay,” Zayn said gently. “It’s fine.”  
  
It was silent after this, and the air turned thick once again, so Zayn felt the need to cut the ice. ”I’m sorry, too, for how I reacted… for what I said. It caught me quite by surprise, that’s all. But, I don’t want something like that to stand between us. I may not see you in that way—” There he went. He took in a deep breath "—And I don’t want you to get the impression that I might, but—“  
  
“I won’t.”  
  
“—But you mean to me a lot. You really do. Please don’t distance yourself from me.”  _It hurts_ , he didn’t add.  
  
Niall sighed again, and said, “Things are just a bit weird now is all.”  
  
And Zayn didn’t want this. He felt like the transparent wall between them was growing more concrete by the moment. He felt like Niall was drifting farther and farther away from his reach. He felt helpless. He didn’t know anymore what to say, and he didn’t like Niall’s tone, distant and resigned, like he decided to give up, like he didn’t think that there was something to fix, like he didn’t even want to. He missed Niall’s eyes, bright and blue, staring at him, and his smile, shinier than the dew in the mornings, and his cheerful rolling Irish accent echoing in his ears nonstop. He felt so alone. So afraid to lose him.  
  
“I’ll forget about it immediately if you want me to. I won’t bring it up if it bothers you. And if you want, we can continue on like nothing happened." He started to get desperate. "Anything that makes you comfortable. Whatever you want. Anything but this… us barely looking each other in the eye. I won’t treat you any differently after this, if it changes anything. I don’t see you any differently, either. And… I wouldn’t freak out if you… you know.”  
  
“You wouldn’t?” Zayn looked up to see Niall watching him with something akin to hope.  
  
“I wouldn’t,” Zayn vowed, because it was true. Niall seeing him in that way didn’t make him want to run for the hills. Not anymore, at least. He'd had time to think about it, and he thought now that he should’ve been much less surprised than he had been at first. And he found that it didn’t really change something about the way he saw Niall. He still wanted to have him around. Still cared about him. “We still can be friends, right? Nothing has changed.”  
  
“Okay, then.” Niall offered the smallest of smiles, and Zayn gulped, praying that things would go back to normal. “Let’s go make that breakfast now, yeah?”  
  
It felt like a boulder had been removed from his chest when they sat in front of the fire, and Niall started to slice a few pieces of a mature coconut to cook over the flames while talking about general stuff. It was slow in the making, still somewhat awkward, but they were both trying to leave this behind. Zayn felt lighter when they cooked the slices, and Niall suggested to create another stone wall, and Zayn almost choked on his roasted coconut when Niall said something particularly funny, and he couldn’t help but wonder if it were this easy-them going back on good terms with each other. Either way, Niall’s mood lifted pretty swiftly, and Zayn was going to be very careful to keep it this way. They didn’t bring up the whole thing even once, and Zayn thought that with enough time the whole ordeal would be a history.   
  
Things were slowly returning to how they had been before, and Zayn wasn’t complaining at all. Not everything remained the same, though. Niall still held off around him. Touched him less, didn’t always cuddle with him, but Zayn understood it, knew that he needed this space, and he respected the boundaries the other boy was silently setting even though he missed his warmth. At least Niall met his eyes now, and Zayn found comfort in those blue irises that were regaining that shininess back, and Niall was talking to him again.  
  
Zayn finished with the fishing net, and Niall took it out for a test, and since it didn’t work as it was supposed to, Zayn fixed it another few times until Niall said that it was good enough. They managed after other several attempts to create two wooden spoons. The procedure was simpler when Zayn drew the outlines of the cutlery on the wood with a limestone beforehand, and left it to Niall to crave the shape with a knife. It wasn’t perfect-quite crooked and with some uneven spots, but it made cooking soups and eating them much easier. Food started to come more easily, and the cave and the camp were organized now with enough tools and furniture to make them homier and far more comfortable for living, so they had fewer things to worry about, and more time to themselves.  
  
Zayn found himself walking with Niall more often around the island, reaching foreign regions, and finding new nice places to hang around at, like a flower field in a clearing, with a variety of beautiful and colorful flowers, and a very big old tree that was partially covered with moss. They talked about all kinds of things. Niall compared the island to Ireland, saying that they both were very green at this time of the year, only that in Ireland it rained more often. Zayn talked about books that touched his heart, and Niall looked like he was sincerely interested in what he was saying, unlike some other ones who thought reading for the fun was lame. And it felt right telling Niall those things about himself. They talked also about old experiences and memories, and Niall went as far as telling about a time in which he had tried to kiss someone before making sure he was into guys, and that he should probably start checking it beforehand. His words came out fluently and easily like he wasn’t bothered anymore, and Zayn thought that it might be an attempt at making a joke out of the situation, and that Niall being comfortable enough with telling him that should be a good sign.  
  
A few weeks after they had found Lori, they removed her bandage to see that she wasn’t holding her wing down anymore, and figured that now she only had to regain back her strength. So they didn’t bandage her again, and she started to practice using her wings. She began to fly around the cave, and then go out and come back in after a certain time, each time taking longer, and after another few days, she went out and didn’t come back. Niall was heartbroken and grumpy, and spent hours sitting and waiting for her to come back, but the night fell, and there was no sight of her. Zayn kept reassuring him that she would come to visit, but Niall was too gloomy to hear that, and stayed in a bad mood until the next afternoon.  
  
One foggy evening, not long after dinner was over, Zayn marked yet another day on the calendar on the wall, and breathed quietly, “A month and a half have passed…”  
  
Niall squeezed his bicep in comfort, and sighed, “Yeah, buddy… What can we do?”  
  
Zayn shrugged. “Keep waiting till we’re old and grey.”  
  
Niall laughed and climbed into his bed. “Sounds like forever to me.”  
  
“I don’t feel like there is such a thing as time here at all,” Zayn admitted for the first time while placing the limestone on the ground, and proceeding to take off his clothes. It wasn’t comfortable sleeping in jeans, after all. “I still feel stuck in the first or second week.”  
  
“That’s good or bad?” Niall quizzed, eyes blazing in the dark.  
  
“I don’t know,” Zayn mused it over, arranging his clothes in a pile nearby, and doing the same to Niall’s scattered ones. He’ll have to wash them again tomorrow. “Just saying…”  
  
“For the hundredth time, Zayn, you don’t have to tidy my clothes as well.”  
  
“But I can’t stand that mess,” Zayn insisted, climbing into his nest, and coating himself with the foil blanket, getting cozy and comfortable. Well, at least trying to. “Start taking care of it yourself, then.”  
  
“Ugh, who has the energy?” Niall mumbled, and it went silent enough between them that the crickets outside could be heard.   
  
“Can I ask you a question?” Zayn asked a few minutes later, half expecting Niall to be asleep, but the boy hummed in acknowledgement.  
  
“You’re into guys, right?” Zayn aimed for casual, only that brave because they were on separate beds, and it was dark enough that they had a hard time making out each other’s faces.  
  
Niall hummed again. “Yeah, why?”  
  
“Just curious… How did you find out you liked guys?”  
  
“I kind of always knew?” Niall stated it as a question. “But the real kickoff was when I hit puberty, and realized that my classmate looked quite hot after gym. You just… feel this kind of stuff. Like, when you see a guy and think to yourself, ‘hey, he’s cute’ and not in the friendly way.”  
  
“Oh…” Zayn made. “I just don’t really get it. Why would someone be attracted to the opposite sex?"  
  
Zayn cursed mentally as he probably had said the wrong thing again, but of all things Niall laughed. “Yeah, I can understand why you’re thinking that way. Umm… let’s say that love is love, and love isn’t limited only to relationships between men and women, as so many people insist. It’s much richer and complicated than that, and we don’t have control over it. People don’t decide to be gay. They are born this way. It’s only natural… But certain people don’t accept it. I mean… Is it a sin to love someone?”

"Err, I suppose not."

"Because it's not."

“But don’t you feel anything toward girls?” Zayn arched a brow.  
  
“I know boys who can't even get a boner when with girls, but I like girls, actually,” Niall said, and Zayn let out a gasp.  
  
“I thought… Are you bi, then?”  
  
“I didn’t really give myself a definition, but… I guess? I think definitions are dumb when it comes to sexuality and love, but I take that you are straight?”

Zayn nodded tightly. "I don't mean this to be offending, but I don't understand what a guy might find attractive about another guy."

Niall chuckled again. "You really want me to get into this? I think you might regret it once I open my mouth. And I'm sorry, but this is a really dumb question, hands down. It's like asking people why they are attracted to feet and boobs."

Feeling his face growing hot, Zayn stammered, "Oh, uh- Better keep my mouth shut."

"No, you can ask away. I don't mind."

Zayn sighed. "I'm sorry I'm like this, asking weird questions, and probably making you uncomfortable. It's just that I've never really met people with a... sexuality like yours. I live in a Muslim community, and well, I guess you know it's frowned upon in the place I come from..."

"Yeah, I know homosexuality is illegal in Muslim countries."

Niall didn't say that with a hint of harshness in his tone, and yet Zayn felt like he needed to apologize, even if he had nothing to do with this. Instead, he nodded with a heavy feeling in his gut. "Yeah, so I guess I have a lot of prejudice."

"It's okay, Zayn. I understand."

"So, well... Err..."

"God, you are so nervous. It's actually cute," Niall cooed. 

"Fuck off," Zayn grumbled. "It's just... I don't know what is okay to ask, and what not..."  
  
"Just say whatever is on your mind," Niall offered.  
  
"I... I've heard of boys getting out of the closet. And since you are so open about it... Have you...?"

"If I've gotten outta the closet? No, I don't think so, considering I've never been in a one to begin with..."

"Oh."

"Yeah... So I've never really had to come out to anyone. When I brought a boy home, my mom wasn't even surprised. I’ve just never really kept it a secret or something. I’ve always been open about it. And besides, I don't even believe in coming out. Do straight people go around and say they are straight? No. So I don't see a reason to announce it. No one should mind who I take to my bed."

Zayn kept silent as he pondered this over.

"But I won't deny that me dating girls too makes matters easier. It’s more difficult to receive the parents’ acceptance when you love boys only, I guess, because they want you to have a ‘normal family’, and bring them grandsons, if you know what I mean. But it really depends, you know? I have a lesbian friend who was accepted very well, while there was that boy who had to crash in my house for a week…”

“It sucks…” Zayn commented, worrying his bottom lip between his teeth. He wondered if his own father would have thrown him out if he were messing around with boys. He wasn't religious, but he was what people called old-fashioned, so Zayn wouldn't know what to expect.  
  
Niall shrugged. “Many people deny their sexuality even to themselves because they want to be ‘normal’, but I don’t believe that there is such a thing as ‘normal’, or that liking the same sex makes you ‘weird’,” Niall made quotation marks with his fingers, before interlacing his hands behind his nape. “I don’t feel any different or something. And many people are very nice and accepting, but I wish that the less supportive group wasn’t that mean…”  
  
It was dark, and they lay in separate beds, but as Niall stared silently at the ceiling, Zayn could still see layers in his eyes. Old memories and stale pains, experiences that made him who he was. 

“There will always be people who will hate you, just like that," he continued. "There are so many who are ashamed of who they are, but I’ve never been ashamed of who I am..."

“And you shouldn’t be,” Zayn said. The air was turning thick with tension again, so he added, "Was there someone special?”  
  
“Boy or a girl?”  
  
“Both.” Zayn really didn’t know where all these questions were coming from.  
  
“I think I liked one girl, but after we became a couple it wasn't the same anymore… There was a boy from my physics class who I tried to get for a while, but we didn’t get together, anyway, so I just moved on… Apart from those, I don't recall anything else besides fleeting crashes. So I guess that no, there wasn't someone special. I’ve never fallen for someone. I’ve never really found someone that I really like, you know?”  
  
“Mm,” Zayn made, as he couldn't manage a better reply. ”Have you been with a guy before?  
  
“You’re really asking many questions, aren’t you?” Zayn could see Niall’s lips curving up into a smirk even in the dark.  
  
Zayn pinked, and clamped his mouth shut for a very embarrassing moment, and dived further under his blanket. “I can stop if you want.”  
  
“No, it’s okay. You mean as in having sex?”

Zayn bit his tongue. "I'm asking in general."  
  
“So… yes. I’ve never been in a serious relationship, but I've had a couple of boyfriends before. Nothing lasted longer than a month, though… Nothing worth remarking.”  
  
“Ah…” Zayn sucked on his bottom lip, and blushed at his next question. “Did you do it with a boy?"  
  
“Yeah, both ways,” Niall said unabashedly.  
  
“You mean bottoming and topping?” The words felt foreign on his tongue, and Zayn frowned to himself.   
  
“Yes, though I believe you don’t want me to go into detail.”  
  
“Well, not in detail,” Zayn said. “But..."  
  
“...Yeah?"  
  
“Doesn’t it hurt?”  
  
“What?” Niall sounded puzzled.  
  
“You know,” Zayn mumbled, cheeks hot. “When you do that…”  
  
“Oh,” Niall’s voice echoed with realization, and he let out what could be considered as a somewhat nervous laugh. “Some say it does, some say that it’s merely uncomfortable at first. There is no clear-cut answer. It depends on your physique, on how big the guy is, on your ability to relax yourself enough, and sometimes it’s something that gets better with the time… To me, personally, it’s mainly uncomfortable at first, but I hardly experience any real pain. It shouldn’t hurt if you’re prepped enough. It can feel good, too.”  
  
“Can it, really?” Zayn was doubtful. “Is the prostate thing real?”  
  
“Yeah, it is. Every man has it, and it’s not even gay to stimulate it. It feels really good, and many of the guys I’ve been with said so. And besides, there are many nerve endings situated over that place, so yes, anal sex can feel good to the receiver too. There is a need to be careful, though. Have you tried it with a girl before?”  
  
“No… never…”  
  
“And vaginal sex?” Niall asked.  
  
“Yes,” Zayn pressed his lips together.  
  
“Then both things are completely different,” Niall said.  
  
“Yeah, I figured,” Zayn turned to lie on his side, facing Niall. “I don’t think that I’ll try it, though.”  
  
“As you please,” Niall murmured. “It’s not for everyone. Many girls don’t like it, and many guys don’t like it, either… Being gay has nothing to do with loving anal sex. And you can always ask me anything, if you want.”  
  
“Ok, I’ll keep it in mind. G’night.”  
  
“Goodnight, Zaynie.”  
  
“Will you stop calling me that?” Zayn yawned, faint annoyance evident in his voice.  
  
“No,” Niall giggled, and that was it.  
  
A few days later they went on another hike around the island, stopping to make a picnic under the cool shadows of the massive old tree, before continuing on their way northward. After another half an hour of wandering, they took a break to drink water, already conscious of running out of it. They sat on some rocks to rest, and Niall idly looked around them while chatting away, when he suddenly froze. The serious and uncharacteristic set to his eyes combined with the crease on his forehead made an uneasy feeling settle in his gut. “Is everything okay?”  
  
“Look,” he said, gesturing toward the object of disturbance. Zayn followed his gaze, and his breath got caught in his throat when he saw a wooden building not many yards away, poking out between the trees. “A house. And here I thought we were the only humans here.”  
  
Niall stood up and made a step toward the structure, but Zayn immediately caught his arm, pulling him back.  
  
“Niall, wait,” he said. “We shouldn’t go in there.”  
  
Niall furrowed his eyebrows. “What? Why?”  
  
“I have a bad feeling about this. We don’t know what it is or who lives there. What if they are dangerous?”  
  
“We won’t know if we don’t try.” Niall shook his hand away, and made a few more steps toward the house. “Are you coming or not?”  
  
Zayn stayed glued to his spot. “I don’t know about this, Niall. Maybe we better stay away."  
  
“Gosh, chill,” Niall huffed. “Don’t worry. We’re both in this. It’s literally just a house. Maybe there is no one there. We’ll just take a look around. Maybe there is something useful there. And besides, if there is someone there, then it’s great, isn’t it? Maybe they can help us.”  
  
“And maybe they’ll eat us for dinner,” Zayn opined.  
  
“Let’s go find out then, yeah?” Niall winked, offering him his hand.  
  
Zayn tentatively took it, and said, “I have no idea why I’m doing this, but if something goes wrong, you’re going to have to compensate me for it.”  
  
“Whatever, princess,” Niall said as he started to lead them toward the wooden building. They stopped beside a tree ten feet away from the house, and observed the view that greeted them.  
  
Turned out it was some kind of a hut, looking weary and worn out, with walls made of rotten wood that must have looked much better years ago, and a roof made of dry leaves and thin branches, several holes in different sizes littering it as a reminder of stormy and very windy days. There was a window that overlooked into the house, but they were too far to look through it inside. A piece of wood that was rickety and off center, and served probably at one point as a door, was slightly ajar, giving a view of a shadowed room, and beside it, against the walls, a few clay vases were scattered, one of them broken into pieces, the other two half-buried in the ground. Not far from them, there was what must have been once a bonfire, heavy stones scattered around what was left of the wood the only evidence to that, with a rusted steel pot hanging above it by rods. A rope was tied between two trees, though there were no drying clothes hanging off it. There were leaves and branches scattered everywhere, the place giving the impression nobody took care of it in years, and something about the neglected appearance made the place look like it might collapse any second, and Zayn wasn’t up for taking risks. There was an unsettling feeling in his stomach that told him to back away, that they shouldn’t be here.  
  
“We’ve seen it, can we go now?” Zayn begged.  
  
“No,” Niall said. “Let’s investigate a little. It looks like no one lives here anymore, anyway, so I don’t think that someone would mind.”  
  
“I would. I don’t like this place,” Zayn feebly protested, but Niall dragged him to the door anyway.  
  
He knocked on the weary wooden door in faux politeness, doing it more for the show rather than checking the house for inhabitants. “Hello? Is there someone in here?”  
  
There was no answer, like they both expected.  
  
Niall peeked inside, said, “I can’t see anything,” and placed his hand on the door and slowly swung it open with a scrape, Zayn cringing at the horrible sound it made, and then the entrance to the hut was clear.  
  
“Niall, I really don’t think that it’s a good idea…” Zayn tried to pull him out of it. “Let’s go b…”  
  
“Relax,” Niall said, and squeezed his hand. “We’re together in this, remember? It’s just a house, Zayn. An Abandoned house. No ghosts or something like that. Those things don’t even exist.”  
  
Zayn pressed his lips together, and sulked as he followed Niall inside, and indeed, there was no one in there except for them. He let go of his hand in order to turn around and observe the hut from the inside. It was a one-room house. The walls from the inside didn’t look much better than on the outside, and the breaches were more prominent from here. The ceiling was quite low, but high enough that they could stand straight, and the floor was made out of wood as well, and it looked dirty and rough, dry leaves and sticks that apparently got inside through the open window were lying in random places. Spider webs were hung everywhere, and added to the ‘creepy’ criteria this house fell under. The smell of old wood mixed with dust reached Zayn’s nose, and he took in the cupboards that were arranged along one of the walls, and the bare bed that was situated in the other side, and the various shelves that were fixed into the walls, tools that looked untouched lying in a tidy mess on them. Everything was made out of wood, like those houses back then in the middle age.  
  
“Someone here has a great technology,” Niall hummed in appreciation as he observed the tools on some of the shelves. “I wonder how they made those,” he pointed at a sharp axe that made the one Zayn had created look totally lame. “This place looks like no one’s lived here in ages,” he added when he brushed his hand against the dusty shelf. “I wonder where they are now. Judging by the single bed, there was only one human being here. Maybe they were saved.”  
  
“Maybe,” Zayn agreed. “Or maybe they moved away…?”  
  
“Without their knives and pots? Highly unlikely,” Niall clarified. “The only other possibility I can think of it that they are dead by now because of one reason or another.”  
  
A tremor ran down Zayn’s body, and the urge to back away was now stronger than before.  
  
“How long do you plan on staying here?” Zayn pressed.  
  
“I want to see what useful things there are in here,” Niall explained, and Zayn’s eyes widened.  
  
“You don’t actually intend on stealing, right?”  
  
“There is no one here,” Niall pointed out. “I don’t really have someone to ask for their permission, and I bet the owner wouldn’t mind lending us a hand.”  
  
“I don’t know about this, Niall,” Zayn said seriously. “I don’t want anything from here, and I don’t care in what good condition the tools are. I feel like the whole place is under a curse or somewhat.”  
  
“Don’t tell me that you actually believe in that stuff. You’re probably reading too much fiction.”  
  
“I don’t,” Zayn squinted his eyes. “Do whatever you want, I’ll wait for you outside.”  
  
“As you wish,” Niall replied, and as Zayn moved to go out, his eyes fell on a place at the side of a cupboard. The wood there stood out, and his curiosity got the better of him, and he found himself reaching toward that place, mindless of spiders that might be lurking there, and pulled the layer of the wood out of the way to reveal a small space that was carved into the wood, and inside there was something that resembled a thick book.  
  
“Niall,” Zayn called for him. “Look what I found.”  
  
“Hmm?” Niall turned to look at him from where he was shamelessly digging in one of the other cupboards. “I thought you were against investigation.”  
  
Zayn rolled his eyes, and took the old and worn looking book into his hand, wiping the dust away from the cover with the back of his free hand, and reading aloud, “ _The Seven Seas 1974_.”  
  
That snapped Niall out of whatever he was doing, and he stood up and came over to where Zayn was kneeling. “What is it? A book?”  
  
“It doesn’t look like a regular book to me,” Zayn said, and turned to Niall when the latter sat on his haunches beside him. Niall took the book from his hands, and flipped through the pages.  
  
“It’s a journal,” he concluded.  
  
Zayn took it back into his hands, and as he flipped through the pages, he could see why Niall decided to call it that. The pages were filled neatly with dates and round letters that were written by hand. Apparently from the same person, judging by the handwriting, though there were different kinds of pens. Every time a new stanza started, there was another date above it- _The 23 rdof September, 1974; the 14th of June, 1975; the 6th of May, 1978_. And then, toward the end, the writings abruptly stopped, even though there were many remaining blank pages.  
   
“No, it’s a logbook,” Zayn corrected him. “The man was a sailor. Captain, maybe. And whoever wrote in it, stopped doing so for some reason,” Zayn showed him the empty papers. “Strange, isn’t it?”  
  
“It is,” Niall bit his lip. “You were right. There is something mysterious about this place. What’s written in there?” he gestured toward the book.  
  
Zayn sat on the floor more comfortably, and went back to the very first page, and read it out loud, “ _The 14 th of September, 1974; My name is John Robertson, I’m the captain of Wind of the Ocean, the first ship of the new model line of America. Along with me there are another 340 crew members. We are on our mission to sail to Greece in order to transfer 3 engines to the company of Artino Brothers for airplane factories (…)_,” Zayn skipped a few pages. ” _The 19 th of September, 1974; The weather is at our side. We’ve already made a fourth of our journey. (…) The 20th of September, 1974; We got into a horrible storm. There is no clearing on the horizon. The crew are working without break in order to navigate the ship. Those are very tough hours for us. We are hoping to arrive at our destination safe and sound. (…) The 21st of September, 1974; I have never seen waves this violent. They have been crashing against the ship since last night. We had no choice but to anchor the ship for the meantime. Perhaps our arrival will have to wait. _ _  
  
"(…)The 22nd of September, 1974; The Wind of the Ocean is gone, and with it a great part of me. I shall not be called a captain from now on, for I let the ship and the crew sink into the sea._” Zayn stopped reading at once, and stared wide-eyed at Niall only to see the same expression mirrored on his face. “ _The storm has gotten the best of us all. I fear all my people have died. I managed to get onto a lifeboat, though the still going storm prevents me from returning back to land. The 30 th of September, 1974; My compass has gotten out of control, and the waves lead me toward the unknown. My food supplies are running out, and I am left with one last bottle of water. I need to find land urgently. (…) The 3rd of November, 1974; I’ve found safety on this unfamiliar island I now call home. Unfortunately, my boat crashed against the rocks, and now I don’t know if I will ever make it back to dear New Jersey_.”  
  
Zayn stopped, and looked up at Niall. He looked as pale as he felt.  
  
“It must be really hard to be the only one to survive, particularly if you are the captain,” Niall said. “He probably felt very guilty…”  
  
“It is not stated what exactly happened to the crew,” Zayn said. “They might as well be all alive. You can’t rely on someone’s diary.”  
  
Zayn flipped through the rest of the pages. There were drawings, he could see now, of the island, and the mountains, and the beachside. Very accurate descriptions of edible plants, and directions as to how cook them. Sketches of animals; different kinds of monkeys and lizards and small rodents, some of them Zayn had already seen, and a variety of colorful birds and sea creatures, and a very distracting drawing of a tiger. So perhaps there had been tigers here long ago.   
  
Niall let out a gasp at a detailed map of the island that stretched upon two pages.  
  
“This thing is the treasure itself,” Niall exclaimed, taking the logbook back into his hands, and studying the map. “A pure gold.”  
  
“Hey, Niall, give it back,” Zayn demanded. “I haven’t finished reading yet.”  
  
Niall spent another few moments flipping back and forth between the pages, before handing the book back to an unimpressed Zayn. “Maybe there is an answer here as to what happened to him,” Zayn explained himself.  
  
He briefly flipped through the pages, and noticed that the more he edged closer the end, the messier and less coherent the handwriting became as an evidence to show that the man was losing his sanity. At first there were dates and spaces between the stanzas, but after another few years, John started to write scarcely, and didn’t bother eventually with counting the days and the months. It was a sign of defeat, in Zayn’s eyes, like he lost hope of getting out of here.  
  
“ _I hear them. I hear them all the time._ ” Zayn was barely able to read the messy letters.  _“Every time I close my eyes, they are against my eyelids. Mayson, Ronald, Jack. They are all coming to take a revenge on me for leaving them to die. Oh, the ocean and sun would never forgive me. I’m doomed to stay here forever, and weep at my misery. (…) I’m losing my mind. I hear voices inside of my head. I can’t make it stop. Make it stop! Make it stop!"_  
  
Zayn snapped the book shut with a thump, feeling the hairs on the back of his neck stand.  
  
“So the dude went nuts…” Niall concluded, looking only mildly horrified. “The guilt probably ate him alive. Now we have some creepy story to tell everyone when we come back. We’ll never know what happened to him, it seems. I think it would be hard falling asleep tonight. Zayn? Zee, are you with me?”  
  
“Five years,” Zayn said, his fists clenched at his sides.  
  
“Sorry?” Niall sounded sincerely confused.  
  
“He had been here for at least five years…”  
  
“Oh, Zayn,” Niall covered Zayn’s fist with his hand. “It doesn’t have to mean anything. We’ll get out of here, you’ll see.”  
  
“Can we go back now?” Zayn pleaded with him.  
  
“Yeah, right. Go wait for me outside. I’ll take some things, and we’ll be on our way back in a minute.”  
  
Zayn gave him a small smile and a nod, and went out.  
  
After they came back to their camp, and placed the new tools in the cave, Zayn went to the sea to wash his face, and when he looked up, he saw what he had been waiting for ever since he arrived here.  
  
There was a ship sailing over the horizon.


	12. Chapter 12

Zayn immediately straightened up, the cool drops of the water sliding down his hands and to the yellowish sand at his feet.  He squinted his eyes, strained them to see better, his expression the one of pure astonishment.  
  
The metallic vessel was indeed sailing upon the calm waves of the sea, right in front of the setting sun, the flaming sky framing it like a burning halo, and the fading rays of the sinking fireball guiding it toward their island. It was so far, almost like a dot on the horizon, and yet it was definitely there. It was real.  
  
The blazing sky was reflected in Zayn’s shining eyes, lighting up his whole face with the colors of the scenery before him, the bright lights coating his whole being with the kind of warmness he hadn’t felt in a long time, the kind that showered him with slivers of hope that made his chest expand with uncontained yearning and longing for the one thing that echoed in his head.  
  
Home.  
  
He was going back home.  
  
He had to be dreaming. It was too good to be true. He had already lost count of the times he looked at the ocean, hoping to see a ship, a boat, a raft-something, though there never was anything but endless clear water that filled the entire space like some sort of a cyan blanket made out of silky liquid.  
  
It was almost bizarre how suddenly this ship had appeared-there were so many times he had come to this exact spot to search the blues for a sign of a ship, and just when he wasn’t expecting it, just when he only came to the water in order to wash up after the long day, it sailed over. What if he hadn’t decided to go just now to the sea? What if they had missed it? Could this ship be sailing here in order to rescue them after all this time?  
  
All Zayn knew was that those long nights he lay awake homesick, thinking about his family and friends weren’t for nothing. He had never stopped hoping. Never let himself give up. Hadn’t dwelled too much on those ‘what ifs’. And now, as he watched incredulously as the ship sailed over the horizon, he knew that the salvation was near.  
  
He was finally getting out of here.  
  
He was finally going to where he belonged.  
  
“Niall! Niall!" He shouted enthusiastically, practically running back to their camp, the adrenaline and the excitement making him all giddy and jumpy, and he might have hopped like a little boy to where Niall was sitting beside the fire, looking laid back and at ease, completely unaware of everything that was happening, and obviously making stew for dinner. “Niall. You… It finally— God, Niall—!"   
  
Niall abruptly stopped everything he was doing, and looked up at Zayn with his eyebrows raised questionably. “Are you okay, mate?” he asked somewhat worriedly, the seaweed forgotten beside him. “You look quite flustered.”  
  
Oh, he was more than okay. He was jubilant, over the moon, on top of the world. He could have them all.  
  
Zayn tried to utter a word, but ended up stuttering something incoherent that didn’t make sense even to himself. He felt as though he had swallowed his tongue, or rather like someone had tied it in a knot, making it impossible for him to pronounce even one word. He was so emotional that he was left dumbstruck, his mouth opening and closing like a gaping fish, and that did nothing to remove the crease between Niall’s eyebrows, which only deepened.  
  
It was so frustrating how he couldn’t let the words out. It was so confusing how he felt so overjoyed that he might shout until his voice broke, cry out all of this pent-up aggravation from the long wait and the poor living conditions, or just fall onto the ground and roll around in the sand, laughing at how light his chest suddenly felt—all those emotions mixing up and making him feel dizzy, and his mind to fog with fuzziness.  
  
“You’re starting to scare me, Zee,” Niall stood up and placed a careful hand on Zayn’s forehead as if to check his temperature, but it made Zayn frown, because no, he didn’t have a fever. He kindly removed Niall’s hand away from his face, and squeezed it in his in order to anchor himself, in order to make sure that it indeed wasn’t just a figment of his imagination, a distant dream he would soon wake up from. “Is everything alright?” Niall looked genuinely concerned now, his light eyes shifting between Zayn’s dark ones.  
  
“Yes,” Zayn breathed, finally finding his voice again. “More than alright,” he squeezed Niall’s hand a tad tighter unconsciously, the younger boy almost wincing. “God, Niall,” he closed his eyes for a split of a second, not knowing how to say this without jumping up to the sky from delight. “We’re— We’re getting out of here!”  
  
Instead of joining Zayn on the good news, singing a chorus of hallelujah from happiness, or at the very least laughing with relief, Niall looked even more puzzled than before, his eyebrows knitted together in absolute confusion. “Sorry,” he made, sounding every bit lost as he looked. “Err… Did I miss something?”  
  
Zayn’s expression went flat in spite of himself. Leave it to Niall to be so thick right when he was supposed to be at his sharpest, when the moment for which they had waited for more than a month and a half finally arrived.  
  
“Well, no, not really,” Zayn said almost casually, letting go of his hand in favor of ruffling his hair in what might be frustration, before shrugging nonchalantly. “Only that huge ship that decided to come for a visit.”  
  
It was almost comical watching the frown drop from Niall’s face, his expression changing to something unreadable, like the cogs in his brain were finally starting to work. Eventually, Niall’s forehead crinkled again, but this time he looked incredulous, his brows pinched in disbelief, and mouth slightly ajar, like he was too shocked to decipher what to say. Zayn never took Niall for someone slow, but now he was starting to overthink that. Either he was playing dumb, either he was already too tired to understand the meaning behind Zayn’s words. “A ship?” he croaked out. “Here? Really?”  
  
Zayn nodded a bit too enthusiastically, but he couldn’t help himself, trying to bite back the huge smile that threatened to appear on his face, but failing miserably. “Yes, yeah. I just saw it. I—I can’t belie— You should see it, Niall. come on,” Zayn caught the fabric of Niall’s shirt between his fingers, tugging gently to get him to follow him. He breathed sharply through his nose to collect himself. “It’s… it’s finally here.”  
  
“Yeah, okay,” Niall’s face broke into a bright smile, the sincere one that showed off his dimple, and had Zayn feeling even giddier.  
  
Zayn practically dragged him to the beach, Niall laughing at how oddly he behaved, telling him he was being funny, but Zayn just shook his head, because it wasn’t the time for that, and stopped them right at the edge of the sea, at the place where the waves were occasionally reaching their bare feet. The ship wasn’t now exactly in front of the sun, but rather beside it now, continuing on its way left.  
  
“No shit,” Niall said, and Zayn tore his gaze from the ship long enough to see him studying the view in front of him. “Thought you were kidding or hallucinating for a moment, like last time.”  
  
Zayn huffed in annoyance. “Who would even laugh about something like that? And God, you will bug me with this forever?” Zayn groaned, remembering that one foggy morning two weeks ago, when Niall had been fishing while he had been washing the cookware nearby after breakfast and was sure that he had seen a ship, but when Niall glanced up from his fishing rod, they both realized it was just a cloud. Niall had laughed about it for far longer than he should have.  
  
“Chill,” Niall shoved his side lightly, before staring at the sea again. “I told you, though, didn’t I? Told you we’ll get outta here.”  
  
Zayn hummed, and when the ship just kept moving farther left, rather than stilling or moving toward them, something suddenly occurred to him. “Do you think they can see the SOS from there?” He became slightly concerned. It was getting dark. The ship was far away. The SOS sign was huge, but... “Wait, Niall, what if… what if they can’t?”  
  
“What, why wouldn’t they? It’s fucking massive,” Niall said pointedly. “You think they can’t?”  
  
“I… I don’t know,” Zayn started to doubt himself. “If they did, they would’ve anchored by now, wouldn’t they…? Niall, they are just sailing away. What are we going to—.“  
  
Zayn felt anxiety starting to creep in, so he was grateful for the reassuring hand that was placed on his shoulder.  
  
“Relax, Zayn,” Niall said soothingly. “It’s just getting a bit dark, and whoever is out there aren't probably searching for SOS’ on the sand, let’s face it. Maybe we need to signal to catch their attention. Like, a signal fire. Make one right next to the SOS, and they would see it that way.”  
  
“A signal fire?” Zayn stared at him blankly. “Never heard about that. How long would it take to make it?”  
  
“Not long, I think,” Niall squeezed his shoulder. “It should be simple enough. Go find ropes, vines or somewhat. I’ll take care of the rest in the meanwhile, okay?”  
  
Zayn nodded. If he were confused as to what Niall was exactly planning on doing, he didn’t start asking questions. He trusted Niall to know what to do. He spared one last glance toward the rapidly disappearing sun, and hurried back into the woods, repeating  _multi-tool_ ,  _multi-tool_ ,  _multi-tool_  in his head over and over again until he reached the cave, and grabbed the said tool, catching a sight of Niall lifting some long wood from the pile outside when he went out, before searching fast for the nearest tree that had vines hanging off it, knowing there was no time to waste. It was a matter of life or death for him-boarding that ship was that important to him. He couldn’t miss that opportunity.  
  
It was clear that his hands weren’t really up for cooperating with him as they continued to shake uncontrollably, but he still forced himself to cut the thin stalks, and throw the vines onto the ground, before cutting off some more for good measure.  
  
After what couldn’t be longer than five minutes in total, he returned to the beach with vines dangling over his shoulder, and looked worriedly at the ship that thankfully was still in sight. When he looked to the side, He spotted Niall not too far away balancing tall wooden sticks together next to the SOS that was created out of stones. Zayn ran toward him, and placed his hand on the pieces of wood to help Niall steady them.  
  
“Thanks fuck,” Niall exhaled, leaning a little back now that he could. “Can you hold the system for a minute?”  
  
“Yeah, sure,” Zayn said, moving to hold two out of the three rather thin wood pieces with both hands now, while Niall kept a hold on the remaining one. He removed the vines from Zayn’s shoulder, and got onto his tiptoes to tie the top of all the three sticks with a creeper branch, securing them together with another vine, Zayn watching silently the whole time, many questions running through his mind, but he didn’t dare to distract Niall from his work. After resituating the woods and thrusting them into the sand so they were stable, Niall told him to let go, and bent down to raise some short branches, and placed two of them in the vertical direction to the long ones, somewhere near the middle, and signaled to Zayn to hold them together, before tying their ends against a long wood, and when he repeated the same procedure to the other two sides, Zayn started to get the picture.  
  
It was a tripod structure made out of three long sticks of wood, with short branches tied together on each of the three sides.  
  
“Can you go bring tinder?” Niall asked while carefully placing little sticks on top of the triangle the short branches created. “Bring the matches, too.”  
  
Zayn wordlessly went to bring some of the dry grass they had stored at their camp and the box of matches, and when he returned, Niall was double checking all the knots.  
  
“Alright, good job,” Niall praised him, and scattered the tinder over the kindling, before saying, "Now we just need green plants. Fresh leaves, preferably. Think you can cut some parts off a bush? As many as you can carry. I’ll try to light it up in the meanwhile.”  
  
Again, Zayn went to do as Niall said without a question, not bothering even to wonder too much why Niall was asking him to bring green leaves out of all things, as he knew for a rule that they never used fresh leaves or wood for their fire.  
  
His hands shook even worse than before when he tried to cut a few vines of a poor bush, and Zayn knew that the dread was getting the better of him. It took him longer than it should have had, and it was a great luck that he even succeeded in doing that. Arms full of very green bush, Zayn hurried over to Niall, who was crouching next to the tepee structure. He threw the leaves onto the ground, before resuming to stand next to Niall.   
  
“How is it going?” he asked, trying to keep the urgency at bay, knowing that he should stay cool and calm and not infect Niall with his stress and rush.  
  
“Can’t get the thing to light up,” he huffed before resuming to blow air onto a spot between the branches from which a barely-there smoke appeared. Niall straightened up, and placed some more tinder on top of the area that emitted light grey smoke. “Wasted maybe three matches already…”  
   
Zayn cursed inwardly, and eyed the ship that was now well on its way left. They barely had time, and he still didn’t really understand how that thing was going to help.  
  
“Shit,” Niall’s voice brought Zayn back. He saw Niall reaching for the box again, and striking yet another match, before throwing it onto the tinder. It started to burn this time but very weakly, and Niall bent to blow on it again, his hands covering it to shield it from the breeze. “This is why I hate starting a fire at the beach. The wind here is way too strong,” he said breathlessly after a few moments, when the fire became bigger and stronger.  
  
“Niall, will it work, though? I don’t understand what exactly you’re doing,” Zayn said while Niall carefully readjusted the sticks.  
  
“I really hope it would,” Niall sighed, straightening up when the sticks, which served as kindling, started to catch fire as well. “Help me place the plants inside? We should do it fast, though. I’m warning you that there would be a lot of smoke.”  
  
“Okay,” Zayn murmured, putting the bush parts on top of the rapidly coming to life fire like Niall was doing, filling the space between the long wooden sticks till the top.  
  
“It’s supposed to burn really good,” Niall explained himself at last when they were finished, pulling Zayn a few yards away when a thick smoke started to fill the air. “Not for long, but the light it emits should be very strong, and it produces a lot of smoke. It should catch attention.”  
  
“Too much smoke,” Zayn coughed into his elbow. “What the fuck, Niall?”  
  
“Stay away from it,” Niall dragged him even farther, Zayn watching the clouds of fume spreading like a wildfire (which was ironic enough), floating upwards and creating a pillar of smoke. His eyes started to water, and he took another few steps back, watching as the flames of the fire climbed up the pile of leaves. The fire spreading slowly at first, and then faster and faster, burning everything in its wake. In seconds the leaves were burning properly, and emitting a light bright enough that Zayn was sure it could be detected from a great distance.  
  
Zayn stayed anchored in place as he alternated between ogling the ship and staring apprehensively at the signal fire, feeling on edge, and yet not very sure what to do now. Niall just stood there in silence beside him, and when Zayn turned to look at him, he found the fire reflected in those gleaming eyes, his glare heavy with something undefined that made Zayn look away.  
  
The sun was nearly completely buried inside of the ocean, and the sky started to darken behind them, a shadow slowly falling upon the island, though the area around the sun was still crimson red, tinted bright orange and a little yellow at some parts. The ship didn’t turn back or still, and nor did they get any sign that they had been spotted. The vessel only continued on its way forward, already very far on the left side, and Zayn feared that it might disappear from sight in a few minutes.  
  
Were the people there blind or something? Could it be possible that despite the great effort they had put into getting noticed, no one saw the whirl of smoke, or the huge SOS splayed on the ground? How could those things go unnoticed?  
  
“Niall, it’s not… it’s not working,” Zayn said weakly, desperately. “No one is coming.”  
  
He heard Niall’s loaded sigh, and he didn’t like it-didn’t like the defeated edge it had to it. Niall didn’t say anything, though, and the gentle hand he placed on Zayn’s back felt suddenly heavy when he felt it confiding all the unspoken words.  
Zayn didn’t need to turn back to know that his gaze was directed to the shining sand in helplessness.  
  
Zayn felt like someone had lodged a clock in his head-he could hear the time ticking, and it made the blood in his ears rush, and his heart to thump to the same beat. He saw the ship sailing away, and he couldn’t just stand here and watch his only chance of getting out of this odious island slip through his fingers. There was no time to spare. He had to act fast.

He was so frustrated and desperate that he found himself running over to the place where the now deep blue waves started, his legs almost moving on their own record , and he raised his arms high and wide, crying out, “Help!” before starting to wave hysterically at whoever might be watching from far away, not caring at the moment what a fool he was making of himself, not listening to the voice inside of his head that bickered it was pointless. “Wait! Please!”  
  
But that didn’t seem to trigger any kind of reaction, and Zayn could feel the terror seeping into him, which only drove him to scream louder, “Someone! Please! We’re here!”  
  
He started to jump, nearly tripping over the slippery wet surface he stood on, and his throat began to burn with how much he was straining his voice box, but he couldn’t bring himself to care. Because right now nothing was important but boarding that ship. Everything was a blur as he shouted, and hopped in place, and threw his hands in every single direction-the only clear thing in his mind was the ship-the ship that was slowly but surely vanishing into thin air, it seemed.  
  
There was no way he would be left behind. Not again. He was going to be taken back home. He only had to scream louder, try harder, and then… then someone surely would notice and come after him.  
  
“Zayn…” Niall whispered from behind him, his weak voice barely audible above Zayn’s broken shouts for help. But Zayn wouldn’t listen. He wasn’t going to give up so easily.  
  
“Come back!” he demanded, swallowing back the bile rising up his throat.  
  
He knew that he wasn’t even making sense anymore, but he just couldn’t look the defeat in the eye. He knew at the back of his mind that he was striving to no avail, but he convinced himself that he still stood a chance-even small, and that motivated him to keep trying-to do everything in his power to go back home.  
  
And as the sky turned a violet twilight shade, the ship disappeared beyond the glowing sea, and Zayn dropped to his knees, his hands fisting the damp sand, his shoulders shaking. “Don’t leave me here…” he begged, his voice cracking from how sore his throat was. “…Please…”  
  
But his plea fell on deaf ears, and Zayn felt himself shattering into a million pieces.  
   
The agony that pierced his insides was so raw, so cruel, and so unforgiving that it was unbearable. It burned his chest, and prickled at his heart like a thousand invisible needles, hurt him worse than anything he had ever felt. He had thought that he knew what real pain was. He had been heartbroken by his first girlfriend-the girl whom he loved more than anything back at high school, been betrayed by people he used to consider as his friends, had been a victim to racism and hate for his religion and race more times than he could count. But no, turned out he hadn’t known what real pain felt like. Now he did, though. Nothing hurt more than the great disappointment after you had such a high expectations, after you waited for something for so long, after you so naively let yourself believe, only to lose it when you were so close... so close to actually having it. The realization that he wasn’t going home after he let himself believe that he was finally coming back to his dears, after he deceived himself that he was about to see his family again, was the most merciless torture he had ever tasted on his skin. He didn’t understand why he deserved all this sorrow. He didn’t understand why the world had to light this hope in him, this spark of ambition that made him expand with happiness, only to smash everything and blow it at his face harder than any strike.  
  
He felt so betrayed. Betrayed by the earth that misled him by sending him a ship without allowing him to broad it, betrayed by the sea that washed the vessel away, and by the sun that set down prematurely, and by himself, that he let himself sweep away by this illusion-this disappointing false opportunity. How could he be so stupid to believe that he was getting out of this loathsome piece of land? He was such a fool. He should have known better than this. And now… now there was nothing he could do. It was hopeless. He was doomed to stay here for who knew how long.  
  
“Zayn…” Niall tried again, but Zayn ignored him. He squeezed his eyes shut, trying to block everything. It was just too much. Simply too much for him to handle. He didn’t dare to look up, to see the dark and peaceful sea. He was so numb he didn’t even flinch when the cool water reached his hands, or when Niall placed a gentle hand on his shoulder, and merely concentrated on calming down both his uneven breathing and racing a thousand miles per second mind.  
  
Zayn didn’t know how long they stayed like that, he on his knees with his head bowed, and Niall standing beside him, but eventually he sat back, and mumbled, “It’s… it’s alright,” not knowing who he was trying to fool here.  
  
He stood up without another word, not sparing the ocean even one glance, before starting to go back in the direction of their shelter, not caring if Niall were on his heels or not. He moved between the silvery trees, and when he returned to their camp, and saw the bonfire, and the uncooked dishes next to it, and their cave right behind it, the realization that he would have to spend another night here hit him hard. Maybe he would stay here for the rest of his life.  
  
He looked away from that place, from their place, not able to take it anymore. He was so sick of living here, of fighting for his life every single day, of mustering every time he woke up the strength and the willpower to get him through the day without crumbling. So fed up with that bloody cave, and those stinky fish, and that darkness that crept in every lonely night and made him feel even more lost than he already was.  
  
He walked farther into the woods, didn't stop until he couldn't see the light of the fire reflecting on the trees, and leaned his forearm against the bark of a tree that was next to him, and pressed his forehead against it, trying to shut out everything. The realization that that was it sunk in at once, like a snake’s venom. It was intense, sharp, and oh so deadly.  
  
He heard the sound of Niall’s nearing footsteps, annoyed that he followed him, and when the boy reached out to touch him, Zayn jerked away as if Niall were possessed. “Zayn, please…”  
  
“Don’t touch me,” he rasped, staying glued to his spot, eyes screwed shut.    
  
It took a moment, but then Niall’s feeble voice was heard again. “Please, Zee, just talk to me.”  
  
“Leave me alone,” Zayn said coldly. Talking was the last thing he wanted now.  
  
Niall made no move to go away, though, and Zayn felt his presence clearly behind his back. Niall moved to touch him again, but Zayn bit out, “I told you not to fucking touch me! Go away if you know what’s good for you.” And Zayn was completely serious when he said that. Because right now, he wasn’t in his right mind. He wasn’t thinking straight, and he might do something he might regret later if Niall wouldn’t just fucking scram already.  
  
“No.” Niall’s voice was quiet and yet insistent, and Zayn knew he was stubbornly shaking his head even though he couldn’t see him.  
  
“Fine, then _I’ll_  go away,” Zayn spat out, but when he turned to disappear farther into the woods, his arm was caught by a strong hand that pulled him back. “Let go,” Zayn demanded, eyes locked on the dark ground.  
  
“Zayn, please, you’re in pain. Don’t shut me out,” Niall pleaded with him.  
  
“I’m perfectly fine, thank you very much,” Zayn bit out. “ _Let go of me_.”  
  
Niall loosened his hold, but didn’t release his wrist, his thumb rubbing soothingly over the sensitive skin, “Zayn, it doesn’t have to mean anything. We just had bad luck. Bad timing… Or arsehole of a ship… but—“  
  
“—I don’t want to hear it,” Zayn said sternly. “Save it.”  
  
He shook Niall’s hand away and tried to walk farther, anywhere away from Niall, but the other boy caught the hem of his shirt and pulled him back.  
  
“You are not going there, Zayn." His tone was hard, unfaltering. “Come back to our place.”  
  
“I don’t want anything to do with that place. I’m so sick of everything. Get lost already. Don’t you get that I want to be alone?”  
  
“No, I don’t. I just have the feeling that you might do something stupid.”  
  
Zayn laughed humorlessly, and turned to look at him. “And what are you, my nanny?”  
  
“No, I’m your friend, and I’m concerned about you.”  
  
“Then don’t be,” Zayn said tonelessly. “I think I’m big enough to make my own decisions. I’m not asking for your opinion, Niall.”  
  
“I know that you’re pissed off—“  
  
“Oh, really?” Zayn snorted.  
  
“—but don’t do anything rash, okay?”  
  
Zayn looked at him incredulously, because he totally wouldn’t try something drastic like jumping off a cliff, but it was none of Niall’s business. “I’ll do whatever I want. Leave me the fuck alone.”  
  
“Zayn…” Niall said weakly, taking one step toward him, but Zayn backed away. “You’re not thinking clearly. Come on, come back.”  
  
“No.” Zayn folded his arms over his chest.  
  
“Don’t wander alone at night, please…” Niall nearly begged. “Come on, Zayn, let’s go back and talk about it. It’ll make you feel better.”  
  
“How come you don’t even care?” Zayn spat suddenly, not even paying attention to what Niall was saying.  
  
“What?” Niall sounded dumbfounded.  
  
“You never care,” Zayn repeated, and watched as Niall’s eyebrows furrowed. “From the very beginning, when we just came here, you didn’t give a shit about being stuck here. It never bothered you. And today, you don’t seem to mind much that we just missed our single opportunity to get out of here. I don’t get it. How can you be so indifferent? It’s like… it’s like you don’t even care whether you go back home or not…”  
  
"Of course I do.“ Niall’s voice came out harsh, though it was small. “Zayn, It’s not...”  
  
“—No.” Zayn shook his head in disbelief. How could he have been so blind? “It’s not that you don’t care. It’s that you don’t want to go back. Of course, I should’ve known… You like it here. You want to stay here.”  
  
“Don’t be silly.” Niall fisted his hands.  
  
“Am not.” Zayn licked his dry lips, not oblivious to the way Niall followed the movement. “But it all makes sense now. Well, _I_  certainly  _don’t_  want to stay here. I’m starting to think that maybe you made us miss that ship on purpose. What not, with that failed signal fire of yours.”  
  
“Are you stupid?” Niall looked absolutely astonished. “Do you even hear yourself talking?”  
  
“You knew it wouldn’t work. I saw your face when the thing started to burn—“  
  
“—Then you are probably shit at reading people,” Niall retorted.  
  
“And yet, you didn’t try to catch their attention,” Zayn continued, voice low and dangerous. “You just stood like a statue.”  
  
“Well, I, unlike you, saw that it was hopeless. Was I supposed to jump like an idiot? I’m realistic, Zayn. You shouldn’t have pinned all your hopes on that ship. You should’ve known better than that. But don’t take the frustration out on me. I did nothing to deserve it. I just want to help. And besides, I tried hard back there.”  
  
“You sure?” Zayn raised a daring brow. “Didn’t you try to do the opposite?”  
  
Niall’s face twisted into something Zayn had never seen before. “Are you serious? You can’t actually mean it.”  
  
“It’s just that I don’t know what to think anymore… Everything’s possible, isn’t it?”  
  
Niall shook his head in distress. “You’re funny, Zayn, you know that?”  
  
“You’re not, though, and I’m not sure what your game is, but I don’t like it.”  
  
“What game, Zayn? What are you talking about?”  
  
Zayn looked pointedly around himself, and gestured toward their surrounding. “I mean, what’s your deal? What do you want, Niall? What do you want from me?”  
  
Niall was the one to take a step back this time. “I have no idea what you’re talking about, but whatever, Zayn. I understand that you’re properly mad, but there’s no reason to go nuts. I would never make us miss an opportunity like that on purpose, especially not when I know how much it’s important to you. What the fuck. I tried my best, I swear. Stop trying to pry from me something that I have nothing to do with!”  
  
“Fine, okay." Zayn turned away from him. “You better be telling the truth.”  
  
“I… I don’t understand,” Niall said quietly. “You don’t believe me…?”  
  
“I don’t know, Niall. I just don’t know anymore...”  
  
“What, Zayn? What don’t you know?” And when Zayn stayed silent, he added, “Just talk to me!”  
  
“Nothing, Niall. Forget I said anything…” and with that he tried to walk away, though in a blink of an eye he was forced back, but he got fed up and tried to wrestle Niall off, and that only resulted in them falling on the dirty ground, where they became a tangle of struggling limbs. Niall climbed on top of him easily enough, and grabbed Zayn’s hand that had been pushing at his shoulder to place it at his side, while he used his other hand to steady himself upright as he studied Zayn’s face. Zayn gulped and turned his head to the side because Niall’s glare was intense, his pupils contracted with increasing rage.   
  
“No, Zayn,” he said forcefully. “If you have something to say, fucking say it to my face.”  
  
“I have nothing to say,” Zayn said, eyes trained on a bush to his right.  
  
“Liar,” Niall breathed, and let go of Zayn’s arm in favor of gently turning his face so he could hold his gaze. “Come on, Zayn, spill everything.”  
  
Zayn just pressed his lips tightly together and stared at the night sky, where several stars already peeked from behind the treetops. Why didn’t Niall just leave him in peace? Why wouldn’t he just let it go? He felt his lips tremble, and no, he wasn’t going to get emotional in front of him.  
  
Niall sighed, and sat back. “Alright, Zayn. As you wish. I have nothing to say anymore…”  
  
He made to get up, but then Zayn suddenly blurted out, “I think I understand it now.”  
  
“What?” Niall gave him his full attention again.  
  
Zayn aimed his gaze at Niall again, and said, “I think I understand now why you don’t care whether you’ll go back or not. You barely talk about it, but I can still fit the pieces together. You don’t like your life, do you?” he watched Niall’s eyes narrow, and his forehead wrinkle. “I mean, you look from the side like a happy person, someone who lives the good life, or whatever, but it’s actually just a cover of who you really are. You hide behind a smile.”  
  
Niall's brows jumped at that, but apart from that he didn't show any other reaction.  
  
“Something obviously happened in your past, and it still affects you. A family thing. Not my business, though. And now your parents are divorced, and you cut off your connection with your father and your brother, and it’s something that I know still bothers you… And then you move with your mother to big London, and she starts that relationship with that man that you hate, and maybe it makes you feel deprived or somewhat. And you said you don’t have real friends… And just, it’s kind of lonely, isn’t it?”  
  
Niall still looked mildly surprised, but his face was gradually shifting into something far from kind. “And where... where you're going with that?”   
  
Zayn tipped his chin up slightly. “It’s just that you don’t really have something to look forward to. There is no real reason for you to return. You don’t feel like someone misses you or needs you." He watched something blaze in Niall’s eyes for a moment. “And now, you washed over to here… And you see it as a new stat. An opportunity to start your life over.”

“You don’t know a shit, Zayn,” Niall shook his head.  
  
“Maybe,” Zayn agreed thoughtfully. “But we’re not in some adventure fiction, okay? We’re not playing family and going to live happily ever after here. I don’t like this place. I don’t want to stay here, okay?”  
  
“I know that,” Niall said. “But I don’t understand what you’re trying to say here.”  
  
"That maybe you have that hope that I’ll fall for you and we’ll just live here forever? That I’ll be the one who will give you the love apparently no one gives you. That I’ll fill the voids in you. But I’m not that person, Niall. I won’t.”  
  
“You are just trying to hurt me…” Niall whispered.  
  
And maybe he really was. But he was filled with so much pent-up frustration, with so much anger, and helplessness, and aggravation, that he just wanted to get rid of those. And what was better than a living being to take on the brunt?  
  
“You were the one who wanted me to talk,” Zayn bit out, face emotionless. “So here, I said it. And it’s the truth.”  
  
Niall’s face fell, and he murmured, “I thought we were friends…”  
  
Zayn just kept silent, the lump in his throat growing big and heavy.  
  
“You know, Zayn,” Niall said, his voice sounding calm, but Zayn could hear the rage suppressed under it. “I don’t understand what I’ve done wrong, or why you talk to me like that, but I guess I was wrong about you. I thought that you’re just a person who needs time, who has to have a feel at first before opening up, and that inside you were actually really warm and kind, and not the jerk you were to me when we first met. But turns out you are a dick inside, too. All egocentric, and hating, and filled with venom that you don’t hesitate to use against others, biting when you feel like that. Didn’t expect that one from you… Your heart is really made out of stone.”  
  
Zayn squeezed his eyes shut, because it completely backfired on him. That wasn’t what he wanted.  
  
“LEAVE ME ALONE,” Zayn emphasized every word.  
  
“Was gonna go, anyway,” Niall said dryly, and then the presence around his waist was gone, and the sound of footsteps was heard.  
  
Zayn slowly sat up, and now, he felt even worse than before. Now he and Niall officially had had their first real fight, and that only left him with a bitter taste in his throat, and no matter how hard he tried to swallow down the bulge there, he still could feel it pressing against the back of his throat.  
  
He just let the wind lead him toward the unknown, feeling empty and shallow, like his being was being drained from him. His bare feet caught against the stones and the thorny plants, but instead of feeling pain, he just felt numbness. Eventually he returned back to the beach, the cool breeze that was coming from the ocean ruffling his hair and biting at his skin, and making him feel sorry now more than ever that he hadn't decided to wear a sweatshirt that last day on the cruise, because the chill was apparently the only thing he could feel now, when he was lacking any warm thought or emotion.  
  
His legs carried him to the stones that led to the cliffs, and he just absentmindedly climbed onto the place where he went whenever he had something on his mind. The stone scraped at his bare feet, and in his heedlessness, he suffered a few scratches on his skin here and there, but Zayn couldn’t bring himself to care. And when he reached the top, he finally let himself glimpse again at the sea. It was mostly quiet, quiet and black; the occasional waves bursting against the algae-covered stones underneath. And suddenly he felt that bile crawling up his throat again, and his face twisted with how sick he suddenly felt, but he forced himself to keep everything in, though the nausea didn’t disappear.  
  
He sat down near the edge, and curled himself into a ball, trying in vain to shield his slim form from the cold, and that was when he finally broke down, and couldn't hold back his tears anymore, and they came streaming down his face, there, where no one could see him. He hadn’t cried in a very long time; he had never been much of a crier. And now, it felt like he couldn’t stop, like there was nothing he could do but let his tears flow to the sea beneath.  He'd lost sense of time; he didn't know how long he sat there and drowned in his own misery. He just cried and cried until his eyelashes were sticky, and there was nothing left but the emptiness from before.  
  
All the rage disappeared into thin air by then, and all he felt was the hopelessness, the sadness, and the regret. The deep regret he had for everything he had said, for hurting Niall like that. Niall probably wouldn’t want anything to do with him after that. No self-respecting person would be willing to forgive after something like that. He felt so selfish, so cruel, so sad… and so, so alone. The kind of loneliness he had never felt in his entire life-the kind that you only felt when you sat by yourself on a high steep observing the calm and dark ocean, hugging yourself to shield from the cold. He felt so broken, like his being was split open, and he didn’t believe that he would be able to fix himself.  
  
He missed his family so much. His heart ached for them. What would he do to have his mum here right now? What would he be ready to give for just another hug, for another moment in her arms? He ached for someone from back home to just be here with him. But he had no one. No one but himself, and... Niall. And now, he wasn't sure he even had him anymore. The only person he had, and he scared him away.   
  
The thought alone made the tears start falling again, and he just lay down on the cold stone as he continued to sob quietly, uncontrollably.   
  
He apparently fell asleep at some point, because he felt himself shifting from unconsciousness to consciousness when he felt a gentle hand caressing his hair, and he leaned into the touch absentmindedly, so thirsty for that soft touch. He blinked his eyes slowly open, realizing that he indeed had dozed off for some time, but it couldn’t be for too long as it was still pitch dark.  
  
The hand was dislodged when Zayn moved a little to get more comfortable, and a tired voice said with a sigh, “I should have known I’d find you here… To think that you’ll actually fall sleep here. God, Zayn, you’re so stupid. You really pissed me off, you know? But then you didn’t come back, and I got so worried… And, Christ, I searched for you everywhere. Not a trace of you.”  
  
Niall sounded so caring and worried that it made Zayn release a quiet sob. He couldn’t believe that Niall had gone through all the trouble to find him, that he looked for him even after the way Zayn had talked to him, that he was here with him now.  
  
“Aren’t you mad?” Zayn managed to croak out, voice so choked, his back still turned to Niall. He was actually afraid to look at him.  
  
“God, no,” Niall breathed, and Zayn could picture to himself his sad smile when he added, “I probably should be, but I can’t…”  
  
“I’m so sorry,” Zayn whispered, curling further into himself. “I’m so sorry.”  
  
“It’s okay…” Niall said, but Zayn shook his head.  
  
“No, it’s not… I feel like shit. And the worst part is that I actually meant everything that I said.”  
  
He was so ashamed of himself.  
  
“You didn’t,” Niall insisted. “You didn’t think clearly, you were hurt, you were angry, and it was my fault for bringing you further to the edge. I guess I should’ve given you more space…”  
  
But Zayn knew that Niall just cared for him, like he always did. There was nothing that could justify the way Zayn had acted.  
  
“Maybe,” Zayn nodded slowly. “But I still had no right to… Quite crossed the line.”  
  
“That you did,” Niall agreed, voice small. “And fuck, I swear that I should be properly mad now, but I just can’t bring myself to, not when I wait for you to come back for so long, and you don’t… I just, I didn’t know what to think. Regretted leaving you there… And I guess I owe you an apology, too, for calling you heartless and etc… I know you are far from that. You just set me off, sometimes. You need to keep that mouth of yours shut more often, it seems.”  
  
Zayn would’ve chuckled, but he felt too much sorrow to do that.  
  
“You initiated it, though,” Zayn rolled his eyes.  
  
“I know,” Niall sighed. “Doesn’t make me feel better…”  
  
“I wish I could take it back… Not only the ‘you want to stay here’ thing, but also the ‘it’s your fault’,” Zayn exhaled shakily. “I know it’s not… I know you are not selfish like that… I just— I was so frustrated, and I knew that I would blurt something like that if you didn’t just let me go… Though, I’m happy you didn’t… Don’t get me wrong. I really appreciate you trying to help me, even though I have a weird way of showing it…”  
  
Niall chuckled at that, and the sound made Zayn feel lighter instantly.  
  
It was silent after that, the kind of silence that made Zayn want to fill the air with all kinds of words he wouldn’t be able to take back, and he slowly sat up, shivering at the chill that attacked his mostly bare limbs, and turned to sit across from Niall, his head bowed as he couldn’t bring himself to meet his gaze. He didn’t feel like he had the right to, not after everything that happened, not when he didn’t know what to expect from those blue orbs.  
  
Instead he brought his numb from the cold hands toward his mouth, and blew hot air on them in order to warm up a little.  
  
“Did your hands freeze?” Niall asked softly.  
  
Zayn nodded, and blinked at the ground when Niall took his hands in his forever warm ones and pressed them against his mouth, blowing hot air on them.  
  
Zayn swallowed dry, reveling in the hot blows of air against his frozen hands, and when Niall finally removed his hands from his mouth, he expected him to just let go, but instead he just lowered them down, and Zayn was confused for all two seconds before the younger boy put them under his shirt and dragged them up to press them against his chest, keeping them warm and secure there.  
  
“Wouldn’t you be cold like that?” Zayn bit his lip, not being able to look Niall in the eye.  
  
“No,” Niall chuckled again, the vibrations spreading through his chest and to Zayn’s palms. And it probably should be awkward, too intimate, off-limits even, but it just felt right, and somehow made Zayn feel grounded.    
  
“Thank you,” Zayn whispered quietly, and when Niall opened his arms as an invitation, Zayn crawled forward, and threw himself into his arms, letting himself be hugged and held, and just the feel of another human being against him, the comfort of Niall’s familiar scent, and his low hum as he wrapped his arms fully around Zayn, was enough to make the taps turn on again, and for the tears to fall freely onto the fabric of Niall’s shirt. Niall hugged him even tighter, and it only made Zayn cry harder, retreat his hands from Niall’s shirt only to cling onto his shoulders as he continued to weep, as he let all the walls break, and let himself sob, and sniffle, and whine in front of someone else. He probably should be embarrassed, but he just couldn’t bring himself to care anymore, because this-this physical contact was what he craved-that solid body holding his as he crumbled to pieces, as he let himself be vulnerable, but knew that he was in good arms, knew that here he was safe and protected and… loved.    
  
“I’m so sorry,” Zayn continued to chant as a mantra into the crook of Niall’s neck, and the other boy just shook his head as if to say it was nothing, his hands rubbing soothingly at his back, his voice soft as he hummed while rocking them slowly back and worth.  
  
“I th-thought you wou-wouldn’t want to talk to me a-again,” Zayn sobbed, opening up his heart for the first time to him, exposing his most personal places. “I— I felt s-so alone. I j-just wanted you t-to come.”  
  
“Shh… I’m here,” Niall soothed him, his hand coming up to caress the hair at the base of his head.  
  
“Bu—But you sh-shouldn’t be. You can’t be tha-that nice to me. S-Stop being so fucking k-kind all the-the time… I— I don’t deserve it.”  
  
“Stop talking shit,” Niall scolded him.  
  
Zayn just continued to weep more and more, soak Niall’s shirt thoroughly until it was wet from his shed tears, until his eyes burned, and his throat ached, and his voice turned gruff and feeble, and he settled for just sniffling into Niall’s chest, the other boy, bless him, never faltering from comforting him, from simply holding him.  
  
“Feel better now?” Niall asked, and Zayn nodded, his eyes feeling puffy, and body screaming at him to stretch his stiff limbs, but he didn’t want to disattach from Niall, didn’t want to separate from him. He was way too comfy.  
  
“It’s just that…” he started, and Niall encouraged him to continue with a hand on his back. “It’s just that I saw that ship… And… And… It was like a spark of hope in all this madness. It was something that I wanted for such a long time. I dreamed about ships coming here, Niall. Fuck, I imagined them, even. And then, that ship-that chance of going back home suddenly appears, but I—We missed it. How could we miss it, Niall? How could we just let it go?”  
  
“We don’t have control over everything…” Niall said. “We tried hard, we really did. Though, I don’t know what would upset you more-them not seeing us, which meant we didn’t try hard enough, or them just ignoring us.”  
  
“Them ignoring us…” Zayn answered without thinking too much. “I really wish it wasn’t the case. But, either way, the ship just disappeared, Niall, in front of my eyes. It was so far, and yet the closest I've been to home. I felt like I could almost touch it, I thought that I was going back, Ni. I thought that I was going back to my family…  
  
“I miss them so much. It only gets worse every day. I don’t know what to think anymore, because thinking about it only hurts me. Do they believe I’m still alive somewhere? Are they trying to save me? Do they think about me? What if… what if they don’t, Niall? What if everyone just gave up on us, and think we didn’t stand a chance?  
  
“Why did everyone forget about us, Niall? Why no one is coming after us? Why did it have to be us to get stuck here? Why are we so unlucky? What did we already do? What did we do to deserve this? ...I’m so tired, Niall, I swear. I’m so sick of being here. I’m so sick of everything. I stay awake at nights thinking about ways of going back but I come every time empty, because there is no way to go back. We’re stuck here, Niall. We’re doomed to stay here.  
  
“This is our fucking prison. It’s so surreal, so unfair… Why we out of everyone? And missing our only opportunity of getting out of here… it really broke me, you know? It was like the last straw, the thing that set me off… I’m so lost, Niall. I’m such a wreck, don’t know how you can bear to stay here with me when all I do is whine and eat your brain…”  
  
“It’s more than okay,” Niall reassured him. “I’ll stay here with you till the morning if it’s what it takes… Don’t mind me.”  
  
“I just really want to go back. I really want to see my mother, and it breaks me to think that she might be lying awake now, too, thinking about me… I can’t stop wondering if Dad is okay. I don’t know if he managed to get on a boat, if he didn’t… It kills me not knowing all of this, and my sisters… God, I just… I wouldn’t be able to bear it if they are not all safe and complete.”  
  
“They are all just fine,” Niall promised. “I’m one hundred percent sure that they think about you as much as you think about them, and that they wouldn’t give up until they found you.”  
  
“But Niall, so much time has passed…”  
  
“Do you believe in intuition?” Niall asked, and Zayn pulled back to look at him confusedly. “It’s just that I believe that we all have a very special connection with the people we care about, especially with our family. Like a bond. When something bad happens, you can feel it. Like an instinct. As long as you don’t feel deep distress, they should be fine. You must know that deep inside. The same way, they must know you’re safe and sound somewhere as well.”  
  
Zayn was unsure, though, “It sounds weird to me.”  
  
“Maybe it is,” Niall said thoughtfully, almost sheepishly. “But it happened to me a few times, that I knew that something was wrong… And there were other times, when everyone was on edge, but I knew there was nothing to worry about…”  
  
“Maybe there is something in what you say,” Zayn said eventually.  
  
“Just… let go, Zayn,” Niall said, and Zayn's lips parted. “You’re still so young, and you have your whole life ahead of you. We’ll get out of here eventually, okay? Just don’t worry about it. You’re not suffering here that much.” Niall arched a brow. “This is not hell here, Zayn. If anything, this place looks like heaven. You’re always busy with finding things to hate about this island, always grumbling and scrunching up your nose, and basically not paying attention to all the pretty things around you. And you’re probably going to laugh at me, but I feel like there is something about this place…” Zayn barely contained his snort. “It’s special, you know? It’s not that bad… Not anymore, at least. You’re always complaining that you’re bored, but the life we used to have was boring too, Zayn. Because, in all honesty, what’s so exciting about going to school, and getting a degree, and working your ass off until you die? It’s like our lives are meaningless. All the people chase happiness, but are they really happy? Would going back really make you happy?” Zayn frowned. “Don't get me wrong, because I'm not saying that it wouldn't. You’ll see your family, and sure, it's everything. But... What's then? University again? And then marrying some girl and raising a family? It’s like we have already everything planned, like we are all forced into this routine… I mean, why do you read books, Zayn?”  
  
“Because I like to read,” Zayn's frown deepened, not completely understanding where Niall was going with that.  
  
“Wrong answer,” Niall replied. “You’re doing this because you want to be drawn into another world-into another reality. You use it as a getaway from your life, like practically everyone else, because we all long for excitements and refresh. And now, we can choose how to live our lives-what to do. Being here gives us freedom, Zayn. Freedom to be whoever we want. Just put all the struggle aside, and think once about the bright side-No one can tell you what to do, who to be, how to behave. You have a free choice, you can choose your own path. The life we have now is new, and unusual, and maybe you hate it here so much because of that. We should be open-minded, though. Life is funny." Niall let out a little shy smile. "It’s just… there are more ways than one to be happy. There are so many little things that can make us happy. It really depends on the way you look at things. We are the ones who grant our lives a meaning.  And… it doesn’t matter where you are, as long as you have someone along with you. This is how I see it at least,” he shrugged.  
  
Zayn stared into his eyes, honest and open, and entirely focused on him.  
  
“I’ve never… never thought about it that way.”  
  
“Then think about it,” Niall suggested, and touched Zayn’s nose lightly. “You’re cold. Come on, let’s go back before you get sick.”  
  
And Zayn complied.


	13. Chapter 13

Zayn slowly fluttered his eyes open in the sun-washed cave, vaguely remembering not blocking the opening last night, which resulted in the bright light, but more distracting than that was the warmness he felt all over. He blinked down to see the odd surface his head was laid on was Niall’s shoulder, and he sighed, relaxing against him and shuffling closer, his hand resting against Niall’s clad torso under the blanket.  
  
He listened to Niall’s soft breathing, simply savoring the peacefulness, and the warmth, and his presence. He was grateful for not waking up to find the space next to him empty, at least today, when he needed it. There was something settling about waking up to someone. Niall had never slept in, had never woken up after Zayn, and the latter felt a tad guilty knowing that he probably was that exhausted because of him, but a part of him found itself curious as to what did it look like when Niall woke up. If he furrowed his brows, or tossed around. If his eyelashes fluttered over his cheeks, and if he groaned softly. He glanced up to take a look at Niall’s face, and he looked younger like this, sleeping with the rays of the sun illuminating his gentle features. He looked truly calm and well-rested, and it was contagious.   
  
Zayn closed his eyes with the intention of going back to sleep, and shifted to get more comfortable, but the sudden movement caused the boy underneath him to stir, and the loose arm around his back to tighten. Zayn chanced up another look to see Niall’s eyes still closed, though there was a sleepy crooked smile slowly forming at his lips now, and his expression softened some more. He looked soft and adorable, and reminded Zayn of Sunday mornings. Niall then stretched both his arms above his head with a low yawn, before lowering a hand toward Zayn’s hair to stroke it lazily. It felt nice. It was like a confirmation that Zayn could stay at his rightful spot beside him.  
  
Looking down at Zayn, he said softly, “Hey, there. Good morning.”  
  
“Good morning,” Zayn returned the greeting, and cringed a little at how gruff his voice came out. He coughed a bit to clear his throat.  
  
"Were you up for long?” Niall asked, his blue eyes looking even a brighter shade under the strong sunlight.  
  
“No,” Zayn replied. “Maybe for a few minutes…”  
  
Niall shifted a little so Zayn’s leg slipped between his, and then it was perfect, absolutely comfy and cozy, and Zayn wasn’t getting up anytime soon. Niall would have to scrape him off of here-If he could wriggle from under him, that was it. He looked up again, and found Niall already staring at him, and just the softness and the openness of his gaze made Zayn feel defenseless and vulnerable and bare, though he still had his shirt and underwear on. Not in a negative way, though. It was more like there were no barriers between them now. Like Niall looked at him, and saw all of him. Like everything was laid out before him. He had practically poured his heart to him yesterday, and now Niall knew everything, and had witnessed his mental breakdown, and Zayn still wasn’t quite sure how he felt about that. He guessed that it just made him feel exposed, and he bit on his lip almost fearfully as he didn’t exactly know how to behave now, or what to say.  
  
Niall just smiled at him warmly and lazily, and it was reassuring enough that Zayn could feel himself untensing again. And that was when Zayn started to question himself just how much platonic it all counted. He told himself that he was just being needy and cuddly because of yesterday, and that Niall was just being nice and understanding because that was how he was. Zayn just craved that affection now, and Niall didn’t look opposed in turn to give it to him wordlessly, like he knew what Zayn wanted without needing to be told.  
  
“How do you feel?” Niall asked gently, twirling a black hair strand. His hair was growing long. He’d have to cut it soon.  
  
Zayn knew Niall was talking about the previous night, and it felt like it had been weeks ago. So much had happened in such a short period of time that his memories started to mix up in a blur. He barely believed that the hut discovery and the arrival of the ship had been on the same day, let alone his little breakdown and their fight, and the events that followed. How could so many things squeeze into less than 24 hours? It had to be against the rules of physics.  
  
“Better,” Zayn admitted, and thought,  _thanks to you_ , because it was true. He had slept well, and now his chest felt like it was in one piece again, and the soreness in his throat was less evident now. He simply felt… content. “Good, actually.”  
  
“That’s good,” Niall hummed, and looked over Zayn’s head at the entrance of the cave. “What do you reckon the time is?”  
  
“Late morning?” Zayn suggested. "Early midday?”  
  
“Seriously?” Niall looked simultaneously baffled and amused. “Have never stayed in bed this late. Since coming here, I mean. What a shame…”  
  
“Everyone deserves a good sleep once in a while,” Zayn opined, his fingers absentmindedly tracing over Niall’s chest. And if Niall shivered when he grazed above his navel, he didn't mention it. “No need to wake up so early every day… 'S nice to nap a little..."  
  
Niall’s chuckle rumbled and vibrated against Zayn’s body, and his accent was thick when he said, “Well, wouldn’t you know?”  
  
Zayn smiled sheepishly, and Niall lowered his arm to wrap it around Zayn’s body again.  
  
“The water is the best in the mornings, just so you know,” Niall said. “It’s cool and pleasant, and the sun isn’t that strong yet, so it’s not too hot outside. You would’ve understood what I’m talking about if you had let me take you for a dip. You have no idea what you’re missing.”  
  
“I’m good,” Zayn promised.

“Come with me one time,” Niall pressed. “I know you’d like it.”  
  
“Niall, it’s too early to have this conversation,” Zayn complained, tired of Niall bringing up the topic every time.  
  
“It’s too late to stay in bed,” Niall arched a brow, but Zayn just settled his head more firmly atop of him to get the point across, and that caused Niall to chuckle. “You sleepy bum. You’re acting like an overgrown cat,” he pointedly massaged at Zayn’s scalp with his free hand, and Zayn barely managed to prevent a soft sound from escaping, for Niall would be too smug.  
  
“Whatever,” Zayn huffed. “It’s probably better than being an overexcited dog.”  
  
“You mean an extremely cute puppy, right?” Niall scratched at his skull in warning.  
  
“You wish,” Zayn rolled his eyes, though it was rather fond, and closed them once again. There was a lull, and he found himself murmuring, “Stay here for a little longer?”  
  
“Okay,” Niall sighed exasperatedly, and Zayn grinned, letting the gentle fingers in his hair soothe him into sleep. 

* * *

  
It was later that day, when Zayn took Niall’s shirt in order to wash it, that he noticed a wound above Niall’s bicep, near his shoulder.  
  
“Niall, what is it?” Zayn frowned, moving closer to inspect the injury.  
  
“It’s nothing,” Niall shied away, and pulled his arm closer to his body.  
  
“It isn't nothing. Let me see it,” Zayn pressed, terrified he had got it because of him.  
  
“It doesn’t even hurt anymore,” Niall insisted, but Zayn had already hanged Niall’s shirt over his shoulder, and was now trailing cautious fingers up his arm, before coming to a rest just below the bruise. It looked to him rather painful.  
  
“When did you get it?” Zayn took a closer look at the blue and purple area, but Niall shook his hand off his arm, and hid the wound from view, his eyes to the ground of the cave when he replied with annoyance tinted in his voice. “The other day… I slipped and my arm got caught on a rock, but it’s okay, really.”  
  
“Why didn’t you show me that?” Zayn asked quietly.  
  
“Because it’s not serious… And I knew you’d make a big deal out of it.”  
  
Zayn’s frown only deepened, and he nearly pleaded with him when he said, “Don’t hide those things from me. I want to know when something is wrong. I want you to tell me if you’re hurt and let me take care of you, ok?”  
  
Niall nodded once, and Zayn had to ask, “Is it the only wound?”  
  
Niall sighed, and nodded again.  
  
“You should be more careful with yourself,” Zayn said with finality to the boy standing awkwardly at the center of the room, and went toward the stream to do the laundry.

* * *

  
Niall went in the following days to grab the remaining tools and artefacts from the hut, and among them could be found the logbook, the pot, and the vases. Zayn was reluctant to join him, as he didn’t like that place, and he wasn’t very keen on those ghosty things being transferred to their place, either, but he had to admit that the idea of a cooking pot sounded to him rather good, so he didn’t complain when he saw Niall situating it near the fire. It just needed a good scrub, and then it would be suitable for boiling great amounts of water, and making more food. The logbook, besides of being creepy, had some useful tips in it, so Zayn took it upon himself to go through them.  
  
And that was how he found himself trying to make tea one evening, thanks to the very detailed descriptions and drawings of edible plants. It had taken him a good amount of time to search for those plants, and he double checked, maybe even triple checked that those were the right leaves. Niall seemed to be mildly dubious about that, however, as the first thing he said was, "I see you decided to concoct us some poison, Zayn.”  
  
“Why poison? Those plants are alright," Zayn said in response, deciding not to joke about something like this.   
  
“How do you know?” Niall furrowed his eyebrows, studying the leaves Zayn had collected.  
  
“I might’ve tried the edibility test…” Zayn said somewhat sheepishly, and Niall gaped at him.  
  
“You what?”  
  
“It was fine, though… I was cautious,” Zayn reassured him. “I told you there are notes of medical leaves in that book.”  
  
“Good lord,” Niall breathed. “I didn’t think you’d actually listen to some old lunatic’s advises. Who would’ve thought you’ll be that desperate for tea… ”  
  
“Like you are not,” Zayn deadpanned. “We can’t possibly drink just water all the time. I need some other tastes…”  
  
“Even though we don’t have sugar?” Niall raised a brow questionably. "Tea without sugar is kinda bitter."  
  
“Yes.” Zayn lowered his gaze to where he already had some green leaves, pickily chosen and washed clean, in a coconut shell. He just waited for the water to boil in the pot.  
  
“You were lucky this time. Don't go tasting plants again. It can be deadly."  
  
Zayn huffed in annoyance, and instead of replying, he said, “I suppose you want a cuppa as well?”  
  
“Why not?” Niall shrugged. "I’ll keep you company. If we die, then together.”  
  
So Zayn fetched a cup for Niall as well, and once the water was boiling, he poured them each a cup. The wait till the water cooled down was tedious, but Zayn still found himself fascinated with how the color of the water changed to a light green, and with the nice aroma. After Niall had asked Zayn again if he were sure it wasn’t poisonous, he took a sip from the liquid, and he made a confused grimace, before taking another gulp.  
  
“It’s… It’s okay, I guess,” he said, licking his bottom lip. “A bit bitter, but drinkable.”  
  
Zayn chuckled, and brought the coconut shell to his own lips to check how hot it was, and when he learned that it didn’t burn his lips, he took a sip himself. It indeed was bitter, and the lack of sweetness lowered the quality of the taste, but apart from that, it was quite nice. Refreshing…  
  
“I think I like it,” Zayn concluded. “We should make more of it.”  
  
“If we won’t die in a few hours," Niall smiled mischievously.  
  
"Yeah, just think of the headlines: two amateurs who have survived nearly two months in the wilderness fell victim to a poisonous tea. It sounds absurd."

Niall apparently agreed, because he choked on his drink. 

* * *

  
Since his hair started to get into his eyes, Zayn knelt the next day in front of his reflection in the stream, and used the scissors in order to cut the significantly long locks. It wasn’t very convenient, as he couldn’t get the right angle, but he tried to be as careful and accurate as he could. Despite everything, Niall crackled when he saw him, and teased him that he looked like his barber was blind, before offering to fix it. So Zayn ended up sitting still on the beach while Niall finished the job, waiting patiently for him to level out the haircut. Once Zayn approved his handiwork, he returned the favor, surprised a little at how soft Niall’s hair was to the touch, so he took his time cutting it, reveling in the fluffy sensation and in the way the bright locks glistened under the sun, and Niall didn’t seem to mind that he was taking him time, as he just waited pliantly and quietly for Zayn to finish.

* * *

  
It was a week later when they sat next to each other while drinking hot tea, that Niall said while gazing at the black sky, “There are so many stars…”  
  
Zayn looked up, and hummed in agreement. He had never given it much thought, but there were much more stars here than in his illuminated city. It was one of the advantages of living in a not industrialized area. “True,” he said, taking a sip of his drink.“You can barely spot three stars in my hometown.”  
  
“Same in London,” Niall said thoughtfully. “There are almost as many stars as here in Mullingar, though. It’s a small town, on the countryside, so there aren’t many street lamps to block the view,” Niall placed his freshly finished cup on the ground and hugged his knees to his chest as his eyes stayed locked on the blazing stars. “Feels a bit like home… It’s one of the things I miss the most, I guess. You know…” Niall said somewhat shyly. “Sometimes when I stare at the stars, I wonder if those are the same stars the people  _there_  see… If my mum sees the same stars, and wonders if I can see them too… It’s stupid, isn’t it?”  
  
“No, it’s kind of cute, actually,” Zayn smiled at his profile fondly. “Don’t think they see the same stars, though… But it’s nice to imagine it like that. Sort of grounding…”  
  
Once Zayn put his empty cup down as well, he didn’t protest when Niall lay down on his lap, and his now free hands came up to tangle in Niall’s soft locks, as it was rather tempting. It was quiet for a while, just the sizzling and the crackling of the fire audible in the background, but it was a comfortable silence. Niall looked like he was getting drowsy with sleep, and Zayn wondered what were the chances that he would fall asleep right here, or that his own thighs would go numb because of the lack of shifting, but it felt warm and cozy being like this with someone else, and he let himself marvel a little at how close they had gotten, how naturally it came now to him to be like this with Niall.  _Lost children, this is what we are_ , he thought to himself as he tucked a stray hair behind Niall’s ear.  
  
“You’ve hit a few true spots, you know…” Niall murmured suddenly, eyes on the bonfire.  
  
Zayn furrowed his brows in confusion. “What?”  
  
“That day we had a fight… You were right about a few things,” Niall supplied.  
  
And…  _Oh_.  
  
Zayn’s fingers came to a stop near Niall’s scalp, and he said feebly, “Niall, I… I’m sorry, really. I had no right to…”  
  
Niall just sighed, and said with his eyes still trained on the bright flames, “I was a little taken aback from what you said, can’t say it didn’t hit close to home, but overall, I had time to think about that… And I want you to know the full story. It would only be fair.”

Zayn’s body went tense, and there was no way Niall didn’t notice it, but he didn’t let it falter him as he went on, tone soft. “It’s not that I have that heart tearing kind of story, or that I think my life is a complete shit. I don’t even think I have a right to complain about how things turned out most of the time, as there are kids who got it much tougher than me, but it still doesn’t stop me from going back to those times when I felt I had a family, when I thought there was somewhere I belonged. It was so long ago, but I still remember being naively happy, feeling loved, loving back… It all goes years ago to when I was little. The good times, you know. Mum worked as a tailor in a local shop, and Dad worked in a factory outside of town. We used to be a normal family, you know? Me and Greg fighting, Mum complaining I could do better at school, Dad taking us on hikes, us having family meals, watching TV together when there was a game… But of course good things don’t last forever..."  
  
“I was twelfth when I started to understand that things weren’t going too well between Dad and Mum… It wasn’t that they didn’t get along, or that they yelled at each other all the time. It wasn’t something like that. It was just… silent. They just started to drift apart, you know? Dad always was a quiet person. A man of few words and many deeds, as they say… He’s a good person, I know that, and Mum always said so, but…” Niall trailed off for a moment, before resuming, “He started to come home very late at some point, and sometimes he didn’t return till the morning, and my mum would stay awake at nights, helpless and waiting for him. It was really hard to see her like that… She would ask him where he had been, and he would say that he had been held up at work, or that he had had to help a friend. But it became ridiculous, you know?” Niall turned to look at him, his eyes gleaming in the dark, and Zayn brushed his hair back, listening to him quietly.  
  
“I don’t know who he was trying to fool… I don’t know since when my mum knew, but I think that she realized it fast enough, because you feel that kind of thing, you know? She would see him and sigh with sad eyes, and she would act as if she didn’t know-make him breakfast, wish him good luck at work-for the sake of me and Greg, I suppose, but apparently there’s a limit to how long a person can remain quiet, because one day, when he yet again didn’t show up on time, she finally broke. At some point she had just stopped waiting for him, but I think that she stayed up all night that day. I remember waking up because of the sound of the front door closing, and when I glanced out the window, I saw it started to brighten outside… Probably was around five or six in the morning. I heard voices downstairs, and I went down to see my mum sitting at the kitchen table, with her eyes red-rimmed and fatigued, and dad was leaning against the wall at the entrance with his head bowed… I don’t think anyone noticed me there, for they were so preoccupied in their own world.” Niall hid from behind his eyelashes.  
  
“Mum asked him again where he had been. It was a hypothetical question, obviously, and he stayed silent this time. She asked if he had been at  _hers_  again, and when he just kept on being silent, she started saying things like ‘Do you think I’m stupid? How could you do this to me? To us? You have a family!’, and then he finally opened his mouth and said that  _she_  was lonely, that  _she_  had nobody, that  _she_  was sick and barren, and that he was just trying to help,” Niall said the word ‘she’ with such a loathe that there was no doubt about how much he resented that woman. “I… I can’t believe that he said he just wanted to help… Like someone who just helps would keep it a secret from his wife, like someone who just helps would spend his nights secretly with another woman…  
  
“I remember being so disgusted by him. I couldn’t believe that he would hurt my mum like this. How could he. He didn’t even say he was sorry. He just went to climb the stairs to the bedroom, and startled when he noticed me. He looked as old and tired as he was, and I think he was taken aback by the stern glare I gave him, but we didn’t exchange a word. He climbed up, and I entered the kitchen only to see my mum with her hands covering her face, and her shoulders trembling, and I didn’t know what to do… I didn’t even quite understand everything that was happening. It was the first time I saw my mum like that, and when she heard me approaching, she brought me in for a squeezing hug, and I still remember her broken voice when she said ‘don’t worry, everything is going to be just fine’. She always tried to be strong, my mum,” Niall smiled sadly as he gazed up at Zayn again. “But nothing was fine after that. Dad just stopped pretending, and very bluntly returned home less and less… He said that he just didn’t love Mum anymore, but promised to help with money… ” Niall said bitterly. “Like money could solve everything… They just divorced after that. I was barely fourteen…  
  
“I saw that woman. I saw her with Dad at a park a few weeks after he had practically disappeared from our lives. She wasn’t even as pretty as Mum. Looked older, too. Don’t understand what he found in her. She can’t possibly be better than Mum. Those were not easy times… Greg studied at University at that time, and was quite independent, so it was mainly me and Mum. She had to work two full-time jobs in order to pay the bills, and I was too young to do something. I tried to spend as less money as possible, and help with what I could… The money Dad sent us wasn’t enough, and Greg couldn’t help as he had to work in order to pay for his studies… That was when Daniel came into our lives. He’s a businessman, and he was at that time in Ireland, and he needed a tailor, and he happened to enter the shop where my mum worked at that time in Dublin, and it was how they first met… It was like a spark of light for her. They kept in touch since then, and one day she asked me how I felt about the idea of moving to England, and I swear it was such a shock that I was sure I hadn’t heard her right. I connected all the pieces together, and understood what she was implying, and I know that we wouldn’t have moved there if I had told her I didn’t want to, but she was so ruined, Zayn. I couldn’t see her like that. And it was her chance of being happy, and she deserved being happy… So I agreed,” Niall breathed sharply through his nose.  
  
“Greg didn’t want to leave. He was twenty one, and had a girlfriend, and a flat, and friends… And apparently could manage on his own. I was fourteen when I moved into that big and empty house. I had met Daniel once before, and I didn’t like him from the very beginning. He looked like a real douchebag even then, but for Mum he was everything, and he gave her so much… She got the opportunity to become a fashion designer like she had always wanted, and she seemed to be so happy with him. So I just had to endure the fact that I was away from my friends, and in a completely new surrounding. I came from a village, so moving to a big city wasn’t easy… Took me time to fit in. Mum and Daniel were always busy. She is now an important woman, considered as pure talent, and I guess that I feel now a bit pushed to the side. She’s changed, too. She’s not the same person. She’s happier, though.”  
  
_But what about your happiness?_  Zayn wanted to ask, but he didn’t. It felt inappropriate to interrupt now.  
  
“Don’t think Daniel was too keen on the fact that he had to bear me, but it’s mutual. We barely tolerate each other. He’s my mother’s boyfriend, and the person who owns the place where I sleep, but apart from that… there’s nothing. We barely interact. He’s always flying around the country or the world for business, so at least there are not so many awkward moments where we need to pretend that we like each other. But if there is something that really sucks, it’s that it feels like everyone who sees my house wants to be around me because of that… And it’s not even actually mine, you know? So it’s hard to know who wants to be friends with me because of the money or because of me. It makes it quite hard to find real friends. So there’s Lucy, my best friend…” Niall managed to crack a smile, and it looked genuine. “I know my mum keeps in touch with Greg. I have a nephew now, can you believe it? She showed me pictures. It’s hard to believe just how much time has passed…”  
  
“You don’t keep in touch with him?” Zayn finally found his voice.  
  
Niall shook his head, and explained, “I stayed in touch with him in the beginning, but it was one-sided… He never initiated a call or something, and the conversations were dry and didn't flow, so I suppose he just doesn’t care… Don’t see why make him talk to me if he doesn’t want to.”  
  
“Nialll-” Zayn tried, but Niall cut him off, “We’ve never been close, so whatever… He's always been Dad's favorite, always thought he was better... Not all the siblings get along well."  
  
Zayn sighed, because there wasn't really something he could say, so he just continued to run his fingers through Niall’s blonde hair, and they simply stared at each other for some time, until Niall averted his gaze away, and said, “It’s not that I see this place as a new life for me… It’s not that I don’t want to go back… I just don’t really feel like someone sits there and waits for me. My father disappointed me, my brother disappointed me, and my mum…” Niall didn’t continue. “I guess it’s why I had no problem to jump off the railing… Didn’t feel like I had what to lose, you know?”  
  
“Niall…” Zayn was overwhelmed.  
  
“And it may sound crazy, but I’m kind of happy I did,” Niall looked up, and blue locked on amber. Zayn’s breath got caught in his throat at how sincere and serious he looked. “Because I met you.”  
  
Zayn didn’t know what to say, so he let his eyes convey everything as they stared into Niall’s. Niall eventually closed his eyes, before nuzzling against Zayn’s hand so he would keep on stroking the hair.  
  
“Let’s go inside?” Niall suggested after some time, and it took a few moments for Zayn to decipher he had said something, too lost in his thoughts, but eventually he nodded.  
  
Zayn guided him to his pile of leaves as the boy was always clumsy when sleepy, and after he made sure they both were covered, he wrapped his arms protectively around Niall, and said quietly, “I’m sure your mum really misses you and loves you. I’m sure she’s thinking about you all the time.” And then he whispered, “You’re not alone, Niall.”  
  
Niall placed his hand on top of Zayn’s and squeezed, and fell asleep not long after that, though Zayn lay awake until much later, thinking over about what Niall had said, feeling horrible for what he had dared to say to Niall that day, and deciding deep within himself to make Niall feel wanted and at home for once.


	14. Chapter 14

Zayn sat in the middle of the flower field, interweaving flower crowns for something to do, while he waited for Niall to return from his visit to the hut. He had said that he wanted to make sure that he hadn't left there anything valuable, and Zayn was so bored that he offered to accompany him for half of the walk. As he looped a stalk around a stem of a peach-orange flower, his mind drifted over to Safaa demanding from Doniya, the eldest sister, to make her flower crown only out of orange and pink flowers, and the memory made him chuckle. One of the things that happened when you had many sisters, was that you spent so much time with them, that you learned to make some girly things, just like this very colorful mix of plants on his lap. It had been so long since he created those, and he tried to recall what his sisters had said while teaching him. _Join the ends here, situate the flower there…_ It was easy enough.  
  
He was so preoccupied that he barely noticed Niall making his way toward him, empty-handed this time.  
  
“Wow, that’s pretty,” Niall said as he took a seat next to several violet flowers, right in front of him.  
  
“Did you find something?” Zayn asked, though the answer was obvious anyway.  
  
“No, nothing interesting,” Niall supplied, before gesturing toward the tangle of flowers on Zayn’s lap. “Didn’t think you knew how to make those. Can make flower crowns, can cook, can draw. What can’t you do, Malik?”  
  
Zayn shrugged while adding a yellowish flower to the round head decoration in his hands. “Can’t swim.” And before Niall could argue, he hurriedly added, “Not really, at least. I only tolerate wandering around in the spring because I got used to it.”  
  
“That’s because you cut our lessons short insisting you didn’t need them anymore,” Niall pointed out. “And you won’t let me take you to the sea.”  
  
“Well, I don’t want to,” Zayn grumbled. “And besides, I suck at swimming. We’ve tried so many times, and I still don’t really get it.”  
  
“You just need more practice,” Niall tried, but Zayn just waved his hand at him, before interweaving two stalks together. “Can’t fish, either,” he continued on, and Niall laughed a little. “Can’t gut fish…”  
  
“Yeah, you’re actually just disgusted by it…” Niall hummed knowingly.  
  
“I…” Zayn huffed. “It’s just— How can you stand all the blood and the freaking guts.” A shiver ran down his spine at the thought alone. “It’s gross. Can’t stand it…”  
  
“I know,” Niall shook his head in hopelessness. “That’s why I don’t even ask you to help me. Don’t need you throwing on our food or fainting around. Have to wonder, though, what you would’ve done here without me. I’m literally your food supplier.”  
  
“I don’t know,” Zayn said honestly. “You’re much more than a ‘food supplier', though.” Zayn made quotation marks with his fingers before resuming to where he left off. “Guess my survival chances here without you would have been close to zero, considering I came here without any useful knowledge that would have helped me settle down. You were the one to find a shelter, the one to make a fire… The one who taught me everything, as well … All the important basics, you know…” Zayn rubbed his cheek against his shoulder to get rid of an itchy feeling. He hoped nothing had stung him there. “So, yeah, I’m not much of a help here… Can’t climb the trees or catch the fish… But I’m trying to do what I can.”  
  
“You’re fine,” Niall reassured him with a shrug, and took one of the flowers off Zayn’s lap to inspect it. “And it’s mutual… We make a great team.”  
  
“Okay, that’s good,” Zayn said more to himself than anything, and added after a few moments to the growing list, “Can’t make normal tea.”  
  
“True,” Niall agreed thoughtfully, and Zayn kicked him in the shin.  
  
“You dick,” Zayn muttered, mildly offended. He didn’t think it was that bad.  
  
“What? It’s the truth,” Niall grinned cheekily.  
  
“Since we’re being truthful here, I don’t like your stews very much, either, so we’re even.”  
  
“Ouch, Zayn,” Niall laughed and tapped Zayn’s bare ankle lightly, so he knew he wasn’t actually hurt. “And I think I already knew that. Saw you pouring it into the sea the other day, I think.”  
  
“Oh,” Zayn looked up, bewildered. “I…”  
  
“It’s okay,” Niall offered him the blue flower but Zayn didn’t take it back. He had enough flowers. Niall just threw it away, and rubbed his hands against the front of his shorts. “Guess it really tastes weird…”  
  
Zayn chuckled, and said to his defense, “It’s edible sometimes, but I guess that the last one wasn’t your best…”  
  
“You’re very good at making others feel better,” Niall noted sarcastically, and leaned his chin on his fist.  
  
“I’m trying,” Zayn said in the same manner, and interweaved two last flowers together, and then the thing was finally done.  
  
“What are you planning to do with it?” Niall asked curiously, eyeing the mix of leaves and bright flowers.    
  
“Dunno,” Zayn replied. “Did it just for the sake of doing it, actually. You want it?”  
  
“Umm… I could try it on,” Niall offered.  
  
Zayn handed him the flower crown, and watched as Niall put it crookedly on his head, before venturing to help him fix it.  
  
“It— it looks good on you,” he concluded once he leaned back to appreciate his handiwork. It really was pretty. The blue and the purple flowers brought out Niall’s eyes, and the light colors mingled nicely with his blonde hair. He looked soft and angelic like this, almost like a flower prince.  
  
“Yeah?” Niall mused, bringing a hand up to touch a white flower. “I’ll wear those more often, then.”  
  
It was only a joke, obviously, but Zayn thought that he might as well. He simply laughed and shook his head out of fondness, and took Niall’s hand when he offered to help him get up, and they went back.  
  
Niall wore it until the end of the day, saying he quite liked it himself, and almost went to sleep with it-Zayn had to remind him he still had the thing on.

* * *

  
Niall’s birthday was due in a few days, and while trying not to think too much about how much time had passed-a little more than two months, Zayn found himself thinking hard what to give him. They didn’t have many options here, so he just wandered around the island, searching for something pretty for him. He saw some nice shells, some of them big and exotic, but come on, like Niall would like to get a hollow skeleton. He considered maybe making him a meal, but it wouldn’t be very festive, as coconuts and sea fruit were things they ate all the time. So all Zayn got out of it was a headache, and when Niall saw him, he innocently thought he had been walking too much under the sun, which might be only part of the truth.  
  
Zayn settled in the end for something simple and classic. On the great day, he went to the flower field while Niall was away swimming like his every morning routine, and gathered flowers in order to create a bouquet for him. He included in it the prettiest flowers he could find, and tied them together with a thin vine. When he returned to the camp, he found Niall cutting coconut into pieces, his hair still slightly wet, and when Niall heard him approaching, he greeted him with a good morning. Zayn bit his lip and shifted from foot to foot, the bouquet hidden behind his back, before coming over to Niall and offering him it with a shy smile.  
  
Niall just stared at it with wide eyes for a moment, like he hadn’t expected it, and then alternated his gaze between the flowers and Zayn, before raising his hand and pointing at himself with a silent question. _‘Me?’_  
  
“It’s for you,” Zayn finally said, and thrust it into Niall’s hands. “Wanted to give you something on your birthday. Hope it’s okay…”  
  
“Oh, Zayn, you didn’t have to,” Niall said behind the colorful bunch, his face barely visible, but he sounded delighted nonetheless.  
  
“I wanted to.” Zayn shrugged, and then grinned at him. “Happy birthday, Niall.”  
  
Niall then peeked back up at Zayn, and Zayn was taken aback by the red shade that littered every inch of his face. “Thank you. It’s beautiful. I really like it.”  
  
“Well,” Zayn rubbed at the back of his neck, and looked somewhere that wasn’t Niall’s flushed face. “I thought it was better than writing on the sand ‘Happy birthday to the little monkey’. And besides, it’s your 19th birthday,” Zayn turned to look at him again. “You deserved to get something…”  
  
“Awe,” Niall cooed, and rubbed at his hot cheeks with the back of his hand. “I… I don’t know what to say.”  
  
He then abruptly stood up, and wrapped himself around Zayn like a koala, the leaves of the flowers tickling Zayn’s neck.  
  
“Thank you so much,” Niall said, and when he pulled back, he had a huge smile on his face. “Gotta put it somewhere pretty…”  
  
Niall filled one of the vases with stream water, and placed the bouquet in it, before situating it on a spot on the ground where the sun could reach it through the trees. “Ready to eat now some birthday meal?”  
  
“Do I have a choice?” Zayn smiled, and sat down to continue Niall’s work at cutting the coconut meat.  
  
“Not really, but hey, let’s pretend it’s a cake.”  
 

* * *

  
A few days later, Zayn went to fill the water container, and spotted Niall cutting wood on a tree stump; for the fire, probably. He used his shirt as a head wrap to protect himself from the sun, and it made him look like some nomad. Zayn almost giggled at the amusing sight, but as it seemed that Niall was too preoccupied with his task to notice him, he just stood there against a tree to watch him, his eyes fixed on the axe that chopped the wood, and as he continued watching, his eyes traveled to Niall’s bare biceps, to the way they flexed as he brought the axe down, and to the way his back muscles shifted with every move he made, and he had to admit that Niall had gained some nice muscle while being here. Niall then stopped to wipe the sweat off his face, and Zayn noticed the fine sheen that littered his sun-kissed body, and that was when he realized he had been watching for too long and shook his head out of the haze, and debated whether to make his presence known, but decided against it.  
  
He simply went away as quietly as he could, and suddenly he became completely bemused when the realization of what he had been doing finally hit him. Niall? No, no way. He hadn’t just been blatantly staring at him. He had just watched how Niall worked, he absolutely hadn’t marvelled at how Niall’s body had developed. And yet, pictures of a hard working Niall, his smooth skin glistening with perspiration, continued to appear in his mind, and he groaned. It must be something with the hot weather and the lack of water in his system. Rubbing at his forehead, he took comfort in the thought it probably was just a one-time thing. And besides, there was nothing wrong with it, right? Boys could appreciate each other. Nothing weird about it.  
  
It wasn’t weird later that day, in the evening, Zayn swore it wasn’t. They had lain on the orange colored sand near sunset, the horizon a blur of soft pink and yellow, and the few clouds above painted vanilla. Niall had made himself comfortable in a horizontal position to him, his head on Zayn’s torso, and Zayn didn’t know when it had started to get normal, or when he had stopped to care-both about him serving as Niall's pillow, and the fact that his head was on the gritty sand. So he just listened idly as Niall chattered away, his eyes trained on the changing sky.  
  
“…So I told her that there was no way that I’ll go to that university, because come on, there isn’t even the subject I want! Don’t understand why Mums try to push you toward studying law and all that shit. What’s wrong with being a teacher?”  
  
“Nothing,” Zayn said, since he figured Niall expected some kind of a reply. He pictured to himself Niall as some hippie teacher who taught his students how to survive in the wilderness. It was a rare creature.  
  
“I mean, It's something I've wanted for a while now. I've volunteered in a school before, and helping struggling kids make progress is one of the most fulfilling feelings I've ever had. love math, enjoy working with kids, why not join the things together? God, I swear that sometimes I feel like we fight over nothing. This is my life, so I can do whatever I want, the only problem is that she is the one who pays for my studies… Convinced her in the end, though. Explained her for a long time why it was a good profession…” Niall’s voice then sounded rather distant, and when he looked down at him, he saw his lips moving, but it seemed like no sound came out.  
  
“Hey, are you even listening to me?” Niall’s voice finally reached through the fog in his head.  
  
“Oh— yeah, yes,” Zayn replied, hoping that it was convincing enough, but judging by Niall’s pout, it wasn’t.  
  
“What kind of a psychologist are you? I won’t pay you this way.”  
  
“You are not paying me, anyway.” Zayn scrunched up his nose.  
  
Niall lifted a small shell and placed it on Zayn’s chest. “There you go.”  
  
Zayn eyed it suspiciously, before throwing it away. “It doesn’t work like that… And now there is sand on my shirt. Thank you.” He brushed the sand away.  
  
“There is sand all over you,” Niall pointed out. “And just so you know, I’m sincerely offended that you didn’t accept my payment.”  
  
“You should give me something worthier…” Zayn explained calmly.  
  
“Like what?” Niall smirked.  
  
Zayn squinted his eyes as a strong sunray hit him square in the face. “So what were you saying?”  
  
“That… dunno, it’s quite funny…” a bashful smile played at Niall’s lips now. “Been thinking I’d ran off to university to be away from my house, and the fate brought me here. Guess my wish was granted in some twisted way.”  
  
Zayn, for some absurd reason, laughed at that, and said, “You probably wished too hard, as you’re now much farther than you’ve planned.”  
  
“For much longer, too,” Niall hummed. “But it’s the thing about wishes, isn't it? There always would be a catch. It’s the time when I’m supposed already to be having my first few days in university, actually. Should have started already studying mathematics and physics… And you’re supposed to be already back, too, studying your literature…”  
  
Zayn had thought about it before, and he knew what Niall meant, but there was nothing they could do about it. It wasn’t really something he wanted to talk about, not now. Perhaps they both would have to complete this semester later. A waste of time, that was what it was.  
  
“Yeah…”  
  
“You want to be a teacher too?”  
  
“What?” Zayn was startled.  
  
“You want to be an English teacher?”  
  
“Why everyone asks me that?” Zayn complained. “And I really don’t, actually. Been thinking more in the direction of a newspaper or magazine writer.”  
  
“You’re so boring, Zee,” Niall exclaimed. “Seriously, this is what you want to do with your life? Write dreary and dry articles?”  
  
“It’s not boring,” Zayn argued. “I can write about interesting stuff, too, you know. And besides, it’s good money if I'm lucky enough to work for a big organization. I can work from home, too. It’s just an idea I have, anyway. I started studying English because it was the only subject I liked. Dunno what I want to do with my life yet…”  
  
“You’ve got time to think about that…” Niall said thoughtfully. “You know, I wanted to study music production when I was younger.”  
  
“Really?” Zayn was surprised. He had never taken Niall for someone who was into music.  
  
“Hmm,” Niall confirmed. “Dunno, just loved it. Played the piano a lot at the time…”  
  
“You know to play?” Zayn was taken by surprise yet again. He thought Niall was more the type to run aimlessly after a ball all day.  
  
“Only the piano, though—” Niall clarified, and a seagull cut the next thing he said.  
  
“Sorry, what?”  
  
Niall repeated himself with a sigh. “I was saying I tried to learn how to play the guitar, but it came harder to me, so I gave up on it fast… Wanted to make music and etc, but as I grew up, the idea looked less and less appealing to me… Still love music a lot, though. But it’s just a hobby. What about you, can you play something?”  
  
“Nah...” Zayn shifted a little from under Niall, and tried to enjoy the last rays of the sun. “It’s not my thing…”  
  
“And sing… Can you?”  
  
“Err… I guess?” People used to tell him he sang well on occasion. It was something he rarely did, though.  
  
“Yeah?” Niall sounded delighted, and Zayn looked down to see him smiling at him, and once he saw the spark there, he knew that it was bad news. “Sing me something.”  
  
“No,” Zayn said instantly. He should have predicted that. His mind started to work fast how to get out of the situation.  
  
“Come on, Zee,” Niall poked his side.  
  
“Don’t really like to sing…”  
  
“Wanna hear you, though,” Niall smiled softly, encouragingly. “Never heard you singing.”  
  
“It’s better that way, believe me,” Zayn tried to get him to give up on the idea.  
  
“Only one song,” Niall insisted. “Just this time. Come on. I promise I won’t tease you…”  
  
“Niall, I really don’t—“  
  
“Come on, you can’t be that bad…”  
  
“It’s embarrassing,” Zayn sighed, and scooped a handful of warm sand only to let the small grains spill back to the ground, but then the weight on his stomach was lifted, and instead Niall straddled him with a devious expression and immediately attacked his sides.  
  
 “Niall!” He squirmed, laughing uncontrollably. “Ah! Stop it!”  
  
“You’re ticklish,” Niall noted gleefully, and Zayn’s eyes widened.  
  
“Seriously, Niall—“ Another burst of laughter cut him off. “You—Ah!—gotta stop this. I’m gonna beat you—Hgh!—up after this.”  
  
“Then sing to me.” Niall stopped.  
  
“You’re a bastard.” Zayn breathed heavily, his chest rising and falling.  
  
“Please, just once…” Niall stared at him with those big cerulean irises that were so hard to resist. “For me?”  
  
“Fine,” Zayn gave in, and when Niall smiled triumphantly, he added sternly, “But only this time… What song?”  
  
Niall sat back, and Zayn followed him up too. He seemed to think about it, and he took his time, mulling over the possibilities, before he came up with “Fields of Gold.”  
  
“Ah?” Zayn made. “It’s an old song.”  
  
“Yeah, but it’s a good one… You know the lyrics?”  
  
“I think so, give me a minute,” Zayn tried to recall how it started.  
  
“Alright,” Niall said easily, though he still watched him expectedly.  
  
Zayn then lowered his gaze to the sand, as he knew that he wouldn’t be able to let the words out while looking at Niall, and cleared his throat so he wouldn’t embarrass himself, before starting quietly and slowly, “ _You'll remember me when the west wind moves upon the fields of barley_...”  
  
“ _You'll forget the sun in his jealous sky as we walk in fields of gold_ …” He dared to glance up at Niall, half expecting him to laugh at him, but the boy was smiling softly at him, eyes encouraging.  
  
“ _So she took her love for to gaze awhile upon the fields of barley..._ ” He couldn’t believe that he actually remembered how it went. It was one of his childhood songs, though, so it had to make sense. He still remembered listening to it on the radio all those years ago.  
  
“ _In his arms she fell as her hair came down among the fields of gold_ ,” he sang with more ease now, having gotten drawn into the song, his voice coming out smoother and surer.

“ _Will you stay with me, will you be my love_ ,” Zayn reached the chorus, and was a bit taken by surprise when Niall joined him, “ _among the fields of barley?”_  
  
“ _We'll forget the sun in his jealous sky as we lie in fields of gold_ ,” they sang together, and Niall’s voice actually wasn’t bad at all. It was soothing and poetic.  
  
They continued to sing like that, their voices timed and harmonic, their eyes locked in, “ _…You'll remember me when the west wind moves upon the fields of barley…”_  
  
Niall was still smiling, and Zayn found himself lost in the picture of Niall below the beautiful dusky sky, his bright locks gleaming at the edges under the setting sun, his eyes such a remarkable blue, “ _You can tell the sun in his jealous sky when we walked in fields of gold.”_

“Your voice is great,” Niall grinned once they finished the song.   
  
“And so is yours,” Zayn replied. “It… It was nice, actually.”  
  
“Does it mean you’ll sing to me again?” Niall looked at him hopefully.  
  
“Maybe,” Zayn shrugged half-heartedly.  
  
It became then rather silent, the both of them just watching each other until Zayn had to look away and suppress the odd feeling pooling in his gut.  
  
“Hey, you okay?” Niall asked, and just when Zayn was about to reply, the boy sprang up. “Sorry, nature's calling. See you later.”  
  
And Zayn was left to his thoughts.

* * *

  
The long hours turned into days, and the days into weeks, and everything just went in a blur before Zayn. Everything was still the same, though. They still had to go through the day-clean, and gather food, and cook. Still lived in the cave. Niall still woke up early and went to the sea first thing in the morning; Zayn still slept in. There was no ship, no helicopter, no sign of a human life on the horizon. The monkeys sometimes stole their coconuts, and Zayn still saw them from time to time occupying the hot spring. Sometimes he and Niall cuddled, and sometimes they didn’t. He still ate Niall’s stews (most of the time), and Niall still drank his tea. Niall still was in charge of bringing food, and Zayn still was in charge of doing the laundry and all the cleaning.  
  
Everything was still the same except for Niall. Because Niall, being Niall, still was a happy free spirit, but as Zayn saw him emerging out of the water one morning, torso dripping wet, skin not as snowy white as it had been months ago when the hot sun hadn’t caressed him daily with love, he couldn’t help but notice how much Niall had changed. He had grown, he had matured. His shoulders became broader and wider, his biceps and arms were more defined. All the swimming, and the tree climbing, and the hard labor he had done since he came here made him strong. He wasn’t the kid Zayn had seen their first day here anymore, but rather a well-built young man, and an attractive one too, for the matter. While not becoming very macular, his body indeed became toned, and Zayn was sure he could get any girl he wanted, what not with looks and a character like his. And a willing boy, too.  
  
Zayn found himself staring at Niall’s torso and biceps more than once, especially when it was hot, and Niall’s body was glistening under the rays of the sun. And Niall sometimes caught him doing so, but he never commented on it. Zayn was thankful he didn’t, because his cheeks felt hot every time he realized a bit too late what he had been doing even without some teasing remark.  
  
And that was when Zayn understood that something was changing. Now there was something that wasn’t there before-what exactly and why did it start to appear now, he didn’t know. If it should worry him or not, he wasn’t sure, either. But it was in his thoughts, in his dreams, in almost everything he was doing. And if there was one thing he did know, it was that it all had to do with Niall. Because right now, everything started with Niall, and ended with him. The lad somehow managed to confuse him in ways that were foreign to him. Because it had always been Niall, the Irish blonde boy, his only friend here, his saviour. But was it all he was? Because now it felt like there was something more, and the more Zayn tried to think about that, the more confused and freaked out he became.  
  
And when Zayn tried to gain back some of his personal space, Niall would ask why he was being distant again, and Zayn wouldn’t know what to reply, and just let Niall spoon him and sit close to him, which wasn’t helping the situation, because every moment he spent close to Niall felt suddenly like it meant something. All of a sudden, there was that funny thing he felt whenever Niall as much as smiled at him, touched him. It was weird. It was unpredictable, and he felt so attacked.  
  
He didn’t understand why things had to turn difficult right when everything was at last working out. He didn’t understand what was happening to him. Was there something weird in those tea leaves? Could it be some weed? And maybe there actually was nothing there, and it was just his imagination, or something that would stop bothering him after a while. But the truth was that the thing that distracted him was Niall’s laugh, and his blue eyes, and his toothy smile, and the freckles on his cheeks, and his warmth. And even when they weren’t together, he still could hear his laugh rolling in his head, and that definitely was weird.  
  
And one night, while Niall cuddled him from behind, his arm slung around Zayn, the latter asked into the dark, “How did you know it the first time you liked a boy?”  
  
He felt Niall still against his back, and his voice sounded wary when he replied, “I told you that already, I was 13 and found my classmate quite—“  
  
“It’s not what I meant,” Zayn cut him off. “I mean… What did it feel like?”  
  
“Oh,” Niall made. “Well… How do you feel when you like a girl? It’s practically the same.” And he sounded unsure when he started to describe, “You feel excited when you see him, he makes you feel different than the others, you always want to be with him … All those things, you know…”  
  
“But… That very first time, weren’t you confused? Weirded out?”  
  
“Dunno what to tell you, honestly,” Niall said. “It was so long ago… but I think I was fine with that.”  
  
“So you never thought that it wasn’t typical? That your mind was playing tricks on you?”  
  
“What?”  
  
“Didn’t you ever feel that those feelings weren’t normal?”  
  
“No.” Niall shifted, and his body remained rigid. “Zayn, what—?”  
  
“So you just accepted your feelings for a boy?”  
  
“Is everything okay, Zayn?”  
  
“Just answer it,” Zayn urged him.  
  
“I… There wasn’t what to accept. Never blocked myself to boys… What’s going on? You’re being weird.”  
  
“Nothing,” Zayn lied, not caring that it didn’t sound convincing even to himself. And he was probably being completely obvious, but he just couldn’t bring himself to spare it enough thought, because he had all those funny emotions popping out and he didn’t know what to do with them. He was at the stage where he was starting to freak out of his mind.  
  
“Zayn…” Niall sighed, and relaxed against him again. “There is… There is no black and white here. They always taught us that boys are meant to be with girls, but it’s not the reality. Many people are narrow-minded. They cannot understand this. But it’s important to be open to new ideas, new outlooks, new people. Love is fluid. It’s not some law written in ink. People love, and that’s it…”  
  
“In that case,” Zayn took in a deep breath, taking a moment to think of a way to say this without revealing himself, before deciding not to beat around the bush. “Could someone straight suddenly become gay?”  
  
“What do you think?” Niall asked easily.  
  
“Don’t know… that’s why I’m asking.”  
  
“Think about the men who leave their wives at 45, and go to live with their boyfriends… Guess it’s possible, then. Maybe those people have been gay the whole time, but they just never realized it, or tried to deny it… It’s difficult, mate.”  
  
Zayn gulped, and said nothing. There was a pause, and then Niall continued, “And besides, being in a relationship with the opposite sex doesn’t make someone straight… The same about having a sexual intercourse.”  
  
“What?” Zayn was bewildered.  
  
“When I said there is no black and white, I meant it. People might experiment, might try to see how it works for them. But it doesn’t define them. So, when a supposedly straight boy fucks another boy, that doesn’t automatically make him gay. It’s more about preference, attraction, and experience… The question is how curious you are to find out…”  
  
“So…. For instance, when a straight girl, who is sure she is straight, suddenly falls for her friend, it doesn’t make her a lesbian?”  
  
“It might make her bi,” Niall opined. “And it might be just a one-off, which means she is still a straight.”  
  
“I don’t think I get it,” Zayn said. “I know those kinds of things happen. But how?”  
  
“Where all these questions are coming from, anyway?”  
  
“Nowhere…” Zayn burrowed deeper into the blanket, and let himself be pulled back more snugly against Niall. “Just wondered to myself.”  
  
“Right,” Niall said, and it was quiet for a while until he resumed talking. “Before I start explaining, I want you to know that the borders between the different definitions are very thin, so I don’t really see a point in limiting each sexual orientation to something defined. Because someone who defines himself as gay, and dates and sleeps only with boys, may find himself attracted to a girl at some point; can question himself if he feels something toward a girl. There are always people who can confuse us. It’s never right and wrong when it comes to love. Because it’s not some predictable science. It’s human’s emotions, for God’s sake. A straight girl can find herself fantasizing about her friend, a lesbian might want to have sex with a boy.” And Zayn thought that it made sense. “It’s only natural.”  
  
“I guess it is,” Zayn said thoughtfully.  
  
“But someone who defines himself as gay is probably serious and sure about it in the same way someone else defines himself as straight. What makes someone gay or bi or straight is not the way they behave, or the gender they fuck… It’s how they see themselves, how they feel about girls and boys. It’s something people build over time sometimes. I’m all for being open-minded, going out and exploring and experimenting, and finding out what works for us best. This is why I don’t define myself as anything. Don’t care if it’s a boy or a girl… I'd rather be concerned with their personality, their attractiveness. I love to define myself as Niall… And that’s it. Got your answers?”  
  
“Yeah,” Zayn said. He defiantly felt relieved, body and mind finally calm. It was exactly what he needed to hear. “It’s nice being just you… without all the criteria.”  
  
“It’s more simple,” Niall replied. “Don’t see why to label myself… Each gender has its pros and cons. Both males and females have their own charm. When the gender doesn’t matter, things are easier… There are more options. More possibilities. So… yeah, it’s nice, I guess.”  
  
“Don’t you have a preference, though?”  
  
“My preference is to be with someone I love… I’m tired. Sleep now, yeah?”  
  
“Ok.” Zayn closed his eyes, and accepted the soft kiss that was pressed to his hair.

* * *

  
Zayn took the whole ‘be open-minded’ thing seriously, and went a few days later to find Niall, and located him perched on a rock at the beach while sharpening the knives. Making his way toward him, he said as casually as he could manage, “I feel like I’m ready to go to the sea…”  
  
“Yeah… Just a moment, I’m— Wait, what?” Niall raised his head to look at him with round eyes. But then a smug smirk wiped the puzzled expression off his face, and he exclaimed dramatically, “Did I hear right? Did the Zayn Malik actually say that he’s willing to experience the wonders of the endless ocean?”  
  
“Fuck off.” Zayn turned his back to him. “Didn’t think you’d be such a prat about it, and here I thought telling you that would be a good idea…”  
  
“Geez, can’t I joke with you?” Niall reached out to poke him between his shoulder blades. “Come on, Zee.”  
  
“Well, I’m serious here,” Zayn retorted, before turning around to face him again. “I… I thought about it, and—“  
  
“—Took you quite some time.” Niall dragged a blade against a stone one more time before placing it aside and giving Zayn his whole attention. Zayn eyed the sharp knife beside Niall’s hand, and started to think that maybe it wasn’t the best timing to have this conversation, but he went on anyway.  
  
“So, I’m more comfortable with the water now… And, it is just… The sea can’t be that different from the spring, right? I saw you many times, and it doesn’t look that bad… The point is that I want to try. At least once, you know… Trying can’t hurt, right?”  
  
“Where is Zayn and what did you do to him?” Niall gaped at him, and laughed when Zayn sighed. “Been thinking you’d never be up for a swim with me. Like, you said no so many times… And now, you suddenly come here and literally initiate it yourself…” He looked awed, and he reached out to pinch Zayn’s cheek when he said, “The baby is growing so fast.”  
  
“Ow!” Zayn batted his hand away and stepped back to be out of reach, rubbing at the sore spot. “Don’t make out of it the big deal it isn’t… And don’t pinch me!” In response Niall tried to give his other cheek the same treatment, but Zayn was ready for the attack this time. “Just… So, you’ll…?” Zayn shuffled awkwardly, unsure.  
  
“Of course I’ll come with you,” Niall said offhandedly, as if he could read his mind. “When do you want to go? Today? The waves are rather calm now, actually.”  
  
“Today sounds fine,” Zayn confirmed. “Maybe after lunch?”  
  
“Alright by me,” Niall said, and wiggled his eyebrows up at him. “We’re going to have so much fun.”  
  
And that was how he found himself standing mere hours later on the seashore with nothing on but his underwear and a very excited boy standing to his right. The foamy water reached their bare feet from here, and it felt rather unpleasantly cold against his sun-warmed skin, and Zayn might be having second thoughts now as he looked at the purporting to be innocent sea.  
  
“It’s not gonna swallow you,” Niall assured him. “It’s not gonna bite you, either. It’s kinda friendly, actually. Let the sea prove you wrong.”  
  
“I’ve never done it…” Zayn bit his lip, and dug his toes into the wet sand. “Not like this, at least…” He took in a deep breath. “The whole thing was much easier in my head, but now that we’re here… I… I’m starting to think that maybe it’s not such a good idea.”  
  
“What?” Niall was bewildered. “Don’t tell me you’re starting to regret it now. Come on, Zayn, it’s the closest you’ve ever been to do it. You can totally do it.”  
  
“But…” Zayn made a line on the wet sand with his foot only for the water to erase it a moment later. “The sharks, Niall… Don’t wanna take the risk.”  
  
He sounded ridiculous even to himself, and Niall let out a disbelieving laugh. “Seriously? Zayn, I swim here freaking every day and I haven’t been eaten so far, so I think it’s okay. We’ll stay close to the beach, too. They are farther away in the ocean… And besides, I have the feeling they are trying to avoid us for the most part just like us.”  
  
“It’s only in your imagination.” Zayn shook his head in order to get rid of the still fresh memory of Niall’s encounter with the predator. "Wouldn’t we drift away, though?”  
  
“God, no.” Niall looked like he was holding back another laughter. “Just calm down. It’s gonna be okay. Trust me, yeah?” Niall offered him his hand, just like in that day when he had first gotten into the spring.  
  
Zayn bit the inside of cheek, and replied, “Ok, yeah,” before interlacing their fingers together.  
  
With their hands joined and serving as a sense of security to Zayn, they made their first steps toward the shallow waters, and Zayn stopped them at the point where the water reached the middle of his calves, hissing, “Fuck, it’s cold!”  
  
“Yeah, it is,” Niall chuckled. “Nice, isn’t it?”  
  
“No,” Zayn scoffed, feeling goosebumps erupting on his skin, and he let out a little yelp when a low wave spattered a few cool drops on the skin higher up on his leg, but Niall just pulled him farther forward.  
  
“It’s gonna get better after a while,” he promised. “You’ll get used to it.”  
  
Another wave approached them, and this time the water drops reached Zayn’s thighs, and he shivered involuntarily. He looked back to see how far they were from the beach, and learned that they were far enough, at least for him, though the water didn’t reach higher than their knees yet, which was odd.  
  
“Err…” Zayn made, “when you said that we’d stay close to the beach, how close did you mean?”  
  
“We’re still close.” Niall looked behind them too. “Don’t worry. Not gonna take you far. The water gets deeper from here, though. Is it okay?”  
  
“I guess…” Zayn said. “As long as my head stays in the air…”  
  
“Easy enough. I’m so proud of you, Zaynie,” Niall teased, and Zayn glared at him. “Watch out, this wave is quite strong.”  
  
Zayn turned forward just in time to endure the splash that somehow drizzled on his face.  
  
“Brrr…” Another tremor hit him. “I thought you said that the sea was calm today.”  
  
“It was in the morning,” Niall said sheepishly. “It’s probably that way because of the wind… The sea isn’t stormy, anyway. Just occasional big waves. And you should turn your back to them. Not your face.”  
  
“Thanks for telling me that now,” Zayn said sarcastically as he wiped a few drops off his cheek.  
  
They continued to wade forward, and Zayn found that the longer he stayed in the water, the less cold it felt against his skin, though every inch of him that made contact with the water for the first time still felt unpleasant. When they were hip level inside, Niall let go of his hand in favor of diving into the water, and he emerged out completely wet, shaking his dripping wet hair out of his face, and Zayn moved a little to the side to be safe.  
  
Niall sighed and smiled at him, saying, “You should try that. Very refreshing.”  
  
Zayn shook his head. “Never in a million years.”  
  
“Really?” Niall smirked as he waded his way to stand in front of him, and a red bulb appeared above Zayn’s head. “It will help you get used to the temperature faster, though. You’ll be warm in no time.”  
  
“No thanks,” Zayn replied dryly, and he retreated when he saw the mischievous glint in his eyes. He wrapped his arms around his chest as a pathetic way to protect himself in vain. “I know you’re up to something.”  
  
“Dunno what you’re talking about,” Niall smiled sweetly, and Zayn’s eyes widened a fraction of a second before a splash of water was delivered at him, and he gaped in surprise when the chill liquid made contact with the sensitive skin of his stomach.  
  
“Niall!” He said in exasperation, though a moment later another squirt of water hit him, and he gasped at Niall’s impudence, before scooping some sea water in his hand and splashing it at Niall, who dodged it skillfully, and laughed before squirting yet once more at Zayn, who started to feel completely helpless under the water attack.  
  
“Niall, stop it!” Zayn laughed. “It’s not funny!”  
  
“I’m just helping you get used to the water,” Niall said innocently.  
  
“God, Niall, you’re such a child,” Zayn groaned as he brushed the slightly wet hair out of his eyes. “Mature up, would you?”  
  
In response, Niall waded his way over to Zayn, and placed his cool hands on Zayn’s waist, who squeaked in turn, and jumped back, “D—Don’t touch me with your cold hands.”  
  
Niall just laughed again, cheeks all pushed up to make room for his glorious smile, and he rested his hands on Zayn’s waist again out of spite, and leaning a bit into his space, he said, “Kinda wanna throw you into the water now.”  
  
“Oh my God, Niall, No.” Zayn comically shook his head, and as Niall suddenly dived into the water again, Zayn felt himself panicking a little, saying, “Don’t! Niall, I'll kill you!” even though he wasn’t sure he could hear him at all.  
  
Suddenly he felt something touching his leg, and he jerked away, though then he felt something grasp both of his calves, and he was sure Niall was going to actually pull him inside, and he almost lost his footing when Niall pushed one of his legs to the side, but then he felt Niall between his legs, and he didn’t understand what he was doing until he emerged out behind him, and pressed his forehead against Zayn’s shoulder, panting.  
  
“I’m not coming with you to the sea anymore,” Zayn said, mildly serious.  
  
“What? Noooo!” Niall whined, voice a little airy.  
  
“Then behave yourself.”  
  
“Don’t act like you didn’t enjoy it.” Niall pulled back and moved to stand in front of him again.  
  
“You almost made me fall!” Zayn exclaimed. “Where is the fun here?”  
  
“Would never let you fall,” Niall grinned cheekily. “Wanted to see your reaction, though. You’re always so responsive.”  
  
Zayn snorted, and then tensed when he felt something graze his leg again.  
  
“Ouch!” Zayn winced a moment later. “Niall, seriously, stop it!”  
  
“What?” Niall smiled confusedly at him. “’M doing nothing.”

“Ow!” Zayn jerked again, kicking with his legs to get whatever was on him off. “Something bit me, twice!”  
  
“Oh, I forgot to tell you,” Niall’s face was hit with realization, “but sometimes there are biting fish here. They are not harmful, though. Just keep moving and they wouldn’t bother you this way.”  
  
“Pretty important thing you forgot to mention there,” Zayn grumbled and hopped from leg to leg to avoid the fish from touching him. “I can fucking feel them. Fuck, they have sharp teeth.”  
  
“You’re probably very tasty, then,” Niall giggled, before turning his back to him, saying, “Here, I’ll help you,” and hoisting Zayn up on his back with a hold on the back of his thighs, and making the air swoosh from Zayn’s lungs with the same easiness. “They won’t bite you this way.”  
  
Zayn took in his new position, the feel of his thighs hugging Niall’s slim waist, the strong hold Niall had on them, his arms wrapped around Niall’s shoulders instinctively, and the steady and warm press of his chest against Niall’s back. And he probably should push Niall off, wriggle away, but instead he just centered his weight on top of him more comfortably, and asked quietly, overwhelmed by the sensation, “Wouldn’t I be too heavy for you?”  
  
“Nonsense,” Niall replied, and readjusted his hands as if to make a point, and started to walk them farther into the ocean. Zayn didn't know why, but he had a sudden urge to hide his face, so he rested his mostly dry head at the crook of Niall’s neck, letting the light breeze and the sun caress his body, his eyes closed, and mind slowly calming down. “Yeah, that’s more like it.”  
  
Zayn hummed, and listened to the soft splashing of the water around them, to the distant chirping of a bird, and for a few heavenly moments he imagined himself floating higher and higher, to a place where everything was so good.  
  
“Agh,” A drizzle of water against his lower back made Zayn stir, and taking in their surrounding, he felt like they were going in too deep, the water reaching above Niall’s waist already. “Aren’t we going in a bit too far?”  
  
“Nope,” Niall popped the P. “The water here is still shallow, I think.”  
  
“But… Aren’t there sharks?”  
  
“Umm… Maybe?” Niall rubbed his cheek against his shoulder, and Zayn slipped a bit with the movement, but Niall caught him again. “And what if there are? Should we always be afraid? Come on, Zayn, ease up. I won’t let a shark get you. If you’d be good, that is.”  
  
“What?” Zayn was bewildered, and Niall just hummed in response, and said in his calm way, “I think you need to shut up a little. Keep that mouth of yours closed and just enjoy the moment.”  
  
“And what happens if I want to be bad?” Zayn went along with it.  
  
“Then I’ll drop you right here and let the sharks put me out of my misery,” Niall threatened, and Zayn giggled against his neck.  
  
“You wouldn’t,” Zayn said confidently.  
  
“What makes you be so sure of yourself?” Niall snickered. “I might, you know.”  
  
“Should’ve known you’ve brought me here with the intention of stranding me here alone,” Zayn said dramatically. “How didn’t I see it coming?”  
  
Niall snorted. He stopped moving when the water reached his chest, and asked, “Ready to return to the water?”  
  
Zayn shook his head stubbornly, and Niall chuckled.  
  
“I’ll give you a piggy ride back to the beach, later, if it’s pacifying,” he offered, and Zayn sighed, reluctantly sliding off the comfy and warm place and back into the water, and he was shocked for a moment by how cold it was against his heated skin, but he got used to it fast enough. He was standing in the middle of the sea, the water reaching his chest, the land far away, with nothing but the deep blue ocean around him, and he wasn’t freaking out. He wasn’t scared. He was… content. And maybe he felt that way because Niall was here next to him, with him, watching after him and making sure he was okay.  
  
“Try to float here,” Niall suggested, and Zayn didn’t know how he hadn’t noticed it before, but Niall’s eyes had never been bluer. “It’s more fun here than in the spring.”  
  
And remembering their lessons, Zayn wordlessly leaned back until his feet left the ground, and it had been so long that he almost lost his balance and fell inside, but then Niall was there, one hand under the middle of Zayn’s back, the other under his head, and helped Zayn get into position until he could stay like that on his own, and God, if it wasn’t amazing. The silky cool water around his head, tickling at his nape, the odd and yet pleasing lightness he felt all over his body, the starking blue of the sky, the brightness of the sun. And the stream started to carry him away, maybe farther into the ocean, maybe closer to the beach, but he didn’t let himself care. He opened his eyes when he heard a dull splash, and looked to the left to see Niall lying on his back as well not far from him, and he watched him kicking his feet softly at the water, and moving his arms in circular motions before stretching them far from his chest. He looked… so at home. So at ease. Like it was where he belonged.  
  
“Swim over to me?” Niall called at him through the bursting bubbles at his ears. And Zayn bit back a smile, and straightening up again, he started to paddle toward Niall, awkwardly mimicking Niall’s arm movements from before, and Niall stood up when he approached him, and grinned softly at him, “You’re doing so good. It’s such an improvement, Zayn. You should be proud of yourself.”  
  
Zayn smiled shyly, and said sincerely, “Thank you.”  
  
They continued to wade in the water. Niall showed Zayn some tricks he knew to do, bragged a bit about his swimming speed, squirted water at him some more, and Zayn managed to return the favor a few times. They jumped at occasional waves, and played tag; and even though Niall always won before it even started, and Zayn couldn’t be fast enough to catch him, it was fun. They laughed a lot, and It probably was one of the most enjoyable things Zayn had done since coming here, and when his skin became pruned and wrinkled because of the water, and the chill started to really get to him and he shivered more often than not, and Niall told him it was time to go back, he simply didn’t want to get out. He didn’t want to leave. Not after he found out what a wonderful thing the sea actually was. But Niall kept his promise to him, and carried him back to the shore, so Zayn compromised.


	15. Chapter 15

Two days later, while Zayn was sitting on the edge of the cliff and reading the logbook, he felt a hand being placed on his shoulder. He looked back to see Niall standing behind him, and smiled at him in greeting.  
  
“You’re still reading it?” he asked, lowering himself into a sitting position beside him, and Zayn turned around to face him, the now-closed book resting on his lap. “I thought you finished reading it already…”  
  
“Yeah… I’m reading it again, actually. It’s quite interesting, even after all the times I’ve already read it. And besides, it’s not like I have something else to read. No books around here…”  
  
“How can you read the same thing over and over again?” Niall wondered.  
  
“Every time I reread it, I come across a new detail I haven’t noticed before. It’s like seeing all the things that make this book a whole. Helps me to better understand John, his motives, behavior, thoughts… And maybe I’m invading his privacy by reading this, but I think that he did want someone to find it one day, and read about his struggle. Someone to remember him, you know.”  
  
“I see you got attached to it,” Niall noted.  
  
“Maybe,” Zayn shrugged. “But this book is great, really. It’s not usually the stuff I read, because I prefer most of the time fiction over documentary, but it has all the adventurous tilt to it. And reading this, it reminds me of us, a little…”  
  
“Yeah?”  
  
“Hmm,” Zayn hummed. “He was stranded here just like us. Had to overcome the same difficulties we had, and still have… Walked the same beaches, talked about the same weather, the same sea, the same animals… And something really interesting here is that apparently at the time he was here, there was only one tiger left on this island, and he described their odd relationship. How they kind of fought for dominance-over who ruled the island. And the tiger, who got the name Benjamin, used to steal his fish and throw corpses in his camp, and dunno… It’s funny.” Zayn scratched at his jaw uncertainly. “And the odd thing is that at some point they started to tolerate each other. Had less cat and mouse encounters. The great animal stayed in his house when it rained… They were warmer together. John even stated that he thought that the tiger had been carried away to this island as well. Maybe he was separated from his family. Guess they both were lonely, and needed someone…”  
  
“Wow,” Niall said. “You’ve never told me that.”  
  
“You didn’t ask,” Zayn smiled teasingly at him, and caressed the hardcover. “This book has more to it than it seems at first sight… It’s not only maps, and descriptions of animals and plants. It’s more than a logbook, it’s like a diary.”  
  
“What’s more in it?” Niall looked interested.  
  
“Read it and find out,” Zayn smirked.  
  
“Not fair,” Niall huffed. “Any clues as to what happened to the captain?”  
  
“No…” Zayn mindlessly flipped through the yellow and moldy pages. “This is the mystery that beat them all. What happened to him? To Benjamin? Who knows… Still, John used to be very ambitious and motivated. But… his sanity worn out with the time. He became a shade of himself. A body without its soul. Lost his passion for life, all hope… And then there was the guilt that so many had supposedly died, while he stayed alive. He thought it was all his fault.”  
  
“Every captain thinks that,” Niall opined. “Many are ready to sink with the ship because of that…”  
  
“Well, not him,” Zayn said. “He escaped by himself. That was selfish.”  
  
“Maybe he had no choice…”  
  
“So, you came here in order to engage in my reading?” Zayn asked after a short pause.  
  
“Came to check on you in general.” Niall shrugged with a soft smile. “Can’t let you out of my watchful eye for too long. Though, there is a full moon tonight…”  
  
“And what does it have to do with anything?” Zayn raised his brows.  
  
“Have you ever been in the spring at full moon?”  
  
Zayn stared at Niall for a moment, and then replied, “No.”  
  
“It’s really pretty. Been there yesterday at night, and thought that you should come see it too.”  
  
“Oh,” Zayn made, and for some reason, his heart rate increased. “Okay.”  
  
“Great,” Niall grinned. “Dinner’s cooking, by the way. Think it might be ready in a few. Let’s go down and eat something?”

“Sounds like a good idea,” Zayn replied, and accepted Niall’s hand when he offered him it to help him get up.  
  
They had red lobster for dinner, and Niall said that they needed to produce more salt, and talked about how his fishing went today, and Zayn listened more than he talked, and after he washed the cookware and the bowls and the cutlery, it was already getting dark, and Niall asked if going now was fine, and Zayn said that it was.  
  
And as they walked the familiar path to the said spring, the atmosphere around them felt different. The sounds of the night surrounded them-the crickets and the nocturnal birds chirped quietly in the background, the wind whistled through the tangle of trees, though they didn’t talk at all. But they didn’t have to, as the silence between them roared louder than any words. And when they finally reached their destination, Niall stopped them just outside, and took Zayn’s hand in his, and pulled him inside after him.  
  
He had never been here at night before, but the place looked like a description taken out of a fantasy book. It was magical, eerie even. The water was a glowing blue under the mislty light of the moon that sneaked inside through the round opening in the ceiling, and the walls of the cave seemed to be a very dark blue as well.  
  
“Love being here at night the most,” Niall said as he walked them toward the center of the cave.  
  
“I can see why,” Zayn answered, looking around. The place was completely deserted and isolated. Absolutely beautiful and peaceful.  
  
They came to a stop close to the spring, and Zayn glanced down when he felt Niall’s thumb brushing over his knuckles, and when he looked back up, he found Niall looking between his eyes, and he held Zayn’s gaze as he asked quietly, “Do you want to take a bath with me?”  
  
And even though Zayn had seen it coming in some way, had expected it, and been prepared for such an offer, his heart still skipped a beat, and he briefly broke the eye contact, before staring back at Niall’s open and expectant eyes. His gaze told him everything he needed to know. There was no pressure, no hurry, just pure question. And with a light squeeze to Niall’s hand, he whispered, “Yes.”  
  
Niall smiled, though the happy expression didn’t last for long, and instead he seemed uncertain when he added, “Not stark naked… With underwear, I mean.”  
  
“Well, thanks for clarifying that,” Zayn cracked a smile, and Niall laughed a little, evidently relieved, before letting go of Zayn’s hand in favor of trailing cautious fingers up the same arm, and stopping at Zayn’s shoulder, studying him for any hesitance, before slowly letting the fingers wander higher to graze Zayn’s jaw, his knuckles brushing against the bone there, and coming to caress the bottom of his cheek, until he grasped it loosely in his palm. Zayn’s eyes naturally fluttered close at the gesture, and he leaned into the gentle touch, causing Niall’s hand to press more firmly into his cheek. He felt Niall caressing the skin softly with his thumb, and he opened his eyes again when he heard him saying, “Just want to be with you a little if it’s okay with you.”  
  
“It is,” Zayn replied, and Niall smiled his brightest smile, before retreating his hand, and stepping back to take his clothes off. Zayn watched him for a moment, and slowly turned around as well, his hands tugging uselessly at the hem of his old and worn shirt. He exhaled shakily, and started to slide the article of clothing up his stomach, over his shoulders and head, before throwing it swiftly on the ground. He usually bothered to fold his clothes and place them on one of the rocks, but it wasn’t one of his concerns tonight, not now. He shivered as his now bare skin made contact with the cool night air, and bent down to take his shoes and socks off as well. Closing his eyes, he started to fumble with the button of his fading black jeans, not understanding why he was being shy all of a sudden, as Niall had seen him in boxer briefs countless of times, but somehow this time felt different. He took a deep breath, and with deep determination pulled them down his legs, doing it fast so he wouldn’t have too much time to think about that. And then he stood there mostly nude under the silvery moonlight, and he brought his arms up toward his chest to try to warm up in vain, feeling exposed and self-conscious in more ways than one.  
  
He felt a hand touching his shoulder, and he couldn’t suppress another tremor as Niall’s fingers burned his bare skin. He gradually turned around again, though he kept his gaze to the floor of the cave, and let his long and thick eyelashes shield himself from view. Gentle fingertips grazed his chin, before cupping it, and raising his face so he looked at Niall. Zayn’s breath got caught in his throat when he saw how Niall’s eyes shone in the dim light of the moon, and he parted his lips slightly in wonder.  
  
“No need to be bashful,” Niall whispered as he gazed straight into his eyes, and it was almost too much right then and there. He looked serious and caring when he added, “We don’t have to do anything if you don’t want to. I mean… I don’t want you to feel uncomfortable or obligated.”  
  
Zayn bit his lip and replied, “It’s okay. Everything is just so new...”  
  
“Bad new?” Niall whispered; the soft tone echoing off the empty walls of the cave.  
  
“No,” Zayn shook his head. “Weird new, I guess. But not bad.”  
  
“Oh, okay,” Niall smiled softly. “Don’t hesitate to tell me if something is wrong, though. Want you to feel comfortable.”  
  
“I’ll be more comfortable inside of the water,” Zayn said. “’M freezing.”  
  
Niall chuckled, and offered him his hand, and it felt like a Déjà vu to Zayn. It reminded him of the first time, when Niall had told him to just trust him, and Zayn had got into the spring for the first time, and of his first visit at the sea, a few days ago. And Zayn knew he could back away now-now and every time. Say that he changed his mind, or that he wasn’t ready for that, and Niall would understand and they would go back. But Zayn didn’t want to. And it might be a little scary, it might be completely new and exciting and not very easy, but if there were something that Zayn was sure of, it was that he could trust Niall. He knew that with Niall he was safe and protected-he could practically fall into that familiar pair of arms with his eyes closed. And this reassurance, this sense of security, was what Zayn needed to ease up, to let go, and for once, let his instincts kick in and take over him.  
  
Maybe a few months ago Zayn would have never let himself be in a situation like that. Maybe Zayn would have never looked in Niall’s direction if he weren’t stranded here with just him, and maybe it should worry him. Maybe he should give it more thought, more time. And maybe things were suddenly progressing too fast, while there was more action and less talking or thinking about the consequences, but he was so tired. So tired of escaping, of thinking, of all those what ifs and questions gnawing at his mind. So sick of denying himself such a simple and natural things, of shutting himself off to new opportunities and ideas. If there were one important thing he learned while being here, it was that a person couldn’t stay hidebound. There were two options - either he had to change in order to suit himself to his surrounding, or he had to change his surrounding in order to suit his needs. And if he wouldn’t, then he wouldn’t survive, or at least it would be much harder for him. So Zayn couldn’t stay with his old perspectives, but had to adopt new ones so he wouldn’t close open doors for himself. And he could think about all those things later, leave the headache and the fears aside for a few hours, and right now, even though he was so nervous, he wanted to just let himself set free for once. And he had the feelings that he wouldn’t regret this later. Because Niall was the right person to make this step with.  
  
And he knew they were standing now at a very fragile barrier. The thin line between being what they were now, and whatever the other option was, and that after crossing it, there would be no going back.  
  
But Zayn couldn’t deny anymore that things were changing between them, that there was something beyond the simple friendship they used to have. There was something breathtaking in the way they looked at each other, something refreshing and exciting in the way they touched, like every gesture was more careful and cautious, almost forbidden, as if they were confused what was right and what was wrong. There was something more to the way their bodies mingled together when they lay close, to the way they talked, to the way they treated each other. And Zayn started to pay attention to all the little details-to the little moles and birthmarks that littered Niall’s skin, to the way Niall’s eyes were grey when it was dark, and to the fractions of green that could be spotted around the pupils when the light hit them just right. To the way he would squeeze his eyes shut when he laughed especially loud, to the way his dimple would make an appearance just barely when he was sheepish, to the way his skin glistened with the water droplets slowly gliding down his toned body. To the way his accent was thicker when he was worn out or excited, to the way his light brows would pinch in a frown when he was concerned, and to the way his thin pink lips stretched over a wide smile.  
  
So Zayn interlaced his fingers with Niall’s, and even though he suddenly felt weak to his knees, and his legs were wobbly, he still let Niall lead him to the water, and they squeezed each other’s hands when they stood before the glowing blue liquid, and went inside.  
  
The hot water smoothed the goose bumps that had appeared on Zayn’s skin, and he reveled in the heat that enveloped his cold limbs. He instantly felt better, more sure of himself once they were inside of the spring, the steam fanning hot air onto their faces, and causing their heads to become a little dizzy.   
  
Niall, with the hold he still had on Zayn’s hand, pulled him farther inside so they were standing in the middle, just under the huge gap in the ceiling, the dusty light of the round moon illuminating their figures. And once they were close enough, Zayn closed the remaining space between them, and rested his head on Niall’s shoulder, letting himself get lost in the dull sounds of the water splashing around them. Niall let go of his hand in favor of wrapping his arms fully around Zayn, and then they just stood still and silent in their embrace, and Zayn felt content. There was something very calming about this, about them just holding each other, and savoring the peacefulness and each other’s presence. There was something settling about just being like this with someone, bodies pressed close and radiating warmth and security, without any rush or buzz. It was simple, it was soothing, it was slow, and Zayn wondered to himself why people disparaged those cuddles, those soul connecting gestures that held much more meaning in them than any sex or kiss in the world.  
  
“You okay?” Niall asked after what felt like an eternity but was apparently just a few minutes.  
  
“Hmm,” Zayn hummed against Niall’s skin. “And you?”  
  
“I’m great,” was Niall’s reply, and he raised his arms to start caressing Zayn’s back, and Zayn melted under the touch with an uncontained sigh. He concentrated on the smooth movements Niall’s fingers made, and made out lopsided circles and figure eights being gently traced on his skin. Niall then started to rub at his sore muscles, easing the tension and the stress of the workday out of his body.  
  
“Feels nice,” Zayn commented into the silence, and Niall hummed lowly in content, and let his arms slide higher toward Zayn’s shoulder blades and neck, leaving every touched patch of skin sensitive and prickling goose bumps. One of Niall’s hands wandered up to stroke Zayn’s still dry hair, while he settled the other one on the middle of Zayn’s back, at his spine, a simple hold that kept them close together. It was when Niall caressed the place behind his ear, that Zayn finally straightened to look at him, and was met with a familiar pair of blazing eyes that looked silvery under the moonlight, and with a little sweet smile that was reserved only for him, and he found himself just staring, just studying Niall’s features.  
  
Niall wordlessly leaned down to press his forehead to Zayn’s temple, and Zayn closed his eyes at the feeling, and he wasn’t sure who made the move or how it happened, but the next moment their noses knocked together, and Niall laughed and pulled back before rubbing a knuckle against the side of Zayn’s nose, where he had accidently bumped into him. Zayn managed a baffled smile of his own, and leaned forward to press his cheek against Niall’s, and for a few moments they just breathed each other in; Zayn inhaling the distinct scent of sea salt and the distant smell of grass and fire smoke. And this time, they were more cautious when they moved their heads, and when Niall’s nose nudged against Zayn’s again, it was gentle and affectionate, and for a few seconds it was just the tip of Niall’s nose brushing against Zayn’s until the latter tilted his head to the side to allow Niall to nose along his jaw, and cheekbone, and the ridge of his nose, and he felt Niall’s hot breath hitting his face when he exhaled, and he raised one of his hands to tangle in Niall’s hair when he felt a pair of lips being pressed onto his temple, the touch so warm and softhearted, and he blindly reached forward to touch Niall’s face, feeling Niall’s giggle as clearly as he heard it when he trailed curious fingers up one side of Niall’s jaw, though it didn’t last long, because Niall shied away, and there was laughter in his voice when he said, “It tickles.”  
  
Zayn snorted and briefly opened his eyes, though the sound died in his throat as soon as he saw Niall’s eyes, light and bright and soft, and glimmering with shards of laughter, and he looked down when he heard a drizzle, and watched as Niall scooped some water in his hands and brought it up to him, and closed his eyes as Niall poured it on his hair, the hot water drops sliding down his locks and onto his face and neck, and back into the spring. Niall repeated the action a few more times, and then brought his hands up to Zayn’s hair to massage at his scalp and get the water to soak his hair thoroughly, before running his hands over his shoulders and arms to clean them as well, and pouring on him the purified liquid some more. It felt really nice to be taken care of like that, to have someone to wash him and look after him, but then Niall’s pleasant hands were suddenly gone, and Zayn almost whined in protest.  
  
The sudden lack of contact caused Zayn’s eyes to unshutter, and he stared at Niall through his eyelashes as the latter brought his hand slowly back up to Zayn’s face. He brushed back a few stray wet hairs, and lowered his hand to grasp his cheek, his gaze the one of deep emotion, and Zayn swallowed again so he wouldn’t embarrass himself by choking or something like that. Niall’s thumb then stroked once over his cheekbone, and Zayn blinked a few times before giving Niall a small nod, and closing his eyes.  
  
He positively held his breath and fisted his hand in Niall’s hair when the hand was removed from his face, but the nudge of lips against his never came.  
  
He blinked up to see Niall watching him with a sudden uncertainty in his eyes, and there was a slight frown on his forehead, and Zayn sighed as he remembered that time when he turned Niall down, and maybe, maybe Niall was fearing it might happen again. Breathing in softly, Zayn used his other hand to cup Niall’s cheek, and his eyes searched Niall’s taken aback ones, and he used his hold there to center his face as he slowly surged forward to close the distance between them, Niall staying still the whole time, his already heavy breathing hitting his lips.  
  
And just when Zayn was about to slot their lips together, Niall turned his head to the side, his body stiff and expression unreadable, and when Zayn furrowed his eyebrows as to why Niall was holding back, the younger boy asked quietly, “You sure about it?”  
  
Zayn gaped at him as this was the last thing he had expected. He never thought Niall would deny a kiss. Wasn’t it what he wanted?  
  
“I meant it when I said all I want to do is spend some time with you,” Niall said as Zayn remained silent, still avoiding his gaze. “I would never…” he finally turned his face to look at Zayn. “Zayn, I really don’t want to do anything of that nature with you if you’re not one hundred present okay with that, which I know you’re not. I didn’t bring you here with the intention of kissing you. I just wanted to be with you.”  
  
“I know,” was Zayn’s soft reply, and he curled his hand at the side of Niall’s jaw, licking his lips. “And still, I want to try, with you.”  
  
“Wouldn’t you be all mixed up afterwards?” Niall raised his brows apprehensively at him.  
  
“I don’t know,” Zayn bit his lip, and watched as Niall’s eyes squeezed shut when he caressed the sensitive skin. “Just let me…” he breathed, almost pleaded with him. Because he had to know how it felt.  
  
It looked like it took some effort from Niall, but he opened his eyes again, and took his time to study his face, look between his eyes, before he gave in. “Ok.”  
  
Zayn gulped, and slowly leaned in again, waiting until Niall closed his eyes to flutter his own shut as well. He let his lips ghost slowly over Niall’s, barely a touch, though when Niall parted his lips slightly, they bumped against Zayn’s, and the mere weak tap made him go wild a bit, and he found himself pushing helplessly forward, pressing their lips finally together, and it was just a quick peck before he was pulling back, but his lips felt tingly already, and his heart pounded harder, and once he had a taste of the feeling, he wanted more. It was like a drug, addictive and mind numbing.  
  
Niall seemed to be thinking the same thing, because the unsure expression changed into a passionate one, and he cradled Zayn’s face with both hands, and whispered, “You really sure?” like it would change something at this point.  
  
“Yes,” was Zayn’s airy reply, and with that Niall leaned forward to join their lips again. It was still a peck, but it lasted for a few moments before Niall pulled away and traced his face with his eyes for any timidity, and when he didn’t find any, he used the hold he had on Zayn’s face in order to tilt it the way he wanted, and this time when their lips met, it was with enough pressure that Zayn’s lips parted in order to make room for Niall’s bottom one, and then their lips finally fitted together properly, and Zayn breathed sharply through his nose, his fingers twisting in the short strands at Niall’s nape.  
  
Niall’s lips were warm against his, which wasn’t even worth taking note of anymore, since just everything about this boy was always radiating warmth, but it still made Zayn feel all tingly and funny inside. The drag of their lips against each other was slow and soft, tentative and careful strokes that ignited a fire in their wake, and when Niall moved one hand to the small of his back, bringing Zayn even closer to his chest, Zayn felt like he was being swallowed whole.  
  
Niall brushed his thumb against Zayn’s cheekbone, his lips moving as gently as the flutter of a butterfly. It wasn’t rushed, it wasn’t urgent. It was sweet, and tender, and lovely, and Zayn let a little sigh escape his mouth, and that earned him a needy sucking kiss to his bottom lip as a reaction.  
  
And that was when it hit Zayn at once-he was kissing a boy. He was kissing Niall. And he didn’t know why, but he expected it to be different from kissing a girl, though there wasn’t a lot of difference. Maybe just that he didn’t need to lean down so much as he and Niall were almost the same height, which made it more comfortable for him, and that Niall’s hair wasn’t long, but rather short and just the right length to pull on if he wanted, and that the arms holding him were muscular and strong, unlike the slender and delicate arms the girls whom he had kissed had. And besides those, there was the slight switch in the roles. He wasn’t the bigger one here; maybe he had an inch above Niall, but he still felt smaller, thinner, vulnerable. The one being taken care of and held, not the one holding and caressing the girl lovingly. But apart from those, it was the same familiar press of lips, soft against soft, warm against warm, only that now it set sparks in his chest in a way he had never experienced, and he only drew Niall closer to himself by the hold he had on the back of his neck until their chins slotted more often than not.  
  
Zayn pulled back when he felt himself getting a little out of air, and Niall just brushed his lips feathery light against his as Zayn tried to steady his breathing, and when Zayn sealed his lips over Niall’s in another kiss, the hand on his face went to his jaw, and Niall’s fingers found the sensitive flesh of his lobe. Niall continued to run his fingers over the shell of his ear, and play with the earlobe as he kissed him soundly, and Zayn didn’t know if he was doing it on purpose to get him to work up, but it definitely worked, and when Niall gave his lobe a barely there tug, Zayn openly whined into his mouth. He legitimately blushed after that, and he faltered for a moment, but then Niall finally left his ear alone and went to bury his hand in Zayn’s hair, so Zayn calmed down again.  
  
Niall stopped the kiss after a few moments, and Zayn blindly chased his lips, but then he felt Niall’s finger at the corner of his mouth, and he looked at Niall when he dragged his thumb over his full bottom lip, already puffy and shiny with spit, the blonde boy watching the movement intently, and Zayn felt like he was being teased when Niall tugged his lip down gently, but then Niall’s mouth was there, kissing at the inside of his lip just beside his finger, and Zayn felt like he might go crazy a bit with the sensation. Niall pulled back an inch, and then he was kissing at his lip again, but more insistently, and the next thing Zayn felt was Niall’s tongue against his upper lip, licking over the length of it, before he let go of Zayn’s bottom one, and then his tongue was poking at the seam of his lips.  
  
Zayn shyly opened his mouth, and Niall gained access inside. He easily slipped his tongue past Zayn’s lips, and nudged it against Zayn’s to coax him to venture his own tongue out to move in sync with his. But Zayn didn’t budge; he felt like he had forgotten how to French kiss. No, he felt like he had forgotten how to kiss at all when Niall’s tongue curled over the roof of his mouth, and licked over his gums and across his front teeth, and he felt almost feverish when Niall withdrew his tongue out only to catch his bottom lip in between his teeth and tug on it, before adding the most playful bite that had Zayn whimpering uselessly.  
  
He finally ventured his tongue out of its hideaway when Niall let out a soft sound that snapped Zayn out of his daze, and he slid it slickly against Niall’s, who wasted no time in taking advantage of Zayn’s cooperation, and swirled his tongue around his in messy circles. And it was sloppy and uncoordinated, but then Niall was pulling away and just rubbing their noses together again, and it had been so long since he had been like this with someone. Since he felt this alive, this on edge, this excited, and a voice at the back of his head was screaming at him,  _what are you doing?_ But as Niall caught his lips in a kiss as if they had never left off, another voice-more like a feeling, actually, that was settled right at his stomach grew stronger, and it felt like the most right and natural thing in the world. So he let himself get lost in the sensation, not think, and just get drunk on Niall and on his rich and silky kisses.  
  
It went from slow and careful to fast and heavy, from chaste and modest to a full blown snog, and their hands touched everywhere. His hands wandered from Niall’s now wet and disheveled hair to his face-to his cheeks, and jaw, and chin, and to the back of his neck to tug him impossibly closer to himself, and moved down to his back and broad shoulders, and he let his fingers roam his body in a way he hadn’t let himself before, feeling for himself the dips, and the muscles moving and shifting, and the endless smooth skin that seemed to be the same tone as his in the darkness. They were simply exploring, seeing what worked for them, learning each other’s bodies, and mouths; studying each other’s reactions and noises to every movement and gesture.  
  
And Zayn had never thought that he’d actually come to kiss Niall. Not to talk about liking it. And now they were chain kissing, sharing peck after kiss after lick after bite, and as Niall sucked his lips into his mouth for the countless time, Zayn wrapped his arms around his neck, and pressed their torsos together, and reveled in the new closeness, the additional heat gathering between them, and the feeling of their bare chests touching.  
  
The kiss was turning heated again, and Niall let his arms slide lower as his tongue traveled into Zayn’s willing mouth with uncontained want and lust, and he settled his hands low on his hips, his thumbs rubbing maddening circles into the taut skin around his hipbones. And as their tongues danced hotly and wetly against each other, Niall caressed his hands even lower to the back of his thighs, and he squeezed the meaty flesh, hiking Zayn’s underwear up a bit, before hoisting Zayn up just like that day in the sea, and Zayn instinctively locked his ankles around Niall’s waist while barely breaking the kiss to breathe. If he had been overwhelmed at the sea, then he didn’t know how to describe what he was feeling now. He was getting breathless and feverish and tingly all over, and he had to pull away from the kiss to calm down his racing heart and uncontrolled breathing, and he squeezed his eyes shut as he felt Niall’s mouth at his throat, gracefully tracing his lips over the delicate skin as a promise to blemish it later.  
  
It took him a few moments to realize it, too preoccupied by the feeling of Niall’s tongue against his tender neck, but Niall was walking them forward, and Zayn gasped when his back made contact with the cool and rough walls of the cave that looked much smoother from a distance, but then Niall’s hot body was flush against his again, and his lips were leaving a ticklish trail up to his ear like he couldn’t help it, so Zayn didn’t have much time or will power to dwell on it anymore. And then as his breathing became as steady as it could be, considering their position and closeness and actions, he took in his surrounding. He was sandwiched between Niall’s lean body and the stone wall, the fume zoning out everything so all Zayn could see and feel was Niall. It was like he had Niall were the only ones in the whole world. It was then that Niall straightened up again, one hand still at Zayn’s thigh and the other now on Zayn’s lower back, and they simply stared at each other, before Niall smiled at him softly, and breathed, “Okay?”  
  
“Okay,” was Zayn’s breathless reply. He smiled when Niall kissed the tip of his nose, and laughed when he started kissing down his jaw, the area under his chin so sensitive he pressed it against his chest the moment Niall’s lips made contact with it, but Niall gradually unfolded him, nuzzled him until he tilted his head to the side, and bared his throat for him. He simply hooked his ankles more securely around his lower back, and raised one of his hands to mess Niall’s hair a little more as he endured the nips and bites delivered at his sensitive flesh. And when Niall applied the slightest amount of suction, Zayn realized he was sucking marks into his skin, and to be honest, he had rarely been treated like this before. His ex-lovers would usually just rake their nails down his back in what could only be considered as painful and uncomfortable, while they were always in the center of attention. He was the one kissing slowly down their bodies, leaving small gentle bruises in his wake. He wondered if receiving hickeys made him girly, but then again, it didn’t feel girly at all. And it felt nice being on the other end for once, insistent lips against his exposed neck, and as Niall sucked his flesh into his mouth, an airy gasp left him, and he stroked softly through Niall’s hair to let him know it was okay, that it felt good.  
  
“Ah,” Zayn made when Niall bit down, and shivered when Niall dragged his mouth lower to suck another hickey into his skin. He pulled on his hair when Niall bit down especially hard, and reveled in the cool tongue that soothed the bruise a moment later. He jerked away when Niall made his way back up to the tender skin under his chin, but as Niall just grazed it softly with his teeth, Zayn let him, tremors running through his body with every nudge against the soft skin.  
  
And with one last lap to his neck, the presence there was gone, and instead Niall grabbed Zayn by the chin to slot their lips again. Zayn took in the feeling of the still slightly cold stone against his back, and the warm press of Niall’s body against his front, and with Niall holding him like this in a water against a wall, and kissing him senseless, he felt right where he belonged. Their bodies were so pressed together there wasn’t an inch of space between them. His breath was Niall’s air, and he didn’t know anymore which sigh was whose, wasn’t sure if the heartbeat against his ribcage was Niall’s or his. He felt connected to him from head to toes, both physically and mentally, and he didn’t think that he had ever reached this level of intimacy with someone before. He felt like they were two souls turned into one, two pieces of the same puzzle, joined and linked and inseparable.   
  
And his lips were already sore and bitten raw, and Niall’s didn’t feel any better, but neither stopped the kiss. And as Niall licked soothingly over the imprints on Zayn’s bottom lip, it felt like he was taking all the pain away. And then when their tongues met again midair, it felt like fireworks were bursting between them, above them, around them, inside of them. It felt like they were booming in his heart, popping in their mouths as they locked their lips yet again, exploding in his stomach and causing him to send shivers to every region. It was so hot, too hot. It was hot behind his ears, and at the place where Niall was touching his upper thigh-and he half expected him to make a grab for his ass at some point, but he didn’t, which was how Zayn preferred it, at least now-and the place where Niall was touching his back in order to arch him into him, and at his cheeks, and the insides of his wrists, and at his neck that was all overheated thanks to the previous activities, and Zayn felt himself getting excited, and his boxer briefs were becoming tighter and tighter and less and less comfortable, and he realized he was getting turned on from a boy. He was getting all worked up because of just a kiss. He felt like he was again an inexperienced 14-year-old virgin. And he would have been completely mortified if he couldn’t feel Niall’s arousal hot and heavy against his abdomen as well. But then he uncontrollably pushed forward with his hips, and realizing what he had done, he started to curl into himself, wishing the wall behind him would open and swallow him, but then Niall’s mouth was at his ear, slurring, “Shhh… It’s okay.”  
  
“Niall,” Zayn whimpered, beyond embarrassed. It had been so long, so fucking long, and he just couldn’t help himself.  
  
“Just relax,” Niall purred. “There is no rush.”  
  
And Zayn went slack against him, his eyes falling shut as he let himself go, and just continued to move his kiss-bitten lips against Niall’s. And somehow his unrelieved arousal made the whole feeling more heightened. He became suddenly so, so sensitive to every touch, every kiss, every stroke. Suddenly it was all Niall, Niall, and  _Niall_.  
  
“Niall,” Zayn whispered against his lips.  
  
“I’ve got you,” Niall promised, and turned them around, and lowered Zayn back into the water. He pressed one last kiss against Zayn’s lips, and pulled away, breathing heavily. “Would’ve kissed you some more, but my lips are too sore.”  
  
“Mine too,” Zayn said, and then he suggested, “Maybe we go back?”  
  
“Yeah, this bath took too long,” he smiled tiredly, and Zayn rubbed at his neck and hissed when he touched the bruises. “It hurts?” he frowned.  
  
“A little,” Zayn admitted. “It felt good when you did them, though.”  
  
Niall gently pressed his fingertips against the reddened flesh, and then leaned down to kiss it better, the touch of his lips so gentle that it actually felt nice.  
  
“Sorry,” he pecked Zayn’s mouth. “Got carried away a bit, I guess.”  
  
“It’s okay,” Zayn reassured him with a smile playing at his lips, and started to drag him back to the edge of the spring.  
  
And then, later on, while they were lying down pressed closely, leaves covering their lower regions as a makeshift underwear, Zayn let his fingers trail softly over the planes of Niall’s chest. He traced his ribs, and his sternum, as Niall watched sleepily from beside him, his eyelashes hiding his tired eyes. It was strange, but his head was empty from the thoughts that haunted him lately. All that was on his mind was memories from the previous hour, and he still felt that warmth inside and out, and he wasn’t used to that kind of peace of mind, but he thought that he would like to be, because Niall made him forget.


	16. Chapter 16

It was quiet when Zayn woke up the next morning; very quiet. The birds didn’t chirp outside, and only the light wind whistled through the walls of the cave, caressing Zayn’s face. The place next to him was empty, and he figured that Niall had gone out already, as per usual. He took a moment to slide a hand through his hair, and hissed when his fingers got caught at a tangle, vaguely remembering going to sleep with his hair wet last night. It probably looked like a bird’s nest by now. _Last night…_ It felt like it had been just a dream, the way Niall’s lips moved against his, the way their bodies mingled together under the bright moonlight, the way they spent the night wrapped around each other; tired but satisfied nonetheless. Everything seemed so surreal to him now, so unreal, like a fantasy. He touched a few fingers to his lips, trying to chase the warmth that had lingered there from Niall’s gentle touch, but came up with nothing. It was already long gone, his lips dry and chapped. But as he lowered his hand to trace the place where he remembered having Niall’s mouth on, wet and insistent, he could still feel the dull ache from the marks he had left in his wake, and he knew that everything was indeed real.  
  
His brain was processing now everything, flashbacks from last night flashing against his eyes, and he bit hard onto his lip, his eyes squeezing shut. He and Niall had kissed, and he’d done so knowingly, more than it-willingly, even. And somehow, this thought just couldn’t settle in peace in his mind. It wasn’t that he was completely opposed to the idea, or that he deemed it wrong and unlikely. It was more strange than anything, considering he had never kissed a boy before, and that he kissed someone he used to see as nothing more than a friend until not long ago. And now, that he was sober, and not caught up in the moment, he didn’t know anymore what he felt… Everything was so mixed up in his mind, and he knew that it didn’t have to do only with the early hour. And in spite of this all, he didn’t freak out like he feared he would. Instead, he just felt weird. Weird and somewhat content, no matter how odd the combination was. Content because he could still feel Niall’s warmth coating his insides, though he wasn’t warm only inside anymore, because heat was crawling up to his ears as memories from yesterday’s events popped in his mind. And weird because, well, he didn’t know how to comprehend it, all of this. It was a lot to take in.  
  
“Oh, you’re up.” Zayn looked in the direction of the entrance to see Niall just getting inside. “Didn’t wake you up, did I? I dropped some wood, and it was quite loud, I think.”  
  
“No,” Zayn murmured, voice throaty and hoarse from sleep. “Didn’t hear anything, actually.”  
  
“Good,” Niall said, already crouching down to raise the water container, and his voice was hushed when he grumbled, more to himself than anything, “Oh, shit. It’s empty,” before turning to Zayn again. “Did you sleep well?”  
  
Zayn rubbed the sleep out of his eyes, and rasped quietly, “Yeah… You’re back early today. Already back from your dip?”  
  
Niall made his way to him, and sat down beside his nest. “It drizzled not long ago, so I couldn’t, actually. Just cleaned the camp since I woke up; it’s always a mess after a rain.”  
  
“It didn’t rain in a long time,” Zayn stated thoughtfully. “I think the last time was two and a half weeks ago?”  
  
“Well, it’s October already, so I expect the weather to become a little cooler. Not that I really understand in tropical climate, but the winter can’t be very hot, can it?”  
  
Zayn shrugged. He didn’t know any better. He knew that in tropical areas the climate was hot in general, but they couldn’t be sure. He heard the term ‘wet season’ before, and they might be approaching it soon. He just hoped that that swason wouldn’t be very rainy. He didn’t know if they would be able to survive such a bad weather. They could do with the heat waves or the occasional rains, but they didn’t have clothes or conditions suitable for the cold. They were supposed to be found and taken home so long ago, and now all he could do was hope for them not to freeze to death.  
  
“Your hair is a mess, by the way.” Niall tugged at a clumped strand of hair as if to make a point, and Zayn groaned, and ran his hands through it to fix it in vain. He had completely forgotten about it, and became suddenly self-conscious that Niall saw him like that. And the thought made him freeze for a moment. No, he definitely didn’t start to care about looking good around Niall. “It’s cute, though.”  
  
“No, it’s not,” Zayn protested, and since he was now wide awake, he suggested, “I can go fill the water.”  
  
“You sure? Not tired?” Niall cupped Zayn’s cheek, and he tried to not get affected by it. It wasn’t something special, right? No reason for his heartbeat to increase, and for him to find it harder to meet Niall’s eyes.  
  
“No, I’m fine.”  
  
Niall swiped a finger against his skin, and there was a slight pause, and then he said quietly, carefully, “I don’t know if it’s the right time to bring this up, but I want to make sure you’re okay. With what happened yesterday, I mean. And in general, too.”  
  
“Yes,” Zayn murmured. “I think I am.”  
  
“And do you have any regrets or something?” Niall furrowed his brows. “Because it’s okay if you don't want to, you know. We haven't talked about this, and I figured you might... not want to keep it up, if you know what I mean.” Niall chewed nervously on his lip, and let go of his cheek as if to give him some space, the area unpleasantly bare and cold now. “Or that it would be too soon, or something. Just want to be on the same page with you.”  
  
Zayn was a bit overwhelmed with the speech, so it took a beat for him to open his mouth, but he came to his senses fast enough to wipe the nervous expression off Niall’s face. “I don’t regret it,” Zayn admitted, and the relief was evident clearly in Niall’s face.  
  
"Ah, good,” Niall said airily before Zayn could add anything else. “The last thing I want is you regretting it. It would make me feel like I took advantage of you. And it would be completely cool if you don't want to pursue farther. Like, I appreciate honesty.” He fiddled with the handle of the container. “Would rather you being truthful and etc.”  
  
And Zayn got it. He knew that it was better for him to save them the discomfort of leading Niall on because he wasn’t sure about his feelings instead of feeding the illusion that they could be something more just to avoid hurting him. And just because of that he had to clear up a few things. “I’m still figuring things out. Still thinking about it, you know. Yesterday was nice,” he found himself saying, surprised with himself. “And I liked it, actually. Being with you, that is it.”  
  
“But...?” Niall urged him on, face expectant and yet open.  
  
“But I need time, to get used to it. It’s still new, all of this.”  
  
“It has to be with me being a boy, isn’t it?” Niall wondered.  
  
“It’s confusing, yes, but I don’t really care about it anymore,” Zayn admitted. “Don’t really think it matters to me. Not as it mattered before, at least. But I meant more the idea of being with you…” Saying this brought heat to his cheeks, and made him feel vulnerable, pouring what was on his mind like that. And because Niall frowned at that, he hurried to explain, “We were just friends before that for a long time, and then yesterday happened, so it’s a lot to take in. Everything is still so fresh.”  
  
“Okay,” Niall nodded in agreement after a bit. “You have all the time in the world, just so you know. No pressure.”  
  
Zayn nodded, and bit his lip. “Going slow would be fine. Like, no jumping into things.”  
  
“As slow as you need,” Niall said seriously, reassuringly. “Anything that makes you comfortable. And, as I said before, feel free to call things off.” He curled a hand around Zayn’s jaw, still light and gentle, like he was afraid to scare Zayn away. “And I liked yesterday, too. A lot.”  
  
He let his hand linger there, before he got up and said, “I’ll go get us something to eat, then. See you later.”  
  
And with that he was out, and Zayn was left alone with his thoughts. He was more collected than before, though. Talking to Niall about this eased a little the tightness in his chest, and he felt lighter. It became clearer now where they were standing, and the awkwardness that was there since Zayn had woken up was gone at last. At least they didn’t avoid the topic and went straight to the point. He could say they had a thing now, he guessed. It was so strange to even say this in his head.  
  
He rose up eventually, and started to go through his morning routine to take his mind a little off things. He redressed, and gargled that salt water he hated so much, before grabbing the empty water container, and going out to fill it in the stream. He might fix his hair as well in the same opportunity. It was awfully silent outside. The ground was muddy and the air was quite chilly, the only shreds of evidence to the earlier rain. The stream water was cooler than usual, unsurprisingly, but he didn’t let it to stop him from washing the sleep out of his eyes. And after he was done washing and turning his hair into something more presentable, and the steel container was filled with fresh water, he returned to the camp and hanged it over the fire.  
  
Niall had done a great job of clearing the ground from the stray leaves and the sticks, so Zayn didn’t have much to do besides cleaning the dirt and the moisture that dwelled on the few rocks situated around the fire. The leaf roof caught his attention, though. It had already several holes in it, and it was hanging quite crookedly by now, and looked like it might collapse if any more storms had their twisted way with it, and Zayn knew that they had to redo it if they wanted to limit the damage to their camp to the minimum. But he wasn’t going to deal with it now. Maybe later…  
  
He fetched the torn fishing net that Niall had managed to rip somehow from the cave; bless him, and sat down on one of the rocks to try to fix it somehow, keeping an eye on the steel container simultaneously. It seemed to him quite futile, though, fixing it. Repairing things sometimes was harder than making them over again. The water started to boil a short time after that, so Zayn waited a few minutes before removing the container from the fire, and putting it aside. He didn’t return the lid to its place, however, as he wanted the water to cool down quite a bit in the meanwhile. When they wanted to drink, they usually just poured the water into coconut shells, as it was the quickest way to cool it down enough to make it drinkable. Making the whole way to the stream was a bother that they saved themselves. And besides, the stream didn’t really do much to cool the water, anyway, as opposed to how they’d thought at first.  
  
And that was when Niall came back with breakfast.  
  
“Hi,” the blonde haired boy smiled softly upon seeing him, and placed the leaf bag with the sea fruit beside the fire, before dragging the other rock to sit next to Zayn, watching for a moment the work he tried to do, before saying, “As much as I feel guilty saying it, I think you’re wasting your time, Zee. It’s unrepairable.”  
  
Zayn sighed, and replied, “I guess it is. How did you… How did you even manage to ruin it?”  
  
“Err…” A small frown formed under his hairline. “That crab that somehow got caught in it tore it… And it got away with it, on top of it all.”  
  
“Weird things always happen around you.” Zayn shrugged nonchalantly. “I still remember the story about that huge fish that almost broke the fishing rod.”  
  
“Oh, it’s a great story,” Niall smiled. He took the net out of Zayn’s hands, and threw it aside, and Zayn glared at him for it, but then Niall took Zayn’s hand in his, so naturally that it seemed like he had done so a thousand times before, and would do it a thousand times more. “Come on, Zayn. I’m telling you there is no point.”  
  
But Zayn barely registered what he said. He was too busy looking down at their twined hands. For some reason it made it difficult for him to look at Niall. It turned the mood into something more fragile and delicate, like if he moved too sharply or suddenly, he would break it. “Don’t have the patience to do it all over again, though…”  
  
The day started to brighten. The sunrays finally sneaked through the clearing clouds, and it started to get warmer.  
  
A cautious hand cupped Zayn’s cheek, and prompted Zayn to look up into Niall’s eyes. “Hey,” he said lowly, accompanied by a tap on Zayn’s skin. “You ok?”

“Yes,” Zayn nodded. He knew this much.  
  
Niall lowered the same hand to Zayn's jaw, fingers brushing the skin behind his ear, and he said in the same quite tone, like he feared that if he talked any louder, Zayn would recoil, “And this… Is it okay?”  
  
“Yes,” Zayn murmured. It was clear that Niall was learning the boundaries and setting the limits. “I’ll let you know if something is not.”  
  
Niall’s eyes then flitted to his lips, and Zayn knew that he wanted to kiss him. He glanced down at Niall’s lips, and then back up at him, and apparently that was enough for Niall to press a small kiss to the corner of his mouth, slow enough that Zayn had time to dodge it. But he didn’t, because kisses weren’t something he had a problem with. And when Niall pulled back a moment later, hand still cradling Zayn’s face, he held Zayn’s gaze as he said, “So I take from that that kissing is okay?”  
  
“Don’t think I can consider that a kiss, honestly,” Zayn said cheekily, and Niall chuckled, before tipping Zayn’s chin up a fraction, and planting a kiss square on his lips. Zayn leaned into it unthinkingly, easily. It ended as quickly as it came, and then Niall was standing up to go over the things he’d fished, leaving a somewhat flustered Zayn glued to his spot. Niall obviously had some effect on him.  
  
“What do you want for breakfast?” Niall asked, spreading out the fish on a clean leaf. “We have three mackerels and one mullet, a bunch of seaweed from yesterday, and some coconuts. The usual, sort of.”  
  
The shift in the mood from intimate to casual felt rather sharp, but he just cleared his throat, and said, “Not a big choice, is it? I’ll be okay with anything, I guess.”  
  
“Yeah?” Niall sounded surprised. “You are usually pickier than that. ”  
  
“I'm not,” Zayn argued.  
  
“Whatever.” Niall waved a hand at him dismissively. “I would say you’ve softened recently.”  
  
Zayn stared at him skewering the fish on sticks, stunned. Had he? He didn’t have any more time to dwell on it, though, because Niall was passing him a skewered fish to roast over the fire, and settling next to him to start recounting some story, the way he liked to do.  
  
They took things in Zayn’s pace from there. They didn’t do much besides holding hands or sharing a few occasional kisses as the days passed. Zayn felt himself getting more and more comfortable in his own skin as the time went, and well, being with Niall like that only felt natural. The start of a relationship always was confusing, and while they didn’t label themselves yet, they still faced the same confusions and difficulties. Like, Zayn still questioned himself if he were allowed to kiss or to touch. They were careful with each other, conscious of each other’s reactions to every gesture, every suggestive saying, and still, Zayn didn’t feel like a lot had changed. They had been affectionate and quite touchy-feely with each other even before the whole deal had started, and the only real change was that it intensified. There weren’t barriers now. They didn’t have to hold back like they did before. They could cuddle closely with their limbs tangled without having to pretend it meant nothing. They could linger their touches without a reason to.  
  
And Zayn liked how they mostly settled for slow and soft kisses and caresses, but he liked their slips, too. Like how sometimes things got a little out of control, like when the peck they shared as a goodnight turned into a heated make-out session that left the both of them panting and breathless, and like that one time when Zayn found himself being pushed into the warm sand only to be pulled into a kiss so thorough and deep, that he felt like he had lost his grasp on any shred of sanity he had, and had to cling onto Niall for dear life.  
  
Because being with Niall made him forget about everything. Made him forget of all of his troubles, and difficulties, and unfulfilled wishes. He managed to eliminate all the things that used to coat Zayn with darkness—creations that swallowed and ate him from the inside, just like black holes that left a vacuum behind them, and instead he illuminated him with something else. He ignited a flaring flame inside of him that scared all the demons away, and filled all those empty spaces with love, and affection, and hope, and safety. And Zayn felt so full with it when Niall kissed him, when Niall enveloped him with his body, and that was the thing… Niall replaced everything else. He made up for the loss he’d suffered, for his loneliness, and for the need of having a human being so close to him. He made him feel like there was no one out there but them, made him feel trapped in a paradise where the time wasn’t ticking, and the dawn and the dusk blended into each other. And it was so easy to let himself get lost in those sparkling-like-the-dew-in-the-mornings irises, in that kind-hearted smile, and rolling laughter.  
  
About a week after the night they had spent together in the hot spring, a storm approached their island from the ocean. They felt it in their bones the whole morning, sensed it on their skin every time the cool wind from the sea reached them, and the silence that enveloped the forest only confirmed what they already knew-that it was going to be stronger than ever. Zayn retreated to the camp when the wind started to get out of control, carrying with it sand and dust everywhere, and he blocked the entrance to the cave with the improvised door to avoid it from getting inside. The trees swung dangerously from side to the side with the force of it, and Zayn hurried to gather all the tools scattered around the fire to put them inside. They had prepared for it all day. Made extra food, and stored boiled water in the vases and the pot just to be safe.  
  
Niall still was nowhere to be seen when the clouds started to gather heavily and thickly above them and cast a dark shadow upon the island, and Zayn started to really worry about him, because it was going to start raining soon, and he was who knew where, doing who knew what. Eventually Zayn went inside when it started to drizzle, and he was restless as he rearranged their nests and blankets, not knowing what to do with himself. A lightning struck the ground nearby, and Zayn could see it flashing white against a wall. A deafening thunder shook the earth mere moments later. It was the only warning before the downpour started.  
  
Zayn heard the distant sound of someone running outside, and surely enough, Niall dashed inside, somehow only mildly wet, carrying two coconuts in his hands.  
  
“We ran out of those,” he said as a matter of explanation, managing to look cheerful even though his hair was completely soaked with water. “Guess the rain caught me, though.”  
  
“You think?” Zayn said cynically. He took the fruit from Niall, and placed them on the ground beside the other food. When he returned to where Niall was dripping onto the floor, the boy was sliding out of his shoes and socks. “I think you’re making a habit of wandering around when it rains. Almost like you like walking in wet clothes.”  
  
“Nothing severe, though,” Niall insisted, shrugging out of his shirt now. “The trees are so dense that I barely got wet. The leaf roof requires a repair, though. We completely forgot about it.”  
  
“Oh… right.” Zayn ran a hand through his hair, attempting to sound convincing. “Must've slipped off my head. ”  
  
“It’s okay," Niall said, not seeming to dwell on it, which Zayn was thankful for. He tugged his shorts off, and Zayn took them before Niall could throw them aside, where they would rot steadfastly. “I doubt a new one would withstand such a storm.”  
  
“You’re probably right,” Zayn said as he spread Niall’s clothes neatly on a leaf to let them dry. He doubted they would anytime soon.  
  
They ended up joining their nests together, and wrapping themselves in the blankets and each other, as the temperature was sinking at a lighting speed. Niall’s hair kept dampening the material of Zayn’s shirt from where he was tucked into his chest, and his feet were cold pressed against Zayn’s socked ankles, so it was Zayn warming him this time around, but it was nice and cozy under the blankets and next to each other, the rain outside thumping against the thick walls of the cave, a distant echo that was disturbed only by the occasional thunders and the strong wind. It made Zayn think of stormy winters, when he was inside of his dry and heated house, looking out of the window at the downpour outside. It made him think of hot tea, and soft duvets, and movie marathons. And he pictured to himself a dimension where he and Niall sat close in front of the television, hot drinks in their hands, away from the cold, away from here. He thought to himself about being normal again. About going to school, and sleeping in a real bed, and eating rich and varied food, and being around more than one person at a time. He thought about the simple things, the things he missed the most.  
  
“What are you thinking about?” Niall’s voice broke his train of thought. Zayn looked down in the dark to see him watching him with curiosity.  
  
“Dunno…” Zayn made half a shrug, and twirled a still damp hair strand to have an excuse to look at that instead of at Niall’s eyes. “About home, I guess. Days like that always make me think about home… It’s nothing, though. I'm Just homesick, I guess.”  
  
Niall sighed, and pulled back a little so he didn’t have to crane his neck so much to look at him. “It’s not nothing, Zayn. It’s legitimate. I think about it too, sometimes… About what I could’ve accomplished, about what I’m missing… And yeah, when you’re cold and far away from home, you just want to go back.”  
  
“You’re hungry?” Zayn asked all of a sudden. He didn't want to have this conversation. “We didn’t have lunch today.”  
  
“Not really,” Niall replied. “And you?”  
  
“Think I’ll go get a fish. You sure you don’t want to eat something?”  
  
“Yeah.” Niall turned onto his back when Zayn stood up, and spread himself out comfortably on the pile of leaves, taking most of the place. “Bon appetite.”  
  
“Not like you to refuse a meal,” Zayn said as he groped in the darkness for the fish. And when he found their pile of food, he realized it was no longer hot. At all. It sucked. "Are you feeling well?”  
  
“I’m excellent. Just come back soon, okay?”  
  
“I’m right here,” Zayn said as he sat down at the edge of the bed, a bowl in his hands.  
  
“I mean _here_.” Niall lifted the blanket just a little. It was clear from his tone that he was pouting. “It’s cold without you.”  
  
“I doubt you’ve left me any place,” Zayn teased.  
  
“I always have a place for you.”  
  
“That’s heartwarming,” Zayn nodded, and almost choked when Niall kicked him under the blanket.   
  
After cleansing his hands with some water, Zayn climbed back in, and Niall pressed himself right next to him, his hand coming up to rest on Zayn’s back. “How do you suggest we spend our time?”  
  
“I don’t know about you, but I think I’ll go to sleep…” Zayn murmured.

“That’s rude,” Niall huffed.  
  
“What, a person can’t catch up some sleep?” Zayn shifted so his face was pressed against the nook of Niall’s neck. He sighed in content, taking in his body heat.  
  
“Those are going to be very boring hours,” Niall grumbled. “I hate rains.”  
  
They didn’t say anything after this. Zayn blinked slowly against Niall’s skin, falling deeper and deeper into slumber, his eyelids drooping. He concentrated on the slow circles Niall traced into his skin, and on his soft breathing, and right when he was on the verge of sleep, Niall whispered, “Hey, you’re sleeping?”  
  
“Almost there,” Zayn muttered. “Shhh”  
  
“Ok.” Niall let his fingers slide lower to the hem of Zayn’s shirt, and he hiked the material a bit up his spine, and slipped his hand inside. Zayn shivered at the skin to skin contact, especially because of the temperature difference, but relaxed right into it when Niall resumed caressing his back. At first it seemed like he was tracing random shapes, but Zayn could tell he was drawing patterns on his skin. He sleepily made out a flower, and was pretty sure that the curved lines were a sea, and that the circle with the lines around it was a sun. There were other things, too sloppy for him to understand. But it felt nice, he never wanted Niall to stop. “I used to play this with other kids when I was little.” Niall’s voice was accompanied by an angry thunder. He probably could tell he wasn’t sleeping. “We drew patterns on each other, and had to guess them.”  
  
“You want me to guess?”  
  
“No, just can tell you like it. Everyone does."  
  
Zayn hummed in agreement. Niall eventually stopped and retreated his hand. Instead, he pulled the blankets more snugly around them, and curled into Zayn. He was out in seconds, expression soft and baby-like. But Zayn couldn’t fall asleep for some reason, so he just lay there awake, staring into open space. Something just felt wrong to him, and he couldn’t put his finger on it. It felt like there was a weight on his chest, something heavy that settled there like a rock, solid and hard and pressing uncomfortably on his flesh. It was still there when they woke in the morning and breakfasted, the rain still pouring outside. Niall swallowed half of what they had left in a matter of minutes, it seemed, and curled back into Zayn to go back to sleep. There was something in the weather that just tired them. Maybe it was the cold that made them so sleepy and weak.  
  
Zayn woke up again sometime during the day, and it wasn’t raining anymore by then, and Niall still was fast asleep beside him. He climbed out as quietly and carefully as he could, and sneaked outside. He didn’t know what he was expecting, but the place was absolutely upside down. What used to be the campfire was now scattered all around the place, and the leaf roof was hanging torn against a tree by a single rope. It was completely ruined. The whole camp needed an urgent attendance, but Zayn wasn’t going to deal with it now. He went straight to the hot spring to warm up, and maybe clear his mind a bit. He spotted on his way there a broken tree that was lying on the ground; and thanked God that he hadn't been here when that happened. The wood was quiet the way it had been yesterday, but it was foggy now as well, like the clouds hadn’t quite cleared out yet.  
  
The small canal that started at the entrance of the cave and disappeared behind the trees was now filled to the brim, unlike its usually mostly dry state. Apparently the rain caused the spring to overflow, and the water just poured outside in the form of that canal. He could only guess. It was the first time he went here after a rain. There were shreds of evidence of the rain inside of the cave too; puddles splayed everywhere. Zayn didn’t really even have a place to put his clothes on. He ended up hanging them on a rock that stuck out from the wall, knowing that it wasn’t ideal, but he didn’t have a choice.  
  
He let out an audible sigh when he got into the water. It was as hot as always, and exactly what his stiff from the cold body needed. He waded around in the spring, relaxing gradually with the help of the serene atmosphere that surrounded this place. And then he let himself sink into his thoughts.  
  
He was disturbed not long after that by the sound of steps and shuffling, and he turned around to face the intruder, and surely enough, Niall was there, shrugging out of his shirt.  
  
“Wait, did you follow me here?” Zayn arched a brow.  
  
Niall huffed a laugh. “I’m not a stalker, don’t worry. You’re just not the only one who happens to want to defrost here.” He carelessly threw it onto the wet floor, like it didn’t start to dry just recently. Zayn scrunched up his nose.   
  
“When will you stop disturbing other people’s baths?”  
  
“Not disturbing, just joining,” Niall corrected, fingers hovering over the waistband of his underwear. He stopped altogether, and added rather sheepishly, “I mean, if it’s okay I join you.”  
  
“Frankly, I’m surprised you’re even asking for permission.”  
  
“Well, normally I wouldn’t, but I know what a prude you are when it comes to those things…”  
  
Zayn made a face, but then he just turned around and said, "Alright, but no funny businesses.”  
  
“Promise,” Niall said gleefully, and not two moments later, a loud splash was heard, and Niall was swimming to the center, not far from where Zayn was standing. He went under for a few moments before emerging out with his fringe covering his eyes. He swept it back, and Zayn followed his movements as he returned to the bank of the spring, and rested his elbows on the stony ground. He glanced over his shoulder at Zayn, and beckoned him to join him with a jerk of his head. Zayn waded over to him, and copied Niall’s position, leaning against the rock a foot away from him. “So…” Niall started. “What’s the deal with you running away to here?”  
  
“Not running away,” Zayn placed his chin on the back of his hands. “Just woke up before you, and went out. Like you do every day. And I don’t excuse you for disappearing.”  
  
“Fair enough,” Niall nodded. He directed his gaze at Zayn, and Zayn turned his head to the side so he could face him, his cheek resting against his arms. “The storm was a real hazard.”  
  
“Yeah, I saw the leaf roof… Don’t feel like making a new one, honestly.”  
  
“That’s alright.” Niall raised one hand, and brought it up to brush Zayn’s wet hair back, moving closer to him with the movement. “Think it’s useless, anyway. We’ll just need to learn how to make fire on our own.”  
  
“How come you don’t know how?” Zayn quirked a brow. “You mister-know-everything.”  
  
“Because we always ever used matches.” Niall poked him in the nose. “Dad showed us the traditional way only once or twice.”  
  
“How bad is our state?”  
  
“Not bad. There’re still more than a hundred matches, but we can’t rely on them forever…” he trailed his hand lower, and thumbed at the seam of Zayn’s lips, coaxing them open just a fraction.  
  
“Niall, I…” he started, straightening his head, but trailed off when Niall leaned in and captured his lips in between his. He melted right into the kiss, into the way Niall cradled his face as he pushed his lips against his, and when it was over, too soon for his taste, he stifled a soft sound at the loss. But then Niall trailed his mouth lower to trace close-mouthed kisses on his skin, stopping at his neck, where he nuzzled against the sensitive flesh, and pushed himself from the stone to press his front lightly to Zayn’s back, not fully touching. “This okay?” he whispered against the column of his neck.  
  
“Yes.” Zayn shivered when Niall pressed himself more firmly against his back, his chest against his shoulder blades, though his body held off Zayn’s lower regions. He breathed hot air against Zayn’s skin, and let his lips wander along the curve at the base of his neck. He trailed a track up to the skin behind Zayn’s ear, and pressed a peck there, continuing a shuddering path along his hairline, catching a few water drops with his lips at his nape, before placing a kiss at the curling hair there. He very gently moved his lips lower, leaving a few little kisses in his wake, and Zayn caved in, and let his head fall back on Niall’s shoulder.  
  
Niall took advantage of the exposed flesh, and took it as a ‘go ahead’ to start sucking kisses into his skin. An airy gasp left Zayn’s mouth when Niall found his pulse, and latched onto it, lips sucking and demanding. His arms curled around Zayn’s body to bring him closer to himself, and when Zayn wrapped his hand around Niall’s wrist in search of something to hold onto that wasn’t the hard ground in front of them, Niall took his hand in his, and squeezed it, before bringing their tangled hands to wrap around Zayn’s chest.   
  
“Niall,” Zayn said again, voice breathy.    
  
“Hmm?” was Niall’s brief reply, before he scraped his teeth softly against the forming mark. He didn’t bite, for once, almost like Zayn was something fragile that had to be treated only with grace.  
  
“Niall,” he managed weakly, but it was more urgent. He pushed away from Niall, and turned around, eyes cast downwards.  
  
“Was it… too much? Too soon?” Niall took a step back himself.  
  
“No, no, it’s okay,” Zayn reassured him, raising his gaze with effort. That seemed enough for Niall to tug him closer by a hold of his arm. He cupped Zayn’s cheek, studying him for a long moment, before saying quietly, “Hey, what’s wrong?”  
  
He looked concerned and as confused as Zayn felt. Zayn remained silent as he thought about it, and then he asked, “What are we, Niall?”  
  
“What do you mean?” Niall furrowed his brows.  
  
“Everything is just so confusing…” he admitted. “I have no idea what I’m doing. What we are doing…”  
  
“I’m sorry.” Niall’s face crumpled. “I didn’t mean to overstep, I thought—“  
  
“I’m not talking about that,” Zayn cut him off. “I’m talking in general.”  
  
“Did something happen?"  
  
“No... I just need time, I think. I’ll sort it out.”  
  
“You sure?” Niall swiped a finger against his cheekbone. Always gentle. Always sweet.  
  
“Yeah, I just want some time alone…”  
  
“Okay.” Niall retreated his hand. Always respecting him, never pushing him. “Feel free to talk to me about it, though.”  
  
“I’ll keep it in mind,” Zayn said, and then Niall was emerging out, and Zayn was left alone, restless and with deep regret.  
  
He didn’t return to their shelter after he finished bathing. Instead, he went for a long walk as it was still bright outside. He just needed that time to think, and to come to a decision. The fire was lit by the time he came back to the camp, and the torn leaf roof was still hanging from a tree. The ground, while still being muddy, was rather clean and tidy now. He felt uneasy for not being here to help Niall. Dinner was alright, though, he guessed. The conversation was a bit forced, like it was evident that something wasn’t quite right between them, and the shrimp was chewy, but apart from that, it went smooth. Or at least that was what he told himself.  
  
He didn’t do it intentionally, but he started to spend less and less time with Niall. Being around him only confused him more, and it felt like a much-needed space. Niall, however, took it personally. After a few days that the topic just remained untouched in the air, he followed Zayn when he went to gather fresh leaves for them to sleep on, and countered him.  
  
“You’re avoiding me,” Niall stated, voice tinged with hurt. “Why?”  
  
“I’m not,” Zayn denied, hugging the leaves closer to himself.  
  
“Just tell me what’s wrong.” Niall had a begging edge to his tone. “You’re being distant, and weird…”  
  
“I just needed some time, as I said…”  
  
“And I gave you that, but you’ve been walking around, broody and pouty, and I don’t understand what’s it all about—“  
  
“Maybe we should quit that…” Zayn said this so quietly that he was sure for a moment that Niall hadn't caught that, but of course he did.  
  
“What?”  
  
“It was a mistake, Niall…” Zayn turned to face him, hanging the leaves over his shoulder. It wasn’t the best timing to have this conversation. He'd intended to talk about this to Niall later that day, after they had eaten lunch, and Niall was in a good mood. But apparently the universe had other plans for him. “I had time to think about that, and we shouldn’t have... I mean," he gestured between them, "it shouldn’t have happened. We didn’t think… We’re better off like that.”  
  
“But why?” Niall looked shocked and pained simultaneously. "Everything was just fine…”  
  
“No, it was wrong… We just can’t, Niall.”  
  
“I don’t understand,” Niall shook his head in frustration. “I thought you said you had no problem with me being a boy.”  
  
“It’s not even the point, Niall.” Zayn put the leaves on a rock nearby. He felt stupid talking while carrying them. “It’s not that.”  
  
“Then what is it? At least give me an explanation.”  
  
“We got together only because there was no one here but us. It’s fucked up, Niall. We don’t have other options. We just mix up our need for a human being’s closeness with our emotions for each other, and this is the outcome, and it’s fucked up.”  
  
"This is how you feel about me?" Niall asked. "About us? Are you even serious with me right now? It has nothing to do with us and how we feel. If something is fucked up, it's what you said."  
  
“All I know is that I'm completely confused about how I feel. I don't know if what I feel is real, or if it's a side effect of being with no one but you. I don’t want to be with someone from a place of desperation. It’s wrong. I think being here for this long does twisted things to my mind.”  
  
“Since when do you think that?” Niall demanded to know.  
  
“A while,” Zayn admitted.  
  
“A while,” Niall repeated. “And yet you were acting like everything was fine. How lovely.”  
  
“I’m sorry, okay? I’m sorry for this mess."  
  
“I fucking knew you’d be all mixed up. This is why I was apprehensive about it. God, I’m so stupid. Should’ve known you’ll get cold legs about it. I don’t understand why you took so long telling me that. Or you weren’t going to tell me at all?”  
  
“I wanted to, today, I just needed time to think about that, okay?”  
  
“You didn’t have to think about some dumb excuse, you know. Because what you said is bullshit, and you know that. I told you not to fuck up with my feelings. I told you to be honest with me. If you didn’t want this, you could’ve just said it!” Niall spat, tone rising.  
  
“I’m not making up any excuses.” Zayn pulled a face. “I’m telling you the truth. This is how I see the things, okay? I’m starting to regret telling you this in the first place. Should've known you wouldn't understand."  
  
“You know, I think you’re just afraid.”  
  
“Of what?” Zayn lowered his brows.  
  
“Of being happy here. Of building your life here. Almost like you think settling down here is a sin. Either way, it's clear you don't know what you fucking want. And you know what? I’m done with this. Don’t understand why you kissed me if you didn’t feel the same way.”  
  
“Because I wanted to see if I felt something toward you…” Zayn admitted quietly. “And besides, don’t act like this is only my fault. You were the one who brought me into the spring for a date or whatever. It only confused me further. How did you expect me to react? I wasn't really thinking, either.”  
  
“I felt like something had changed,” Niall said in frustration. “I blocked myself to you, because I understood it wasn’t mutual, but then something about you just changed. You’ve softened, stopped holding back around me, so I tried again… If anything, I’m the confused one here. Just do whatever you want, Zayn.”  
  
“I don’t understand why you’re so angry if you said it wasn’t exclusive.”  
  
“Because I let my hopes up. I’m a human, Zayn, and I tend to make mistakes just like you.”  
  
“You shouldn't have.” Zayn wrapped his arms around his chest. “I told you from the beginning that I'm confused, and that I need time.”  
  
“You’re right,” Niall nodded. “This really was a mistake.”  
  
And with that he stormed away.  
  
It took a few minutes for Zayn to come to his senses, too struck by everything that'd just happened to do something, but then he carried the leaves back to the shelter, before starting to search after Niall. He knew he had to talk to him about this, even though it was against his better judgment. He found him sitting on one of the rocks at the shore, bare feet dangling inside of the water.  
  
“What do you want?” he asked without turning to face him when Zayn approached him. He didn’t sound mad, or even accusing. He sounded just tired and annoyed, and it was almost worse.  
  
“Niall…” Zayn sighed. “I don't want this to get between us."  
  
"It doesn't," Niall promised. "Just getting used to it."  
  
"I didn’t mean to hurt you…” Zayn said quietly.  
  
“People often don’t mean things. That doesn’t make it hurt less.”  
  
Zayn sat down on a rock next to him, and brought his knees up to his chest. “I’m just freaking out, Niall… You have to understand what’s it like for me—“  
  
“I don’t want to talk about it,” Niall said forcefully. “If you came here to tell me why it’s wrong, then I don’t want to hear it.”  
  
“Please, just hear me out,” Zayn pleaded, and reached out to touch Niall’s shoulder, but the boy jerked away. “I tried to make out my mind for a while now, see if my feelings came from the right place. And I feel something for you, Niall…” he felt the need to admit. Anything to make things better between them.  
  
“You do?” Niall finally turned his head to get a look at his face, but then he returned to the same position. “Whatever. It doesn't change anything."  
  
“I do…” Zayn whispered, ignoring the second part. He picked up a small stone to throw into the sea. “And I tried to figure out if I felt what I felt because I developed sincere feelings for you, or because I got desperate and you were the only one around, so everything went to you.”  
  
“Does it matter?” Niall muttered. “I don’t think it matters.”  
  
“It does, because if it’s the second option, then it’s not real, and I’ll end up hurting you. Don’t want to go in too deep with you only to find I don’t feel the same, not really, at least.”  
  
“And you’re saying that it’s the second option.”  
  
“That’s the problem," Zayn said in frustration. "I don’t know… I’ve never liked a boy, Niall. It’s new. And I can’t help but suspect that it has to do with me being here with no one but a boy. If there were someone else here, I highly doubt I would’ve tried anything with you. See what I mean?”  
  
“Zayn, it’s just that there are things that bond people together, and it’s completely normal, and you’re exaggerating. Besides, you’re giving me a headache,” he complained. “I think you’re thinking too much. Ease up. This is what life is about-being full of expectations, only to get disappointed, isn’t it? If you don’t take risks, you won’t achieve anything you want.”  
  
“Stop cliché me,” Zayn frowned. “It’s for our sake, Niall. Don’t want to fuck up things between us if it doesn’t go well.”  
  
“What’s wrong with it?” Niall stared at the ocean like he could find his answers there. He sounded so conflicted that it left Zayn stunned. “I really don't understand it. If it’s something we both want, then what’s fucked up with it? Why can’t we be together?”  
  
“Because I don’t want to be with you as a default. I don’t want you to be my consolation. It’s cruel.”  
  
“Am I your consolation?”  
  
“No,” Zayn said, too fast. “I don’t know. Don’t hang on my every word…”  
  
“You're not a consolation to me," Niall said lowly. "You being the only person around here with me has nothing to do with how I feel about you... I'm sure about how I feel."  
  
"Wish I could say the same..."  
  
"Can you answer me a few questions?" Niall asked. “Be honest, though. Say what you feel, not what you think I want to hear."  
  
“Okay.” Zayn wrapped his arms around his knees, facing the sea as well.  
  
“Does it bother you that I’m a boy?”  
  
“No,” Zayn said sincerely. He got over it during the last week or so. Maybe even before that. He wasn't sure.   
  
“Do you regret that night in the spring, and everything that followed that?”  
  
There was a beat, and then, “No.”  
  
“Alright, did you like it? Being with me, I mean.”  
  
God, it was so embarrassing. He looked to the side opposite of Niall so he could hide his face, and said, “Yes.”  
  
“Alright,” Niall’s tone remained nonchalant. “I’m ready to take the risk, then.”  
  
“What?” Zayn jerkily turned around to face him again.  
  
“If the problem is me getting hurt by this, then I’m willing to take the risk. Unless there is more to it.”  
  
“That’s it, really,” Zayn admitted.  
  
“Then can we hoist the white flag?”  
  
“I guess so. Aren't you mad?” Zayn asked warily. He had to make sure.  
  
“Just worn out. You really tire me sometimes, Malik.”  
  
“I’ll take care of lunch, then,” Zayn suggested.  
  
“I want soup. I like your soups.”  
  
“Alright,” Zayn stood up, and offered Niall his hand. “You want to stay here for a little longer, or…?”  
  
“Yeah,” Niall nodded. “I’ll be back soon, though.”  
  
And later that day, when they sat next to the fire with cups of hot tea (that Zayn became better at doing) in their hands, their knees and elbows keeping on bumping together, Zayn said, “I’m sorry.”  
  
Niall turned to look at him at that, and Zayn gulped, before continuing, “I should’ve told you about how I felt from the very beginning, and not try to deal with it myself. It was unreasonable of me to react, also, the way I did… Quite threw the bomb at you.”  
  
“It’s okay,” Niall replied. “I kinda figured you’ll go all weird eventually. How not with everything you're dealing with?”  
  
“Dunno, I feel weird now…”  
  
“Zayn,” Niall sighed. “We don’t have to go along with it if you’re uncomfortable with it. It’s the last thing I want.”  
  
“I want to, though,” Zayn whispered, looking down at the green tea that looked yellowish with the fire illuminating it. “I want us to give it a try… It’s just that I feel strange. Do I make any sense?”  
  
“Zayn, you’ve changed here…” Niall said. “You’re not the same person who first came here.”  
  
“Was carried away by the sea,” Zayn corrected.  
  
“Right,” Niall sipped his tea. “So, one of the things that happen when you get out of your comfort zone is learning new things about yourself. You experience things you’ve never tried before, and it changes you, and the way you think, and along the way, your point of view changes as well. It’s not because this place is fucking you up. You’re perfectly sane and alright, and you know that. It’s because your mind is developing, and you start seeing things differently. I would know, it happens to me too.”  
  
“You think?”  
  
“I’m sure. Just like you changed your opinion about water, other parts in you changed.”  
  
“It makes sense.” Zayn let himself dwell on it. He leaned to the side, and pressed his head against Niall’s temple. “So, you’re still up for a something with me?”  
  
“Always,” Niall murmured, and wrapped his free arm around Zayn’s back.


	17. Chapter 17

Zayn, still hazy with sleep, felt the earth shifting under him the next morning. At first he didn’t understand what was happening, but then when his mind started to slowly shift from unconsciousness to consciousness, he realized Niall was trying to wriggle away. He groaned in displeasure at the disturbance, and pinned Niall back to the bed by a firm hold around his torso.  
  
“Come on, Zayn, let me get up,” Niall’s groggy voice faintly broke in through the fog in his mind.  
  
“Don’t go just yet,” he slurred sleepily, nuzzling into Niall’s chest, where he had made himself more than comfortable. “You’re too warm. Stay…”  
  
Niall let out a huff of laugh that tickled against the hairs at the top of Zayn’s hair, and lowered a hand to rest on his back, absentmindedly tracing shapes into the skin over his shirt, only succeeding in lulling Zayn farther into sleep. “Are you going to keep me here captive?”  
  
“If it’s what it takes…” Zayn murmured, mildly serious. He would blame his sleepy mind on this later.  
  
“And who do you think will get us breakfast?”  
  
“We’ll think of something later,” Zayn rasped, mildly annoyed that Niall was still talking. “Just another few minutes.”  
  
“You fucking slug,” Niall muttered, but there was no heat behind his words, and he stretched out beneath him as best as he could with Zayn’s dead weight getting in the way. “Fine, you won this time, but don’t make it a habit.”  
  
Zayn managed a hum, and drifted off minutes later.  
  


* * *

  
Upon walking around on the beach, Zayn noticed that the SOS sign didn’t look very much like SOS at all. The constant rains erased the lines that outlined the enormous letters, and caused the stones that spelt the acronyms to slide in all directions. It needed an urgent fix, not that the next storm wouldn’t ruin it again. But they couldn’t afford the feeble chance that it wouldn’t be coherent when an airplane or a ship passed by in one of the days.  
  
So Zayn settled down to work. He used a stick to draw the fading lines, and then sat down to start rearranging the stones between the borders.  
  
Niall appeared from the direction of the woods when half of the thing was done. He lowered himself into a sitting position beside him, and watched for a moment as Zayn worked, before saying, “Need a hand?”  
  
“Nah,” Zayn waved him off. “I’m fine. You can do this next time, though.”  
  
“Okay. Say, did you ever think about how many ships we could’ve missed?”  
  
“Yeah,” Zayn sighed. “Half a dozen could’ve sailed by while we were sleeping, the other half while we just weren’t paying attention. Maybe we should’ve done a night watch, but then we’d just turn into a shadow of ourselves.”  
  
Niall looked at him with a sad smile. “It’s been what… three months?”  
  
“A little more,” Zayn mumbled. He looked down at the grey stone he was holding, deep in thought. “But we can’t lose hope.” He said so almost as a question, as if waiting for Niall to agree or deny the statement.  
  
“Of course not,” Niall said defiantly. “It just… will take some time, it seems.”  
  
“I don’t think we’re trying hard enough,” Zayn voiced his thoughts. “It’s lame sitting here and waiting for someone to come.”  
  
“Then what are you suggesting?” Niall asked carefully. “We don’t really have a choice in the matter. We can’t sit here all day and wait for a boat. We tried to build fire signals beforehand, but the storms just crashed them… Maybe it’s really lame, but the best thing we can do is concentrate on staying sane and in one peace.”  
  
“I guess it’s easy enough,” Zayn sighed, and arranged a brown stone next to a reddish one. When he reached out for another, however, Niall stopped him, and tugged him toward him, away from the sign, and leaned in to whisper in his ear, “How about I take your mind off things a little?”  
  
“Sounds good,” Zayn murmured, and went easily when Niall pushed him onto the sun-warmed sand. Niall moved to straddle him on either side of his body, and caressed his hands down Zayn's arms, before raking them back up to touch his face, his fingers settling against his jaw, and Zayn took him right in by a hold of his upper back, urging him on. Niall ducked down to brush their noses together, before finding Zayn’s slightly parted lips with his own, and pressing their mouths together.  
  
Zayn sighed into the kiss, and twisted his fingers in Niall’s soft hair, while he took a handful of the material of Niall’s shirt in his other hand. He tilted his head ever so slightly to get a better angle, and Niall's lips folded better over his. And this made him forget anything else, like it always did. It was one of the reasons why he loved kissing Niall so much. All that was on his mind was a litany of Niall, Niall, and Niall. How familiar and comforting he smelled, the sweet taste of coconut juice in his mouth, the gentle intentions of his hands on his skin, the smooth drag of their lips.  
  
He pushed harder against Niall’s lips, and pulled him more firmly on top of him, wanting to have him closer, and that was when Niall started to pull away, and this time Zayn didn’t bother to withhold a whine at the loss, and tried to tug Niall back in by a hold of the back of his head, sick of him cutting it short every time he really started to get into it. Niall didn’t go at first, but then he leaned in to press a peck against his lips, and moved one of his hands from Zayn’s face to the sandy ground next to his head to steady himself.  
  
Zayn flattered his eyes open, and drew his eyebrows together when he saw Niall’s apprehensive expression. “What’s wrong?”  
  
“Nothing,” Niall replied immediately to remove any doubt, but then he frowned himself, and said, “Err… Zayn, there is something that’s been on my mind, and I just have to make sure that…” he trailed off.  
  
“What is it?” Zayn searched his eyes. A pleasant breeze from the sea ruffled his hair, and made it get into his eyes. He moved to push it back, but Niall beat him to it, lingering his hand near his ear.  
  
“I just thought about the talk we had that day, when we had that sort of fight, and… I didn’t pressure you into things, did I?”  
  
Zayn blinked blankly at him, not completely understating what Niall was getting at. Perhaps it had something to do with how shiny and pink Niall’s lips looked now.  
  
“I mean, you were confused,” Niall explained, and Zayn made a real effort to move his gaze from his kissable lips back to his blue and honest eyes. ”And I threw a fit, and then you retreated, and kind of compromised for me?”  
  
Zayn didn’t understand why he had to open that case again. He’d carefully avoided the sensitive topic to avoid starting an argument again. And besides, things were fine now, why talk this over again?  
  
“I didn’t compromise for you,” Zayn clarified. “I didn’t compromise at all. I just needed to understand where we were standing, and think this through.”  
  
“Yeah, but you were quite adamant that we quit this, and then when I got upset you changed your mind, and it occurred to me that you might’ve tried to tie me back in. Like, tried to make me happy, or felt that you owed me…”  
  
Zayn’s frown deepened. “It wasn’t like that… I had a hard time accepting my feelings, thinking everything over, and well, at some point I started to question myself it if really was worth it, as I couldn’t make up my mind about what I was really feeling. It was like I didn’t know what was true anymore, and dunno, felt like I was going crazy…”  
  
“But you know you’re not,” Niall arched a brow.  
  
“I know it now… But things were really confusing,” Zayn bit his lip. “And they are still now, to some extent. I can’t help it, it’s still new… But back then, even before we had first kissed, I had my doubts … I mean, I saw you, and I…” Zayn lowered his gaze, not able to say such a personal things while looking at Niall, “I… felt something weird, and I just couldn’t understand what it was, and at first I mistook it for a friendly feeling, as you were such a good friend to me and we were so close, but then I realized that it couldn't be just that. But I never liked a boy before, so it just seemed impossible? So I just shrugged it off again and again until the first time we kissed, and I think it was the first time I actually admitted to myself that I have feelings for you?”  
  
Niall just continued watching him silently, waiting patiently for him to finish. And it made him feel completely exposed, saying those things in broad daylight, his body spread out before Niall, every hitch in his breath audible to him from this close. But once he started talking, he just couldn’t stop; all those thoughts whirled around messily in his mind, and formed words that just poured uncontrollably from his mouth. And it would be only fair to let Niall hear all of this. It also helped that once the words were out in the open, some kind of relief and lightness washed over him.  
  
“And then I was kind of torn between two voices in my head. The voice that told me that it was normal and natural, and the voice that told me that I was making a great mistake… And as the time went, there was that idea in my mind that I was with you because I was being selfish, and was just using you… As you were some kind of an escape from this reality, and I just couldn’t do this to you… So, well… I tried to keep my distance, and see what I felt… I didn’t want to be with you just because I needed to be with someone. It’s wrong. So it was when I suggested we quit things. I didn’t want us to get hurt by that, especially you… All we have is each other, and I didn’t want my doubts about my feelings fuck up things between us. Our friendship is the most important thing I have, and I didn’t want to ruin it…”  
  
Niall pressed his lips together, and his expression was unreadable, so Zayn continued, “But then we had that fight, and things went ugly, and it was exactly what I was afraid of…”  
  
“Please don’t tell me this is your way of making it up to me.”  
  
“It’s not,” Zayn promised, and made himself meet Niall’s gaze again. “It’s just that you were right about something… I did change, and maybe even mature a little while being here, and that’s why the way I see you changed as well. I understood that we need each other. And maybe it has something to do with twisted desperation, because it has to, at least to some extent, but then again, anyone needs someone. And it's more than a need. It's a desire. It's a desire to live, to settle down, to find happiness in this mess. It's not giving up, and it's not taking it because this is all we have. It's not even fighting to take back what was stolen from us. It's just a pure human desire." Zayn left the 'to love, and be loved in return' unspoken. "And as you said, if it’s something we both want, then why not? We’re giving it a try, and seeing where we’ll go from here. Whatever happens, happens. What do we have to lose? We can’t protect ourselves from getting hurt, because love is all about being vulnerable. So, that’s it, really…”  
  
His cheeks were flaming at the admission, but he bravely held Niall’s gaze, until the boy crouched down again to press his forehead to Zayn’s, prompting Zayn to close his eyes as well. “Okay,” he whispered, and connected their lips chastely. It was a quiet and short kind of a reply, but it was enough, as Niall conveyed everything he didn’t say in other ways. The slow movement of his lips expressed affection and contentment, the soft way in which he cradled his face reflected calmness and serenity.  
  
The SOS lay forgotten for the time being.  
  


* * *

  
“I want to take you somewhere,” Niall said a few days later.  
  
Zayn blinked at him from where he was crouching beside their nest, hands already reaching up to pull his shirt off. It was past sunset already, the sky dark, and the air chilly. He was just about to take his clothes off and settle down when Niall appeared at the entrance of the cave with another one of his ideas. “Right… now?” Zayn asked uncertainly, looking at him with an expression that he hoped conveyed how much he was opposed to the idea.   
  
“Yeah.” Niall smiled at him, seemingly completely unconscious of Zayn’s tiredness and reluctance.   
  
“Can’t we go tomorrow morning?” Zayn suggested, and for a moment, when Niall made his way toward him, he hoped that Niall would actually take mercy on him and settle to bed with him, but all shred of hope was shuttered when Niall tugged him up to his feet. “Nope,” Niall replied. “It won’t be there tomorrow morning.”  
  
Zayn frowned. For a moment he thought he hadn't heard him right, which was quite a high possibility, considering how tired and sleepy he was. Was he dreaming already? A dream about magical portals vanishing into thin air at the first ray of sun? He looked at Niall dumbly for a few moments, trying to find sense in his words. “What is it supposed to mean?”  
  
“You’ll see when we get there.”  
  
“Is it a surprise again?” Zayn sighed, and rubbed his eye tiredly. He’d be more than content to just lie down and doze off, preferably with Niall by his side. That sounded to him much more appealing than anything Niall might have in mind for them. He certainly didn’t think that things that wouldn’t be there tomorrow morning were worth his lack of sleep.  
  
“Yep. So are you coming or not?”  
  
“Okay, okay, coming,” Zayn said against his better judgment, bitterness and annoyance evident in his voice. Niall didn’t seem to notice, and if he did, he didn’t comment on it. It was clear that he would have his way one way or another, and that Zayn was completely helpless when it came to Niall's adventures. So he let Niall pull him out of the cave and toward the unknown, wondering what Niall might have in store for him this time. 

There had been times when Niall was adamant he saw lizards and frogs, so Zayn readily started to go in the direction of the woods, but as Niall grabbed his hand and pulled him in the other direction, it became clear that they were going in the direction of the beach. 

And as Niall led him toward the shore, the smooth blanket of the sand soft under their feet, Zayn understood that Niall was actually leading him toward the sea.  
  
He stopped them a few yards away from the water, and prompted Niall to look at him. “What’s wrong?” Niall murmured, apparently sensing his tension.  
  
“Are we going to get into the water?”  
  
“Err… yes. Will that be a problem?”  
  
Zayn chewed on his bottom lip, and spared the ocean another look. The milky moon was halfway through the black sky, its feeble light catching the few clouds that surrounded it, and illuminating the rising and falling waves that made their way to the shore. He watched as a few of the stronger ones shattered against the rocks, marveling at their force and might, and at the loud and wet sound of the water hitting the hard and solid stone. It looked to him wild, and he shivered at the thought of actually getting inside.  
  
“It depends…” he finally said, unsure. “You want me to go on a night swim with you?”  
  
“Something like that, but not really.” Niall raised the hand that wasn’t holding Zayn’s to brush his fingers against the smooth skin of his cheek, a gesture that always softened Zayn. It made him feel weak to his knees every time Niall touched him like that, with soft and gentle intentions. "You'll see."  
   
Zayn lowered his gaze to the dark sand at his feet, not feeling all that sleepy anymore, but rather on alert, the fresh and the cool air that the breeze brought sharpening him. Niall tapped his cheek lightly to catch his attention, and said, “Hey, don’t get all that serious. It’ll be all right, you’ll see. You know you can trust me.”  
  
“You must be crazy if you think I can swim in a stormy sea,” Zayn shook his head.  
  
“It’s not stormy,” Niall chuckled. “Believe me, I would know. And we won’t go deep at all,” Niall reassured him. “And you have me right next to you. I’ll keep you safe, you know I will.”  
  
Niall was asking for a lot. Zayn only recently went into the sea for the first time, and had been there only a few times since. He felt more comfortable in his own skin now, and didn’t freak out the moment his body got enveloped by thick layers of water, but he still didn’t know how to swim. He wouldn’t be able to swim against the currents and the force of the waves, let alone when it was so dark that he could barely distinguish the sea from the land. He was completely dependent on Niall. No matter how much he trusted him, he still didn't like that kind of helplessness.   
  
Zayn looked back at Niall’s face. He barely could make out something besides his sparkling eyes, that shone now like the stars above, but that was enough. Something in their softness made him untense enough to ask, “We’ll stay close to the shore?”  
  
“Yes, we’ll stay close,” Niall promised.  
  
“Niall, just tell me what this is about—“  
  
"You'll find out soon."  
  
“Niall,” Zayn said in frustration, because he deserved at least to know why he was dragged out of his bed and supposed to get into the water. Though when Niall pulled him into him, and hugged him close to his chest, he left off fighting.  
  
“Hey, it’s okay,” Niall murmured against the side of his neck. “We don’t want to spoil the surprise, do we?”  
  
Zayn laughed in disbelief, and stepped out of the embrace. “Just hope you’re not going to abandon me somewhere.”  
  
“Can’t promise that,” Niall said cheekily. Zayn was pretty sure he was smirking, but he couldn’t tell for sure. “So, are you okay with going with me?"  
  
“I think I am,” Zayn replied.  
  
“Good,” Niall murmured, and smoothed his hands down Zayn’s body to tug at the material of his shirt. “Can I take this off?”  
  
Zayn nodded, and wordlessly raised his arms, and Niall slowly raked the shirt up his torso, his fingers burning his skin in their wake, and Zayn shivered involuntarily when his bare skin made contact with the chilly night air. Niall placed it over his shoulder as he knew throwing Zayn’s clothes on the ground wasn’t a good idea, and moved both hands to caress down Zayn’s sides, causing goosebumps to break out on his skin.  
  
He slid his hands behind Zayn’s body to caress swiftly at his back, and then dragged them down to the waistband of his jeans with a silent question. Zayn placed his hands warmly over Niall’s, and that encouraged Niall to unbutton his trousers, and pull the zipper down. That was probably the closest Niall had ever been to his crotch, but he didn’t say a word; he barely breathed as Niall slid his faded denim down his legs and waited for Zayn to step out of them, before hanging them over his shoulder as well. Zayn thought he was good to go, but then Niall’s fingers were at his hips, just above the band of his briefs, and he swallowed when he realized how close Niall was, their bodies almost pressed together.  
  
“Can I take this off, too?” Niall whispered into his ear, and Zayn’s breath hitched, and his pulse quickened at the same time the place behind his ears grew hot.  
  
“Niall,” he whimpered, overwhelmed.   
  
“Only if you’re comfortable with it, though,” Niall murmured, still into his ear. “It's a pity to get them wet.”  
  
Zayn thought about it for a long minute. He was so close to Niall that he could barely think with his brain, but rather with other parts, and he almost went along with it, and let Niall pull the last article of clothing down, as the heat gathering between them made him dizzy, and Niall’s hands on his skin made it tingle, but at the last moment he changed his mind. “No,” he said finally. He wasn’t ready for that, not yet. It was too soon, and while he didn’t think Niall was suggesting anything by that, he still couldn’t be sure that it wouldn’t lead to other things. For now what was important was being comfortable, and being around Niall with their pricks out would make things awkward. Falling asleep with leaves around his hips wasn’t the most convenient thing in the world, but it would have to do.  
  
Fearing that he sounded too rude and made things awkward, he immediately added, “I mean, I don’t— It’s not that—“  
  
“Zayn.” Niall’s firm tone stopped his rumbling, and the blonde haired boy raised his arms to gently hold Zayn’s shoulders. “It’s okay. More than okay. And you don’t have to give me reasons to justify that. And I’m sorry…” Niall’s voice turned hesitant, shy. “Didn’t mean to cross the line.”  
  
“We’re good,” Zayn said quietly. It felt like something needed to be said. “Just… too soon.”  
  
“Too soon, got it,” Niall nodded, and leaned in to kiss his cheek in apology, and just like that the presence on Zayn’s shoulders was gone, and instead the unforgiving wind reached his bare skin and erased any hint of warmth that had dwelled there. He watched as Niall walked to the area with the rocks scattered at, and as he shed off his own clothing, before arranging their clothes on one of the rocks. He returned, his silhouette barely visible in this darkness, and after some fumbling, he managed to find Zayn’s hand and twine it with his. “Ready?”

“I guess?” Zayn stated it as a question. It was one of the things that he could never really prepare for. But Niall just squeezed his hand, and Zayn squeezed his in return, and with that they stepped into the water. At the first touch of freezing water against his bare foot, a shiver went up Zayn’s spine. He recoiled, and hissed when a small wave reached his calves.   
  
“It’s cold,” he needlessly informed Niall. “It’s really cold.”  
  
“It is,” Niall agreed, though he didn’t seem to care about it as much as Zayn did. He didn’t even shiver as they went in a foot deeper, but when Zayn’s teeth started to clatter, Niall frowned. “Is it really that bad? We can go back if it’s too much.”  
  
“I can try to bear with it,” Zayn said, curling unconsciously toward Niall, always seeking his warmth. “I just hope I don’t get pneumonia after this.”  
  
“Just keep moving,” Niall suggested. “Of course you’ll get sick if you don’t create heat. You’ll get used to the water eventually.”  
  
“I’m more sensitive to the cold than you,” Zayn pointed out as they resumed wading forward. “What do you have under your skin that you’re so warm all the time?”  
  
“It’s called sturdiness. Or perhaps tolerance, of which you obviously have zero,” Niall teased.  
  
“Oh, yeah? Then maybe I should head back,” Zayn said, and tore his hand out of Niall’s hold before turning around. He barely made half a step back before Niall had his arms wrapped around his back, murmuring no’s and don’ts into his neck.  
  
“I mean that I just have a faster metabolism, it seems,” he said. “Come on, don’t go now.”  
  
“Then damn be nice,” Zayn demanded. Niall bit his earlobe in response, and Zayn yelped, and turned back to come face to face with a laughing Niall. “What did I just say now?”  
  
Niall surged forward to kiss him, but his aim was off, and his lips landed instead on his chin. He chuckled, before cupping Zayn’s cheek to make it easier for him to find Zayn’s lips in the dark. Zayn reciprocated the kiss softly, lingering when Niall brought his other hand up to cup the other side of Zayn’s face. Niall pulled back with a final lick to Zayn’s bottom lip, and brushed their noses together as he murmured, “I love it when you pretend to be annoyed. You’re cute.”  
  
Zayn playfully bit Niall’s, and the other boy just pecked him a couple more times, before leaning back and saying, “It’s getting cold staying in one place. Let’s keep going.”  
  
Zayn made to move farther into the ocean, but Niall pulled him to the right instead, and said, “This way. We’re not going deep. It’s just the only way to reach that place.”  
  
“What the hell is it, Atlantis?”  
  
“Yeah,” Niall laughed. “I’m taking you there.”  
  
“I’d rather you take me home, but whatever…” It was a lame attempt at trying to make a joke out of the situation, but when Niall turned serious all of a sudden, Zayn started to regret mentioning that.  
  
“I would take you there if I could,” Niall mumbled. “Wish I knew at least where the hell we are.”  
  
“It doesn’t matter,” Zayn said. “We’re here, and we have each other, and this is what matters, yeah?”  
  
Niall turned to look at him at that, and he squinted his eyes as if trying to make out Zayn’s expression. “It’s weird,” he started to say, “to hear you say something like that.”  
  
“I guess I’m just starting to come to terms with things…”  
  
They waded at waist level now, Zayn more used to the low temperature by now. They moved in a horizontal line to the beach, making their way toward the place where the island turned into rocky mountains. Some waves seemed to him dangerous enough to crash them against the rocks, but somehow they just passed them silently and calmly.  
  
“Yeah?”  
  
Zayn hummed. “I don’t feel as out of place as I did before.”  
  
“What has changed your mind?” Niall asked.  
  
Zayn turned his head to the side to hide the small, shy smile that appeared on his lips. He didn’t reply, but he intertwined their hands again between their bodies.  
  
“Do we have a long way still?” he asked instead.  
  
“No. You’ll see it soon enough. Let’s say that it’s something impossible to miss.”  
  
Zayn turned his gaze back on him to study his face. “Should I be afraid, Horan?”  
  
“Relax, I’m not going to feed you to a sea monster,” Niall chuckled.   
  
Zayn pulled his hand out of the water to trace Niall’s mouth with his fingers, always fascinated with the way his lips stretched around smile. Niall circled his wrist with his own fingers, and pressed the palm of Zayn’s hand against his mouth, kissing it softly. Zayn opened his mouth to say something else, but kept silent as Niall lowered his hand to his chest, letting Zayn feel the static beat of his heart.   
  
“You know I’ll never let anything happen to you,” Niall murmured.   
  
Zayn raised his gaze from where he was staring at his hand on Niall’s chest, and gasped at the way Niall’s eyes suddenly shone brightly. The glow was so fleeting that after a moment it vanished, leaving Zayn staring at him in wonder.   
  
“Your eyes,” he found himself murmuring.   
  
Niall nodded with his head forward, and Zayn slowly turned around to see what Niall was gesturing at. His breath got caught in his throat when the foam of the wave ahead of them glowed blue before shuttering in a spectacle of bright light. He gasped as another wave approached, outlined with the same distinct shine.   
  
“Don’t be afraid,” Niall whispered, and Zayn realized he had been squeezing his hand too hard. He relaxed his hold a bit, but still eyed with alert the glowing waves that suddenly surrounded them.  
  
“How…?” Zayn mumbled, his eyes wide as sparks of glow appeared and then disappeared into the depths of the ocean.  
  
Niall shrugged. He pulled them silently forward into the sea of glamour before them. Zayn exhaled shakily as a glowing wave shattered against him, but nothing happened. It didn’t sting or harm his skin. The water was the same, except for the exotic color.   
  
“Is it real?” he asked as he carefully swiped a hand through the water, curious beneath his wariness. He sucked on a tight breath as his movement triggered the water around his hand to glow, but as he raised it to inspect it, no color lingered on his palm.  
  
“Tell me you,” Niall replied.  
  
Zayn frowned. Was his mind playing tricks on him? Because as much as he was concerned, the sea couldn’t emit lights. “But how…” Zayn said again. “It doesn’t…” It didn’t make any sense.  
  
And yet, he was definitely seeing this. The glowing blue was spreading over the sea, sweeping toward the rocky shore, shuttering against the base of the cliffs.   
  
“It’s beautiful, isn’t it?” Niall said.  
  
Something suddenly occurred to Zayn. “This is what you wanted to show me?”   
  
“Yes,” Niall admitted quietly. “I was just as perplexed the first time I saw it, and I might be a little embarrassed to admit I thought it was alienly related.”   
  
In all honesty, Zayn didn’t think the idea was unlikely. He observed the blue glow that surrounded the steep beach just at the edge of the mountain; if it could be considered a beach, that was it. He wondered if it was a side effect of the light of the moon.   
  
And when Zayn realized Niall was leading them to walk in the luminous area that surrounded the narrow beach, he tugged urgently at his hand to catch his attention. “We don’t know what it is. You sure it’s a good idea?”  
  
“I know it doesn’t cause any harm,” Niall assured him. “I’ve swum in it before. It’s just like a normal water.”  
  
As if on cue, Niall dived into the shining water, a trail of blue light following him as he swam away. The light illuminated his figure well enough that Zayn could make him out almost perfectly in the darkness. It looked peculiar, peculiar and magnificent, the way Niall’s body was outlined like that in the water, the way he was washed by a cerulean aura. He wondered if his eyes in the mornings were the same color of this water.  
  
Zayn watched him swim for a minute, before going to crouch in the shallow waters, taking in the unearthly natural phenomenon before his eyes. It was so beautiful, the way the sea seemed almost like someone painted on it, the way he could make out every little drop that glowed brightly as it shuttered against the beach. And as he looked at the starry night, and at the black ocean far away that mingled with the as much dark sky, he found himself completely mesmerized.   
  
A hand on his leg brought him back from his daze, and he looked down to see Niall in front of him. He let his fingers wind themselves in his damp hair, brushing it back so it wouldn’t fall into his eyes. Niall nuzzled into his touch, pressing his cheek against Zayn’s knee.  
  
“Think I understand now why you said it wouldn’t be here tomorrow morning.”  
  
“Quite tricky, isn’t it?” Niall said. Zayn examined the glow that erupted with every movement the hand he had inside of the water made, before drawing it out to see it disappear. Niall took his hand, and brushed his fingers over the center of his palm, before bringing their hands back to the water, and they both watched the blue that surrounded them. “Maybe we can bring something to gather this water with next time. Imagine having this at our camp, would serve as a lighting.”  
  
But Zayn wasn’t really listening, he was more preoccupied with the way their hands looked in the ocean.  
   
“Plankton,” he said suddenly.  
  
“Sorry?”  
  
“A plankton,” Zayn repeated. “This is what it is. I’ve read about it before. Some sort of a plankton that produces light.”  
  
“Yeah?” Niall looked around himself. “Might be.”  
  
Zayn hummed. He sat back as Niall emerged out of the water, and watched as he climbed the steep beach to sit against the rock behind it. Zayn shivered as he went out of the water too, the chill night air harsh against his bare and damp skin. Niall helped him climb the few steps to the top, and immediately wrapped an arm around him when he settled next to him to share warmth. He looked down and marvelled at the few patches of glow that were washed to the sand.  
  
“We can only go here at nights, when the tide doesn’t flood this whole place,” Niall informed him. “Can you believe it’s completely under at day?”  
  
“When did you find this place?”  
  
Niall seemed to think for a moment, and then he replied, “Not too long ago, in one of my night swims.” Zayn watched as he dug his toes into the damp sand. “Wanted to tell you about it before that,” he answered the unspoken question. “But I wanted to show it to you. I mean, how can I express this with words? And you probably wouldn’t’ve believed me anyway.”  
  
“Why would you think that?” Zayn asked indignantly.   
  
Niall chuckled, and pinched his shin. “You don’t take me seriously half of the time,” he sighed. “I would’ve taken you here earlier, but you know…”   
  
“Yeah… So, this is where you’ve been sneaking to at nights, hmm?” Zayn turned to look at Niall’s profile. It was partially illuminated by the light from below, and it sharpened his soft features, giving him a more mature look.  
  
That had Niall smiling to himself. He shrugged, before saying, “Can you blame me? This place has this serene atmosphere around it. Whenever I come here, I feel disconnected from the world. It’s one of those things that can never grow old.”  
  
“There is something in what you say,” Zayn murmured. “So this is where you went whenever you wanted to think?”  
  
“There were times I did,” Niall admitted, “because it’s completely isolated and in the middle of nowhere, but sometimes I just want a refuge. Like, when things get too much, and I just need to collect myself.”  
  
Zayn placed a warm hand over Niall’s bare thigh in what he hoped was an expression of sympathy, of comfort.   
  
“People often assume I’m not affected much by things, but it’s not entirely true, not really. Things get to me to, I have my breakdowns and rough moments too. And when I’m homesick, or really upset, I go to quiet places like that to calm down and think. And…” Niall curled into himself, looking vulnerable and fragile in a way Zayn had seen only once before, after he had turned down that kiss months ago. “I try to be strong, I swear. I know that I need to be strong for you, and for me, too, that I need to keep going and not give up, but sometimes I feel like I just can’t take anymore…”  
  
“Niall,” Zayn whispered, overwhelmed. He hadn’t known this. In his ignorance and internal struggles, he had forgotten to look after Niall as well, to make sure he was okay. And hearing this, that Niall was trying to deal with his own struggles by himself, broke his heart. Niall, who was trying to be strong for the both of them, who never dared to share his own doubts with him, who always was there for him to comfort him and offer him a hand, while he sucked it up, and closeted himself in isolated placed where Zayn wouldn’t see the true effects of the situation on him. Zayn, who had accused him unjustly for trying to sabotage their chances of getting out of here. Zayn, who was blind to how he was truly feeling.   
  
“I’m sorry,” he whispered, feeling suddenly choked up.   
  
“What are you sorry for?” Niall asked with a sigh, curling closer to him so he could rest his head on Zayn’s shoulder.   
  
“I’m so sorry,” he repeated, ignoring him. “You don’t deserve this.”  
  
That had Niall whipping his head to look at him, but Zayn just shook his head in distress. “You’ve been strong for a long time. You’ve supported me more times than I can count, and I can’t thank you enough for all the times you’ve raised me up when I felt I didn’t have any more power left in me to keep going. And I think now it’s the time I’ll be strong for you, too. You know you have me, and that I’ll listen you out, and be there for you… So, it’s okay to not be strong all the time. We’re just humans, after all. We all have our moments. And this is the thing, isn’t it? Being strong for each other…”  
  
“Thank you, Zee,” Niall murmured, voice soaked with raw emotion. “It means a lot, more than you think.”  
  
“Don’t worry about that, then,” Zayn said quietly, fingers reaching up to stroke Niall’s hair. “Let me worry about you sometimes, too.”  
  
“I…” Niall murmured, but then he trailed off.  
  
“Yeah?”  
  
Niall shook his head fondly, and said, “Just feel lucky, I guess.”  
  
They stayed like that for some time, the moon steadily rising higher and higher in the sky as the time ticked by; Zayn stroking Niall’s hair, Niall tracing patterns on the palm of Zayn’s other hand. The moment was frail and delicate, their calm breathing an echo to the quiet rustle of the sea.  
  
“So, what do you think about this place?” Niall asked, playing with Zayn’s fingers now. “Don’t recall you saying anything.”  
  
“It’s nice,” Zayn said after breathing in the fresh air. “Calming.”  
  
“Glad you like it,” Niall smiled.  
  
Zayn sighed in contentment. “Thank you for taking me here,” he said quietly.  
  
“Thank you for coming here with me,” Niall replied, and pressed his lips to Zayn’s jaw.  
  
“I might fall asleep here,” Zayn said lowly, eyelids drooping.    
  
“Well, I would’ve let you, technically. But you can’t, unless you want to wake up in the middle of the sea tomorrow.”  
  
“There’s no way I would be able to go back now,” Zayn protested. “Not on my own, at least.”  
  
“No,” Niall laughed, and poked his stomach. “I’m not going to carry you, you lazy bum.”  
  
“Please?” Zayn tried to muster his best sleepy pout.    
  
“It’s a short way,” Niall insisted. “We’ll be faster this time around.”  
  
“‘M too tired, Niall…”  
  
“Fine,” Niall said with a sigh. “I’ll do it, but you so owe me later.”  
  
“Anything you want,” Zayn slurred sleepily as Niall tugged him to his feet and pulled him to the sea again. He hissed when his skin made contact with the even chillier than before water.  
  
“Watch your words,” Niall murmured. “You’re making a deal with the devil.”  
  
Niall pulled him inside to waist level, and hoisted a half-asleep Zayn on his back. “Christ, you’re much heavier when you’re like that.”  
  
“Shuddup,” Zayn huffed, mildly offended. “Didn’t hear you complaining before…”  
  
“Don’t tell me to shut up, I’m carrying you! I’m being nice, you ungrateful ape.”  
  
“You  _are_  nice,” Zayn agreed, and pressed a kiss to Niall’s neck to pacify him. He giggled then uncontrollably, and Niall asked, bemused, “What?”  
  
“Nothing, just… it’s nice. I’m kinda really happy right now, feel like nothing bad could happen and ruin this.”  
  
“Yeah?”  
  
“Yeah. Not even a shark.”  
  
“Please don’t talk about sharks right now. At night I can’t even see them coming.”  
  
“Don’t worry about that, the only shark you should worry about is me.” Zayn giggled again, and bit Niall’s neck for a good measure.   
  
“You’re so out of it, babe,” Niall laughed.  
  
“Just tired…” Zayn nuzzled into Niall’s nape, and his hold around Niall’s shoulders went slack.  
  
“Don’t fall asleep on me,” Niall grumbled. “We’ll be there soon.”  
  
“’S hard…”  
  
Even though he held sleep off, it was a matter of seconds for him to fall asleep the moment his head made contact with their nest, leaves wrapped carelessly around his hips, and Niall’s arm draped around him.


	18. Chapter 18

Low palms that still produced coconuts turned to be a rarity in the area around their camp, so Niall and Zayn had to go far in order to find coconut trees that weren’t too high for Niall to climb. Zayn might be a bit bemused with the amount of coconuts they had wiped out; he hadn’t really realized what a hazard they had been until they had crossed half the wood to find this tree Niall was currently climbing.   
  
He watched Niall’s movements as he held onto the fronds that seemed so unstable and fragile, even though Niall had assured him many times before that those leaves were strong enough to keep him up. Niall used to take the whole coconut harvesting deal upon himself, but now that he was forced to go that far for a tree that falling from wouldn’t kill him (apparently), it made going after coconuts a tedious chore as he usually couldn’t carry back more than a few coconuts, and the leaf bags were too thin to bear a load of coconuts. So by taking Zayn along with him, they managed to double the number of coconuts they brought back, and the trip was less boring. Or at least that was what Niall had said as he dragged him here.   
  
“Niall, I think it’s enough,” Zayn said once Niall had plucked the sixth coconut.  
  
Niall wordlessly started to climb down, careful to not lose his footing, and once he was a few feet away from the ground, he hopped down, and started to gather the coconuts. Zayn did the same, and once he had an armful, Niall turned to him and said, “Can you manage, or I’ll take one?”  
  
Zayn frowned. “I’m not a weakling. I can carry those…” And as if to make a point, he hugged the coconuts possessively to his chest.  
  
“Of course you can,” Niall said. “Just made sure you’re comfortable.”  
  
“You have enough, anyway. It wouldn’t be fair to make you carry more…”  
  
“I wouldn’t mind, you know that,” Niall said quietly, and they started to head back.  
  
A minute into their walk Zayn felt a drop of water hitting his nose, and he glanced up at the sky, which turned grey and thick with clouds. “It’s starting to rain.”

  
Niall looked up too for a brief moment, and grimaced when a drop got him in the eye. “Come on, let’s go faster…”  
  
Zayn tried to move faster, but it was easier said than done. No matter how often he walked those woods, he still stumbled upon the rocks and the plants. It seemed like he couldn’t shake off his city boy image, and the heavy and big coconuts in his hands weren't helping at all. He had to be extra cautious now, for he wouldn’t have his hands to catch him if he fell. Niall could walk much easily, Zayn knew that, but he matched his pace to Zayn’s, and well, judging by the thunder that rolled across the steadily darkening sky, they were in trouble.

The wind whistled through the trees, and enveloped them for a long moment with its chilly embrace, before moving with increasing speed toward the treetops, prompting them to let out pained groans when the leaves were torn from them and added to the swirl of dirt and dust that was carried farther in the woods. A drizzle started to fall, a few cool drops catching them even beneath all these trees.  
  
But the relative peace didn’t last for long. The rain turned heavier in a matter of seconds, and while the thick and dense trees protected them at first from most of the downfall, soon enough the leaves gave up under the constant assault, and water started to dampen their clothes.   
  
“Shit,” Zayn cursed under his breath, and he looked at Niall meaningfully at the same time the other boy turned to look at him.  
  
“Run?” Niall suggested, smiling at him nervously.  
  
“Err… Don’t really have a way around this one, do we?”  
  
“No, come on,” Niall said, before breaking into a run, and Zayn hurried to catch up to him, already panting at the strain of running while carrying those fruit in his hands.  
  
“Oh my God!” Niall cried out when the rain turned stronger, and mercilessly poured onto their poor bodies. Zayn caught a glimpse of him squeezing his eyes shut for a moment, and the next he felt his feet leaving the ground, and he would’ve been face down already if not for the hand that reached out to steady him, two of his coconuts, of which he had accidentally let go, already rolling down a slope.  
  
“That was close,” Zayn muttered, his breathing unsteady.   
  
“Careful,” Niall scolded him, balancing with a great effort his coconuts with one arm.  
  
“Thanks,” Zayn managed through a shaky exhale.  
  
“No problem, come on, Zayn…” Niall urged him on.  
  
“The coconuts…” Zayn said breathlessly, gesturing feebly toward the place where they had scattered away from him. He only had one left now.  
  
“Fuck them,” Niall gritted out. His tone softened, though, when he asked, “You’re not hurt by any chance, are you?”  
  
“No, no,” Zayn blinked the water out of his eyes, the droplets catching at his eyelashes. He took a coconut out of Niall’s arms to even them out. “I’m fine. Let’s go.”  
  
Niall kept a hold of his hand as he led them forward, trying desperately to get away from the clouds above. Zayn almost slipped twice on the slippery ground, and every time was close to bringing Niall down with him too. Water dripped down the sides of his face and the ridge of his face, and he could see it lingering at the hairs at Niall’s nape, before sliding down beneath the collar of his shirt. Niall shivered at the sudden coldness, but didn’t falter, almost as if he didn’t feel anything.  
  
Another thunder rumbled above them, and then another, mere moments later, the loud roar shaking the ground, and urging them to pick up their pace.  
  
“I told you it was going to rain,” Zayn snapped. “You should listen to me sometimes.”  
  
“I didn’t think it’d catch us,” Niall said with a resigned tone.  
  
“We’re so fucked,” Zayn said, and laughed all of a sudden, as he just couldn’t bring himself to do anything else. The situation was just so bizarre. His shoes and socks were completely soaked, his shirt sticking to his body, and his jeans not much better. Could it get any worse?  
  
“God, yes.” Niall let out a small chuckle as well. “Hey, don’t go that fast, you’ll stumble again.”  
  
“It happened only because I wasn’t watching my footing,” Zayn said.  
  
“Watch where you’re going, then,” Niall said, his voice sounding so far away now.  
  
“Can’t,” Zayn said, his voice barely audible to even himself above the thrumming and the battering of the downpour. “I can hardly see something.”  
  
And it was true. The rain was so heavy that his vision was blurred, and he could barely see 3 feet away. The wind blew at their faces, and caused goosebumps to rise on his bare arms. The water continued to slide down their bodies, and soak them to their bones, and he shivered uncontrollably when he felt it gathering at his lower back. Niall wrapped an arm around his frame, and Zayn leaned into it, realizing that he was slowing them, but he couldn’t bring himself to go any faster. A lightning struck the ground not far away from them, and a deafening roar was heard moments later, and the rain turned so strong suddenly that he couldn’t see a thing expect of bright flashes, and they had to break apart in order to grope for tree trunks ahead of them.  
  
And apparently trees weren’t their only worry, because Zayn’s foot collided with a bush, and he was falling down, his free hand reaching out to catch himself, and Niall’s arm flying toward him to block the impact, but it was too late.   
  
They landed right into a puddle of freezing water, the water splashing over their already soaking wet bodies, and Zayn gasped out a choked ‘sorry’, fingernails digging into the mud, and Niall murmured a soothing, ‘it’s okay, it’s okay, nothing happened,’ and caressed a hand down his back, before straightening slowly, coconuts still in arm, undamaged. He almost tripped again, and held onto Zayn’s shoulder to steady himself, and then he succeeded in rising out of the puddle, and tried to haul Zayn up too, but their hands were too slippery, so it took a few tries for them to maintain a hold strong enough to pull Zayn out.  
  
“I’m so done with this storm,” Zayn muttered.  
  
“Me too,” Niall panted.  
  
Zayn looked down at his coconuts that still lay in the puddle, covered in mud by now, and decided to forget about them. They had more pressing matters right now. Niall didn’t say anything as they just went away, even wetter and colder than before.  
  
Zayn’s teeth clattered, and he shook violently, and as he squinted his eyes as best as he could to see through the falling water drops, he noticed a broad tree a few yards away that seemed to be a cover good enough.  
  
He pulled Niall toward it, and Niall seemed confused until he saw it too. They stepped under the tree branches, close to the trunk, the rain pouring around them, but barely reaching them now.  
  
Niall let out the breath he seemed to be holding for a while now, and put the two remaining coconuts down, before resting his hand against the wood. He panted hard, eyes closed and mouth open as he gasped for air. His hair was a complete mess, standing in every single direction, getting into his eyes, and dripping wet onto his clothes, that were already creating a puddle on the damp ground they stood on.  
  
“Niall,” Zayn said carefully, watching him with concern.  
  
“I’m fine,” Niall opened his eyes and looked at him. “Just give me a moment.”  
  
Niall’s face was pale from the cold and the strain, and his lips were shifting to blue, so Zayn found himself taking a few steps toward him, and resting a hand on his back as Niall calmed down.  
  
"You okay?” Niall asked once he looked at him.  
  
“Apart from the fact that I’m wet to my bones, yes.” Zayn smiled.  
  
Niall returned it, his grin fond and sincere, like he wasn’t hiding under a tree from the storm that drenched him to his bones. And it never went unnoticed by him, the way Niall made things look much less bad than they were, the way he was full of energy and motivation even in the hardest moments, and the way he could make Zayn forget about everything with a smile. And when Niall was smiling, the whole world was smiling right back at him, and Zayn was filled with immediate warmth and affection, and a strong desire to keep it that way.  
  
So he fitted his hand over the wet collar of Niall’s shirt, smoothed it out from where it was hanging awkwardly against Niall’s body, and trailed his fingers up to Niall’s cool and damp nape. Niall didn’t move, just watched Zayn’s ministrations quietly, and complied easily when Zayn leaned in to kiss him. His lips were the coolest he’d ever felt them, but he didn’t care, because warmth sipped into him from the place they were touching.  
  
And it was so strange, feeling so warm inside and so cold outside, but right now, he could pretend that he was warm everywhere, and maybe it would turn into reality.  
  
“What are you doing?” Niall whispered against his lips when Zayn pushed him against the bark.  
  
“Not sure,” Zayn replied briefly, aware of what a stupid response that was, but he didn’t care. He just breathed hot air into Niall’s mouth, before closing his lips over Niall’s again. All he knew was that he wanted to make things better, wanted to keep the smile on Niall’s face, and wanted his lips to gain back their natural pink color. Wanted to taste the raindrops off Niall’s skin, wanted to drown in his touch, smell, and feel. Wanted them to be close, shield that fragile ball of warmth between their bodies from the rain and the cold, where it would be safe, and protected enough to grow and blossom. He wanted them to let that fluttering heartbeat extend to a size big enough to envelop their beings with it, and create a little world that consisted just of Zayn and Niall. A place where the sun always shone, and the sky was forever bright.  
  
“I like this plan, though,” Niall laughed into his mouth. “Very helpful.”  
  
“Shut up,” Zayn huffed, and pulled on Niall’s lips to get him to do so.  
  
Niall gladly did as told, and crashed their lips with such an enthusiasm that their teeth clashed for a painful moment, before licking into Zayn’s mouth, his tongue curling against his. His hands slid down Zayn’s body, and lifted the hem of his shirt that stuck to his skin, before raking his fingers up his back, fingernails just shy of grazing the skin.  
  
_Yes_ , Zayn thought,  _Niall, yes._  
  
He pressed Niall harder against the wood, one of his hands going up to cup the back of Niall’s head to avoid it from colliding with the rough surface behind him, and Niall swept his tongue against his upper lip, before giggling as they broke apart, like anything in this situation was supposed to be funny.  
  
He looked up at Zayn with glistening eyes and a soft expression, and he retreated his hands from under Zayn’s shirt to trail them slowly back up to his collarbones, and then neck, and at last face. He wiped a drop that slid down Zayn’s cheek, and mumbled, almost as an afterthought, “Jesus, you’re completely soaked.”  
  
“Thanks for clarifying that,” Zayn bit back a grin. Niall softly grazed his jaw, and thumbed at his cheekbone, and he looked shy, almost hesitant, and yet so fascinated with touching Zayn’s face like that, his eyes bright and searching, and he leaned in to peck Zayn’s lips, and said after another little chuckle, “I’ve always wanted to kiss someone in a rain.”  
  
Zayn snorted at that, because well, if that wasn’t very cheesy.  
  
“Hey,” Niall furrowed his brows. “Don’t laugh. I’m pouring my heart here.”  
  
“You’re watching too many Hollywood movies,” Zayn shook his head hopelessly.  
  
“Maybe,” Niall said thoughtfully, his fingers tucking a stray strand of hair behind Zayn’s ear, hands lingering there, still cold, but not unpleasantly so. “Mind fulfilling them?”  
  
They leaned in at the same time, and Zayn didn’t know for how long they stood there, dripping wet and caught up in their kisses, but it must have been long enough for Niall to say, “The rain's weakened. Let’s go back before it gets strong again.”  
  
“That… yeah,” Zayn nodded.  
  
And then Niall was interweaving their hands, and pushing away from the tree, and the last thing Zayn expected was for him to say, “So, where are we going from here?”  
  
Zayn stared at him dumbfounded for a moment. “What do you mean where we are going from here? I thought… I thought you knew how to return.”  
  
Niall smiled at him sheepishly, and rubbed at the back of his neck, “I… I just sort of lost my sense of direction?”  
  
And just like that the moment was gone.  
  
“What?” Zayn was bewildered. “Did you get us lost?”  
  
“No,” Niall denied, too fast. “I… I’ll take a look around.”  
  
He stepped out of the shelter of the wide tree, looking right and then left, the rain having subsided by now to soft trickling, and even though it wasn’t to the same extent as before, Niall still got wet. If not directly from the rain, then from the huge drops that oozed from the trees. Zayn looked around them as well. He couldn’t even recognize where they were. The forest looked to him quite the same, no matter where he was. It was Niall who usually knew the ropes.  
  
Now, definitely, was the worst time for them to get lost. He wouldn’t let Niall live that one down if the next wave caught them before they reached safety.  
  
“Niall, please, think,” Zayn begged him, but Niall’s shoulders fell, and he turned to look at him. 

“I’m sorry, okay? I am.”  
  
“Niall, you… you got us lost,” Zayn stressed. “Now out of all times.”  
  
“Well, don’t throw all the blame on me." Niall folded his arms. “You’re guilty just as much as I am.”  
  
“I can’t believe this,” Zayn said in disbelief. “Can our luck get even shittier?”  
  
“Shh,” Niall shushed him. “Every time you say that, things get worse. Just don’t make it too easy for the devil to prove you wrong. I suppose we just go forward, and see from there?”  
  
“I’m going to kill you when we go back,” Zayn threatened.  
  
"No, you aren’t. You’re too fond of me to do that,” he said smugly, and pressed a kiss to the tip of Zayn’s nose. “You’re cold. Let’s keep going; don’t want to get sick, do we?”  
  
They gathered the remaining coconuts, and it was a few minutes into their walk under the slow drizzle that Niall said, “I know this tree,” he pointed toward a bent and crooked one to the left. “Alright, I think I know where we are. The rain’s getting stronger again, let’s hurry.”  
  
And Zayn followed Niall to wherever he was leading them, hoping to be soon in their cave, where he could climb under the covers and hide from the storm and drift off to sleep, but instead of coming to a familiar surrounding, Zayn found himself face to face with no other than the old rotten hut.  
  
“Niall,” he gasped, eyeing the terrifying building that looked now as unwelcoming as ever. The ramshackle walls looked gloomy, and the roof rickety, now having more breaches in it than before. It seemed like that little house was about to collapse, and perhaps those were its last years, if not months. The wind caused the door hinges to creak with a horrible sound that gave Zayn chills, the window that had been wide open the last time he was here-the only time he was here-was now completely closed and blocked, and if that wasn’t creepy, then what was?  
The tools that used to be buried in the sand, or just scattered around the yard were now long gone, an evidence to Niall’s simultaneously brave and stupid looting.  
  
But the rain was getting stronger, and Zayn knew they had no choice, so when Niall said, “I know you don’t like this place, but it’s the closest thing to a roof we have right now, so it would have to do," he didn’t even fight it.  
  
Anything was better than being outside right now, wasn’t it? And the promise of a dry place seemed to him quite promising, taking into account how cold he was, and how wet his clothes and shoes were.  
  
He didn’t like it one bit, but he still walked behind Niall as the boy slid the door open. And although Zayn expected it to fall, it dutifully stayed hooked to its place, and allowed them to enter the small room. Once they were inside, the wind blew the door shut behind them, and Zayn made a great effort to keep his breathing and heart rate at bay.  
  
“This place is creepy,” Zayn said as he took a look around the dark room they were in, having made only a few steps inside. Even in the darkness, Zayn could see how dirty the place was. Mud, leaves, and sticks that had gotten inside in the storms lay on the old wooden floor, and the breaches in the ceiling that enabled the rain to get inside made Zayn scrunch up his nose. Water drops dripped down with a soft pit-a-pat, and pooled in the already existent puddles that littered the floor. He and Niall were adding to the mess too, however, with their muddy shoes and wet clothes.  
  
“It’s just an old house,” Niall said as he put the coconuts on one of the cupboards. He then went to the window, and made sure it was completely closed. “And we’ll be here only for a little while.”  
  
Zayn sighed, and tugged on the collar of his shirt, meaning to take it off, but he searched first for a place to put it to dry on.  
  
The cupboards and the shelves were almost completely empty now, every trace that someone had lived here gone; a homey presence nowhere to be felt. Zayn felt like that hut was screaming at them to get out of there, and that they weren’t wanted there. What not, with the cupboards rattling this way, and the wooden floor creaking and squeaking with every move he made like it was groaning at the disturbance. He stopped before one of the cupboards that seemed to him quite dry, and put on it his wet clothes.  
  
It was cold to be almost bare in that small place that didn’t do much to block out the cold, but if he stayed with those wet clothes any longer, he’d surely get sick.  
He turned around and watched as Niall, already stripped to his shorts and sitting on the naked wooden bed, took his socks and shoes off. Zayn would have to make laundry again tomorrow; there was no other way around it. Those days, he did it more often than not.  
  
Niall settled for placing his shoes and socks on the floor, and Zayn reached out to take his shirt to put it neatly to dry too. And then Zayn just stood awkwardly in the middle of the room, not knowing what to do, the rough floor scraping at his bare feet.  
  
“Come here,” Niall murmured, and reached out to pull Zayn closer to himself, and the dark-haired boy ended up standing between Niall’s legs. He placed his hands on Zayn’s sides, and murmured as he dragged them up to his ribs, “You’re really cold. Wanna cuddle in the meanwhile?”  
  
“Ok,” Zayn said. It sounded to him like quite a good idea.  
  
Niall leaned his back against the wall on the single bed, and Zayn lay down on his side next to him, wincing at the roughness against his soft skin. Niall draped an arm around Zayn’s thin form, and they just stared at each other in silence as they took in each other’s remaining warmth.  
  
It was when Zayn sneezed, that Niall opened his mouth. “Didn’t catch a cold, did you?”  
  
Zayn sneezed again, and sniffled, and when he talked, his voice sounded gruff. “Maybe…”  
  
“This is the last thing we need.”  
  
“Sorry…” Zayn managed, and sniffed again. Why didn't tissue grow on trees?  
  
“What are you sorry for?”  
  
“Dunno, just felt the need to apologize…”  
  
“It’s not like it’s your fault that you’ve caught a cold,” Niall said lowly, and kissed Zayn’s nose affectionately. He then tucked Zayn to his chest, and threw a leg over Zayn’s waist, and Zayn drank in his warmth. They were more comfortable that way on the narrow surface, too.  
  
“Might infect you too,” Zayn said feebly.  
  
“Don’t care…” And after a beat of silence he added, “Shouldn’t have taken you with me today.”  
  
“It’s okay, Niall.”  
  
“At least we have something to eat here with us…”  
  
“Not very appetizing… I can manage perfectly without coconuts for the next 30 years or so.”  
  
“True,” Niall chuckled.  
  
“…Niall?”  
  
“Hmm?”  
  
“Think I’ll go to sleep for a while…”  
  
“Okay, maybe you’ll feel better after that. Dream about something nice…” Niall caressed his still damp hair in a way that always made Zayn go lax. “I’ll wake you up when the rain stops.”  
  
  
Zayn was woken up to the sound of something colliding with wood, and heard someone cursing under their breath a moment later. He turned around, and saw Niall crouching next to one of the cupboards, rubbing his head.  
  
“You okay there?” Zayn asked, voice gruff from sleep.  
  
Niall was startled, but when he saw Zayn was awake, he visibly relaxed. “Yeah… Sorry for waking you up.”  
  
Zayn looked at the breaches in the ceilings. Light still emerged through them. It was still day. “How long was I out?”  
  
“Perhaps for a couple of hours…” Niall said as he opened the cupboard door wider.  
  
“What are you doing?”  
  
“Well, I couldn’t fall asleep, and lying after a while became boring,” Niall said as he rummaged through the cupboard, “so I thought I might search for something to crack the coconuts with…”  
  
“Didn’t you transfer all the tools to the camp?” Zayn leaned onto his side to watch him closely, the lack of Niall’s warmth against his body prominent. At least he didn’t feel as poorly as before and was almost completely dry, except for his hair.  
  
“Yeah, seems like it…” Niall said as he closed the cupboard, and opened briefly another one. “Suppose we’ll have to do with a stone. Why there are no stones in the house?”  
  
Zayn smiled at that. “Is it still raining?”  
  
“Yeah,” Niall sighed, and studied the corner of one of the cupboards, his finger running over it. “Perhaps we’ll have to stay here for longer than we thought… Are you thirsty or hungry?”  
  
“No, I’m good,” Zayn replied.  
  
Niall picked up one of the coconuts, and angled it against the wooden corner. “You should drink, you know.”  
  
“You’re going to get the floor sticky,” Zayn warned.  
  
“So what?” was all Niall said before hitting the coconut hard against the edge of the cupboard. “Since when do you care about this place?”  
  
A dull thump was heard, and the blow had the husk tearing apart, leaving an opening for Niall to remove it with his hands.  
  
“I don’t,” Zayn said. “Still… Don’t really fancy stomping on it while going for my clothes.”  
  
“Don’t worry, I’ll be as careful as I can,” Niall said as he cleaned the brown shell off the tangle of fiber. Once he was finished, he placed the coconut on one of the shelves, and transferred Zayn’s clothes and shoes from the cupboards to the shelves as well to avoid the juice from splattering on them. “They are still very wet…” he commented.  
  
“Not surprised,” Zayn murmured.  
  
Niall then carefully tilted the coconut in a certain angle, and brought it down against the poor corner again, and a loud crack was heard. It wasn’t enough, though. Niall had to hit it a few more times. After two more hits, there was a big cut right in the middle that almost divided the thing in half, and Niall opened the rest with his hands. Some of the liquid indeed spilled down onto the floor, and Niall poured some coconut water from one shell into the other, and passed it to Zayn.  
  
“Thanks,” Zayn said quietly as he sat up to receive the drink.  
  
“You’re welcome,” Niall said, and sat down next to him, his drink almost completely downed already.  
  
Zayn took a few gulps, and then just balanced the shell on his lap.  
  
“Well, tell me something interesting about yourself,” Niall started. He placed his empty shell on the ground, ignoring the coconut meat. They didn’t have a way to cut it out, anyway.  
  
“Pretty sure I’ve told you already all the interesting stuff about me…” Zayn mumbled as he trailed his forefinger over the rim of the coconut. “I don’t know what else to tell you.”  
  
“There are a lot of things I still don’t know about you, though,” Niall said as he turned to look at him, but Zayn didn’t meet his gaze. “Like, who your friends are…”  
  
“I told you about them.”  
  
“Only their names, though.” There was a beat of silence, and then Niall said, “You don’t have to if you don’t want to…”  
  
Zayn shrugged, and said, “Don’t see what’s so interesting in it, but fine… So, you remember Liam, right? My best friend…”  
  
“Yeah.” Niall nodded. “The one you wanted to move in with this school year…”  
  
It felt like a stab to Zayn’s chest, the realization hitting him hard. Did Liam and the boys know what’d happened to him? Were they all living their lives, inching closer to graduation while he was still stuck here, in the middle of nowhere? He wondered what they looked like right now. If Liam still had that short trimmed haircut, and Harry was still growing his hair below his shoulders. He wondered if they still went to that shitty pub on weekends, if it was just the three of them there, or if someone else was occupying the seat Zayn took when they dragged him there. He wondered what they were up to, what had changed, what stayed the same. Had Liam stayed with his parents, or had he found another arrangement? Did Harry still work in that ice-cream shop? Did Louis still scoop that strawberry ball while Harry wasn’t looking? He hoped they all were doing well. He balled his hands, but then forced himself to unclench his fingers. There was no reason for him to get worked up over nothing.  
  
He just cleared his voice, and said, “Yeah, that one. So, we’ve been friends since a very young age, and well, we kind of grew up together. We became friends in elementary school, as I’d told you before, and we’ve gone also to the same high school, and now the same university. He’s like that really warm guy, who makes you want to be a better person, and makes you feel bad about yourself when he’s disappointed with you. Kinda a mother hen, honestly. Always used to worry about me, and watch after my arse…” Zayn bit his lip at the memories.  
  
“He sounds like a really nice guy.”  
  
“He is,” Zayn confirmed.  
  
“What does he look like?”  
  
“Pretty sure he still has a girlfriend,” Zayn grinned at him lopsidedly, and Niall’s smile vanished.  
  
“I didn’t mean it like that,” he hurried to explain, looking flustered. Zayn honestly expected him to play along, and not react like that. “You know you’re the only one on my mind…”  
  
“Very reassuring.” Zayn nodded teasingly, before describing his best friend. “He has the common look-brown short hair and brown eyes. Quite buffy, boyish face. Helps enough?”  
  
Niall chuckled. “How did you guys become friends?”  
  
“It’s kinda blurry in my head as it was so long ago, but it all goes back to my days in the elementary school. We used to be in the same class, me and Liam. And at first there was nothing, as I didn’t get along very well with the kids and mostly just sat in some quiet corner and drew. I’ve been an outsider my whole life, as much as a Muslim kid would be surrounded by white children. You would think kids don’t see color, but I was always reminded of how different I was. So I didn’t really find my place there, or had any friends.  
  
“And dunno,” Zayn scratched at his jaw. “It was a problem I faced almost everywhere I went... Anyways, Liam was an exception to that. He was always adamant that I come play with the kids in the playground, and he used to come sit with me during breaks to watch as I colored comic or something. He was always nice like that, and I turned him down so many times. I’m not even sure why. Perhaps I just couldn’t see that he sincerely wanted to be friends with me. I just remember being confused that someone was being this nice to me, and I was skeptic of the kids as I’d been burnt before.   
  
“But don’t understand me wrong. I was never ashamed of who I am. My parents taught me that my religion and skin color didn’t define who I was, and that I should never treat anyone differently just because they weren’t like me.”  
  
“Your parents are right. You should be proud of who you are.”  
  
“It’s not being proud…” Zayn frowned at his drink. “Being proud is wrong. It’s more about acceptance. I accept who I am, and don’t let others make me feel bad about it.”  
  
“I always stood my ground when people tried to hurt me,” Zayn continued the story. He was probably letting out too much information, exposing too many parts about himself, old pains and weaknesses, but once he started, he just couldn’t bring himself to stop. He’d never talked much about himself or let people into his mind. He could count them on one hand, the people who he’d recounted this to, and apparently Niall was about to enter that list too. “I have gotten into so many fights, sat in the principle’s room so many times.” Zayn shook his head as a swirl of voices screaming and yelling, hits landing and bruises forming, long detentions and his mum’s disappointed and worried looks filled his mind.  
  
“It’s hard to picture you like that,” Niall said lowly. “You are so gentle and delicate.”  
  
“I’m not that delicate.” He frowned at the clear liquid that filled the shell.   
  
“Babe, you’re adorable,” Niall sighed, and smiled at his glare.  
  
“And well, everyone has skeletons in the closet, don’t they?” He decided to ignore Niall’s remarks. “Used to have my dark moments, too… It only ever got me in troubles, but I just couldn’t stand people talking to me like that. I was quiet, yeah, by it never took much to rile me up…”  
  
“This is something I know from experience,” Niall let out a small sigh. He stretched out, and leaned against the wall behind him. Zayn turned so he was facing him and sitting cross-legged, half coconut shell still in his hands, barely touched.  
  
"Liam used to be quite chubby when he was a boy, so kids made fun of him sometimes, too. And one time when it happened, and no one was coming to his aid, I just couldn’t stand it anymore, and I stood up for him. I got into a fight with those kids, and I knew I didn’t stand a chance as it was two against one, and one of them was twice my size, but I just wanted them to leave him alone. And I got in trouble of course, and my parents were very displeased with me, but I and Liam just became friends after that…”  
  
“So you’re like a hero.” Niall smiled cheekily, his words punctuated by a thunder.  
  
Zayn pointedly rolled his eyes, and took another few gulps from his drink. “Far from a hero, but it was Liam who accompanied me to the nurse, and things just rolled from there.” He smiled at the memory, at the crinkle that had formed on Liam’s forehead as he worried his head over him.  
  
“And the others, did you meet them during high school?”  
  
“Actually, not. They came along when we went to university. Louis went to industrial engineering class with Liam, and well, if you knew Louis, you would understand. He’s the witty and rude type, the one that can quieten a whole room by just entering it. So, they became friends fast enough. And Harry was a friend of Louis’, who’d got drawn to him because of his charisma and charm, just like everybody else. He was so shy and awkward the first time I saw him, and he used to look at Louis like he was an idol,” he said with a snort. “He didn’t know anyone as he came from a small village, but time and a helping push from Louis slowly untangled him. And well, this is how we all came together.”  
  
“It’s nice,” Niall murmured, “how you all found each other.”  
  
“I guess it is. It would be cool if you met them one day. Surely they’d like you.”  
  
“Aww,” Niall cooed, and took the shell out of Zayn’s hands. “Gladly.” Bringing the juice closer to his lips, he said, “I can have it if you don’t want it.”  
  
“Hey,” Zayn made, and reached for his drink, but Niall kept it out of his reach.  
  
“Careful,” Niall said. “You’re going to get it all over me.”  
  
Niall stole a few big gulps, and handed it back to him before wiping at his mouth with the back of his hand. Zayn stared at what was left of his drink, which was nearly nothing.  
  
“Just helped you finish this.” Niall shrugged innocently, but Zayn growled and put the shell on the floor, before launching himself at Niall. Niall laughed, and his hand caught Zayn’s arm before he could tackle him down, and he wrestled him for a few playful moments before finding his mouth with his. Zayn let out a soft sound at the press of lips against his, and wriggled his arm out of Niall’s hold to cradle the back of Niall’s neck.  
  
Niall’s lips were a bit sticky, and he could taste the coconut juice off them when he licked across the both of them. It was honestly much more delicious than straight from the coconut, and perhaps that had something to do with Niall’s skin, so Zayn sucked his bottom lip into his mouth to get more of the sweet taste.  
  
Niall let out a sound of his own when Zayn bit his lip, and he tangled his hands through Zayn’s damp hair, before leaning his body against Zayn’s to push him down to lie on his back. Zayn went down easily, unthinkingly, too caught up in the kiss. He let his hands slide down the muscles of Niall’s back, feeling over again every curve and thumbing over his shoulder blades.  
  
In the background, the rain strengthened again, but Zayn barely registered it, for the heat their bare torsos were creating was making up for the chill that gradually sneaked inside, and the smacking sounds their lips made every time they separated zoned out the sounds of the water drops hitting the roof and the ground outside.  
  
Zayn turned his head to the side when he felt himself getting out of breath, and instead Niall moved his lips to trace over his jaw, and nibble at his throat, and latch onto his neck for a moment to leave there a love bite the shape of a mouth. And Zayn breathed hard when Niall shimmied down his body, his hands raking down his sides, and he let out a gasp when Niall pressed his mouth right above his belly button.  
  
The unexpected touch made him squirm, and his stomach to clench when Niall pressed a kiss just above the previous. Zayn looked up at the old ceiling, his breathing ragged and coming out in short pants. This was new. It wasn’t something that happened before, and as Niall continued trailing open-mouthed kisses up to his chest, Zayn searched for something to hold onto, but the bed was bare, so Zayn groaned in frustration before burying one hand in Niall’s hair, and fisting with the other the bed frame.  
  
“Huh,” Zayn made when Niall bit on the skin between his ribs, and practically shivered when Niall blew on the wet spot. “Niall,” he said, voice breathy and needy, though he wasn’t sure himself what he was asking for.  
  
Niall didn’t reply in any way. He just made his way higher on his body, and mouthed at his collarbone. Zayn had never had anyone kissing him there like that, paying that much attention to his body. And he was so unused to it, to all those expressions of affection, to all the time Niall spent on acquainting his body, on getting to know every curve, every dip, and any little detail that was a part of Zayn. Even the marks he constantly bore on his skin felt weird and misplaced on him, no matter how good it felt when Niall did them, and how the boy loved to trace his fingers proudly over the bruises he’d made later.  
  
 It would take time for him to get used to being in the center of attention, of having someone this fascinated with touching him, and kissing him, and taking care of him, instead of someone who just wanted to take, and not give in return. From his experience with girls, they usually just lay there, waiting for him to do all the work, and make them feel special and wanted and craved, and he loved it, of course. Loved spoiling them, and making them feel good, but now that he experienced for the first time what it was like to be in the receiving place for once, he thought that it was just as enjoyable. In a relationship there should be some give and take, and God, if Niall wasn’t all for giving.  
  
After Niall was apparently done with yet another mark-Zayn couldn’t be sure as he was too preoccupied with his thoughts, and Niall’s lips were awfully soft-he dragged his mouth lower again, his lips so hot and pleasant against his skin, and Zayn scraped gently with his fingernails at Niall’s skull, encouraging him on. His muscles contorted when Niall hovered above them, barely a touch, as he made his way back to his belly button, and this time stopped to nose at the short thin hair just under the navel, and Zayn, without his permission, bucked up into the touch.  
  
Niall pressed his hands against his hips to still him, and seriously, Zayn had no idea how far Niall would go, but he trusted him. He trusted him with all he had to be careful and cautious, and not push his limits. He half expected it when Niall tugged at the waistband of his underwear, but he only lowered it to one side to expose the jut of his hipbone, so Zayn was still safely covered where it was important.  
  
He squeezed his eyes shut when Niall’s lips, wet and oh so familiar by now, nudged against the taut skin around the bone there, and this time he knew for sure Niall was creating a mark, the suction and pull at his skin unmistakable. And a soft groan slipped out of Zayn’s mouth when Niall licked against the forming bruise there, soothing the sting away.  
  
He was so sensitive to Niall’s touch by now, responding so expressively to every graze, stroke, kiss, and bite. And as Niall went to kiss away at his tummy again, he raked his hands up Zayn’s chest, and his fingernails bumped against Zayn’s nipples.  
  
An electricity shot up Zayn’s spine, and he arched off the bed, and he was so overwhelmed that he shied away from the foreign touch, a shocked curious sound escaping his mouth. There was a beat where he wasn’t touched at all, but then Niall’s fingers were resting just below the nub, and he asked, “Is it okay?”  
  
“Yes,” Zayn managed, voice so gruff that it seemed like it hadn’t used it in ages. With that Niall’s hands were back on his chest, fingers gently rubbing over the hardening nub as Niall gradually kissed higher and higher up his torso. And Zayn didn’t know how to comprehend this, that he was sensitive there, and had no idea the whole time. He didn’t know what to think about having his nipples rubbed like that, what to make out of that, but Niall’s skilled fingers were working so slowly over him, and everything was getting too much, and he feared he might explode with all the sensations, but then Niall’s mouth was on his, and he was swallowing Zayn’s whimpers and silent keens, and his free hand was cradling his face, steading and anchoring him.  
  
And everything felt so good, so bloody damn good, and Zayn bucked up with his hips, drowning in all the emotions and the feelings, getting drunk on Niall’s scent, and taste, and body heat. But the moment their hips collided, they both sobered. They stopped everything they were doing, and Zayn blinked his eyes open, and glanced up into Niall’s. There was a long moment in which they just stayed locked in their gaze, and it was broken by Zayn whispering, “Niall”.  
  
Niall slowly raised himself off Zayn’s body, before experimentally pressing his hips against Zayn’s. Zayn’s eyes squeezed shut at the contact, and a breathy moan slipped through his parted lips. Niall repeated the action, but a bit more firmly, and this time Zayn bucked his hips up to meet his halfway, the soft cotton of his boxer briefs catching at the harder and rougher texture of the shorts Niall still was wearing.  
  
“Niall, please,” Zayn gasped out, hands tugging on Niall’s shoulders to bring him closer. Niall went right in, his hands resting on either side of Zayn’s head to give himself leverage to rub himself against Zayn’s body, and God, the friction was delicious. “Niall, yes.”  
  
And it might be a bit off angle and awkward at some points, and somehow so much and yet not nearly enough, but it had been so long since Zayn had had any sort of release, since he had done anything of that nature, and he was starved of it, so hungry and desperate for the feel of Niall like that against him. And they were slowly figuring a pace, Niall pushing down, and Zayn responding with a jerk of his hips, and everything else was forgotten.  
  
Niall buried his face in the crook of his neck after a few minutes of fumbling and incoherent gasps of names, and Zayn needed more, more of the feeling, more of Niall, so he trailed his hands down his back, and he almost grabbed his bum, but then he stopped midair, hands hovering over the skin. Niall apparently sensed his hesitation, because he said a breathy, “It’s okay.” And that was all Zayn needed to hear before cupping the mounds of Niall’s bottom with his hands through the fabric, and bringing him down against him at the time when he pushed up.  
  
Niall’s fingers went again to his hair, his face, and he tried to plant a kiss on Zayn’s mouth, but it was more of a breathing into each other’s mouths instead. And then Niall grinded against him just right, and a spark went through Zayn’s body, and he felt so ready to come. His pace was faltering, and his hands were squeezing Niall’s bum almost unconsciously, and the boy keened at it, but then he was pulling away to say breathlessly, “We probably should stop if we don’t want to ruin our clothes.”  
  
Zayn stifled the whine that was rising at the back of his throat, because he was so close, so close. He was so hard that it was uncomfortable, painful almost. And he wanted this so much. But Niall was right. As much as it was frustrating, Zayn wasn’t sure he would be able to remove cum stains off their only clothes.  
  
He half expected Niall to pull away completely, but instead, he just slumped on top of Zayn, his slightly sweaty head on his chest.  
  
“Think the rain’s stopped,” he murmured, though he didn’t make a move to get up.  
  
Zayn strained his ears to hear anything, and aside of soft trickling that was probably coming from the breaches in the roof, he didn’t hear anything else. “Sounds like it.”  
  
“We should go back, I guess.”  
  
Zayn hummed, though he just lowered a hand to stroke through Niall’s hair, figuring that if he busied himself with something else, he would get rid of his erection.  
  
“In a few minutes?” Zayn suggested, surprising even himself.  
  
“Yeah, ‘s not burning to go back yet…”  
  
“Good,” Zayn said, and Niall pressed a kiss into the center of his chest, and that was it.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter came around faster than the others, and I hope the next one would we as fast.  
> I had the idea of them kissing in the rain for a long time, but the direction it took kind of just flowed from there.  
> Hope you've enjoyed it :)


	19. Chapter 19

They were both in the spring, Niall’s body pressed against Zayn’s, his mouth leaving gentle kisses in its wake on his neck. It was one of those quite intimate moments that Zayn savored: the warmth of the water, and the heat of Niall’s body, and the soft intentions of his lips, and even the softer intentions of the arms curled around his waist. It was always so easy to just sink into the feeling, melt into Niall’s touch with his eyes closed, and go pliant under his soothing ministrations. It wasn’t often that Zayn could let his guard down, but with Niall he could, especially because of how careful and cautious he always was. And Zayn loved it, loved someone treating him like he was something valuable and precious, loved the meaning and the passion Niall put behind his gestures, the grace of his fingers, and the silkiness of his lips.  
  
And he didn’t know when exactly they started to take their baths together, but it was like a silent agreement between the two of them to spend those moments in each other’s company sometimes. And Zayn had always loved to be here alone, to let the steam get him dizzy, and his thoughts to carry his mind away, as he always found this place relaxing and calming, but he had to admit that having Niall here with him from time to time made him feel less alone. It always used to feel a little lonely standing in this wide pool, the thick and the high walls of the cave making him feel tiny and echoing every dull splash the water made. He also found that having Niall here served as untensing him too, as a massage, or quiet whispers of endearment, and light kisses being traced into his sensitive skin always had the effect of comforting and settling him.  
  
Zayn gasped a quiet  _Niall_  when the other boy took his earlobe into his mouth, and chastely sucked on it, before releasing it, and skimming his lips along the shell. He giggled when Niall’s breath tickled him, and squirmed a little, before looking over his shoulder at Niall with a small smile.  
  
“You can’t do that and not expect it to lead to other things.”  
  
“Who said it wasn’t the plan all along?” Niall raised a corner of his mouth into something that resembled a smirk.  
  
“Yeah? You’re trying to seduce me?”  
  
“Why, is it working?” Niall leaned to whisper in his ear, before biting his earlobe playfully, and causing Zayn’s spine to tingle. It always made Zayn weak when someone paid attention to his ears, and now was no exception, and as if Niall didn’t know it perfectly well from previous experiences.  
  
“It’s cheating,” Zayn mumbled, frowning down at the water, and Niall laughed, the sound muffled against Zayn’s shoulder.  
  
“Whatever you say, babe,” Niall said, and nuzzled against the column of Zayn’s neck. “It’s about time we get out…”  
  
“Yeah,” Zayn agreed, eyeing his pruned fingers in the weak moonlight. He barely had a sense of time while being here; the place somehow supplying the feeling of complete isolation.  
  
Niall disattached himself from where he was pressed to Zayn’s back like an oversized leech, and went out first, and Zayn followed closely behind. It was cold being outside of the water, it always was. Especially now, at night, when the cool air reached his exposed and dripping wet skin. The fabric of his underwear was clinging uncomfortably to his body as well, and he wanted nothing more than to get dry and redressed, so he was thankful when Niall passed him a leaf from a pile Zayn had put here to cover his body with.  
  
“See, it’s not useless bringing it here,” Zayn said as Niall wrapped a leaf around his own form. “It’s better than nothing.”  
  
“Whatever,” Niall muttered as he hugged the improvised towel to his shoulders. It wasn’t even long enough to cover his whole torso; just reaching the center of his back. “I hardly feel any difference. Why there are no sheep here?”  
  
Zayn chuckled. “Poor sheep, I think they’d rather not be in a place like this.”  
  
“Why not?” Niall murmured as he walked over to Zayn, and wrapped his arms around his waist, just below where the leaf was hanging off him. “What’s bad in a sun and plenty of grass?”  
  
“Dunno,” Zayn said, and circled his arms around Niall’s neck to keep him close. “Think they’d rather the big plains than being surrounded by sea.”  
  
Niall snorted. “You’re too kind, Zayn. You seem to forget how warm their wool his, and the benefits that their milk could bring.”  
  
Zayn quieted him with a kiss. He let his hands stroke Niall’s hair, brush the dripping wet strands back so the droplets wouldn’t slide down his cheeks. He savored the touch of Niall’s hands as they moved from his lower back to his shoulder blades under the leaf, and his body turned weak when Niall thumbed over the dip in his lower back again. He unconsciously leaned forward until his chest was touching Niall’s, and then he felt himself being gradually pushed toward the ground, and he went along with it until he was lying on his back on the cool ground with the leaf under his back. He was about to readjust the leaf so it was lengthwise, but then Niall was closing the small distance between them, and blanketing his body with his, his skin soft and warm and pleasant against Zayn’s, and all discomfort was forgotten when Niall found his lips with his again, and instead he felt like he was withdrawn into a whirlpool, his mind swirling, and head spinning with how surreal everything suddenly felt.  
  
He was gasping for air in the small space between their mouths, and his body was getting warmer and warmer because of the heat growing inside of him, and oozing from Niall’s body on top of his. “Feeling warmer?” Niall pulled away for a moment to ask against his lips.  
  
“Yeah,” Zayn replied, not knowing what to feel about sounding so breathless already. It probably made it seem like he had no stamina at all. He shifted a bit and added, “Just a bit… uncomfortable?” he cringed at the questionable tilt his sentence had at the end.  
  
“Oh.” Niall looked bemused. “I haven’t realized…”  
  
He lifted his grounding weight off Zayn’s body, and the latter almost protested, but then Niall was beckoning him to raise up a bit, and turning the leaf under Zayn so it served as a more comfortable cover. He removed the leaf that almost completely slipped off his own back, and folded it to create some kind of a cushion under Zayn’s head to soften the friction of his scalp with the rough ground.  
  
“This good?” Niall asked once he was in his space again.  
  
“Yeah.” It wasn’t ideal, but it was as good as it could get, he guessed. After living in the wilderness for so long, he learned to get by with the simplest things.  
  
“Perfect,” Niall murmured more to himself than anything, and instead of diving in again for another taste of Zayn’s mouth, he tilted his head to kiss along Zayn’s brow, and skim over the ridge of his nose before finding his ear again, and venturing his tongue out to lick at the inside of the shell, and Zayn thought he’d go crazy with the eruption of sensations that took over him.  
  
“God, Niall,” Zayn groaned when the other boy flicked his earlobe with his tongue. “Think you played with my ears enough already.”  
  
“Hmm?” Niall made as he began to trail soft kisses down Zayn’s jaw, words vibrating against the skin. “Thought you love it, don’t you?”  
  
Zayn huffed, fingers winding in Niall’s hair to guide his mouth to where he wanted it. “It’s not the point.”  
  
He loved it, yes. But he almost hated it, too, the way Niall made him feel like his skin was crawling. He didn’t know what to do with himself when he felt his body reacting to Niall’s ministrations that way. It was terrifying the way it felt like Niall was capable of awakening every cell in his body, activating every nerve ending and making it catch a fire that slowly spread to every region until it pooled at his center, warm and fluid like a hot lava.  
  
“Niall…” Zayn whimpered at the hint of bite at the spot where his jaw turned into his neck. He practically shivered when Niall’s hot breath hit his wet skin, and squeezed his eyes shut when he felt Niall’s lips against his neck. He exhaled a shaky breath as he tilted his head slightly to the side to grant him a better access.  
  
Zayn gasped as Niall attached his mouth to the flesh around his pulse. He nibbled at his skin until Zayn released a feeble sound at a quite harsh tug on his skin, and moved lower to graze his teeth against his collarbones before going even further, away from Zayn’s perky nipples, that grew stiff due to the exposure to the chilly night air. Niall caught with his lips a water drop that was sliding down Zayn’s side, and flattened his tongue against his skin to catch those that followed. And Zayn breathed hard as Niall started to kiss away all the droplets that still hadn’t evaporated off his body.  
  
He squirmed as Niall licked around his navel, and almost kneed Niall at the side when he ran his tongue across his stomach to taste the water off his skin.  
  
“It tickles,” Zayn laughed, and wriggled as Niall skimmed his lips across his sensitive side. He tightened the fingers in Niall’s hair, and gently tugged him up to be face to face with him again. He shifted his hands to cup his face instead, and just studied him for a few moments as Niall tried to steady his breath. It was hard to tell in the darkness, but is seemed like a faint redness was blossoming on his cheeks, and his lips already were shiny and starting to get swollen, and looking at his pretty pink lips, Zayn wetted his own, and tilted his chin up when Niall ducked to kiss him again.  
  
He felt Niall’s hands closing around his wrists, and made a soft sound when Niall moved them away from his face, and instead placed them on either side of his head. He concentrated on the slow movement of Niall’s thumb against the delicate skin of his wrist, and parted his lips when he felt Niall’s tongue nudging against his bottom lip for the first time tonight, and exhaled when it went inside. Niall explored his mouth like he hadn’t done it a hundred times before, like he was hungry for every bit of Zayn,  
  
A puff of air left Zayn when Niall pulled back a fraction, and it seemed to go in between the other boy’s parted lips, and as Niall folded his lips over his again, if felt like they exchanged that air over and over again, and Zayn couldn’t believe he was growing semantic over something like that, but here he was. And he would never tell Niall about his sappy thoughts, because he would probably laugh at his sensibility.  
  
In between Niall sucking on his tongue and Zayn trying to pull on his lips, Niall moved so he was propped up on his hands, and broke away from the kiss. Zayn slowly blinked his eyes open to see what Niall was doing, and when his vision cleared enough to make out Niall’s face, he found him staring intently at his sprawled figure underneath him. Niall didn’t meet his gaze, though. He just slowly traced his eyes over Zayn’s features, like he had forgotten Zayn, in fact, was a living being and not some sculpture, and Zayn started to feel a little nervous under his intense stare – it felt like Niall was looking and seeing him whole. And feeling a sudden wave of insecurity washing over him, he squirmed uncomfortably, and when his movement finally caught Niall’s attention, and his eyes zoomed in on his, dark and silvery under the moonlight, they just stayed silent in this position until Zayn smiled shyly up at him, uneasy with the silence. “What?”  
  
Niall just shook his head as if to say  _nothing_ , and raised a hand to run a finger along Zayn’s jawline and chin, before stopping at the corner of his mouth. He swiped his finger against his lips that started to feel puffy by now, and parted slightly at the touch. Niall’s fingertip slipped right through the small gap, and Zayn instinctively closed his lips around the digit. He gave it a tentative and curious lick, tasting salt on his tongue, and looked at Niall for approval. Niall’s brow was slightly furrowed, but it wasn’t in a frown, so Zayn took his finger further in, and closed his eyes as he started to gently suck on it. Niall released a sound that sounded a lot like a groan, and Zayn glanced up when the other boy withdrew out of the tight heat of his mouth with a pop, and their eyes stayed locked as Niall spread the wetness over his lips, before trailing the same finger down his sternum, and grazing it against a nipple, and causing Zayn to squirm at the light touch.  
  
The wet trail on his chest soon started to prickle with goosebumps as the cool air made contact with the skin, but then Niall was coating his body with his again, and leveling his face with Zayn’s, and the latter worried his lip in between his teeth as he watched the handsome boy that was looming over him. “Niall,” he said quietly, his eyes searching his for answers to unasked questions.  
  
“Yeah?” he breathed, hands going up to tangle in Zayn’s hair.  
  
“Kiss me.” The simple words left Zayn’s mouth without his permission, and he feared for a moment he sounded too desperate, which he kind of was starting to get, but he didn’t mean it to come out as needy and weak as it did.  
  
Niall, thankfully, didn’t leave him hanging for long to get lost in his thoughts, and leaned right in to join their lips together with the delicacy and the willingness of a man who would do so for the rest of his life. Zayn suppressed a sound of contentment that was tickling at his throat, feeling like he had embarrassed himself enough, and moved a hand to cradle Niall’s jaw, as he tilted his head to the side to deepen the kiss. This was exactly what he wanted, all of their emotions and passions pouring into each other’s mouths, their hands exploring skin, their breath mingling as they tried to get closer.  
  
And he loved it so much. Loved kissing this boy in his arms, loved having him so close, loved how safe and secure he made him feel. He loved the way Niall’s body fitted with his, how familiar Niall’s skin felt against his. He wondered if Niall felt that way too, if he wanted to have him as close as he did. He wondered if Niall knew what he was doing to him, how he was driving him mad just by the way he smelled, and looked at him, and touched him, how his smiles and eyes and hugs were the cause to the flutter in his stomach, and how he was capable of warming him from the inside out.  
  
And Zayn wished he could be brave and tell this boy just how much he meant to him, how much he wanted him in every possible way, in ways he had never experienced before, but was willing to with him. And God, what a mess had this boy made out of him? How could someone make him feel this way, awaken in him sides that hadn’t been there before? And the thing was that Zayn was willing to let Niall mess him up completely, for he knew Niall would always be there to put his pieces back together.    
  
“Niall, I…” he started, lips against his, hands squeezing his strong triceps.  
  
“Yeah?” Niall replied when Zayn couldn’t find his words, just as quietly.  
  
“I…” he tried again, but he couldn’t get the words out. And as frustrated as he was, he turned his head to the side to avoid Niall’s lips, his eyebrows furrowed in a frown. “I’m sorry, I just—“  
  
“Hey, hey.” Niall gently turned his head toward him again with a hold of his cheek, and tapped at his skin so Zayn would look at him. “You have nothing to be sorry for. No rush, remember?”  
  
And suddenly it occurred to Zayn they might not be talking about the same thing, and he just pressed his lips tightly together, as he didn’t want to voice any of the options.  
  
Niall chuckled, and Zayn looked at him questionably, not understanding what he found funny in the situation, and not sure yet if he should be offended by that or not. “’M sorry… ‘S just, you look funny when you’re thinking about something. Like, literally can see the cogs in your brain working. What is it this time?”  
  
His easy and light tone melted the boulder that was building in Zayn’s chest, but then as he realized what he had been thinking of, his seriousness was taken over by embarrassment, and he felt his skin heating up, and blush crawling up his face. “I just…” he stuttered over his words. “Did you ever think about… you know…?”  
  
He wasn’t sure if he was making any sense at all, but he guessed that his flush gave him away, if the way Niall stilled above him was anything to go by.  
  
“You mean…?” he asked after a long silence in which Zayn wished to disappear. His fingertips ghosted over Zayn’s cheek, and all laughter and playfulness were gone from his voice in an instant.  
  
Zayn inhaled and exhaled a few times in order to calm down, and made himself meet Niall’s gaze. His eyes were open and yet guarded as he waited Zayn out. Zayn just nodded in response, and bit hard on his lip.  
  
“Yes, fuck, all the time,” Niall almost growled, but then his expression turned sheepish, and he backtracked. “I mean, not  _all_  the time, but yeah, you got me there.”  
  
“So, I’ve been thinking… And I guess I want to try… with you.” And it made him feel so vulnerable and bare saying those things to Niall, but he figured he had to use his words here, because Niall wouldn’t. Zayn had the general feeling he was holding back with him, as he never initiated anything, and it had never gone past occasional grinding that didn’t even give them sweet release. Zayn guessed Niall was giving him this space out of respect, but he had to admit he was curious about trying things with another boy. He had said before he didn’t think he’d ever give it a chance, but many things had changed since then, including his perspectives.  
  
“Wait.” Niall furrowed his brows. “I have to make this clear… You’re talking about sex?”  
  
This wasn’t the reply Zayn was expecting, and he could feel another layer of blush appearing on his face at Niall’s bluntness, and he didn’t understand when he became so shy about it. What was happening to him? Why Niall made him feel like a blushing virgin again?  
  
“Err… yes?” Zayn croaked out, the ending gaining a questionable tilt. “I’ve never been with a boy before, but I don’t care.” And then, more quietly and yet still earnestly and sincerely, he whispered, “I want you.”  
  
Niall’s lips parted the slightest bit, and Zayn raised a hand to cautiously trace the pink plush line of his upper lip with his fingertips like he couldn’t help it, before remembering himself, and lowering his hands to the ground. “Only if you want to, of course…” he added when Niall just continued staring at him, feeling small.  
  
When Niall finally found his voice, it sounded breathy. “Christ, Zayn, you know I do. I’ve wanted you since forever, it feels like.”  
  
“You have?”  
  
“Thought it was obvious,” Niall smiled softly.  
  
“You’ve always stopped us, though,” Zayn pointed out, remembering all the times he was left with a stubborn hard on after a heated makeout session with Niall.  
  
“Not because I didn’t want to continue,” Niall admitted. “I just didn’t know if you were okay with that.”  
  
“You could’ve asked…” Zayn raised a brow.  
  
“I guess I just didn’t want to make you feel like I was rushing you. I kind of wanted it to come from you.”  
  
Zayn hooked his arms around Niall’s neck, and said, “I’m okay with it now.”  
  
“Good,” Niall pressed his smile against Zayn’s lips, before pulling away a moment later. “You really sure, though? I don’t want you to regret it.”  
  
“I won’t,” Zayn said, and he hoped he sounded as decisive as he wanted to, that his voice didn’t betray him again.  
  
That seemed to pacify Niall enough, and he went right in for another taste of Zayn’s mouth. It was slow and intimate, and Niall’s lips moved against his like Zayn was an instrument, and Niall was trying to play the most beautiful melody. His thumbs were rubbing over Zayn’s cheeks in circular motions to the beat of his heart, and his body on top of his was the only thing preventing him from floating up and through the wide gap in the ceiling, like an anchor that moored a ship to the bottom of the sea. And suddenly, he realized he had almost forgotten where they were. And taking in their surrounding, he noticed for the first time how serene it was around them, how soft were the sounds of the night and the quiet flow of the water.  
  
When they pulled away, minutes or hours later, Niall skimmed his lips feathery-like over his neck, and shoulder, and stopped to bite gingerly at the side of his chest. On his way to kiss down Zayn’s body again, he left a trail of goosebumps behind that he smoothed with his warm palm until he reached Zayn’s clad hipbone. He blew hot air on it through the wet fabric of Zayn’s underwear, causing the other boy to shiver, before moving his mouth away and raising one of Zayn’s legs with a hold on the back of his knee.  
  
Zayn gulped, and watched as Niall shimmied down his body. He held his breath as Niall brought his mouth closer to his leg, and watched as he pressed a soft kiss to his ankle. Zayn gasped at the soft touch, and tried to stay still when Niall began kissing a path up to his shin, and when Niall glanced up at him, eyes the darkest Zayn had ever seen them, he felt his breath get caught in his throat. Niall raised his leg a little higher so the underside was exposed, and nuzzled against the newly exposed skin, before bending to press a kiss to the inside of Zayn’s knee. The touch elicited a surprised sound from Zayn, as this place had never been touched before, and thus, was very sensitive.  
  
“Ohh.” Zayn’s eyes squeezed shut when Niall tilted his head to the side to start kissing up his thigh. There was so much skin for Niall to latch onto, and he seemed all too keen to do just so. The sounds of Niall’s lips disconnecting from his skin every two seconds filled the air, and by the time Niall reached his upper thigh, it felt like he was completely covered in imprints in the shape of teeth and lips. Niall made sure to lick over all the marks he had created to soothe the sting, and traced Zayn’s veins with his lips like he could track them in the dark. Zayn’s hands clenched and unclenched at his sides when Niall started to hike his underwear up to expose the clad area of his upper thighs, and a moan escaped his mouth when Niall sucked a mouthful of his flesh only to release it a moment later.  
  
Niall then pushed his leg a little closer to Zayn’s body, and seriously, Zayn had no idea he was this flexible, but this exact thought vanished from his mind when Niall started to nibble at his soft skin. After Niall was apparently satisfied with his work of art, he lowered Zayn’s leg to let it relax at last, and crawled into the space between his legs, before switching to mouth at his other thigh. His eyes remained closed as he kept his mouth on Zayn, and he blindly trailed one hand up the leg he wasn’t currently marking to graze against the faded material of Zayn’s boxer briefs.  
  
When Zayn didn’t tense at the touch, he ventured his hand farther under the leg of the underwear, and caressed the skin just where his thigh met his groin. Zayn jerked at the touch, and Niall’s hand slipped out with the sharp movement.  
  
Niall disattached his lips from his skin, and squeezed his thigh reassuringly. His eyes met Zayn’s once to check him for any hesitance, apparently, before leaning in to nuzzle against his groin through the fabric. The unexpected touch made him jump, but Niall was undeterred. He nudged his cheek against his girth, before letting his mouth slide wetly over where he was tenting his underwear.  
  
“Niall,” his lover’s name slipped from his lips naturally and shamelessly.    
  
“Hmm?” Niall made in recognition, the vibrations radiating against his covered prick, and causing a tremor to run up his spine. He pulled back a little to put some space between his mouth and Zayn’s member, and asked, “This okay?”  
  
“Yes,” Zayn breathed.  
  
Apparently satisfied with the response, Niall trailed a wet path up to his navel. He almost whined when Niall kissed his way up to his chest instead of returning to where he was getting so hot and stiff, and as Niall kissed the tip of his nipple, Zayn barely had time to prepare himself before Niall pulled it taut between his lips. He was overwhelmed, his body on fire. He didn’t think he was ever more aroused than when Niall glided his tongue against the hardening nub, dragging sparks of sensation through him.  
  
Niall dragged his hand lower as he pulled off his nipple to brush his lips against his chest, and closed his open palm around Zayn. And it was so sudden and unexpected that an embarrassing sound escaped him, and he bucked uncontrollably into the touch. And the relief hit him with the force of a raging wave that finally shattered against the shore after the tedious and long way it had made in the ocean, and for God’s sake, it was Niall’s hand on him, the first hand that wasn’t his that had touched him in ages, it seemed, and he was so eager, so thirsty and desperate for Niall’s touch, that the moment he started to move his hand, he whimpered with undeniable pleasure.  
  
“Shh…” Niall whispered against his skin, almost like he was calming a spooked animal. He rolled his hand against the hardness he found there, the touch restricted from Zayn’s confines, and almost as if the same thought appeared in Niall’s mind, the blonde boy moved both his hands to the waistband of his underwear, and inserted a few fingers inside, teasing the soft skin there. “Can I…?” he asked.  
  
“God, yes,” Zayn nodded, wanting nothing more than to give some relief to his straining erection, and take off the wet and clinging material that was now becoming a hindrance more than anything, but when Niall actually started to tug his underwear down his body, and some of the heat that clouded his mind cleared a little when he felt the air making contact with his wet and sensitive skin, his confidence started to drain from him, and he began to feel nervous when inch after inch of him got revealed, but it helped that Niall’s eyes stayed trained on his face rather than on his body, and he just hoped he didn’t look as flustered as he felt.  
  
He looked at the ceiling when his briefs were slipped off his legs completely, not knowing where to look with him being so exposed suddenly, but when Niall’s face appeared in his vision, he concentrated instead on the curve of his light brows, and the straight line of his nose, and the plush of his lips, before zooming in on Niall’s beautiful eyes, and cradling the back of his head with his hand.  
  
Niall lowered his head to nudge his nose against Zayn’s. “You have no idea what you do to me...” He kissed Zayn’s brow, sighing the words out. “You’re fucking irresistible. Fuck, all the things I want to do to you…”  
  
Zayn’s eyes squeezed shut at that, his heart thumping in his throat. “Tell me.”  
  
Niall chucked, the sound light. He bit onto Zayn’s bottom lip, and tugged it down, before letting it pop back into place. “I don’t know if I should, honestly. Kinda afraid to scare you away.”  
  
“Try me,” Zayn challenged, though his voice came out much shakier than he intended it to be.  
  
Niall practically growled above him, and slipped his tongue into Zayn’s slightly open mouth before pulling away, and saying breathily, “You’d kill me one day... Sometimes I feel like I might explode if I don’t touch you, and God, do you know how hard it was not to touch you in the way I wanted? How much self-control I had to have to not just jump you?” Zayn whimpered at the admission, totally caught off guard. “How I fantasized about having you under me, moans of my name spilling from your mouth as I took you apart piece by piece?”  
  
Zayn shivered and shook his head helplessly, arms tightening around Niall.  
  
“I want to do such a bad things to you,” Niall husked, his voice dropping to a deep guttural tone Zayn had never heard him use before, and it didn’t help at all to keep his skin from tingling all over. “I want to claim you, make you mine. Would you like that, being mine?”  
  
“Already yours,” Zayn said weakly, images of tangled limbs and skin against skin flashing in his mind.  
  
“And do you know what I was thinking about when I had some time alone, hmm?” Niall nuzzled his cheek and jaw. When Zayn jerkily shook his head again, he replied, “I was thinking about spreading you out, kissing over every inch of your body until you were a sweating and panting mess, and burning with desire for me, and only me. I was thinking of slipping my fingers inside of you,” Niall purred in his ear, and mouthed at the shell in a way that made a thick blush blossom on Zayn’s cheeks. “Keep going until you were all hot and bothered and ready for me, and fuck, I would drag it out until you were desperate for me to get inside of you. And Christ,” His hands slipped under Zayn to cup his bare bum, giving it the slightest of squeezes, “I was thinking about how hot and tight you’d feel around me, how good I’d make you feel.”  
  
“Niall, please…” Zayn gasped, voice edging desperate, but he couldn’t care less. He felt as if he had been thrown into a boiling pool with the way his temperature was rising so fast, and seriously, he needed now some icy shower.  
  
“Yeah, you want that?” Niall cooed, and dragged his hands back up to his sides.  
  
Zayn gnawed at his lip, before saying, “Yes.”  
  
“Want me to fuck you, yeah?” Niall’s breath tickled his ear. “’Couse I’d love to.”  
  
“Niall,” Zayn said in a high-pitched voice, cheeks growing even hotter. He wasn’t actually expecting him to spell it out, was he?  
  
“Come on, baby, you can do better than that.”  
  
“Niall,” Zayn whined, hands clamping over his face to cover his overheated skin. “J-Just don’t…”  
  
“Not do what?” Niall asked.  
  
Even though Zayn couldn’t see him, it was clear Niall was grinning. He was enjoying this way too much.  
  
“You know what!” Zayn said impatiently. “…God, it’s so embarrassing.”  
  
Niall just chuckled to himself, the sound soft and familiar this, and he wrapped his hands around Zayn’s wrists to pull his hands away from his face. He met his eyes and smiled sweetly at him, before ducking in to kiss him lovingly through the opening he had made himself. When he pulled back, it was with another little giggle. “Sorry, babe. You’re just so cute.”  
  
“You’ve completely ruined the mood there,” Zayn pointed out.  
  
“Nah, I don’t think so,” Niall mused as he pulled Zayn’s arms up to wrap around his neck again, and pressed his hands to the place where Zayn was still producing heat. He kissed Zayn some more until he relaxed more or less, and wasn’t burning hot like an oven. But it seemed like no amount of kissing would return his temperature and breathing to the normal range of values. Once they pulled apart, Niall said, “Err… I guess this should be said, so… I’m clean.”  
  
It took Zayn a few moments to understand what he was talking about, and then his mouth formed a perfect O shape as it finally sank in. “Me too,” Zayn said after a not so short delay. “I’ve… I’ve never done it without protection, so I think it’s okay.”  
  
“Yeah, it’s fine,” Niall breathed, and skimmed his lips lightly against Zayn’s, before frowning, and pulling back entirely to look properly into his eyes.    
  
“What’s wrong?” Zayn whispered, palms sliding up to cradle his face.  
  
Niall sighed, and let the pads of his fingertips dance over Zayn’s cheekbone, before he said, “Not gonna lie. It’s gonna hurt, probably.”  
  
Zayn resisted the urge to squeeze his eyes shut, and instead held Niall’s gaze. He didn’t want to give Niall a reason to think he was hesitant. “Badly?” he mouthed.  
  
Niall slowly shook his head, and cupped the side of his jaw. “No, not badly. But we don’t have lube. Saliva does the trick too, but it dries quickly.”  
  
“I still want to,” Zayn murmured.  
  
“You sure?” Niall looked so concerned and so caring that it made something expend in Zayn’s chest.  
  
He nodded, tangling a hand in the short hairs at the back of Niall’s neck, before drawing him into a kiss that he hoped conveyed all of his feelings and desires and wishes. “Yeah, just take your boxers off as well… Feel kinda naked here.”  
  
Niall laughed, and in a swift movement did as he was told. He rested his weight then directly over Zayn, and let his erection rest on Zayn’s thigh. And it was the first time they felt each other without any layers getting in the way, and Zayn didn’t think it could get more intimate than that-their bare bodies pressing together unabashedly. Niall’s thighs were soft and strong like the rest of him when he ran his fingers over them, and he returned his hands back to Niall’s back to dig gently into his skin.  
  
Feeling Niall’s arousal next to his did untellable things to him, and when Niall grinded against him, and his abdomen rubbed against his length, no clothes in the way, but just pure bare skin, he could feel his mind starting to get foggy with lust.  
  
“Niall, come on,” Zayn urged him when Niall started to mouth at his collarbones while moving against him in that slow fluid way that left him breathless and yet didn’t give him relief at the same time. He was growing impatient, his cock straining and begging for attention, and yet it seemed like Niall was too content licking over his skin to make a move. “Hurry up.”  
  
“Hmm?” Niall made as he licked lower to circle his tongue around his nipple, and Zayn’s eyes fluttered close, and a tremble went through his legs as they parted slightly to let Niall settle between them.  
  
“Just do something,” Zayn whined, and buried his hands in Niall’s hair, not sure if to push him closer to his chest, or down his body, and when he tugged, perhaps it was a bit of both.  
  
“Patience,” Niall said, his breath hitting his wet nub. “I want to make it good for you.”  
  
“Stop teasing, then,” Zayn groaned. Niall just bit his nipple in response.  
  
Fed up with waiting and Niall’s ministrations, Zayn sneaked a hand to wrap around himself to relieve some of the pressure, but he barely gave himself a tug before Niall removed it and pinned it to his side. “This is for me to take care of,” he said with finality, and gave Zayn a look that removed all doubt.  
  
Thankfully, Niall didn’t seem to have a lot of self-control left, as he shifted to settle more comfortably between Zayn’s legs, and wrapped his hand around him. Zayn’s toes curled at the feeling of Niall’s tight fist closing around him, and he practically whined when Niall started pumping, a pace that was slow but focused.  
  
Niall thumbed at the tip, and sighed, “So wet already…” And the place behind Zayn’s ears grew hot. Niall spread the precum that leaked out around the head, and murmured, like it occurred to him only now, “You’re cut…”  
  
“Yeah,” Zayn confirmed, a little dumbly so.  
  
“I mean, I think I knew that, but like, I’ve never been with someone cut before…” he said wondrously as he tickled under the head, and went to jerking him off again. “Did it hurt?”  
  
“A little…”  
  
“It looks so pretty like this, though…” Niall said, and Zayn bit back a moan when Niall squeezed close to the base. He lowered his mouth to him, and swiped his tongue curiously across the head, before taking the tip into his mouth, and Zayn threw his head back at the sudden heat that enveloped him. “Careful,” Niall pulled off to scold him, and before Zayn could point out it was his fault, he took Zayn back in, and slurped around him.  
  
And Niall was good at this, too good. Way better than the girls who sucked him off before. He guessed that the thing was that Niall knew what he liked because he was a boy himself, and that he actually liked it, unlike the girls who acted like they were doing him a favor. But another part of Zayn realized that it must be because of a lot of practice. And Zayn had never thought about this much before, but it seemed like Niall was very experienced. He undoubtedly knew how to use his mouth, whether it was for kissing or giving a head, and Zayn suddenly wondered – just how many people had he kissed? Fucked?  
  
A sudden pang of jealousy caused Zayn to tighten the hand in Niall’s hair, and pull his head harshly down on him, and the other boy spluttered around him, and Zayn cursed under his breath, half apologetic and half in pleasure as his throat fluttered around him, and said a guilty “Sorry” once Niall pulled off him to cough.  
  
“’S okay,” Niall mumbled once he calmed down, carelessly wiping the saliva off his chin with the back of his hand. “It happens a lot, actually. Just try not to do that, ok?”  
  
Zayn almost asked him how many people he had done this with, but as he realized he didn’t want to know, he didn’t voice his thoughts, and instead nodded with another apology.  
  
Zayn was a little disappointed when Niall didn’t take him back into his mouth, but the glide of his hand against him was slick now, and Zayn found himself arching into the touch. But then his dick was abandoned completely, and he squirmed pitifully at the neglect. Niall soothed him with a warm hand over his stomach, and a kiss on his hip.  
  
The feel of Niall’s fingers stroking over his pubic hair made him open his eyes, and apparently sensing his eyes on him, Niall looked up to hold his gaze as he let his fingertips travel lower, miss his cock by half an inch or so, and feel the weight of his sack in his palm, before rubbing over the sensitive skin behind his balls. Zayn’s lips parted slightly when Niall slid his thumb down his taint, and he struggled not to break the eye contact when it slipped in between his partially spread cheeks to brush over his sphincter. The soft touch made him gasp, and his hole to flutter slightly.  
  
He could feel flush dusting over his cheeks a little more as Niall massaged the ring of muscle, that intimate place Zayn had never let anyone get near to before, and he knew it was nothing compared to what was yet to come, and still, it already was so much, almost too much – the newness, and the sensation, and how weird it was to have someone touching him there. Zayn could feel his hole starting to give in to the gentle touch, but Niall didn’t slip his finger inside. Instead, he just stilled his movement, and retreated his finger before asking quietly, “You want to try it?”  
  
This time Zayn didn’t reply immediately. It was something he had never experienced before, something he might not like, and it was a lot, to put all of his trust in Niall like that, to let himself be completely vulnerable and at his mercy. But the thing was that Niall did make him feel safe, and he trusted him so much it actually hurt. He could give it a go, it might feel nice.  
  
“Yes,” he said wholeheartedly, and spread his legs a little wider to give Niall a better access, ignoring how self-conscious and bare it made him feel.  
  
“I’ll be gentle,” Niall promised, and rubbed soothingly over his thighs, before pulling them over his.  
  
“I know,” Zayn said, his voice dripping with emotion.  
  
He gulped when Niall wetted his index finger, and his eyes stayed on Niall when he lowered it between his legs. He felt it tickling between his cheeks, but he just concentrated on Niall’s eyes that looked back at him as he moved it around him in small circles just like his thumb from before, spreading his spit around the rim. His muscles started to relax at the stimulation, and this time Niall let him suck the edge of his finger inside.  
  
It didn’t really feel like anything. It wasn’t good or bad, maybe just slightly odd. Niall continued that circular motion until the whole tip of his finger was inside, before boring his eyes into Zayn’s as he let his finger slide deeper against the hint of resistance. And it was so slow, the way inch after inch disappeared inside of him, almost like Niall was trying to make him feel it. He winced when Niall buried his finger to the hilt, more from the discomfort than the actual pinch of pain, but then Niall was moving it in small circles again, getting him used to the feeling.  
  
“This okay?” Niall asked, and leaned forward to smooth over the crinkle in his forehead, and Zayn realized he still hadn’t let it subside.  
  
“Yeah.”  
  
“It hurts?” he made sure.  
  
“Not really,” Zayn admitted. “Just… weird.”  
  
“It is,” Niall agreed, and Zayn broke the eye contact when Niall started to pull his finger out. “At first, at least. It’s good, eventually.”  
  
For a moment Zayn thought Niall was going to remove his finger completely, but then he moved it back inside, and,  _oh_. He couldn’t help the wave of heat that spread down his neck and chest when he realized he was actually getting fucked, only by a finger, but still… He had never thought he would have something inside of him, let alone another boy’s finger, and it was overwhelming.  
  
Niall was slowly setting a steady rhythm, and Zayn felt himself getting used to drag of his walls, and the pull at his rim, but soon enough the slide was getting dry as most of the saliva had evaporated, and this was when Niall withdrew his finger out, and Zayn was left to clench around thin air.  
  
There was a slick sound, and Zayn looked back at Niall when he returned his hand between his legs, and this time he felt two fingers nudging against him, and Niall repeated the lazy circular motion from before again, before removing his fingers to spit directly on his opening. Zayn whimpered in surprise, and he unconsciously brought his legs closer, squeezing Niall slightly between them, but Niall was unbothered as he rubbed his fingers against Zayn until he invited him back inside. One went in rather easily, but two were already a tight fit and a stretch, and he dug his fingernails into Niall’s biceps when he slowly prodded inside so only the very tips were in, which already felt like a lot, and Zayn squeezed them out without him intending to.  
  
“Shit, you’re tight,” Niall cursed. When Zayn relaxed enough to let him back inside, his fingers went in a little farther, and Zayn bit his lip at the stretch, and concentrated on breathing deeply and watching the shadows Niall’s eyelashes created on his cheeks as he looked at where he disappeared inside of Zayn’s body, and he was thankful it was dark enough that Niall couldn’t make out much.  
  
Zayn’s walls squeezed around Niall’s digits when they went in to the knuckle, and Niall moaned at this, like he was getting off on having his fingers inside of him. It was intense, the feeling when Niall started to move his fingers again after giving him some time to adjust, but it wasn’t as strange and unfamiliar as before. He was starting to get used to the feeling of having something inside of himself, and after Niall twisted his fingers on the thrust back in, Zayn wiggled his butt a bit to get more comfortable, and felt Niall’s fingers rotating inside of him with the movement.  
  
And Niall was so careful, conscious of Zayn’s reactions. He read his body language and listened to the sounds he emitted the whole way through. He started moving when Zayn stopped holding his breath, stopped moving altogether when Zayn’s brow furrowed in discomfort, and didn’t increase the speed from that slow pace even once. And when Niall started to spread his fingers inside of him, he was so gentle that Zayn barely winced at the stretch.  
  
When Zayn scrunched his nose at the dry friction of Niall’s fingers against his inner walls, Niall pulled out to spit into his hand, before tracing this time three fingers around him. Zayn had trouble staying still at the anticipation of having three fingers inside him, and this time it took Niall longer to start pressing them inside, as he leaned down to kiss his asscheek, and nuzzled against him as he rubbed them against his opening.  
  
Zayn hissed when Niall pushed the fingers inside, and Niall went up to kiss his closed eye in apology, and rotated the digits inside of him to create vibrations that distracted him from the inconvenience.  
  
“Try to push them out,” Niall suggested, and Zayn did as he was told, and felt them moving further inside with less pain involved. “Yeah, like that,” Niall encouraged him. Zayn whimpered at the tug on his rim on the pull outside, and squirmed until the fingers went in again and the pads rubbed over his walls. And he had no words to describe how it felt to have something caressing him so deep inside, in a place nothing was supposed to get in, but as Niall had said, it didn’t feel all that weird after a while. He couldn’t put his finger on it, but there was some sort of another feeling bleeding in through the hint of pain, and it wasn’t a bad feeling at all.

  
“I’m gonna go deeper now, okay?” Niall warned him. “It might be a bit overwhelming, but well, you’ll understand yourself.”  
  
And at first Zayn didn’t think it was possible, but then Niall was pulling his fingers out completely, and spitting into his palm to return the slickness to his fingers, before pushing in again. But this time Niall twisted his hand in a certain way that had the air knocking out of Zayn’s lungs, and his mouth opened obscenely over a throaty moan when the fingers went in past the knuckles, and he swore his vision actually whitened at the edges, and he gripped hard onto Niall’s shoulders as his fingers reached deeper than before. And then Niall’s fingertips were just nudging against his walls, curling upward as if searching for something, before drawing back again.  
  
“God,” Zayn moaned again as Niall repeated the movement, and this time he pushed back against Niall’s fingers, and Niall raised his brow suggestively before meeting him halfway. And by this point, lust took over anything else, and his body went pliant and soft under Niall’s ministrations, and he gazed back at Niall through half-lidded eyes as the other boy moved in and out of him again and again.  
  
He wondered briefly if Niall’s hand was cramping from doing the same motion for so long, but he didn’t hear him complaining, so he let it go. The farther relaxed state of his body enabled Niall to reach deeper, and when he curled his fingers toward himself, he grazed against a spot that made Zayn curve his back in the most beautiful way, and release an almost wounded sound. “This is the…?” he gasped out.  
  
“Yeah,” Niall confirmed, his eyes hooded as he drank in the sight before him. It took him another few tries, but he managed to hit the same spot again, and Zayn writhed in pleasure. It was like a shock that shot up his spine, a kind of sensation he had never experienced before – like it was the beginning of an orgasm, but not quite there yet, and he swore he could feel it in his cock.  
  
“It’s good, isn’t it?” he asked when another rub against that bump made Zayn’s walls clench around his digits, almost as if he was trying to keep them in.  
   
“Yeah,” Zayn breathed with an arm thrown over his face, sweat gathering under his back and dripping down his temples.  
  
Niall pulled his fingers out to spit into his hand, and returned them back in to ease the glide, and seriously, Zayn was such a putty in his hands now he might let Niall do anything to him. The last traces of discomfort were gone, and now Zayn felt just full, full and so sensitive that his body responded to the simplest of touches. “You know,” Niall said as he caressed his free hand up and down Zayn’s shin. “Some men can come just from prostate stimulation.”  
  
Zayn choked at his words, but he believed him. While at first his erection started to go down, it changed when it started feeling less painful and more pleasurable. His hard cock bounced pitifully against his stomach every time he jerked, and twitched every time Niall was so, so close to that pleasurable place, and yet missed it. It was like the sweetest torture when Niall found a comfortable angle for him to rub over that bundle of nerves repeatedly. He wondered what it would take to make him come just like this when Niall pulled out, and just toyed with his slightly stretched rim in a way that shouldn’t be so sexy, but it still made him quiver.  
  
“Come here,” Zayn murmured, and tugged until Niall hovered over him again. Their lips instinctively found each other, and slotted together hungrily before Niall cupped his jaw to slow down the frantic rhythm. And Zayn hesitated only a moment before bringing his hand lower to wrap around Niall’s member, wanting to return the favor, and curious to feel another boy, and Niall let out the most rewarding sound, deep and low. And Niall was so hard in his hand it must be edging painful for him, and it was sort of weird to touch a cock that wasn’t his – different texture and width and length, and the loose and soft foreskin that slipped on the downwards stroke to expose a sticky head – but it was Niall’s, and well, he was fascinated with every part of Niall.  
  
“Gonna make me come if you continue,” Niall murmured against his lips. “You better stop before I do.”  
  
Somewhat reluctantly, because he realized how sensitive Niall’s cockhead was, and what sounds it emitted out of him when he swiped his finger over it, Zayn let go of him, and instead dragged the same hand up Niall’s chest, slick and all, before letting it fall to the ground. He sighed when Niall bumped their noses softly together, and wrapped his legs around his body to keep him close.  
  
The movement caused Niall’s cock to nudge in between his cheeks for a moment, and they both gasped at it. Niall raised his head to see Zayn’s reaction, and Zayn stared back at him, a little breathless. And when Niall cupped his cheek, Zayn leaned into it naturally. “I want you so much,” Niall whispered, and yeah, Zayn was pretty sure he had already known that by the hard state of Niall’s cock against his thigh.  
  
“You can have me,” Zayn replied. “You know that.”  
  
“I’m afraid to hurt you, though,” Niall admitted. “It’s the last thing I want.”  
  
Zayn squeezed his eyes shut, and took in a steadying breath. “You won’t,” he assured him.  
  
“You can’t know that,” Niall huffed.  
  
Zayn sighed as he cupped Niall’s cheeks. “I trust you. I want it to be you.” His eyes shone up at Niall with a vulnerability he could see reflected in his own, the both of them baring their souls. “I wouldn’t be doing it with you if I didn’t want it.”

“If you only knew how much you mean to me…” Niall sighed, and leaned in to kiss him. It was soft, and comforting, and filled with so much uncontained emotion that Zayn felt flooded with it.  
  
He kept his eyes closed when Niall sat back, and shivered when he trailed his hand down his chest and toward his leg that still was wrapped around him. Niall squeezed it, before propping it on his elbow instead, and letting the other rest on the ground. Next was the sound of Niall spitting, and the slick sound of his hand moving over himself. And then he felt Niall’s fingers against his rim again, spreading the remaining wetness over him, before slipping inside to move in and out a few times for a good measure. And then he felt the smooth head of Niall’s member nudging against him, not even pushing inside, and his hole clenched in response.  
  
Niall took Zayn’s hand in his like he could feel how overwhelmed he already was, and squeezed it, and Zayn returned the gesture. And that was when Niall’s member finally caught against his hole, and he started to push inside. Zayn’s mouth opened on a soundless moan as the tip slipped inside, and he squeezed Niall’s hand so hard the other boy winced himself. “Bad?” Niall asked as he kissed the expanse of his neck in apology.   
  
“No,” Zayn replied groggily, brows pushed together. “Keep going.”  
  
“I’ll need you to tell me how it feels, though,” Niall said as he tilted his hips in a circular motion to help Zayn get used to the stretch. He pushed forward a little more, and Zayn threw his head back with a thump. He was having a hard time breathing, not to talk about staying relaxed.  
  
“It burns, doesn’t it?” Niall asked quietly as he brushed the hair away from Zayn’s sweaty face.  
  
“A little,” Zayn admitted, and blinked until the sting in his eyes faded.  
  
“Let me know if it’s too much,” Niall said, and Zayn nodded, and then Niall was pushing farther inside. Zayn clawed with his free hand at his back, and bit hard onto his lip to stay quiet as Niall went deeper inch by inch, and this time he didn’t stop until he was fully sheathed inside.  
  
And for a moment it really was too much, too overwhelming; Niall’s cock way too deep inside, stretching him way too wide, and he almost asked Niall to pull out, but then he looked at Niall who was watching him with a mix of awe and concern, and Zayn was ready to bear through the discomfort for him. Once the pain subsided a little, he released the death hold he realized he had on Niall’s back and hand, and gasped at the half-moons that littered the skin where his fingernails had been. He wanted to say sorry, but he couldn’t find his voice. It was like his mouth was filled with cotton.  
  
He barely registered it when Niall wrapped both his legs around his waist, and leaned in to whisper against his trembling lips, “I love you.”  
  
Zayn’s heart gave a powerful throb, and he felt a tingly feeling washing over his insides, sending shivers all the way down to his toes where they were curled against Niall’s back.  
  
He was way too out of it to say anything in return, though, as the words were stuck in his throat. But it seemed like Niall wasn’t waiting for a reply, anyway, as he just lay on top of him, and simply hugged him close to himself.  
  
Zayn felt everything. The chillness of the evening air, the roughness of the ground, the warmth of Niall’s body against his, his steady weight on top of him, his heart beating against his chest, and his own hammering inside of his ribcage. He had never felt so enveloped in Niall. He felt him throbbing inside of him, his heavy and solid body covering his, his mouth against his cheek, kissing a lazy path down to the side of his jaw, his fingers under his back, in his hair.  
  
And it was then so peaceful, their gradually steadying breathing mingling, and their hearts beating at the same pace. He stroked through Niall’s hair as they lay pressed together, and relished in the feeling of being joined in the most intimate way. Soon enough the last remains of discomfort were gone, and Zayn just felt full, full and content, more than happy to just stay like this with Niall. He tried to experimentally clench around Niall, and in response, the blonde boy hissed into his neck, and uncontrollably bucked into him and buried himself even deeper, which caused in a moan from the both of them.  
  
And that was when Zayn realized that Niall was actually inside of him, and God, it was like Zayn had gone against his whole ideology, and the oddest thing was that he couldn’t care less. Where was the Zayn who shied away from boys? From anal sex? Not to talk about being in the receiving place. What was it in Niall that changed him? What was so special and unique about him that had Zayn willing to give him every piece of himself?  
  
“Niall...” Zayn called for him quietly, trying to draw his attention, not sure what he wanted to get by that at all, but when Niall raised his head to look at him, he seemed to understand through his eyes.  
  
“I’m here.” He took one of Zayn’s hands in his, and kissed the knuckles, his voice dripping with uncontained emotion. “I’m right here, with you.”  
  
“Niall,” Zayn found himself repeating helplessly again.  
  
“Shhh…” Niall soothed him, and started to rock into him, gentle rolls of his hips against Zayn’s that made Zayn feel like he was rocking his entire world, his back muscles flexing under Zayn’s hand each time he moved forward.  
  
“Niall,” Zayn whimpered, feeling lost, and a little out of control.  
  
“I’ve got you,” Niall promised and cupped his face with one hand to peck his lips. “Let me take care of you.”  
  
Zayn didn’t respond with words, but he pulled Niall closer to himself in what he hoped was an answer good enough. He stifled the soft sounds that Niall earned himself against his neck, and almost hiccupped when Niall whispered into his ear, “You’re so pretty.”  
  
“So, so pretty now,” Niall continued as his hips still made those slow rocking movements, not even real thrusts. “Always pretty, actually… But you kind of glow under the light of the moon, you know? You’re truly beautiful.”  
  
“Beautiful is for girls,” Zayn gasped out against Niall’s collarbone when Niall added a roll to his motion as well.  
  
Niall straightened to support himself on his forearms on either side of Zayn’s head, and pulled halfway out as he looked straight into the softness of Zayn’s eyes. “Hmm?” he mused. “But you’re a boy, and you’re beautiful.”  
  
Zayn’s eyes snapped shut at this statement, and he let out deep breaths as Niall slowly worked himself to the hilt inside of him again.  
  
“You’re beautiful,” Niall kissed his closed eyelids, and then the red blush that littered his cheeks. He drew out again, and thrust gently back in, and leaned in to meet his lips. Zayn couldn’t really kiss him properly anymore, but Niall didn’t seem bothered by how messy and off-angle it was, and when he cupped the sides of his face, Zayn’s mind floated higher and higher, through the gap in the ceiling, and out into the night sky. He imagined a thousand stars shining above him, and the milky moon washing him with its mystic light, and the fireflies he had witnessed a few times surrounding him. And then he thought of Niall’s eyes, shinier than anything else in the entire world, and when he pulled back from the kiss to look at them, he saw all the warmth and the kindness that was in them.  
  
His eyes fluttered close when Niall continued slowly stroking in and out of him, his erection trapped between their stomachs, and rubbing against Niall’s abdomen. It provided just the right amount of friction to make it pleasurable, but not enough to actually give him relief.  
  
When Zayn opened his eyes again, Niall was staring at him with deep admiration. It was different from the look he had given him earlier tonight. This one was much more intense, his face serious and almost cold as his eyes scanned over every inch of him. And something about the way Niall’s eyes pierced into him made him feel like Niall was looking straight into his soul, seeing the darkest places, all of his secrets and private thoughts, and it made him feel so exposed that he had to look away.  
  
Gentle fingertips then grazed his chin, and turned his face until he was facing Niall again.  
  
“Look at me when I’m taking you,” Niall panted, his voice a low drawl, and he moved his hand to the back of Zayn’s head, so it wouldn’t collide with the hard ground anymore.  
  
And Zayn could do nothing but comply, his lips parting over silent and breathy moans, and his eyes closing only momentarily when the pleasure and the pressure got too much to keep them open, before staring back into the endless silvery blue that was Niall’s eyes.  
  
And when the head of Niall’s cock nudged against some good spot, Zayn spasmed around him, and Niall released a guttural sound. Niall tried to aim at that place again, and when he did, a loud moan that was crawling at the back of Zayn’s throat was knocked out with a gush of air. At the sound of Zayn’s moan, Zayn caught a glimpse of a glint in Niall's eyes that reminded him of a predator hunting his prey, and Zayn whimpered at another accurate thrust against that bundle of nerves.  
  
And then he saw it more clearly, the feral and hungry look in Niall’s eyes. Not for anything in particular, just for whole of Zayn. And while Zayn didn’t think he could satisfy someone’s hunger, the lines in Niall’s forehead smoothed out with every thrust into his heat with relief beyond anything else. And no one had ever looked at him like this before, like they wanted to devour him whole.  
  
And it was overwhelming, but Niall didn’t move into him with roughness or force; his eyes intense and his hands on him soft, and when Zayn smoothed his hands over Niall’s cheeks in search of the familiar bright look in Niall’s eyes, the loving and careful touch made Niall’s face soften, and his eyes to become kinder, and he bit his lip like he was shy at having let it get to him like this, before smiling softly at Zayn, just enough to show off his dimple, and Zayn was so gone for him it was getting ridiculous.

He had never felt so desired, this wanted. It was odd how he simultaneously couldn’t get enough of this feeling, and how it felt like it was too much. He felt like he was drowning in the feeling of him moving inside of him, and in his scent clinging to him, and his sweat mingling with his. And Niall was all he thought about, and cared for, and wanted at this moment.  
  
“You’re simply amazing,” Niall told him, his hands running from Zayn’s neck to his face, and into his hair. “Don’t know how I got this lucky.”  
  
“I’m far from amazing,” Zayn argued, though it was feeble.  
  
“To me you are,” Niall said. “And I’m not talking only about the way you feel, which is absolutely perfect, but about all of you. Inside and out.”  
  
“Stop being so sappy,” Zayn groaned, and Niall laughed, before swiping his tongue against Zayn’s lips.  
  
“Alright, then I’ll stop talking, and start moving,” Niall said, and it barely prepared Zayn for when Niall pulled almost all the way out only to thrust back in, and he went so deep that the breath got knocked out of him. “This better?”  
  
Zayn pinched his side at that, because Niall should stop fishing for compliments, and no, Zayn wasn’t feeling like talking about how Niall was making him feel. He didn’t know what Niall’s previous partners were like, but not everyone was very talkative in bed.  
  
But the new pace totally worked for the both of them, because soon enough they both were too breathless to even kiss, let alone talk, and they just gasped into each other’s mouths as pleasure took over anything else. And when Niall slipped out to change the angle, it still burned a little when he got back inside, the pull at his swollen ring of muscle sending a pang of pain up his spine, but it all was worth it when Niall found his prostate again, and in this angle, he could graze against it effortlessly with almost every thrust.  
  
Zayn started to meet Niall’s thrusts when he felt surer of himself, and it seemed like Niall encouraged him to do so with the way he slowed down his thrusting until Zayn pushed against him bluntly to get him pumping again. And soon enough, Zayn wanted more, more of Niall, more of the feeling, and he hiked his legs higher up on Niall’s back in a desperate attempt to gain just that, and Niall stifled a moan against his neck when he went a little deeper into him in this position.  
  
He felt like he was edging closer and closer to the peak; his thighs shaking, and hole quivering, and hands slipping from where they were trying to grip firmly onto Niall’s biceps. And Niall was grazing so tenderly against that sensitive place within him that it made Zayn’s eyes prickle, and when Niall closed his mouth over his, and swallowed all of his whimpers and silent keens and throaty moans, Zayn felt all the emotions and the feelings buried inside of him nearing the surface, and there was so much heat between them, and Niall was holding him so gently in his arms, his soft wavy hair tickling his cheeks, his warm breath mixing with his, his every thrust filled with so much passion, and meaning, and care that a single little tear trickled down his face.  
  
Because he had never felt this loved before.  
  
Niall probably heard his quiet sniffle, because he pulled away from the kiss to look down at him, and kissed the tear stains away.  
  
“I’m not hurting you, am I?” he whispered, his eyes so caring that it made Zayn ache and his eyes prickle even more. Zayn shook his head, even though another sob escaped him, and he closed his eyes as he let himself get lost in it all.  
  
Niall kissed his eyelids as if to make sure he wouldn’t cry again, before latching onto the side of his jaw, sucking a mark into the flesh there, like he hadn’t left enough already, but this one felt different. Niall was using more suction than he would usually, and as Zayn relished in the feeling of his lips working over him, he felt like Niall was leaving his seal there, a little reminder of this night that would eventually fade, but would stay etched into their memory.  
  
Niall shifted a bit to give himself more leverage to move, and settled on long and deep strokes that reached places Zayn hadn’t dreamt someone ever would. And as the pressure was getting more permanent, the pleasure was increasing as well, and Zayn didn’t think that he would last much longer.  
  
“Are you close?” Niall whispered into his ear. “You’re starting to clench around me...”  
   
Zayn nodded, and Niall lowered his forehead onto his, his eyes closed in concentration as he drove in and out of him. The drag of him against Zayn’s walls was still wet, even though Niall didn’t bother to lubricate him once since the penetration, and he guessed it had to do with the fact that Niall wasn’t wearing a condom or something, so his precum was keeping the moisture inside of him. Perhaps it was the advantage of barebacking.  
  
“Can I come inside of you?” Zayn could feel Niall’s breath ghosting over his lips. “I don’t think that I can hold off any longer.”  
  
“Yeah,” Zayn whispered, wiping away a drop of sweat that was sliding down the side of Niall’s face. He would give Niall every bit of him if he could.  
  
The growing heat between them left them sweating and overheated, and the perspiration made the drag of his cock between their stomachs much more pleasurable, as the slick glide provided just the right amount of delicious friction to drive Zayn closer to the edge, and that accompanied with the constant striking against his prostate was enough to send him over.  
  
And with another nudge against that bundle of nerves, Zayn was coming between them.  
  
His orgasm hit him in waves that intensified and were dragged out the more Niall jammed against that bundle of nerves as he chased his own climax, and he might have accidentally raked his fingernails down Niall’s back with the force of it. And he barely registered Niall wincing when his vision whitened at the edges, and pure bliss rushed into his abdomen. Niall held him through it, his own cock pulsing inside of him, and he couldn’t tell whether Niall had come already or not, but he did register it when Niall hid his face in the juncture between his neck and shoulder, and just rutted against him, until he, too, stopped moving. The real indication Niall had reached his limit was the hot wetness Zayn felt coating his insides, and he scrunched his nose a little when he felt it dripping out when Niall started to pull out of him, and he whimpered just a little in over-sensitivity when Niall’s cock popped out.  
  
Zayn was still slightly shaking with his aftershocks when Niall collapsed on top of him, and then they were just a messy and sticky tangle of sweaty limbs as they panted. Niall pressed his head under Zayn’s chin while trying to calm down, and Zayn unwrapped his legs from around Niall to let them relax. He was too worn out to move, and it seemed Niall felt the same as he dropped down to lie on the ground next to him, chest still rising and falling rapidly.  
  
Eventually, he turned onto his side, and Zayn copied his position so they were facing each other, their bodies too overheated in order to touch momentarily. Soon enough, when Niall came down, he pulled Zayn close to himself again, and Zayn nuzzled into his neck, placing a few little kisses in his wake. He felt Niall running a hand down his spine, and the gentle touch made him shiver involuntarily. He trailed his hand even lower to Zayn’s bum, and parted him again. Zayn felt his fingertip tracing over his tender skin slowly, and he shivered again. The area was quite sensitive, but the stroking of his finger was soothing, and Zayn felt himself relaxing into it.  
  
Zayn keened when Niall dipped his fingertip in just the slightest bit, massaging softly the place where Zayn was so open and wet and hot to the touch. He ventured his finger even deeper inside, working it around very gently, caressing Zayn’s swollen and delicate walls; more wetness oozing out the farther he moved inside.  
  
“Fuck,” Niall whispered, his voice awed, and he leaned in to kiss Zayn’s lips again while playing with his well-used opening. It was incredibly hot and dirty, the way Niall was just touching and feeling what he had done to him, and it probably would have made him want to go for round two in any other circumstances, but not tonight, it seemed. His dick just lay limp against his thigh as he kissed Niall soundly. Niall pulled his finger out eventually, and instead wrapped both his arms securely around Zayn’s neck as he continued kissing him, and when they pulled back, he just smiled sloppily and tiredly at him.  
  
“I hope it was as good for you as it was for me,” he said.  
  
“It was,” Zayn assured him. He stroked the hair at the nape of Niall's hair as he added, “I liked it.”  
  
“Good,” Niall said more to himself than anything, and hid his face in Zayn’s shoulder, a yawn making its way past his lips. “We should probably wash up and go back.”  
  
“Yeah,” Zayn agreed, though he just sleepily pulled Niall into him. “In a moment, just… need to get the feeling in my legs back before that.”  
  
“Fucked you good, huh?” Niall sneakered, and Zayn made an embarrassed sound.  
  
“It has nothing to do with it,” he protested, though it wasn’t entirely true, because when Niall tangled their legs together, Zayn felt that dull ache in his lower back, and he had the feeling it would be there tomorrow. He hoped he could at least walk without limping.  
  
“If you say so,” Niall chuckled, and Zayn couldn’t resist pressing a kiss to the top of his head.  
  
Zayn felt the kind of contentment he had never felt after sex. The kind of satisfaction that came out of knowing that you couldn’t have chosen a better partner to do this with, and the kind of feeling that made you feel like nothing could go wrong, and like no one could hurt you. And as they lay there enveloped in each other, Zayn realized he had never felt more disconnected from the universe as he did now. It was almost as if he were living in a parallel dimension with another timeline. And seriously, he couldn’t even prove right now he wasn’t, as he was so far away from his world, and life, and home.  
  
And there was the slight sting in his bum, the burn in his back from rubbing against the hard ground, even through the leaf, the itchy feeling in his lips from wanting to kiss Niall over and over again even though they were already swollen and bitten raw. But his body was relaxed and warm, and his heart was beating peacefully in his chest under Niall’s hand, and his soul was peaceful and complete.  
  
He guessed that he might’ve found his paradise.  
  
“Shit,” Zayn laughed suddenly when he felt some more come leaking out of him, the sound somewhat bemused. “I don’t know how I’m even gonna clean this…”  
  
“I’ll help you,” Niall suggested.  
  
“How romantic,” Zayn deadpanned, but he clasped his hands with Niall’s when he offered to help him get up, and even though his legs were wobbly, he didn’t lose his footing. “Alright, let’s go the sea, though, because I don’t think I can stand any more heat.”  
  
“Even not mine?”  
  
“Shaddup,” Zayn said, but there was no heat behind his words, and he was laughing anyway. He didn’t laugh as much when the freezing water of the ocean made contact with his skin, but Niall was there to warm him up later.


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, first of all, I can't believe that I finally posted a new chapter. It took me almost a year to update, and I have no excuses for this. Though, actually, I do. But I still feel like I should've finished this months ago.  
> I just didn't have time, I swear I didn't. Now I don't have much time too, except on weekends, but I can't, unfortunately, spend my weekends on writing all the time, no matter how much I would like to.
> 
> I feel bad for making you wait this long, and this is mainly why I made a long chapter to make up for it. The good news is that I have this story figured. While half a year ago I found myself stuck, and not knowing how to continue, now I can say I know how I want this to go.
> 
> I don't know how long it'd take me to make the next chapter. I don't have it written at all. So I would say at least a month, and I'm sorry :(  
> But I promise to finish this=D

A splash of chilly water hit him, and Zayn laughed as he tried to get away from Niall’s impending attack. His attempts to flee weren’t so successful as he still got a faceful of water when Niall charged at him again, laughing along with him as Zayn spat the water that had gotten into his mouth.  
  
“Come on, Niall,” Zayn said through his grin, wiping the water out of his eyes. “Go easy on me.”  
  
“Giving up so fast?” Niall cooed as he waded into his space, lifting his hands innocently in the air when Zayn flinched against a chance of another splash.  
  
“Well, what can I say? You’re certainly the master of water fights.”  
  
Niall hummed his agreement as he came to stand before him in the shallow waters. “Yeah, what else?”  
  
Zayn fought back a grin as he returned his hands back to the water, waiting for the right moment. He pretended to think as he said, “You’re certainly the master of fishing too, and you’re not bad at—“ He withdrew his hand out of the water with a force great enough to bring a jet of water right at Niall’s unsuspecting face. He watched for the exact moment Niall’s smug expression was washed away by an alarmed one, and he burst into a laughter as Niall stared at him in utter shock.  
  
Before Niall fully recovered, Zayn dived into the water and broke into a swim farther in the ocean, not fully breathing correctly like Niall had taught him because of the laughter still bubbling in his belly. It might be that that had Niall at his toes not ten seconds later, gripping his ankle to prevent him from going farther, or more likely, it might be Niall’s obvious advantage over him in this specific territory.  
  
“Thought you’d get away with it, huh?” Niall gibed once he had his arms wrapped around his torso. “Not a nice one, Zayn.”  
  
Zayn shrugged innocently as he wriggled out of Niall embrace, and turned around to face him. Niall was obviously amused, even though he was trying to hide it under a faux frown.  
  
“Says the one playing unfairly here,” Zayn retorted. Niall finally let go of his attempts at being serious, and smiled sheepishly at him instead.  
  
“Alright, I promise to play fair this time. No dirty moves.”  
  
“You better.” Zayn fixed him with a glare.  
  
The sun beat down on them as they waded farther in the ocean toward the reef, and when Niall pulled him back under the water with him, Zayn just hoped Niall wouldn’t try to kiss him again like that time he had almost suffocated. _I thought it would be romantic_ , he remembered Niall fretting over him as he had struggled to catch his breath. It brought a smile to his lips now, a soft one that he couldn’t fight off as Niall created bubbles in the water to entertain him.  
  
He still tried to manage his breathing, but for the time being he had to take a break every twenty seconds or so to fill his lungs with air before diving back in to look at Niall swimming with the colorful fishes around him. Niall had explained it to him that it takes time to be able to hold one’s breath for so long, and Zayn knew that, of course. It had taken him weeks, perhaps months of practice to be able to swim the way he did now. And yet, the way Niall was able to go without air for approximately five minutes made jealousy rise in the depths of his mind.    
The thing was that it wasn’t something Zayn had realized he wanted until recently. Water was always off limits for him, something to be avoided; he had never thought he’d come to tolerate it, to be patient and trusting enough to let Niall teach him. And now, as he observed the way Niall was so happy caressing the flanks of the fish that were bold enough to come near him, he realized that it was something he wanted to have too. This certainty in an uncharted territory as the ocean was, this easiness and carefreeness Niall possessed as he did tricks and touched the bottom of the sea, a place Zayn was too nervous to get near to yet.  
  
Niall always made sure to tell him how well he was progressing, but seeing him had him thinking. Zayn was thinking. 

 

* * *

 

“You’re still at it?” Zayn asked as he approached the other boy, a coconut juice in his hands in case Niall was thirsty.  
  
Niall straightened from where he was crouching next to the logs he was tying together. He accepted the coconut shell with a thank you, downing it in just a few moments, some of the liquid spilling onto his chin, which he was quick to catch with the back of his hand. “Trying to figure it out,” Niall replied as he went back to work.  
  
Zayn silently watched him work for another minute. He followed his deft movements as he secured the ties, and handed him a vine when it seemed like he looked for one. The thing looked almost done. It was perhaps Niall’s third try at making it after the previous rafts had just crumbled apart and sank into the ocean. He didn’t understand Niall’s fascination with it, sometimes it seemed like he was just making himself busy out of pure boredom, but he couldn’t deny that possible uses they could find for this. And watching Niall work with that serious and concentrated expression on was something Zayn didn’t mind at all.  
  
“Need a hand?” he asked once Niall started to drag the apparently finished raft to the waters. Niall stopped, and turned his head to look at him before nodding. The wooden thing was heavy, not that Zayn suspected anything else. But the sea was a few feet from them, and it became easier once they pulled the raft deeper into the ocean, past the low waves that made it difficult for them.  
  
He helped Niall straighten the raft once the water was at waist level, and Niall murmured, “Reckon it floats this time around. Think it can handle some weight on?”  
  
Zayn shrugged, and watched as Niall climbed it only for the raft to turn itself over along with him. It wasn’t supposed to be funny, be he still found himself chuckling as Niall emerged out of the water a few moments later, looking perplexed and slightly betrayed. “Here, let me hold this,” he suggested as he moved to support the surface as Niall crawled back on top.  
  
His delighted smile was so sweet once he was perched on the raft at last, offering Zayn a hand to haul him up as well. It was a bit tricky, the raft rocking ominously from side to the side, but this time it didn’t turn upside down. “Well,” Niall said as he caressed the wooden surface proudly. “Think it’s about time to take this sweetie for a ride.”  
  
Zayn snorted from where he was sitting on his heels behind him, fisting the ropes that kept the logs together so he wouldn’t slip. “And how do you reckon we navigate this?”  
  
“Oh,” Niall made once he realized they didn’t have anything to row with. He laughed then self-degradingly, before sighing as he looked over his shoulder at Zayn. “Guess here the trip ends, huh?”  
  
“Haven’t got any tricks up your sleeve?” Zayn said as he stared at where his hand was immersing inside of the water.  
  
"Well, you can’t expect me to think of everything, can you?” Niall smiled at him, eyes crinkling due to the bright sun. “We might as well just use our hands.”  
  
“You might be mental.” Zayn shook his head disapprovingly. “Let’s head back?”  
  
“Now?” Niall pouted at him, looking very much like a little boy who was denied a candy.  
  
“Now is as good as ever,” Zayn reckoned. “Come on, Niall, you haven’t eaten lunch yet.”  
  
Niall sighed in defeat, and said lowly, “Let’s drag it back, then…”  
  
They both hopped back into the water, careful not to turn the raft over again. The stream had carried them to the rocks, Zayn noticed now. And when they started to tug the raft back, they had to maneuver it through the rocks scattered there, which, well, was quite annoying.  
  
A splash of water on his face brought Zayn out of his thoughts, and he glared at Niall who sneakered beside him. “Get that grumpy face off, would you?”  
  
“What a way to make me do so,” Zayn retorted as he wiped the water off the side of his face. “Come on, Niall, let’s just get this over with, yeah?”  
  
But apparently Niall had other plans because he let go of the raft altogether, and instead scooped Zayn to hoist him onto it, stepping between his legs right after. “Want me to carry you back, is that the thing?” he mused. He kept a hand on the back of Zayn’s neck, pressing their foreheads together.  
  
“Maybe,” Zayn said with a smirk, even though Niall couldn’t see it from this up close.  
  
“You know…” Niall started to say. “I’ve had that thought…”  
  
“That thought,” Zayn repeated, pulling back slightly to look at him. Niall hummed in confirmation, his hands slipping to Zayn’s legs.  
  
“Just something I want to try,” Niall elaborated as he leaned up to bump their noses together. Zayn let his eyes squeeze shut.  
  
“What is it?” Zayn asked, his breath hitching as Niall’s fingers crept higher toward his thighs.  
  
Niall seemed to contemplate it for a moment, before shaking his head. “Think it’s better to show you.”  
   
A small crease appeared on Zayn’s forehead, and he was about to argue, but the words died in his throat as Niall gathered him in his arms again with a hold on the back of his thighs, and he hooked his elbow over Niall’s neck to keep his balance. He didn’t protest when Niall walked them backwards, and only released a shaky breath when he felt himself being crowded against one of the rocks. “I’ve been having a few fantasies,” Niall explained. “Think you can help me fulfil one?”  
  
“Oh…” Zayn gasped softly, suddenly struck with realization. “Here?” he pinked. It became suddenly hard to meet Niall’s eyes.  
  
“It’s not like there is someone here to see us,” Niall pointed out. “Unless you’re worried about the fish playing voyeur.”  
  
“Idiot,” Zayn mumbled bashfully from where he was hiding his face in Niall’s neck. Niall had a point, but it still didn’t change the fact that it was broad daylight, in the open space, more specifically, in the sea. And while it did charge an excitement flooding in his veins, he couldn’t help but think how wrong it would’ve been in other circumstances. _In other circumstances_ , he reminded himself. Nothing was wrong with this now. It was only them here.  
  
So he raised his head to meet Niall’s gaze, and surged to kiss him when Niall’s hand went to his chin.  
It was a bit tricky getting out of his briefs with Niall holding him upright, but after some awkward fumbling, Niall managed to toss the material onto the raft floating nearby. He sighed in pleasure as Niall pressed against him so his fattening prick rubbed against the muscles in his abdomen, and gasped into Niall’s mouth as he raised him slightly so his bum was out of the water, and he was supported by Niall’s elbows.  
  
“I think I might still be stretched from last time,” he mumbled weakly once he broke out of the kiss, avoiding Niall’s gaze as he felt his hand searching between his legs.  
  
“Still need to prep you, love,” Niall gentled against his neck.  
  
It was inconvenient, undoubtedly, for Niall to ready him in this position, what not with the awkward angle and the strain of supporting Zayn’s weight, but Zayn waited patiently as Niall lingered for longer than necessary, distracting himself from his need for release by pressing kisses to the expanse of Niall’s neck.  
  
When they had sex, sometimes it was fumbling filled with bashful laughter; Niall trying various positions to test just how flexible Zayn was. It was in those times that Niall lay still underneath him and let him study the anatomy of another boy. And there were times where their joining was given a playful or sexy tilt; Niall holding Zayn’s hands above his head, or securing them behind his back while talking nonsense into his ear. And then, there were those times where it was a passionate lovemaking, a heady sensation clouding their minds as their eyes stayed locked in and their limbs tangled together, words they couldn’t take back streaming from their mouths.  
  
But this didn’t fall into any of those categories. It was just so them, so natural that it seemed like they had done this a hundred times before. He thought he might drown in Niall’s eyes. They were so, so blue, prominent due to the sea around them and the sky above them, and he was captivated by the way they smiled around the corners even when his mouth wasn’t. He shivered at every accurate stroke, settling into the rocking motion of their bodies, the push and pull that resembled the tide of the sea. He didn’t know what was about the experience that made it so unique, but there was something about it that was reliving, freeing. Like they had the world in their pocket, like they were just two teenagers who were having fun without any worries or regrets. He felt younger than he had had in months, as young and carefree as he actually was. He just felt… happy.  
  
And as he found his release, he rested his forehead against Niall’s shoulder, grasping onto the last few moments of the aftershocks, letting Niall’s and the sea’s scents calm him, simply content to stay here with him. And as they held each other through their shared exertion, a laughter suddenly bubbled in Zayn’s throat.  
  
“What?” Niall asked, bemused as Zayn giggled into his shoulder, though he joined him anyway a moment later.  
  
Zayn just shook his head, still giggling as he slotted his lips over Niall’s. He winced when Niall’s softening member slipped free, and leaned back against the rock to observe his sweaty face. He was about to say something in the lines of, “So, outdoors sex, huh?” but just then he spotted his briefs drifting farther into the ocean, and he practically squeaked as he jumped back into the water, quick to catch the sneaky raft. Niall laughed in amusement as he fixed his own underwear from where it was lowered to his thighs and helped him pull the wooden raft back to the beach.

 

* * *

 

When Zayn encountered a beehive by chance as he wandered the woods, he didn’t tell about it to Niall with the intention of him bringing him honey. Yes, the sight indeed had his mouth watering, but he knew how dangerous it was to actually approach a hive, not to talk about how unarmed and bare they were as it was. He merely pointed it in a passing, warning Niall not to disturb the working bees. So when a few days later Niall came back with the beehive in his arms, Zayn nearly fell from the stone he was sitting on.  
  
“Niall!” he called with alarm, hurrying to greet the boy, who from this up close was visibly spurting at least a few dozens of bites all over his body. “Why…?” He eyed the painful looking stings with alert. “Oh, Niall, there are so many of them. Let me—“  
  
But Niall shook his hand off when Zayn tried to inspect. “I’m fine,” he insisted as he walked past him to the camp, laying the honey out on the leaves spread there. “Nothing that hadn’t happened before.”  
  
Niall visibly cringed as he pulled his shirt back on, hiding the majority of the stints from view. “You went without your shirt?” Zayn demanded in distress.  
  
“It’s fine,” Niall said again, shrugging off every attempt Zayn made at trying to tend to him. Zayn clamped his mouth shut as he watched him walk away and disappear into the woods again, and sat down on the stone again in helplessness, hands too clammy to finish the rope he was sewing for the hammock they wanted to set at the beach.  
  
The next time he spotted Niall, he was sitting cross-legged on the beach, the scowl from before still in place as he frowned at the sand. Sometimes he was so stubborn that Zayn wanted to beat him. “Here you are,” Zayn said as a greeting, carrying a bowl of lotion in his hands that Niall eyed sceptically.  
  
“What is it?” Niall asked, nodding toward the coconut shell in Zayn’s hands.  
  
“Aloe Vera,” Zayn replied as he settled beside him. When Niall gave him a look, he sighed. “I know to identify an Aloe Vera when I see it, Niall. It’s okay.”  
  
When Niall didn’t try to flee again, Zayn caressed a hand up his arm, cautious not to touch the stings there. “Let me help,” he murmured once he reached the slope of his neck, which thankfully seemed unharmed.  
  
Niall didn’t respond, but let Zayn slide his shirt off to examine his torso. Niall flinched when Zayn pulled out a sting Niall had missed, but Zayn just shushed him as he continued to scan him for more bits that were in places too awkward for Niall to get them out by himself. “Why are you like this?” Zayn asked. “I mean, doesn’t it hurt?”  
  
Niall didn’t say anything, and just looked down at his hands.  
  
“If you only knew how much you worry me,” Zayn went on as he dipped his hand into the smashed herb. “And when you don’t let me take care of you, you worry me even more.”  
  
Something that resembled regret flashed in Niall’s eyes, but it was gone the moment the lotion made contact with his irritated skin. “Fuck, it’s cold,” he hissed through his teeth.  
  
“Shh...” Zayn coaxed him back into relaxing. “It’s going to help.” He decided to start with Niall’s back, that seemed to him quite reddened. “Why did you go after honey in the first place?” Zayn asked as he smeared the herb right over the bites.  
  
“My father did this before,” Niall started to say, but he jerked when Zayn accidently applied too much pressure.  
  
He mumbled an apology under his breath, and inquired as to distract Niall, “Your father harvested honey?”  
  
Niall nodded, shifting slightly as Zayn slathered his skin. “He showed us how he dozed the bees with smoke, and explained that some sorts didn’t sting. I tried my chances…”  
  
“Oh, Niall,” Zayn said in distress. “Why would you risk yourself like this?”  
  
Niall pouted like a petulant child, but didn’t object when Zayn lotioned the bits on his cheeks and chin.  
  
“I just wanted to give you something sweet…”  
  
Guilt pulled bitter and heavy in his gut, and Zayn frowned as he watched the path of his hands on Niall’s chest. “Niall, you didn’t have to…” Zayn sighed. “I’m perfectly fine with what we have. You needn’t.”  
  
Niall’s expression then changed to hurt and hesitant, and Zayn backtracked. “I’m plenty thankful, Niall, you know that. Only God knows how I missed the taste of something other than coconuts. Just… not at the expense of your health, ok?”  
  
Niall nodded quietly, visibly reluctantly, and Zayn kissed his nose that thankfully went unharmed. “Better now?”  
  
“Loads,” Niall said in the same quiet tone. “Thanks, Zayn. I, I really appreciate it.” He hesitated before adding, “I’m just a bit sore right now to get into the ocean.”  
  
“And it upsets you,” Zayn finished for him.  
  
“It upsets me because it would be tricky for me getting fish.”  
  
“We’ll figure something out,” Zayn reassured him as he did his arms.  
  
“No,” Niall licked his lips. “I think it’s about time you start helping me with it.”  
  
Zayn looked down at the work of his hands, before glancing back at Niall’s face. “You’re probably right,” he said finally.

 

* * *

 

Zayn didn’t know why it had taken him so long to start taking an active part in bringing back food. Or maybe he did know – for the great part, it was due to his initial reluctance to get into the water, especially if Niall wasn’t there to watch his back. But perhaps it was also because it was just convenient for him, for them. Niall was experienced, did his work well, and it was just how they’d divided their tasks from the very first day. But Zayn guessed that by giving him a hand in this, they would be more equal. And now that he went with Niall to the ocean on a regular basis, he was left off excuses.  
  
So when the sun started to go down, Niall took him with him to the sea. Zayn had watched him work before, but never like this. He had never given much thought to the way he held the fishing rod, to the way he tied a worm around the improvised hook Zayn had helped him carve so long ago out of fishbone. He listened as Niall explained him about the tides and the types of fish, and sat down with him on the rocks as they waited for a fish to bite the bait.  
  
“The most important thing is to be patient,” Niall said as he swayed his legs inside of the water. “I prefer fishing in early mornings, though, when the tide is low and it’s easier to spot them. I usually go there,” Niall pointed at the rocks that were farther in the ocean, “as it’s the easiest to catch them there for some reason, but well, I’ll show that to you in another time.”  
  
Zayn listened as he went on talking about techniques, and smiled to himself at how adorable Niall looked as he rambled about which bait was probably the best. The way the setting sun washed his face with shades of gold mesmerized him. He was always distracted easily like this, and he hoped he would remember something of this tomorrow morning.

 

* * *

  
  
Zayn watched silently as Niall clashed two stones together over a pile of tinder. He looked concentrated, almost frustrated as he rubbed the stones together time after time fruitlessly. Zayn bit his lip, and shifted in the hammock slightly in restlessness. Niall had snapped twice at him already for disturbing him every time he opened his mouth to suggest Niall was perhaps overworking this, and he feared that Niall’s frustration from not succeeding after so many tries would be taken out on him anyway.  
  
“Gosh, I’m so sick of this,” Niall spat angrily as he threw the stones aside, rubbing his sore hands. “Why can’t I get this right? I mean, what the hell am I doing wrong? It’s supposed to be so simple!”  
  
Zayn sighed, and debated whether he should keep quiet, but as Niall looked at him as if seeking some sort of response, he said in his most composed tone, “I think it just takes practice. You can’t expect to be good from the first try.”  
  
“The first try?” Niall said. “The first try? Zayn, it’s been weeks, fucking weeks, and I still don’t get it.”  
  
“You did light a fire the other day,” Zayn mumbled, voice small and quiet.  
  
Niall laughed humorlessly. “Yeah!” he said bitterly. “By accident… Fuck, I don’t understand why it comes so hard to me.”  
  
This time Zayn decided to stay quiet. He knew that when Niall got like this it was better to give him his space, mainly because he was at that delicate condition where he was like a thin elastic stretched so tightly he might snap any moment, and only God knew how tiring it was to go through Niall’s moods every time. The thing was that Niall was used to things coming easily to him, to being an expert in his work, except in this one domain. But it was clear that Niall’s broodiness didn’t come just from his failed attempts. They were running out of matches due to the showers of rain that constantly had poured upon the island lately. There were less than a hundred remaining now, and their incapability of making a fire on their own only oppressed them.  
  
When Niall approached him, though, Zayn without any hesitancy scooted back to let him join him. The hammock dangled sinisterly a few times, but as Niall settled against his side, seeking comfort, it went slack again. Zayn threw his leg over Niall’s hip in the narrow space, trying to get comfortable again, before sinking his fingers in Niall’s locks, stroking the messy hair back to turn it into something more presentable.  
  
“I really like this idea,” Niall said eventually after a few minutes of a contented silence. “How didn’t we think about making it sooner?”  
  
Zayn shrugged half-heartedly as he twirled a blonde strand around his finger. He let his fingers slide lower to run over Niall’s features; over the shape of his brow, and the ridge of his nose, and the line of his jaw. Niall lay silently, and letting him touch him as he pleased, before opening his mouth to say, “You know… I’ve never told you, but I didn’t mean for this…” he gestured vaguely between them, “to happen.”  
  
“Huh?” Zayn frowned, letting his hand fall from where he was tracing the curve of Niall’s cheek.  
  
Niall sighed. “I’ve never been in a serious relationship before if you hadn’t got that already.”  
  
“Yeah, I think you mentioned that once…” Zayn recalled distantly, reaching between them to take Niall’s hand into his, tracing the palm slowly for something to do.  
  
“It is just that relationships have always terrified me,” Niall admitted, and Zayn’s gaze shot back to him. “Yeah…” he confirmed. “I don’t really know how to explain it, but every time things started to get exclusive, I would get cold feet and run away…”  
  
“You’ve never told me that,” Zayn frowned. “Why do you reckon it’s like that?”  
  
“Separation anxiety?” Niall offered. “Dunno. The way my dad left us for another woman might have a part in this, but I think that it’s hard for me to get attached in general? I’ve just lost so many people. I guess I don’t want to lose anyone anymore… And by not getting too close to anyone, I don’t have to be afraid of them leaving me…”  
  
Zayn pressed his lips together as he watched him silently. Niall’s face was slightly pensive, like he was recalling old memories.  
  
“And it scares me a bit the way I got attached to you,” Niall continued. “Because I’ve never let myself get close to anyone before, and it’s overwhelming sometimes…” Niall nibbled on his lip.  
  
“It is scary,” Zayn agreed thoughtfully as he went back to tracing Niall’s lifeline, letting his thankfully think eyelashes shield himself from view. “It’s scary because we don’t want to get hurt.”  
  
Niall kept silent for a few moments, as if waiting for him to say something else, but as he didn’t, he went on. “But the thing is that I couldn’t help it with you. Jesus,” Niall sighed, and a quick glance at him informed him he was staring at the shapes Zayn was drawing into his hand as well. “There is just something about you that is irresistible.”  
  
“Huh, thanks?” Zayn cocked his head to the side, a small smile tugging at his lips.  
  
Niall laughed, and flipped their hands so he could tuck them between their chests. “Um, yeah, you can take that as a compliment, I guess. Would be surprised if girls and boys alike didn’t fall to your feet at the slightest flutter of eyelashes from you.”  
  
Zayn shrugged dismissively. That bit about boys he couldn’t confirm, because he hadn’t given it much thought before, but he had always had it easy with girls. They just seemed to like him. Louis had complained once that his cheekbones were illegal or something in those lines, but Zayn never thought of himself as someone special.  
  
“I’ll take that as a yes, then,” Niall decided, and Zayn just smiled politely in response, not really knowing what to say. He usually went by ‘a gentleman didn’t kiss and tell.’ “But I didn’t mean it only like this, yeah? You’re attractive, and I won’t deny that, but there is something about _your being_ that is so captivating. There is just something about you that makes me want to know everything about you, have it all with you. And well, before you it was mostly just flings for me.” There was a bit, and then he said quietly, like he was sharing a secret, “You were supposed to be a fling too…”  
  
Zayn raised his brows. “Was I?”  
  
“Well, you’re too pretty for your own good, aren’t you?” Niall brushed away a strand that fell over Zayn’s eyes. “Planned to approach you on that cruise. You were never alone, though. Always surrounded by your sisters or parents, which is such a pity as I would’ve loved to take you to my cabin.” Niall accompanied his words with a firm squeeze to Zayn’s thigh, and Zayn found it difficult to not get distracted.  
  
Somewhere in the back of his mind, Zayn realized that he shouldn’t have been so surprised, as the pieces did click together. If he hadn’t been so ignorant, he obviously would’ve caught up with it earlier. It was just that sometimes it was easier to convince yourself you were just imagining things. But those thoughts pushed aside, Zayn blurted, “Wait, what makes you think that would’ve worked? I mean, you trying to pull me.”  
  
There was a silence, and then Niall said, “Honestly? Now I think I didn’t stand a chance, as you’re a stubborn one. But I’m always up for a try, especially if it’s a challenge. And besides…” there was a mischievous glint in his eyes. “I have my ways. Managed to pull supposedly straight boys before.”  
  
“Your flirting skills are horrible, so I highly doubt that,” Zayn remarked, deadpan.  
  
“I think they are high rank if we’re where we are,” Niall pointed out, eyebrows raised suggestively. “Anyways, once I found myself here with you, it became apparent fast enough you weren’t up for anything sexy with me…”  
  
Zayn snorted. “Yeah, I remember those times; you used to be ridiculous.”  
  
“Alright, Zayn,” he drawled out. “So… you were a hard nut to crack. Think it took weeks for your walls to crumble, if not more.”  
  
“It takes me time…” Zayn mumbled.  
  
“Yeah, I figured,” Niall sighed, and pressed a kiss to his hair. “It was slow going, but then, as you shed more and more layers, and showed me more sides of yourself, my walls started to crumble too, and you just crawled inside... And I didn’t have any control over it.”  
  
Zayn felt a flutter in his stomach at that. “Why tell me all that?”  
  
“To let you know you’re special. It’s just that being with you makes me feel… things again. I’ve felt numb for such a long time, and you make me feel alive.”

 

* * *

 

It was a beautiful day, not a single cloud was visible in the sky. The sun was high and bright, beating down on their exposed skin. Zayn used every opportunity like that – when it was hot and peaceful outside – to sunbathe on the beach, perhaps gain back his healthy tan tones. He felt like the cold weather had bleached him, like he had paled and his energy got drained off him.  
  
He listened to Niall as he softly spoke to him from where he was lying on the golden sand beside him, his own arm thrown over his eyes to shield them from the dazzling sun. All chores for the day were already done; all was left for them to do was enjoying the simple things this world had to offer. And as he watched the way Niall’s lips parted over words, something suddenly occurred to him. “You have freckles,” he blurted suddenly without even meaning to, and immediately clamped his mouth shut afterwards.  
  
“I do?” he wondered. “Used to get them a lot when I was a kid.”

Zayn reached out to trace the tiny, tiny dots on his cheeks and on the tip of his nose, completely fascinated with them. He hummed. “You’ve always had a little, but there are so many of them suddenly…”  
  
“’s because of the sun,” Niall mumbled, and then rather insecurely, “How bad is it? I used to hate them as a boy, those little demons hunted me every summer.”  
  
“Not bad at all,” Zayn said softly. “It really suits you.”  
  
“You have a little freckle, too,” Niall supplied. “On your eye.”  
  
“Oh,” Zayn made as he returned his hands to himself. He mostly even forgot it was there, most people didn’t even notice it. He hadn’t at first, too. It was his mother who had spotted it many years ago, and had even taken him to the doctor to ensure it wasn’t dangerous.  
  
“I like it too,” Niall smiled. And because it was him, he added, “Wish I could kiss it.”  
  
Zayn shoved him playfully, scrunching up his nose in amusement.  
  
“I like it when you smile,” Niall said. It was a quiet admission, one that made sadness tug at his heart, because he knew what Niall meant by it. They didn’t talk about it much, not anymore, but it still was the elephant in the room. No one mentioned it, but it definitely was there. And he knew how Niall was trying to constantly make him forget about it, make him happy, make him laugh.  
  
The silence that followed stretched uncomfortably between them, but Niall was to break it and add, “It is just that sometimes… Sometimes I feel like I can’t make you happy enough.”  
  
Zayn’s breath stuttered in his throat, and he determinedly kept his gaze on a small crab that trailed nearby on the beach. The thing was, he knew what Niall meant. There had been times, more than once, where Zayn had isolated himself on the cliff or on one of the rocks on the beach, just remaining in one place and thinking to himself. Niall never pressed him for an explanation afterwards, respectively accepting his will for some space, but the sadness and worry still were layered in his eyes. And Zayn always felt guilty for making him like this, and now, hearing that Niall was blaming himself, broke his heart.  
  
“You do, though,” Zayn replied, carefully choosing his words. “You are the only thing here that makes me happy. Never doubt that.”  
  
“You say that, but no matter how hard I try, I can’t take your pain away.”  
  
“Niall…” Zayn said, almost in a warning. He didn’t… He didn’t want to have this talk now, thank you very much. He didn’t want to think, he didn’t want to remember. It was always on the back of his mind no matter what he did. It was his last thought before he fell asleep, the object of his dreams. “Don’t be stupid.”  
  
Niall turned so he was hovering over Zayn. His caressed his hands up to the expanse of his chest, resting one right between his pecs. “Is caring about you stupid?”  
  
“Thinking you can take away someone else’s pain is,” Zayn said. “But you do, you know, make things more bearable, so stop worrying, yeah?”  
  
“You have great eyelashes,” Niall said so abruptly that it took a moment for Zayn to catch up. The blonde boy sucked his bottom lip into his mouth. “I’ve never seen a boy with eyelashes like that.”  
  
Zayn looked down bashfully at that, and flattered his eyes back up when he felt Niall’s knuckles against his cheek, “You’ve got some great cheekbones, too. If I hadn’t known better, I would’ve thought you came here for a photo-shoot. I’m jealous.”  
  
“There is no need for you to be,” Zayn bit back a smile. “You’re very handsome yourself.”  
  
Niall laughed, and intertwined their fingers. “I’m probably going to have a lot of competition once we go back,” he joked. “Will have to fight off boys and girls alike.”  
  
“I’m not that popular,” Zayn muttered, overwhelmed.  
  
Niall raised his brows provokingly. “Will have to introduce you to my mum,” he said thoughtfully.  
  
“Oh.” Zayn’s lips parted in wonder. He hadn’t really given it much thought before, but he wasn’t sure how his family would react if he introduced Niall as his lover. Would his dad accept him? It was what scared him the most now that he thought about it.  
  
“It’s forbidden in Muslim religion to love the same sex, right?” Niall asked as if he could read his thoughts.  
  
“Something like that…” Zayn mumbled. “It’s frowned upon. They shun people for being gay…” And to the question in Niall’s eyes, he replied, “My family isn’t old fashioned like that… I just don’t know what to expect.”  
  
“And what about us…?” Niall asked as he watched the path of his finger down Zayn’s chest. His breath hitched when he circled a nipple, but the touch was so tender and innocent that Zayn knew there was no intention behind it. “What do you reckon would happen once we’d get rescued?”  
  
Zayn let himself ponder about it for a few minutes. Niall waited him out patiently, tracing over his ribs and belly. “I hope for the best,” Zayn said finally. “None of us can promise anything. The life here isn’t the life that waits for us outside. But, it merely depends on us.”  
  
“Would you…” Niall murmured. “Would you try to make it work?”  
  
“Yeah,” Zayn said without thinking twice.  
  
Niall smiled at that, and raised Zayn’s hand to press a kiss to the center of his palm. “Wish I deserved you, though,” he whispered as quietly as was the rustle of the waves. When Zayn opened his mouth to ask what he meant, he just shook his head.

 

* * *

 

“Niall, I’m not playing that with you,” Zayn said sternly as he packed after their dinner.  
  
“Why do you have to be such a buzzkill all the time?” the other boy complained. “It’s supposed to be fun.”  
  
“It’s a stupid game,” Zayn informed him. “And I don’t have very good memories from it… it always ends badly somehow.”  
  
“What, were you dared to run outside stark naked?” Niall sneakered.  
  
“No,” Zayn said. He turned his back to Niall as he went back into the cave to put the remaining food there. Even if he had been dared something like that, he wouldn’t have done it. But he had been dared to kiss people before, tell who was on his mind; and he hated it, hated how embarrassed and uncomfortable it made him.  
  
“It’s just the both of us,” Niall said. “It could unwind you, ease up some stress…”  
  
“Ugh, Niall… Fine,” he snapped at the end. “A few rounds at most.”  
  
“Great,” Niall grinned, and oh, Zayn didn’t like that smile at all. Still, he sat down under one of the trees next to Niall, and brought his legs to his chest as Niall span the steel bottle. “Oh, looks like it’s me asking you,” he said delightedly. “Alright, Zayn, truth or dare?”  
  
Zayn contemplated his options, and then settled on truth.  
  
“Tell me about your first love.”  
  
Zayn gaped at him. “If you wanted to ask about my past relationships, you could’ve just asked me, Niall. You don’t have to bring up this game as some lame excuse.”  
  
“Still didn’t answer my question,” Niall pointed out, looking smug. “And what’s the fun in that?”  
  
“You’re unbelievable,” Zayn huffed. “And alright, it was a girl who studied with me in high school,” he supplied, fidgeting slightly with the hem of his faded shirt. “She was one of the prettiest girls at school, and we had English class together. We got assigned to a work together, and things just rolled from there… It was the first time I had felt about someone this way.”  
  
“Was she your first?” Niall asked.  
  
“Hey, I thought it was only one question per turn,” Zayn said, but he still admitted that she was. “I thought she loved me too… But after half a year it became apparent she was fucking one of the football players.”  
  
“Oh, that’s tough. Sounds like every cheap American show, I must admit, though,” Niall remarked.  
  
“Only that it’s my life…” Zayn sighed.  
  
“No offense, but she’s a total bitch. I mean, how could she possibly cheat on you like that?”  
  
Zayn found himself chuckling at that. He wished it were as easy to laugh this off back then, when he had found them kissing on the lawn next to the field, unabashed and uncaring if someone saw them. It used to be painful, and it had taken him a long time to get over her. One of the reasons he started to date Gigi was that he wanted to forget about Perrie. She had been blonde too, with a beautiful smile, and he really liked her… But he didn’t fall for her. She realized that, and decided to call things off.  
  
Niall didn’t look much different from them, he realized now. What not, with his eye and hair color. And yet, he wasn’t like them at all. He wasn’t like anyone he had dated before, and it didn’t have to do only with him being a boy.  
  
He shrugged, and took a hold of the bottle. Without another word, he span it, and this time around it was him asking Niall.  
  
“I think I’ll start with truth, too,” Niall said.  
  
Zayn took his time thinking, playing with the sand grains to his feet. There were actually many things he still didn’t understand about Niall. Why he sometimes said he wasn’t good enough for him but didn’t elaborate, why he went sometimes for long trips without a notice, why he talked sometimes like he had nowhere to return? But instead, he asked, “Why you and your brother don’t get along?” Niall seemed a bit taken aback by the question, so Zayn hurried to add, “Only if you’re comfortable.”  
  
“It’s actually a really good question,” Niall murmured. “First of all, it has to do with the great age gap. We were in completely different stages our whole lives, so our paths just didn’t cross. The only times we actually hanged together were family events and the trips with Dad. I used to be Mum’s favorite, and he Dad’s. He always thought he was better, and rarely paid attention to me. I remember as a kid that I wanted him to take me out with his friends, and that he just laughed at my face. He made me always feel little and stupid and not manly enough… And you know what the sad thing is? That I have always been affection starved when it came to him. He was my big brother, I wanted his approval and love. And he used it against me. I used to be too naïve at the time to realize he was using me, and as I grew up, I resented him for it… So,” Niall cleared his throat. “Now it’s my t—”  
  
“You love him, don’t you?” Zayn wondered.  
  
“I used to think I did. I don’t know anymore. Can we… not talk about this?”  
  
Zayn nodded, and braced himself when it was Niall’s turn to ask him. He decided to go with dare, but when he saw the mischief in Niall’s eyes, he knew it had been a mistake. He squirmed nervously as Niall seemed to consider his options, a thoughtful expression on his face.  
  
“I dare you…” he started to say, contemplating this, “to enter the shack.”  
  
“Now?” the hair on his arms bristled. He didn’t like to go there on a bright day, so to go there now, at night?  
  
“Yeah,” Niall confirmed, looking pleased with Zayn’s clear uneasiness. “Unless you’re scared…”  
  
“Shut up, Niall,” Zayn snarled. “You know I don’t like that place.”  
  
“This is exactly why I dared you do it. Come on, Zayn. It’s gonna be fine. I’ll come with you. You’ll only have to stay inside for a minute or so.”  
  
A shiver went through Zayn, and it wasn’t because of the chill breeze. “You’ll owe me for this,” Zayn said.  
  
“What do you want in return?” Niall cocked his head to the side.  
  
“Umm… do the laundry for two weeks,” he said after thinking briefly. “Or three.” There wasn’t really much to offer here.  
  
“That’s all? We have a deal.”  
  
The walk to the abandoned hut was tense, or perhaps it felt that way because Zayn sulked the whole way there as he followed Niall. He had no idea how Niall knew to find his way there at dark, but he found he didn’t really care about his star navigation right now or whatever it was. He didn’t like to wander the woods at night, he always felt like he was being watched, and he was certain he truly was.  
  
When they reached their destination, it took Zayn a few moments to locate it, his eyes unfocused in the dark. The old building stood silent and unwelcoming as ever, and he felt a flutter in his stomach when Niall gave him a little push in that direction, and it wasn’t the good kind.  
  
“Go on,” he said. “I’ll wait for you here.”  
  
Zayn shot him a glare, but approached closer anyway. He took slow and measured steps, taking in deep breaths to try and keep it cool. Why did he feel like he shouldn’t do this? Like the ghost of the captain would murder him for disturbing its peace? He shook his head. He was being stupid; such things didn’t exist. He could do this, it was simple. He was almost there. He placed his hand on the handle, and taking a steadying breath, he pulled it. The door creaked open with a horrible, strident sound that made the hair on the back of his head stand. Still, he let himself inside, lifting his hands to hug his torso.  
  
He counted to ten in his head, and was about to go back outside, but at that very moment something wrapped around his middle and backed him against the wall. His heart leapt in his chest, and if he hadn’t been shocked, he would have screamed for help. A figure pressed against his back, warm and solid, and he would’ve freaked out completely if a pair of lips hadn’t pressed to his ear, and whispered, “Shhh, it’s me.”  
  
Zayn relaxed in an instant, his rigid shoulders going slack. In that very moment, he wasn’t sure what he wanted more, to beat him or kiss his cheek for how thankful he was it was just him.  
  
“You freaked the hell out of me,” Zayn hissed, frowning when he felt Niall’s body shuddering with laughter behind him.  
  
“Who did you think it was?” he purred into his ear, before tugging at the lobe with his teeth. When Zayn didn’t reply, Niall laughed against his shoulder. “You thought the old captain came from the dead to take a revenge on you?”  
  
“It’s not funny,” Zayn shouldered him out of the way, and shoved him in annoyance. “I’m actually really angry at you right now.”  
  
“I’ll make it up to you,” Niall promised as he stepped back into his space. He let him pull his hand, but when it became apparent that Niall was leading them farther inside rather than out, Zayn found himself more confused than ever. “Shh, it’s all good,” he promised as he guided Zayn onto the bare bed there.  
  
“Please don’t tell me it’s one of your fantasies,” Zayn gasped as Niall pushed his down before straddling him.  
  
“Umm, no, it’s not… But I will admit I’m getting some ideas right now,” he said lowly as he spread his hands over Zayn’s body.  
  
“You might be mental,” Zayn said in disbelief.  
  
“I think you’ve said that before,” Niall murmured, before leaning in to trail his lips, wet and hot, over his jaw.  
  
His breathing became rushed and rough again, but it wasn’t because of fear. He shivered as Niall’s hands bunched his shirt to reveal more skin. His hand came up to cradle the back of Niall’s head as he continued to work his mouth over his skin, and his legs spread on their own account to fit Niall between them.  
  
“Ah, Niall,” Zayn made as he bit the skin in his neck, teeth insistent and bruising. He squirmed with excitement when Niall pushed his hands above his head. “Uh.”  
  
He breathed heavily as Niall’s free hand roamed over his chest inside of his shirt, brushing over warm skin and bumping over his nipples. It felt like Niall was all over him, and he hadn’t been more aroused in his entire life.  
  
“Niall, please,” he urged him, needy and hot all over, his hips bucking into air in search of friction. His hands strained against Niall’s hold as he tried to break free to guide Niall’s lips to his.  
  
“Gonna take care of you,” Niall murmured against his pulse point, his hand now creeping to the waistband of his jeans, teasing a few fingers inside, and it was maddening. Niall let go of his hands to reach down and unbutton his denim, and Zayn used to opportunity to splay his hands over Niall’s back, before slipping his hands to Niall’s bum through his shorts, using his grip there to bring him down against him.  
  
They both groaned in unison, and Zayn trembled when Niall finally cupped him. But soon enough, he realized it was not him trembling. The bed underneath him was shaking. Niall seemed to catch up that something was entirely wrong, and he leaned up to look at him, mouth shiny and obscene, eyes wide.  
  
The ground was moving.  
  
“An earthquake,” Niall said, and the both of them jumped off the bed, hurrying to pull on their pants as they hurried out of the house. Zayn could suddenly hear it, the way the ground was shaking, and he clasped Niall’s hand in horror as they crouched down on the earth and waited for it to end.  
  
“What the fuck was that?” Zayn demanded once the ground calmed down again, feeling sick. He wanted to go back home, now.  
  
“I don’t know, but I’ve got a bad feeling about this,” Niall said. “Let’s go back.”  
  
“I thought you’d never offer,” Zayn said, as he couldn’t help himself, even though it wasn’t the right moment.

 

* * *

 

The earthquake hadn’t been strong, thankfully, so their camp went mostly unharmed, only slightly messy. Zayn spent the next morning tidying it, thinking nervously about the chances of it happening again. He wouldn’t want to be here when it happened.  
  
He greeted Niall with a soft smile when he came back from the stream with the pot and the steel container filled with fresh water. “You okay?” Niall asked once he settled down beside him, eyeing Zayn’s deft movements as he cut seaweed for lunch.  
  
“Yes,” Zayn replied. “And you?”  
  
“I’m fine. Don’t let it get to you, yeah?”  
  
“I’m trying,” Zayn said truthfully. “Just don’t know what to expect anymore…”  
  
“I have something for you,” Niall said after a moment. When Zayn jerked his head to look at him, he added, “It’s something I’ve made some time ago, but didn’t know when to give it to you.”  
  
Niall reached into his pocket, and pulled out two matching necklaces. Zayn’s lips parted when he saw the bright pearls that were attached to the vines. One was snowy white, and the other sky black. “The white it for you,” Niall said, and showed him it. It was beautiful, and Zayn felt something swell in his chest when he felt the light weight in his palm.  
  
“I don’t know what to say,” he mumbled, feeling his cheeks grow hot.  
  
“You like it?” Niall asked hopefully, and Zayn nodded bashfully at him. “Want me to put this on?”  
  
Niall’s fingers were soft and cool where they touched Zayn’s neck, tying the vine. And when Niall pressed a soft kiss just beside the necklace, Zayn practically melted.  
  
“And the other one is for you?” Zayn guessed.  
  
Niall nodded once, and tied it himself. The black contrasted exotically with his fair tone.  
  
“Now you have a part of me with you, and I have a part of you with me,” he said. “This way we promise to take care of each other. We’ll keep each other safe.”  
  
“Thank you, Niall,” Zayn said, still speechless, and grasped the small pearl in his hand.

 

* * *

 

They made themselves a nest out of leaves and their blankets on the cliff top. Niall had suggested they’d do some star gazing as there barely was a moon tonight, and Zayn agreed easily, which took Niall by surprise a little, as he was used to Zayn dismissing him most of the time. You would think they’d lose interest in the stars as they had witnessed those sparkling creations ever since they had found themselves here, but there were sights that never grew old.  
  
So the both of them lay on their backs, their shoulders and knees keeping on knocking together. And as Niall tried to search for the Big Dipper, and rambled on about locating the North Star, Zayn found himself with his eyes on Niall more often than on the stars above. He was a bit too busy outlining the silhouette that fell over the side of Niall’s face to fully catch what Niall was mumbling about, but it did sink in when Niall said, “Should have paid more attention...”  
  
“To what?” Zayn quirked the side of his mouth as he let his fingers slide through Niall’s feathery locks, a bit obsessed that he could touch him like this – easily and lovingly. Niall leaned into the touch, silently asking for more affection.  
  
“To what Dad said when he taught me this shit…” Niall gestured lazily toward the sky, and Zayn followed his line of sight until his eyes focused on the dark sky, and the swarm of shining stars above. Niall let out a small laugh, shook his head as it died in his throat, and added, “I mean, this was supposed to be some romantic night. Only me, you, and the stars, but of course I wouldn’t be able to track a damn Pole Star. So, yeah… looks like it’s not going to be a stargazing, after all.”  
  
“Why not?” Zayn murmured softly. “I don’t need you to show me the stars or something. I’m completely fine with just watching them with you.”  
  
“Yeah, but I wanted to do with you something special,” Niall said as he shifted onto his side to face Zayn. “Wanted to take you somewhere nice, like a date, you know.”  
  
“Oh,” Zayn made before he propped himself on his elbow so he wouldn’t need to crane his neck so much. That was new. “So now we’re dating?”  
  
Niall looked at him for a few moments with an unreadable expression, and then said, “I know we didn’t really talk about this, but I thought that it would be fun to do something couple-y… And it’s not like we have many options here. I can’t dine and wine you properly, and dunno, want to do something for you.”  
  
Zayn chuckled, and said, “You don’t have to take me out on dates, Niall. And maybe it’s not what you’ve had in mind, but hey, I couldn’t care less.”  
  
“Yeah?”  
  
Zayn hummed, and ran the hand that wasn’t propping his head along the side of Niall’s face. “And we can just hang out the way we always do, no need to start acting differently. I guess it’s nice that we can be just us, and do simple things together.” Niall smiled, and tilted his face back a little so he could kiss Zayn’s fingers. “I just like being with you.”  
  
Niall chuckled happily, and leaned in to press a kiss to Zayn’s hairline. It was always chilly up here, particularly at night, but there wasn’t even one cloud on the horizon, and the sky was clear and silky black, countless sources of light dotting it in various shapes and sizes, and it was warm next to Niall, his arm wrapped around his shoulders to keep him close as he pointed at some figures the stars created in the sky, and asked Zayn if he saw them too, and tried to guide him to look at the right place.  
  
The waves of the ocean whooshed softly all those feet underneath them, and the air up here was always fresh, and made Zayn’s head feel light and only slightly dizzy. But the best bit was that he could curl right into Niall, and perhaps doze off at some point, the open dark sky above them, and Niall’s arms around him.   
  
And there were much more stars than Zayn could ever count, too many messy and untellable shapes that Zayn struggled to search in them the groups of stars Niall was referring to, but he just found himself nodding or humming along as he listened to Niall’s enthusiasm as he decided that some figure looked like a dog, and another pattern was a heart, and that another shape resembled a huge dick, and Zayn found himself laughing as Niall started to jokingly explain what each symbol meant – that an upside down cup was a message from the God of the island that Zayn was violating the art of making hot tea, that a skull-like shape predicted the nearing end of the world, and that the heart was a blessing from above for their relationship. And half of it didn’t make sense at all, but it was funny and silly nonetheless, and Zayn found himself shaking his head, and calling him an idiot in that fond tone that was only reserved for the people he adored.  
  
And it was clear that none of them had any clue what they were talking about, and that Zayn couldn’t keep up with Niall half the time. He just saw the stars as a whole, the way each star completed this masterpiece, this colorful mix of blue and white and purple dust above them, and Zayn was so awed, so enchanted as he watched, and observed, and pretended to see what Niall saw. Zayn believed they were witnessing something that was bigger than them, something they would never understand. They didn’t have the slightest idea what this universe was consisted of.  
  
“Hey, Zayn, look, I think it’s a falling star,” Niall exclaimed excitedly, but when Zayn followed Niall’s gaze, he burst out laughing.  
  
“It’s just a night bird.”  
  
“Oh,” Niall said with bewilderment, and then started laughing too. “This is very embarrassing. Let’s forget about this.  
  
It became silent until Niall found his voice again.  
  
“I’m pretty sure the dick symbolizes I’ll get a blowjob soon,” he said thoughtfully, expression serious, as if he were uncovering the secrets of the universe rather than making this up.  
  
Zayn snorted at that, because, come on, could Niall get more subtle than that? If he didn’t know any better, he would say he was drunk. “Huh,” Zayn made. “Don’t get ahead of yourself.”  
  
“Oi, Zayn, you can’t argue with the stars,” Niall said, like he was the expert here, and made an exaggerated gesture with his arms, in which he included everything around them, and almost elbowed Zayn in the face. “They know more than me and you. They are eternal. They’ve been here before us, and they’ll be here long after us.”  
  
“They aren’t eternal, technically,” Zayn said, because this much he did know. “Every star dies one day…”  
  
“Yeah, I know that, Zee,” Niall said pointedly. “No need to ruin the mood. It’s just sad that maybe nothing is eternal.”  
  
“Your stupidity is,” Zayn said.  
  
“Don’t Einstein me,” Niall grinned, and poked his ribs, before turning onto his side. “Mum used to tell me everyone has a star,” Niall recalled as he let his fingers slip under Zayn’s shirt to caress up to his chest, who hissed in turn at the sudden coldness, but Niall’s fingers warmed up fast enough as he absentmindedly traced shapes on Zayn’s skin. “That it’s born the day you come into the world, and watches you from above till the very end. Like a guardian, I suppose.”  
  
“That’s nice,” Zayn hummed. It sounded to him like something a mum would say.  
  
“Do you think sometimes about how big this universe is?” Niall asked out of all things, sounding pensive.  
  
“Yeah, I do,” Zayn replied quietly, pointedly looking up at the swarm of stars, each of them representing a sun far away, or perhaps just its light. He had read once that some of the stars were actually passing lights that had made a long way from foreign galaxies, and might not be there tomorrow, as their sources were possibly long gone by now. “It’s scary to think about that sometimes, though,” Zayn admitted. “Too much to comprehend, beyond my capacity, that’s for sure.”  
  
“Yeah, you really can’t imagine to yourself what awaits you out there…” Niall hugged Zayn closer to himself when he noticed him shivering. “So, dunno, I have this kind of thought, and maybe it’s stupid, but don’t laugh at me…”  
  
“I won’t,” Zayn said even though he knew within himself it was an idle promise.  
  
“It is just that this world is so big…” Niall started to say. “Like, so many places, and possibilities, and there are so many of us, humans… And we all try to find ourselves a little place in this huge world, and it’s so hard, and we try to explore and experience everything this world has to offer us in order to find out where we belong. And it’s funny, you know?” Niall murmured, tone quieter and shier now. “People often feel like they are not happy enough because they could’ve achieved better things in their lives, but the truth is that there is always something to fix, and that things can never be perfect, and that a real happiness comes from actually accepting what you have.”  
  
Zayn watched him closely, trying to get to the bottom of this, and encouraged Niall to continue with a warm hand on his cheek.  
  
“And I guess I used to be greedy, couldn’t settle down for one thing, but recently I realized that I kind of already found my little place in the world, where I see myself fitting.”  
  
“Yeah?” Zayn wondered.  
  
“Yes,” Niall took Zayn’s hand away from his face, and pressed it against his lips to kiss the knuckles. “Here, with you.”  
  
Zayn parted his lips as if to say something, but Niall went on. “We built our way from nothing. Instead of being hopeless, we overcame all our difficulties together. And we did it, Zayn, we survived. And things aren’t ideal, but I don’t feel like I have much to complain about. I have the open sky above me, the beautiful ocean around me, this feral and enchanting nature to walk in, and perhaps too many coconuts and fish.” Zayn chuckled at that, and a bright smile broke upon Niall’s face. He gently tugged Zayn until he got the hint and straddled him with his legs on either side of Niall’s hips. Niall smoothed his hands over Zayn’s cheeks like he couldn’t bear not to touch him. “And I have you. You became my friend, Zayn. My family. My lover.”  
  
“Niall,” Zayn gasped, all the air seemed to knock out of his lungs. He leaned in to slot his lips with Niall’s, just a small careful nudge that he hoped conveyed all the things he couldn’t say in return.  
  
And when Zayn pulled back a fraction to see Niall’s reaction, he found him already looking at him, his face illuminated by the stars above, or maybe it was just the way his bright eyes shone that made him look like that, but Zayn could swear he actually glowed, like some aura surrounded him. And Niall looked absolutely captivating, and Zayn couldn’t tear his eyes away from the boy that lay underneath him, trapped by Niall’s deep gaze, and he whispered, “You mean so much to me, too.”  
  
Niall’s expression softened farther at that, and he took Zayn’s hand in his. He slowly led it to his chest, and Zayn, in order to keep his balance, sat back on his knees as his eyes stayed glued to where Niall was holding his hand in his, until he rested it right over the place where Niall’s heart was supposed to be, keeping Zayn’s hand in that vulnerable place where Zayn could feel that heartbeat thumping against his palm.  
  
Maybe some time ago Zayn would’ve freaked out by the closeness and the intimacy, by how blunt Niall could be even without using his words. But now he just savored the moment and the silence as he concentrated on the rhythmic beating of Niall’s heart.  
  
Love was a weakness and a strength, a curse and a blessing. It was what brought people together, and sometimes apart. It was as dangerous as it was beautiful, a little like a flame that could give life and hope, but also consume everything around it. And it might be the purest emotion to exist; innocent and soft-hearted feelings that give us a reason to live.  
  
And as he stared at Niall’s tired and yet full of affection eyes, he thought that he understood him, and what he was trying to put across here. They remained in silence for some time, and Zayn moved his free hand to touch Niall’s chin, and then the little dimple on his cheek, before brushing over the few moles on Niall’s neck and jawline. When he raised his gaze again, Niall’s eyes were closed, and as Zayn combed Niall’s messy and disheveled from lying on it hair, he thought about the things he could say now.  
  
It was the perfect moment. Niall was soft and willing underneath him, endless smooth skin sprawled out beneath him, plum cheeks dusted with healthy pink, lips the tiniest bit shiny and oh so kissable, and what was underneath it all - possibly the kindest and selfless boy Zayn had ever met. He could say so many things now, fill the silence with words he wouldn’t be able to take back, and yet, he couldn’t bring himself to.  
  
_Sorry_ was on the edge of his tongue, because Niall had poured his heart to him, and he was being such a pathetic coward, but then he felt gentle and warm fingertips smoothing the wrinkles that had formed on his forehead without him even noticing, and a tired and throaty voice said, “Don’t think too much, yeah? Come here.”  
  
And Zayn did. He rested his weight on top of Niall, and placed his head on his chest, his ear right over Niall’s heart, and Niall covered them both with the foil blankets to protect them from the cold, and suggested they spend the night here.

 

* * *

 

Niall gasped into the kiss as his back hit the bark of a tree. “Jesus, Zayn, what had gotten into you?”  
  
Zayn just bit Niall’s lip teasingly before dropping down to his knees. When he looked back up at Niall, he looked shocked.  
  
“What are you doing?” he asked, visibly squirming.  
  
“What does it look like to you?” Zayn smirked at him before leaning closer to press a kiss just above the waistband of his shorts. He nuzzled against him, let his hands smooth up his bare calves.  
  
“God, Zayn, you’re going to kill me,” Niall complained.  
  
“Just making your wishes come true,” he joked before reaching up to fumble with the button and the zipper of Niall’s pants. After a few tries, he got the shorts open, and let them drop to Niall’s thighs. He stared for a moment at the prick that was straining behind Niall’s confines, before sliding his boxer briefs down as well. While the sight of him wasn’t all that unfamiliar, he had never been this close to Niall’s member before, or anyone’s, for the matter. He cupped it tentatively in his palm, and gave it a few loose strokes to get him fully hard.  
  
Niall had done that a few times for him before, and he always seemed to enjoy doing this for him. He found himself curious to know what it felt like, what another boy tasted like.  
  
“Zayn, I was just kidding…” Niall said, voice airy. “You don’t really have to go through with this.”  
  
“No, I want to,” Zayn reassured him, before bending to give the head a small lick. Curious, he parted his lips around the tip, and let it slip inside.  
  
Niall cursed under his breath, and bucked into the touch. Niall’s scent, boyish and sweet filled his nostrils, and feeling encouraged, Zayn fisted a hand in Niall’s shirt to steady himself as he let more of Niall’s length slide inside. He gave a tentative suck, trying to figure out what was the right pressure, and Niall’s hands flew to his hair. He pulled off to catch his breath, still not knowing how to manage his breathing.  
  
When he put his lips to Niall again, he started to bob his head slowly. He couldn’t get much inside, but Niall seemed to be enjoying himself anyway if the gasps and the rocking of his hips were something to go by. He felt his eyelashes getting wet, and his jaw getting achy from the strain of keeping it stretched, but when he flicked his eyes up to look at Niall, the latter looked blissed.  
  
Niall lowered one of his hands to Zayn’s cheek to feel the suction there, and murmured, “’M Close…”  
  
Zayn felt pride swelling in his chest at making Niall feel good, and he slurped around him happily.  
  
“You’re so good to me,” Niall breathed, his fingers brushing Zayn’s hair away from his face. “You look so pretty like that.”  
  
Zayn blushed at his words, doubling his efforts. He hummed around him the way Niall did to him, and felt as the other boy shivered at the vibrations. “Zayn,” Niall tugged urgently at his locks. “You should probably—“ It took one more hard suck, and Niall was trembling as a bitter taste suddenly filled his mouth. Zayn pulled off to steady his breathing, and looked back up at Niall with glossy eyes. Niall cursed again, and wiped a drop of cum from the corner of his mouth, before pulling him up.  
  
“Thank you,” Niall breathed against his lips, before surging to kiss him. “You were great.”  
  
It was odd, kissing Niall while still tasting him in his mouth, but he found he didn’t care. “Want me to do you as well?” he suggested, hand resting low on Zayn’s hip, close to where he was spurting a semi, and the sensation of it made Zayn’s skin tingle a little.  
  
Zayn shrugged. “I’m good, actually. There would be plenty of time for you to return me the favor.”

 

* * *

 

Zayn was woken to the feeling of the ground trembling under him. At first he thought it was all in his head, but when he let his eyes fall open to squint at the dark, he saw the few small stones around the nest rotating. He sat with a start, and once his sleep-addled mind caught up with the rest of him, his eyes widened in realization, and he was quick to turn around and shake Niall awake.  
  
“Wake up.” Zayn nudged his bare shoulder urgently. “Come on, Niall. Up, up!”  
  
Niall merely shrugged his hand off, and pulled the foil blanket higher up on his body, and Zayn couldn’t understand how he had slept through the cave floor moving underneath him just a few moments ago. “Niall, come on,” Zayn raised his voice, fighting the blanket off him. “It’s urgent, you have to wake up.”  
  
Niall finally did him the favor of turning over to look at him through half-closed eyes, gaze unimpressed and annoyed at most. “What do you want, Zayn?” he practically growled at him. “And it better not be that spider again.”  
  
Zayn would’ve retorted that it had happened only once before, but there wasn’t a time for that. “Get up,” he said instead, fishing Niall’s shirt from where he had discarded it, and throwing it at him. “And get dressed. We’re getting out of here.”  
  
Niall scrambled to obey this time, even though he still looked confused. “What is it about?” he asked as he put on his shoes, though when he made a move to tie them, Zayn slapped his hand away and urged him outside.  
  
“There was an earthquake,” Zayn explained once they exited the cave. “A strong one. I didn’t like it.”  
  
“You sure?” Niall furrowed his brows.  
  
The moon was still hanging high in the sky, not a single ray of light sneaking through the blanket of blackness. The island was quite again, not a single stone misplaced, and for a moment, Zayn thought that maybe he imagined it, but he knew it wasn’t the case.  
  
“I’m sure,” Zayn replied, pulling Niall to the beach, where they would no longer be under the risk of palms crushing them.  
  
“Zayn, I think you’ve gotten nuts,” Niall reasoned as he bent down to tie his shoes. But then it happened again. The ground shook violently under them and they both lost their balance and fell into the sand. “What the hell is going on?”  
  
“I don’t know,” Zayn muttered, trying to grasp onto something, anything, and his hand found Niall’s.  
  
Only that this time the earthquake didn’t stop after a few seconds. It was a shock after shock, each one stronger than the last, and they both stared speechlessly as trees started to fall and the peak of one of the mountains suddenly erupted with a bright flash of a dark, red light. Zayn watched, dumbstruck, frozen in place as heavy, black smoke appeared immediately afterwards, filling the air.  
  
“Zayn, let’s go.” Niall shook his shoulder to get him out of the trance. “Come on, we can’t stay here.”  
  
But Zayn was barely listening, because all he could see was fire and a hot lava trailing lower. “It can’t be…” he muttered. “It’s impossible.”  
  
“Zayn, please, let’s get out of here.”  
  
He didn’t feel his legs as Niall led him toward the sea, and he barely registered that the earth had finally calmed down. All he could see was red, and yellow, and orange. And he had never been more terrified in his entire life.  
  
He finally came back to his senses when the cold water of the sea hit him. He silently helped Niall push the raft into the water, feeling numb, almost like he was having an out of body experience. Because this… this couldn’t be his life.  
  
And after he and Niall had climbed on that piece of wood, Zayn looked back at their island, at the stretch of mountains and beaches that he could hardly recognize anymore. It was just a cloud of smoke now. They couldn’t return there. Not anymore. And so, helpless and shaken, they curled together as best as they could on the narrow surface, letting the ocean wash them away.


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've finally posted this chapter =D  
> It's shorter than the others, but the next chapter will come up soon enough to make up for it.  
> I'm working on the 1D collab simultaneously, so well, there are some clashes between the works as I struggle to divide the little time I have. God, I miss so much the time I had time LMAO XD  
> People, don't grow up!  
> And thank you for waiting me out, I appreciate it a lot.  
> I hope you will enjoy this chapter :)

The next time Zayn opened his eyes, it was still dark. Dark and Freezing. He hugged his arms more firmly around his chest, and brought his knees closer to himself. He slowly registered the calm rustle of the sea, the rocking of the raft as it flowed upon the waves. He felt himself shivering, and he didn’t know anymore if it was because of the cold, or because he was scared. He let out a small gasp when the body behind him curled more firmly against him, and bit his lip when a hand crept under his shirt to rest against his bare chest.  
  
“Shhh… Go back to sleep,” a voice said from behind him, lips coming to press against the back of his neck.  
  
“I don’t think I can,” Zayn whispered, moving his own hand to cup Niall’s through his shirt to share warmth and reassurance.  
  
“Babe,” Niall breathed, his other hand raising to stroke over Zayn’s arm. “Just… don’t think too much. Things will be brighter in the morning.”  
  
“Okay,” Zayn replied. He listened for Niall’s evening breathing, and watched the black ocean until his eyes started to droop.   
  
The next time he woke up, light was beaming against his eyelids. Too bright, too optimistic. He slowly sat up, body protesting and nausea crawling up his throat, but he forced himself to look around. There was sea, only sea around them. Not a single hint of a land on the horizon. He turned to find Niall sitting cross-legged beside him, hand immersed inside of the water.  
  
"Morning, I guess," Niall said with his back turned to him, his shoulders hunched.   
  
Zayn didn't reply; there wasn't much that could be said. Instead, he scooted closer to rest his forehead on Niall’s shoulder.  
  
It became harder toward the midday, when the sun was high up in the sky, mercilessly beating down on them. Sweat dribbled down his skin as it grew unbearably hot, and only the light breeze chilled the wetness gathering at the back of his neck. Niall's cheeks grew rosy, and he was heavy where he had slumped on Zayn's lap, his bright locks tickling Zayn's palms as he stroked his hair back. He’d dozed off like that a few times, cheek smashed against Zayn's thigh and fingers tangled in the rough fabric of his jeans. He was restless in his sleep, mumbling intelligible things.  
  
“Water…” the blonde boy mumbled, his blue eyes unshuttering to glance up at Zayn.  
  
Zayn was stunned, and he stared with concern at Niall's glossy eyes. He pressed a hesitant hand to the back of Niall’s neck, feeling the soft hairs there curling with perspiration. His skin felt hot against his hand, and biting his lip, he kept his hand there, trying to cool him down. Niall leaned into it, seeking the chill. He fluttered his eyes close, nuzzling against the fabric of his denims.

“Water…” he mumbled again, fighting to keep his eyes open.  
  
“Shh…” Zayn coaxed as he carefully studied his face, concern bubbling at the back of his mind.  
  
“Where are we?” Niall murmured, voice weak and hoarse.  
  
Zayn didn’t reply, he just continued to run his hands over his face and hair, trying to soothe him. He was running too hot, and Zayn was starting to fear he had a fever. His eyes were glazed over and unfocused, and Zayn was starting to get the impression Niall was oblivious to his surrounding.  
  
“Zayn…” Niall said, and the suddenness of his own name had him whipping his head down to look at the other boy.  
  
“It’s gonna be alright,” he promised, not knowing who he was trying to convince. “Let’s just rest in the meanwhile, yeah?”  
  
“Put your hand on my forehead again,” Niall murmured. “It felt nice.”  
  
Zayn did as he was asked, trying not to show the tremor that went through him when he felt just how hot he was.

Niall dozed off again, looking peaceful and calm the way Zayn wished he could be. He didn’t know what awaited them; nor did he want to know. It could be their death trip for all he knew, and he hated how helpless he felt as he looked down at Niall, who seemed so small and vulnerable now, curled against him. It was easier to take things minute by minute, think about what was happening now, and not give mind to the future.

The sun started to go down, but Zayn felt like he’d lost all sense of time. There was a pressure behind his eyes as he fought to keep them open, wary to let the other boy out of his watch. Living in a tropical climate for nearly half a year gave him his fair share of dehydrations. He had experienced enough times how it felt - the throb in his skull, the heaviness in his head, the weakness in his limbs. But this… this was on an entirely new level, and he didn’t know how much more he could bear.

He squeezed his eyes shut against the pain in his temples, prayed to God to take mercy on them. Perhaps some fishing boat would spot them and come to their aid. He just hoped they wouldn’t end up as a shark treat.

“Zayn…?” came a small voice from below.

“Yeah?” Zayn breathed.

“Please talk to me,” he murmured. “Do you see land?”

Something painful tugged at his heart, and squeezing his fist at his side, he said, “Yeah. We’ll get there soon…”  
  
“And water? Do you see water?”

“Yeah,” Zayn murmured, his heart in his throat, a bitter taste on his tongue. It felt wrong… saying those things to Niall. But something told him that it was what Niall needed to hear.  
  
“Tell me more,” the other boy rasped, struggling to open his eyes, but Zayn just shushed him as he gently pressed them close again with cool fingertips.

“There is fruit there,” Zayn said after a few moments of silence. “Big ones.”  
  
“Yeah?”  
  
Zayn hummed.   
  
“Would you pluck me one?"

“Of course…” Zayn mumbled, feeling that bitterness spreading in his throat, that helplessness crawling into his insides.

“Thank you, Zee,” Niall said through a small smile, and suddenly that bitterness turned into a bile that rested right at the base of his throat, and Zayn felt like he might chock.

The night started to fall down on them, and as Zayn watched the first few stars appear on the dusky sky, he started to question everything. Who would find them here? It was only a matter of time until they’d be gone as well, hungry and helpless children who fell victim to their fate. Lying them back down on the wet and hard surface, he gripped tightly onto Niall like he was afraid he might vanish, and let his eyes fall closed again. He hadn’t fallen asleep, but it still felt like he was shocked awake when a wave splashed a few cool drops against his face. He coughed dryly, and remembering himself, he quickly shot his eyes open to ensure Niall was still there, and breathed in relief when he found him still in the cradle of his arms. The other body was so quiet, and yet so restless. His hands tangling and untangling in Zayn's shirt, his face twisting in discomfort, lips parting over silent sounds.   
  
“Hey, Niall…” he tried to wake the other boy from whatever was tormenting him in his dreams, but he wouldn’t budge. He lay limp against Zayn, and only a little whimper escaped his lips when Zayn tried to shake him. Zayn buried his face in Niall’s neck, and almost sobbed when he whispered, “I don’t know what to do… Just don’t, Niall. Stop scaring me.”  
  
He felt that bile rising in his throat again. It shouldn’t feel this way. Everything felt so surreal, like a blur. He actually feared the arrival of dawn.

A sudden rustle had him tensing up. It wasn’t a sound that belonged in the sea, and moments later a bark disturbed the silence of the night, followed by the noise of something hurtling toward them. He thought he might be hallucinating, but the labored breathing that he suddenly felt against his ear felt very real, and so was the wet tongue that lapped at his face.  
  
“Ah,” Zayn made, raising a hand to push whatever was on him off, and froze again when he felt the warm and soft fur underneath his fingertips.  
  
“Luna!” A gruff voice shouted in the distance. “Come here, girl!”  
  
Zayn turned to see that there indeed was a great dog looming over him, its bright fur glistening under the feeble light of the moon. He winced when the dog surged to lap at his face again, but he didn’t push it away this time, and instead let his fingers sink into the soft flank of this creature.  
  
“Girl, where are you?” The hoarse voice called again, and then a shrill whistle had the dog barking excitedly and running away in the direction of the sound. “Oh, here you are, love,” the voice said again, shifting as if its owner was now closer than before. “What is it? What’s wrong?”  
  
Zayn squeezed his eyes shut and gritted his teeth when a sudden flash of light hit him square in the face. He groaned in agony as he tried to hide away in the nook of Niall’s neck, his temples throbbing. “Who’s there?” the gruff voice called, but Zayn barely registered it for the dog was barking in the background again. He shrank as much as he could on the dense and rough surface, thinking that if he tried to make himself small enough, he would disappear.  
  
The bright light wasn’t relenting, and so wasn’t the dog that only went higher and higher in volume. He heard a distant mutter of cuss words, and then the approaching steps of another being. He fisted his hands at his sides, and almost gasped when he realized his hand was digging into the wet sand. For a moment, his entire world zeroed on the feeling of the gritty sand sliding between his fingers, soft and familiar and cool to the touch. He abandoned the comforts of Niall’s warmth to tilt his head to the other side just to watch, just to see with his own eyes that his mind wasn’t playing tricks on him.  
  
“Who's there?” the voice repeated, far more distinct, far less kind.  
  
Zayn raised his head with difficulty only for the unnatural light to blind him, and he blinked hard a few times to adjust to the sudden brightness and see the silhouette of a person standing by the shadows of the trees. The sight had him freezing in place, his mouth going dry for a whole different reason.

“Cat got your tongue?” the man said. "You youngsters should know better than wandering out here at night."  
  
Zayn parted his lips as to reply, but the distinct sound of a metal clicking into place had him clamping his mouth shut and curling protectively around Niall. He could hear the telltale sound of the human coming closer. Everything was spinning around him, and the only solid thing was his grip on Niall.  
  
Niall.

Was he okay?  
  
A sharp intake of breath brought Zayn out of his thoughts, and he almost jumped when he felt the cold snout of the dog nuzzling against his skin again. “Are… Are you drugged?” the man whispered. There was the thump of him dropping to his knees, and Zayn tensed when he sensed a hand hovering over them; reaching out for Niall, he realized.  
  
“Don’t,” he bit out harshly and slapped the offending hand away. As if on cue, the dog started to bark again the way it was prone to do when there was a threat to its owner, and the loud noise had Niall releasing a small, pained sound. Zayn frowned, focus shifting entirely on him because it was easier than dealing with everything else. He pushed the hair out of Niall’s face, leaning in to press their cheeks together.

“Shh,” he distantly heard the man trying to calm down his raged dog. “It’s okay, Luna, calm down.”

“John, what's all the noise about?" a woman's voice broke in. “Everyone is sleeping, how many times do I have to tell you that— Oh!” she gasped. There was the sound of another pair of feet running over the sand, and then the weight of her settling beside him. “Oh, God,” the woman breathed, her voice full of concern. “John! What happened?”  
  
“I’m trying to figure out the same thing,” the man said in his gruff voice, albeit somewhat defensively. “Luna found them like this. I think they took something, look how dazed they are…”  
  
Zayn felt a warm hand cupping his face, and he turned his face to stare, startled, at the woman. “Can you hear me?” she asked. He nodded, studying her in the dim light. She smelled nice, like a plumeria flower. His mother used to smell like that too.

“Whose boys are they?”

The woman just shook her head. “No one’s. They are… They are not from here.” She lowered her hand to press her fingers to the pulse at his neck. “Go call help, John.”

The man rose to his feet, though not without some groaning as he straightened his back. “You sure…?” he asked, unsure.

“They are of no harm. I’ll be okay; just find someone.” While the other man didn’t seem entirely convinced, he still complied, his dog at his steps. “Are you hurt?” the woman turned to him again, and before he could shake his head no, she was running two fingers down his torso as if checking for injuries. “What happened?”  
  
He wasn’t sure anymore.  
  
“Is the other kid okay?” she asked softly, curling her fingers around Zayn’s arm to get him to let go. Zayn made a sound of protest, tightening his grip.  
  
“Shh… it’s okay,” she whispered. “I’m not going to hurt you.”  
  
Zayn breathed hard but relented, and she gently pried his fingers away from Niall’s figure. He felt the warmth of Niall’s body leaving his side, and he wanted to protest, but suddenly there were too many voices in his ears, too many lights beating down on him, too little air to breathe.

“Hey, you okay...? Hey!”  
  

* * *

  
He woke up with a start, breathing harshly, throat sore like he had been screaming. There was bright light against his eyelids, increasing the still present throbbing in his temples, but when he tried to raise his hands to cover his eyes, he stopped when he felt the pull at his arm. He blinked against the brightness to see that there were tubes connected to it.

He let his head fall back against the pillow, and stared at the white tiles of the ceiling, trying to steady his breathing and clear the fog in his mind.

The sound of a door opening and closing startled him, and he followed from the corner of his eye the woman who went inside.

"How do you feel?" she asked, and he recognized her as the woman from before. He stared silently as she moved around the bed to check on the machines he was attached to. "Do you speak English?"  
  
He nodded, and turned his head to avoid looking at her work on his arm. It was enough feeling the stab of the needle, and he hissed out at the pinch of sting.

"Alright,” she said once she was finished disinfecting the irritated area. Her voice started to blur in his mind already, and so did his surrounding. “It’s better you rest in the meanwhile. Dehydration is no kidding matter. If you need anything, call for me.”  
  
He watched her go, her long blonde hair waving as she went. "Niall..." he mumbled.

At first he thought his voice was too feeble for her to hear, but then she stopped, and turned to look at him. "Sorry?"

"Niall," he repeated, curling his hands in the clean white sheets, fighting sleep away.

She looked at him with confusion for a few moments, but then her face was lit with understanding. "He's stable." She seemed to hesitate before adding, "He's sleeping right now. He needs some rest, and so you."  
  
He was out the moment the door closed behind her.  
  
His dreams were horrible. They were filled with figures of the people he loved disappearing and getting hurt. He had dreamed about hot lava once or twice, and then there was that hideous and yet all familiar dream about drowning. He woke every time with cold sweat dripping down his back, the sheets sticky and too hot against his body. He found himself reaching out more than once for Niall, only to remember he wasn't there to comfort him the way he was bid to do in the safety of their nest.

He didn’t even know for how long he had been out. How much time had passed? A few hours? A day? Two?  
  
Eventually, sick of lying down all the time, he slowly sat up, ignoring the protest in his muscles. The pull in his arm was absent, and looking down at it, he found he was no longer connected to the tubes. The room he was in looked like any other regular clinic, with the white walls and sheets. There was a tray of food on the nightstand, but he didn't feel like he could stomach something just yet. The only attractive part of the room was the window, or rather what could be seen out of it. Palm trees and some green bushes. It reminded him of their island, of the wide beaches and the stretch of high trees and colorful flowers. He wondered if there was anything of it left, and the thought had the feeling of loss tugging at his heart.

Without thinking twice, he scrambled out of bed. The floor was cool against his bare feet, and standing up so abruptly had him going dizzy, but there was that unexplainable pull he felt toward the window that had him uncaring. He pulled it open to let fresh air get into the stifled and too sterilized room, closed his eyes as he let it fill his lungs. He felt like he was breathing for the first time in ages.  
  
“What are you doing?”  
  
He turned to see the woman from before standing at the doorway, staring pointedly at him. He opened his mouth to reply, but his throat was rough from lack of use. She gently grasped his wrist and led him back to the bed, silently waiting for him to climb back in. He didn’t, just sat down in the middle, and she sighed, before joining him at the edge of the bed.

"I take from that you’re better?”

He shrugged, looking down at his folded hands in his lap.

It went silent between them, until she reached out for the untouched glass of water on the tray, and offered him it. He stared at it blankly for a moment, before accepting it.

“Drink, don’t be shy,” she murmured.

He helped himself to a small gulp, and balanced it on his lap again. It felt weird, drinking after so long without it. It soothed a bit the dryness in his throat, though.

“What’s your name?”

"Zayn," he mumbled, gaze resting on the simple bracelet on her wrist. It was one of those threaded ones, with small shells embroidered on it.

"I'm Sharon," she said even though he didn’t ask for her name. "I work as a nurse here.”

“Oh…” Zayn made.

“How old are you, Zayn?”

“Nineteen,” he murmured after a moment. This much he did know.

“You’re not from here, are you?”

He shook his head.

“Where are you from, then?”

He shrugged again, curling into himself. The stream of questions, while he knew was necessary, made him feel attacked.

“Do you remember what’s happened?”  
  
The question had him lifting his eyelashes to look at her. She was young, perhaps in her late twenties. She had kind eyes that were decorated with small crinkles at the corners from laughter. He wondered if Niall would eventually have those too.  
  
“I—“ he stumbled over his words, fingers clenching and unclenching around the glass. “How is— I… Is he—?”  
  
She squinted her eyes at him the way people did when they didn’t understand what others were talking about, and it made him clamp his mouth shut in malaise.  
  
“Yes…?” she prompted with a cock of her head.

He took a deep breath to collect himself. “Niall,” he said, almost like it was the only word in his vocabulary. “I need…” How was he supposed to put into words how important it was to him to see the other boy?

“Niall?” she asked. “The other boy?”

He nodded, gnawing at his lip.

“Who is he to you? A friend?”

His family, his lover, his protector. Unable to meet her eyes, he just nodded tightly again.

It was silent for a few moments as she thought this over, and then said in that calm and soothing voice that was associated with the women of this profession. “I’ll see what I can do. And perhaps soon you two could meet up.”

“How is he…?” he murmured, so quietly that at first he wasn’t sure she had caught it.

“He’s better. He’s okay.” She seemed to hesitate, before finally saying, “He’s suffered a heat stroke.” That had him whipping his head in her direction so fast he almost lost coordination and spilled the water all over himself. “He needs a lot of rest now. He’s still recovering.”

A heat stroke. That explained, well, everything. He almost wanted to laugh self-degradingly. He’d had no idea, the whole time… How could he? He didn’t want… No, he didn’t want to even think what would have happened if they hadn’t been found, if those strangers hadn’t been kind enough to take them in. He felt sick again. She must’ve noticed it, because she took the glass back, and with a firm hand on his chest pushed him back onto the matrasses. There was regretfulness in her eyes, or perhaps it was pity as she covered him with the covers.

“Call for me if you need anything,” she murmured, biting her lip as she smoothed out the corners of the blanket.

He wanted to tell her being separated from the other boy made his chest ache. That he didn’t care if he was sleeping. He just had the very distinct feeling that Niall needed him too, and not being there for him in his probably equally empty and lonely room made his heart sink. But he didn’t say a word. He just watched her leave the room again, her white robe flapping as he went.

How was he supposed to talk? To say he’d spent the last half year or so on an island in the middle of nowhere? It sounded ridicules even in his head. How was he supposed to convince someone else? The truth was he was afraid, afraid of people thinking he made it up or that he was out of his mind. He wondered if perhaps he could keep it to himself.

He drifted in and out of sleep, and at one point he heard hushed voices in his room. He opened his eyes, and waited for them to adjust to the darkness. The only source of light in the room was from a small lamp on a table in one of the corners. He silently turned his head to see Sharon standing by the window and talking quietly to another nurse, the both of them seemingly oblivious to the fact he was awake. Their voices were too quiet for him to make out what they were saying, but he still gathered enough to get the general idea what they were talking about. About a drug and alcohol test that apparently came up clean, about dirty and torn clothes, about no IDs and no phones.

But then the other nurse, the one with the masculine figure and the thick dark hair, felt apparently confident enough to raise the volume of her tone. “He’s talked in his sleep again. About having to fish and gather wood. Odd, isn’t it?”

“Has he said something else? You know, something that…?”

“No. And it’s unheard of, of two boys suddenly drifting from the sea like that…”

“Hanna!” Sharon whisper-screamed. “Shhh!”

The other nurse smacked a hand to her mouth. “Oh, I’m sorry.” They both turned their heads, and he closed his eyes before they could catch him out. And then more quietly, Hanna said, “I’ll go check on him again. He’s been restless the last time, murmuring about fire again… It doesn’t make any sense.”

“Yeah… I suppose it’s better we both go. I don’t want to wake him up, he has to deal with enough as it is…”

“Don’t you worry your head so much over those kids, they are going to be fine. How about we take a coffee break after I’ve checked on the boy? I can practically see the tension in your body.”

“I just can’t shake off the feeling that there is something more to it that we can’t see. Like, we’re seeing only the top of the iceberg, but there is so much buried underneath the surface.”

The dark-haired nurse tsked at her friend. “You really need to take a break; you’re starting to talk nonsense. You’ve been working nonstop since yesterday—“

“Ugh, fine,” Sharon surrendered. “Point made.”

There was more hushed whispering that he couldn’t make out, and then the sound of them exiting the room. And then, as he was left alone in his dark room yet again, he suddenly realized he had the urge to pee. He really needed to pee.

Kicking the blanket off and to the bottom of the bed, he climbed out and tiptoed on the cold floor until he reached the door. Praying to God it wasn’t locked, he placed his hand on the handle and pulled, breathing in relief when the door swung open and he was let into the lit and empty corridor. It was a quite long one with several doors on both sides, and he chewed on the inside of his cheek as he tried to figure out where the bathroom was.

He shakily opened a few doors only to find empty rooms that resembled his own until he found the toilets. He felt drowsiness seeping on him as he washed his hands, but when he raised his head to look at the mirror, all sleepiness was gone. That was him, he knew that. His mind told him that. But he barely recognized himself. His cheekbones were more prominent than ever, his face thinner than he remembered it, his eyes empty and faded, his hair longer than he thought it was. It curled behind his ears, disheveled from lying on it, and greasy from lack of shower. He fisted his hands on the white porcelain of the sink, letting his fringe fall into his eyes. What had become of him?

He pushed away from the sink without sparing the mirror another glance, and just as he was about to step back into the corridor, he heard a door closing and the murmur of Sharon and Hanna talking again. He froze, fearing they might catch him out. He wasn’t supposed to wander around alone, was he? As the nurses passed past the room he was in, he heard Hanna saying, “Poor thing, he looks so miserable.”  
  
Zayn felt his heart clench. They had to be talking about Niall.

He waited until he heard another door closing, before getting out and heading in the direction they came from. If they had indeed just left Niall’s room, it had to be somewhere nearby. He found himself stealthily opening more doors and peeking inside in search of his boy, and was surprised to find them empty. Were he and Niall the only clients here?

He turned around the corner; there was only one door there. It had to be it. When he reached it, he took a deep breath in preparation of the sight that awaited him. Slowly, he pulled on the handle and peeked inside, and sure enough, there was someone occupying the bed in the center of the room. Quietly closing the door behind him, he moved farther into the room until he stood at the bottom of the bed. The dusty moonlight that sneaked through the window was enough to illuminate the figure of the boy lying beneath the covers.

Zayn’s breath hitched in his throat, and he slowly walked around the bed until he could settle into the wooden chair situated next to it. For a minute, he just watched. The steady rise and fall of Niall’s chest, the childish pout Niall’s lips bore, his soft breathing filling the silence.

He reached out to take a hold of Niall’s hand, cradling it close to his own chest. He felt like crying; he was suddenly hit with so many feelings – regrets, and promises, and yearnings. He felt so relieved finally seeing him, and at the same time he felt that heaviness in his gut, because he knew things were far from over.

“It’s a good thing you’re sleeping…” he murmured. “We have a long way ahead of us, buddy, and you’ll need all the energy you could muster.”

He watched Niall’s peaceful expression, the sweet curve of his lips, the shapes the shadows painted over his cheeks. He was so lovely, so young and pure, especially in the vulnerability of his sleep. Would it change when he woke up?

He had no clue. But he felt warmth spreading inside of his chest from the other boy’s presence, from the weight of his hand between his, from the calm of his breathing. He felt himself relaxing gradually, unwinding as the seconds passed and turned into minutes. He wanted nothing more than to crush Niall into his chest, wrap him in his arms, and feel his own around him. But he let himself have this, the closeness as he rested his head on top of the blanket, the scent of him that no amount of sterilization could wipe out; his sweet boyish one beneath the salt of the sea and the fire smoke.

He became suddenly overcome with emotion. There were so many things he wanted to tell the other boy; he didn’t even know where to start. He was confused, and scared, and more than anything-just lonely. In a need of comfort and a guiding hand.

“I need you,” he whispered. “Please…”

Still holding onto the other boy’s hand, he closed his eyes and let himself fall into a dreamless sleep. He didn’t realize it in his sleep, but one of the nurses opened the door a few hours later to find him fast asleep with his cheek smashed against the sheets. She watched the scene for a few moments before stepping out, and silently closing the door behind her.

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own the pictures, or any of the characters. The books I've mentioned aren't mine, either. This work is a fiction, and should be treated as one.
> 
> Niall is a natural blonde in this, and Zayn doesn't have tattoos.  
> Also, they don't grow facial hair in this fic even though boys at her age are supposed to.  
> I have never been on a cruise ship, and all the things I have written about it and the emergency are from a research I have done in the internet and from my imagination; the same goes for the island and the whole survival thing.  
> So, if something doesn't make sense to you, it might be because of those^  
> This it just a fiction, though, and even though I've tried to make it as realistic as possible, I know that there must be illogical things.
> 
> If you find any mistake-from spelling and grammar to details in the story, I will be more than happy if you point it out. 
> 
> I hope you would enjoy reading it :)


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